Do you get along with your inlaws?

United States
January 2, 2009 8:12pm CST
okay. my inlaws live right across the road. i hate it! Since my son was born they seem to think they can just raise my child. They make uncalled for comments about the daycare I take him to and they comment on things i let him do or eat. It is always something. They just get on my nerves so bad. My husbands grandma also lives across the road and she is always watching what I do. If my mom or brother come over she is either in the bushes or at the window or at the end of the drive watching every move. And when they leave she comes over to be nosey. I cant be rude and say anything i feel like it would be disrespectful. ahhhhhhhhhhhh anyone else have this problem. and if you get along well with yours dont respond i dont wanna hear it haa just a joke, please respond maybe you could help me out.
2 people like this
17 responses
• United States
3 Jan 09
I am fortunate that my in-laws do not live in my state. There once was a time when we lived a lot closer to them, for the most part they just left us alone. That was after a few confrontations here and there though. We generally do not get along, mainly because we have very little in common, and our outlook on things are pretty different. His mother used to make comments about us having children, but now that he does not talk to her as often, her observations and suggestions are not stated much. I think if I was in your position, I would talk to my husband about it. Perhaps he could say something to them that would resolve it better that something you wanted to say, since it is his family.
• United States
3 Jan 09
i agree he has but it only causes arguments with them leavin me feeling like im causing problems. but a person can only take so much my mother in law called me one night at 10 pm when my son was only 3 weeks old and told me not to give him water it would make him choke. things like that. but when something is said it causes conflict for a week!
• United States
3 Jan 09
I can understand that. It would be difficult to say something if it made it where it became uncomfortable to be around them. I know there has been many times where things were said that really displeased me, and I really wanted to say something, but since it was just something that was even possibly ignored by others, actually commenting would of made it more acknowledged and possibly make others feel uneasy.
• United States
4 Jan 09
thats true too. i feel uneasy around them anyway. like im not wanted or something but my son is thier grandson and i dont want to keep him from knowing his grandparents......sigh........
• United States
3 Jan 09
When we were only married a few years with small children my in-laws were awful. My husband was very supportive of me, and told his family to knock off the comments. My husband also talked to me and his parents together-------saying that he understood how his parents wanted only the best for the children, and how they had been through things that we didn't understand yet. But he also pointed out to them that we were going to do things our way, and that all the comments did was cause problems. He told us all to treat each other with respect. While this didn't totally cure the problem it sure did help all to understand and be more tolerant.
• United States
3 Jan 09
i think its great your husband stood by you mine does too to a point. if he says something to them they get mad and if he dont i get mad. i just wanna scream!! in fact i do sometimes.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jan 09
Isn't it sad that our poor husbands end up in the middle? Hopefully you will learn to just not take what they say to heart. A true thing in life is that you can not change other people, you can only change the way you react to them. Loving and appriciating your husband gives you a very good motive for tolerating them, you are making his life easier for him. Blessings.
• United States
4 Jan 09
it is but they should fix it! ha ha no really it is sad. you are right about not being able to change people. you have a good point and ill try.
@sunil_008 (1270)
• India
3 Jan 09
see what i think is in-laws always want their daughter in-law to be idealistic in behaviour as well as modest to all. so i think your in-laws also the same and they want you to be just perfect about everything. since you have mentioned that they pass unwanted comments about the way you are taking care of your son then it may be just they want him to be raised according to their family. like they did raise to their son(your husband). so, you also must understand their feelings in that. there is no point of irritating about it. i think no parents would like to make things bad for their children and it also applied to your in-laws too. you just have to be more patience and if you don't like some of their ideas but still try to follow them. if you are not satisfied with your style then folllow their style and lets see what happens to your complains about them.
• United States
4 Jan 09
i take it you are not from the us. no offence. i see your point but this is my life,my marriage,my child and they have had their time of raising children and i do not agree with alot of thier child rearing ideas. i think that they should leave me alone. i do not bother them,i dont go see them so they have no reason to be this way. it should be up to my husband and me how we raise our family not theirs. you did make sense to me tho i am just hard headed.
@sunil_008 (1270)
• India
5 Jan 09
i do understand your point also. but if you don't want to stay with them what else can i say. but i think relationships there sholud be compromise from both the parties. we are all social animals. so its better to behave in that way.
• China
3 Jan 09
i am fell so pity for you .i do not like the thing the happen.because i like the peace ,now my county is so peace .the government take some measure for the econicol.econicol developing is so quickly . maybe you give some good advice to you local government .and stop the fight happen again. in the new year ,i wish your county everything is well.
• United States
4 Jan 09
i dont quite understand you,i want to tho. i wish everyone could just get along because they want to not because it is proper ya know.
@raynejasper (2326)
• Philippines
3 Jan 09
..well, in that case, maybe you could transfer to other place farther from your inlaws.. that must really be hard since we have our own way of disciplining our kids.. And we have our own decisions to make.. maybe you need to talk to your husband if it is possible for you to get another house.. for me, there is nothing you can do with your husbands' grandma.. but if you could be firm with your decisions and you stand to it, then I believe you can surpass what is happening in your family.. try to ignore your inlaws' attitudes and just be kind and good to them.. sooner, they will get tired of making mess with you.. you just need to have long patience and control of your emotions to avoid being angry.. first of all, you pray.. God bless..
