Of Closed minds and Open Discussions

@zandi458 (27952)
Malaysia
January 12, 2009 11:43pm CST
We have all been mylotting long enough to know our purposes of being here in the first place. It is a bonus that we are paid for what we do here. I was at first a reluctant participator to all the discussions because I thought I didn't know anything. My friend who introduced me to this site told me that was not the point and that not contributing or participating in the discussions was in fact selfish. A challenge that moved me to become hooked in mylot. It was frankly difficult and uncomfortable to be constantly challenged and there were times when I avoided being here after someone told me off in a discussion. But I learnt a lot about myself. In particular, the experience helped me to clarify my own views, discard what to me did not make sense. And I learnt that there was nothing to stop me from challenging people in the same way, the only requirement being that I had to be sure of my own ideas. The working of mylot is a bit 'special'. They provide the platform for us to post anything but except anything that they see are against their rules . Certain religious topics are allowed but get deleted when it touches the sensitive nerves of the fanatics. Many discussions posted in mylot are stymied in this way by 'sensitivities'. 'Sensitive' has become a particular Mylot code word for 'don't talk about it'. It postulates that there will be material in the discussion that could possibly upset someone so before that occurs, the discussion should not happen or should be restricted. Even certain words are sensitive and that words need modifications to pass through. We should handle these matters with maturity and, yes, great sensitivity. Sometimes people do not want to discuss about something they assume that it might offend other people or because they think they don't know enough about it. Again, one need not offend, if one knows how to handle a subject. Anyone who gets offended at a calm discussion of ideas has serious problems himself/herself. Yes, some people will get uncomfortable with certain issues but why should we cater to these few? We are supposed to become a thinking society. If we cannot talk about sensitive issues, everyone will retreat into their own little minds, boiling over their own opinions with no idea of what alternatives there may be. This only explains why there are less and less discussions going around because people needs strong stuff to read and those normally falls under 'sensitive' and maybe offensive and not healthy. I ask, what have you gained being here this far? Are you more open in your discussions?
9 people like this
14 responses
@riyasam (16578)
• India
13 Jan 09
hi zandi,i have found mylot a great place for interaction.i get to know about various people,their cultures and their views.usually,i open my heart and mind when it comes to responding but i am completely straight forward only with my friends,who wont misunderstand me.in an open forum,where everyone has right to voice their thoughts,one has to be open minded.
1 person likes this
• Australia
14 Jan 09
And most importantly of all, you learned about Panda Sapanking lol. Lash
2 people like this
@riyasam (16578)
• India
14 Jan 09
lash,now that you have reminded me that first thing in the morning,you have an responsibility!!!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
I agree with you on this. I have such a nasty experience when out of the norm I came to response to someone out of my friends list only to be told off that I am out of context and being told to please read her discussion well before responding. I will never give that impolite remarks to others even if their response is in the north pole when I am in the south. I view every discussions in wide prospective and all responses doesn't strictly adhere to one answer. It depends on how one sees it. While responding to people on our friends list especially to regulars, we have come to be familiar with him or her way of projecting his/her writings. In a way we have sort of peeped into his heart and would not go wrong in any where and with an assurance that we will be rated positively no matter how hard we knock our friends in our responses. That is the beauty of friends.
1 person likes this
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
14 Jan 09
I have always been open in my discussions but now I think I watch myself to control my responses as some people's attitude does cause me anger. I do not like closed minds but I understand that some people are like that but I get frustrated when everything I say is ignored and I am criticised simply for expressing my view. This is one reason why I no longer visit the religious section as my views seem to infuriate some people but then I find any view that appears to condone the suppression of women to be a trigger for my anger. It is one issue that I seem to have a very thin skin in regard to. It is not that I do not want to talk about it, I do, it is the attitude of those who condone it and refuse to hear any criticism of that infuriate me. You are correct that we should handle these matters with maturity but if we never challenged these people who do not want to open their minds then we will never move forward.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
That should be the basic thing here 'open discussions'. But unfortunately we are given limited freedom and we are being governed by mylot set of rules which curb our democratic rights in expressing our views. Nevertheless, it has its good reasons to lay the rules to avoid people misusing mylot to their advantage. It is better to be controlled then to control. There will be less battle of words. Even with the rules set out there are still people who doesn't care less of it. They will plough through their way to be heard and to cause havoc to the peace loving people here. They deserved to be axed.