• United States
3 Jan 09
it is hard. believe you me i tried talking my husband into moving but we really like it here its just that there is no privacy alot of the times. his family gave us the land we live on before we were married anyway i just stay away and do ignore them but they always find a way to get to me and usually through my son. thanks for your response.
@agrant10 (1446)
• United States
3 Jan 09
My prayer goes out to you. This is the exact reason why I will not move into the country with my spouse. My spouse wants to move back to South Carolina and put a trailer behind my mother n law's house. My response to him was heck to the know.
• United States
3 Jan 09
I HEAR YA! Before we got married,his mom told me there would be no interference and at the time we got along great and i didnt they would be this way. if i knew then what i know now, i would have run far far away!
@SomeCowgirl (32271)
• United States
3 Jan 09
My fiance and I live with his parent's. I get along with them great, his mom is a great person and his father is too. I don't know what to tell you about your situation, sounds like something you should either try to ignore and just be as nice as possible to his grandma, or it's something you should sit down with his mom, dad, and his grandma and talk about. I know that sounds easier said then it's done, but sometimes you gotta just face the fear of telling. Either way, it's better to just go ahead and decide. Sorry, I know that was the worst advice.
• United States
3 Jan 09
no that was great advise. thanks. they are just those kind of people that it is hard to point out their faults. they were not like this at all when i moved here.
@ronaldinu (12445)
• Malta
4 Jan 09
When I read your discussion, you have reassured me that grandmothers are all the same worldwide. Even my mother used to do that to come and "check" that we are good parents and are taking care of our newborn. You seem a bit irritated. It might be with post natal blues. So I would tell them nicely not to intrude but don't be rude with them. They are excited with the new arrival such as you are. (c) ronaldinu 2009 - the more people I meet-the more I love my dog
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I get along with most of my in-laws, now. When my husband and I fist got together, there were issues, and many of them. It took a lot of talking to my husbnad and gettin him to finally put his foot down to get to the point where we are now. My brothers-in-law used to take advantage of our kindness, and my husband, at one point, actually told me that he would always stick up for them. I told him that they were his brothers because they were born that way and no matter what happened in life, they would be his brothers. On the other hand, I am his wife by choice, and if he couldn't treat m with respect, I would be his ex-wife. That was the first and biggest step towards having peace in our home. Now, he is better at telling them no, and better at enforcing our simple house rules to them.
@cutepenguin (6457)
• Canada
3 Jan 09
honestly, I'd move. My inlaws, in the beginning, drove me nuts. they acted like all of the problems in my husband's life were because of me. (And I stole my mother in law's son, by the way). It's better, now, mostly because my husband finally told them that I was the only reason he has the job he currently has. They still buy too much stuff for our place, and in general want to know too much, but they have gotten better and now that they are renovating their house, they are too busy to bug us about our life.
• Philippines
3 Jan 09
your very very lucky your inlaws are just living right across the road. You can be assured that someone who are really loving to your baby will see your baby. So if you hire a bad nanny, there will be someone to check. Also, finding a trustful nanny is very very hard to find. You are very lucky that oftentimes, when you & your spouse would like to see a movie or have a date, you will easily find someone to take care of your baby. Love your inlaws, all people are not perfect, but at least they love your baby geniune
@katsmeow1213 (29029)
• United States
3 Jan 09
My in laws live 5 minutes away, and I have had some of the same problems as you, only probably not as often. Anytime they're around they do make comments about things, and I don't like how they just stop over whenever they feel like it. I also won't say anything to them for many reasons, but I've told hubby that he needs to say something to them. He does occasionally have talks with them, then they get better for a little while, but eventually things always go back to the way they were. We plan on moving out of here as soon as we can, although it might take a year or so. But once we move, I don't plan on giving them our new address. They won't be welcome in my house anymore.
• Canada
3 Jan 09
I don't have inlaws lol.
@ulalume (714)
• United States
3 Jan 09
I'm not married, but sometimes it feels like it. I've been with my girlfriend for 4 years, so I kind of feel the pain of the "inlaws" to a degree. I actually love her mom, and brother to an extent. But, I just hate her father. He is very bipolar and every time he talks he always sounds like he is trying to get people to like him to much. Not to mention he left the family for a while, and cheated on his wife. Everything goes over his head too. I dont want to sound horrible, but he's disturbing (for lack of better words). So yes, in many ways I feel your pain!
@alindahaw (1219)
• Philippines
3 Jan 09
I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. Yes, in-laws can be very irritating at times. Somehow, they always manage to rub you the wrong way every now and then. Much as I like my in-laws, I don't think I want them in my house most of time. I guess I'm lucky that they live far away and they only come to visit during holidays. I don't think I can stand if my mother-in-law would make a lot of comments on how I raise my son and what kind of food I give to him.
• China
3 Jan 09
The honest official difficult to break the housework. I suggest that you should calm down.To think the good side about the inlaws have broken your life.For example:they could take care your little son when you need to go work ,when you can not let the child stop crying ,they could help you.
@reject (95)
• Philippines
3 Jan 09
I tolerate my siblings' better halves for the most part.