1 person likes this
@sharra1 (6342)
• Australia
14 Jan 09
I know the rules can be frustrating sometimes and I am always puzzled when a discussion gets deleted that did not appear to violate any rules that I am aware of unless someone just did not like it. That is the rule that bothers me. That people can complain just because they do not like something.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
I too find it unfair that harmless discussions being deleted just because someone made a complaint. I have been a victim on several occasions and that explains why my rating dropped drastically. It is demoralizing for anyone who make an effort and yet not being appreciated in their works. I think mylot should set up a panel to decide whether a discussion should really be removed based on complaints. I can't see the rational behind all this actions taken by the admin. I am not even surprise if this discussion is being deleted for being a little critical but lets see if it survive within 7 days then it is safe.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56473)
• Delhi, India
13 Jan 09
You are right in your views. I have also learnt a lot about myself, since I joined this site. Rather I feel I explored myself, while sharing thoughts with others, different posts and responses prompted me to introspect myself and I could understand more new thoughts and theories. Learning is a constant process and I continue to learn here on mylot. You see, discussing something on any sensitive topic becomes difficult in the sense that we cannot guague the mood the other person, when he/she responds. His/her seriousness on the issue is difficult to guess, because we only read his/her written words. I do not prefer to much indulge in 'sensitive' issues because I feel there is every chance of me being misunderstood by anyone. Even I have found that some of my very simple discussions were commented upon very rudely by some members and seeing the responses, I was aghast and taken aback. Great thoughts and discussion on your part!
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
You're right deepak, I think many who come here are like minded people, and should be able to accept the light and heavy/sensitive discussions with wide and open mind and respond to the same without malice. As in real world we need not forget that there are mindless behavior on the sprawl in this cyber village of mylot and taking care of idiosyncrasies is nothing but a waste of our time. We cannot always stoop to their level of thinking as it will only drag us to dark ages of cavemen! Speak your mind out without fear or favor, as every human is holding that human right key where everyone is shouting about in the political arena. Never mind about that rating anymore as people who always agree to disagree never join the elites. As far as mylot is concern.
1 person likes this
@dpk262006 (56473)
• Delhi, India
14 Jan 09
Yes, I buy your arguments that we should be open minded while discussing the sensitive issues and should not take the arguments too seriously. Yes, we should speak our mind fearlessly, without bothering about the ratings. When some serious and different and varied thoughts are exchanges, then only we get to learn so many new things and our horizen of thinking widenens. Very remarkable comments by you. Hats off to you.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
Well I am always a good bargainer and glad you bought my piece of script. This will be a guide to a successful mylotting. cheers to you.
@savypat (20246)
• United States
14 Jan 09
I have learned that long discussions such as this may be very interesting and I enjoy reading them but they do not often gain a large readership. People tend to be to rushed to read more than 4 lines. But I say agian I enjoy reading such as this.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
Actually I myself doesn't like reading long winding discussions but of late I tend to write longer than usual which you are right that people doesn't bother to come to read long discussion and this appeal only to certain people. I hope people come to see and learn something from this.
• Australia
15 Jan 09
But what I've found is that the long-winded discussions, and I am a champion at making them lol, attract the best and the brightest here, as a rule, and there's far more of value to consider than in a discussion which gathers 100 mostly meaningless responses. Lash
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
15 Jan 09
Lash, I have seen that once when I posted a discussion which was about one para and subject matter was a simple no sweat topic and wow...the response was over 100 responses and I had a field day coming to each and everyone of the response but nothing comes out of it. It is just like an empty shell carrying empty weight. Once in a while we need to do it for exposure as it is the only time we reach the 'top' and 'hot' columns and maybe in the digest. Otherwise we will not see other members here. They will come in drove. What we always see here are those in our friends list and we rarely see the other members except when they appear in the Digest or top and hot column. Both have their advantages when it comes to short and long winding post.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
13 Jan 09
Well I for one if I cant contribute to a post I dont. and this sensitve stuff is going like what they say a political correctness? We have a person in here that ask alot of questions and star hasfalin but I do hope he/ she stays around for I think they are all really good questions. Me I post what I want but dont do jokes any more for it was a no no after I did. So no more jokes lol. I never did post much but when I do only get very old friends on here that respond thats ok I dont really expect many to respond.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
Well I think I have to give my for being a consistent responder to my post and I really feel guilty for not replying to yours sometimes cos some of your discussions I have totally no knowledge of. But bear in mind I am always with you through thick or thin.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
14 Jan 09
thnask and I have no problem if you cant respond to one of my post for if ya cant ya just cant. Like me if I dont know about it cant respond in a good way that would help or contribute to the post then I just dont respond.!
1 person likes this
@KUSHANK55 (2437)
• India
13 Jan 09
hi dear zandi458 i am partcipating and replying to your discussion after along spell but i really admire and am envying to a grat extent i admit my dear your command and ease with which you are explaining your point.you seem to have had a complete evolution since i last responded to your discussions. great dear friend keep and elevate your self and your level.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
Hello Kushhank, it has been a long time since I see you in my posts. Whats up dear? When I am really into something seriously I can come up with something that even surprises me. Maybe I need some sort of pushing to get me moving or it is something that comes out of an unpolished gem. I am glad it moves you and hope to see more of you here. I am already enjoying the support of my friends here and that does not need further elevation. thanks for your kind words. Your presence here once again is a delight to me. Keep mylotting.
@KUSHANK55 (2437)
• India
14 Jan 09
hi dear zandi458, i am glad you are ok and kicking and kicking fine and aplenty!! i hope to be in touch with all of my friends here!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
13 Jan 09
i have always said what i thought all my life & it can land wherever. that's just the way i am. if i offend anyone w/my ideas , they are my ideas& everyone has a right to exprss their own feelings. mylot is a great place & i enjoy it alot & don't expect everyone to like my opinions because i sure don't like some of theirs. some people just can't except that.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
I agree with you. We don't expect everyone to agree to what we say. This won't add spice to a healthy debate here. We are all made up of different characters and therefore there bound to be differences in opinions. We cannot be something like what the spring heads of tiny Japanese dolls do when tapped on the head!
1 person likes this
@ANTIQUELADY (36488)
• United States
14 Jan 09
i know a few people who should be like the nodders, lol.they need tapping every once in awhile.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jan 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, In fact, I have gained only and never lost anything, First of all, I have roamed globely apparently with all my friends here and members, knew many new things, improved my sustaining quality, try and listen to others first. I am here to share my experiences, by which anyone can take help, similary I too get new ideas. I might have to pay lot, but sittinig here, I know many things now. But one thing I remember, we should not loose our personal identity and never driven by others. I wish to maintain and remain free within guide lines . may godbless youa nd have a great time.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
Oh great. You lost nothing at all but gained big by mylotting. Definitely we have to maintain our identity and not easily swayed by these cyber talk. We should take what is worthwhile and reject the rotten rubbish that is floating around the cyberworld.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jan 09
Hello my friend zandi458 Ji, It was only yesterday, when I was responding a discussion about something, where cyber life is full of false world. Individual identity is a mistaken identity and so on. While responding to such discussion, my point of view was always in positive direction, why i should think about negative aspects. What at makes me to think, I would always accept one's identity as described. We are here to find some truth of life and do maximum to make others to come on right path. If i do not smoke, does not mean taht smoking is bad till smoker understands. Let's maintain our real identity and do not get away with streame. Let's find some peace in world of War. may god bless you and have a graet time.
1 person likes this
@savak03 (6681)
• United States
13 Jan 09
You have some good ideas there Zandi. I have found clarity on several points by participating in discussions here on mylot. Sometimes this happens in discussions that really are not about the thought that straightens itself out in my mind but was something that someone said in reply. Anyway, as I am searching for an anchor in my life I am grateful for any insight I can find.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
Thats true savak, we see many new ideas coming from many people from many different cultures. That is where the thrill is. I find the beauty of human minds in play here.
@bamakelly (5194)
• United States
13 Jan 09
I would have to say that this site is something of a social forum of mostly free speech. There are some sensitive issues and I usually respond to topics rather than open a new thread about sensitive issues. It is just that we have to be careful what we discuss here because of the rules of the administration.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
By putting strict rules here I think this keeps the place more civil and avoid turning this place into a battlefield of flying words.
@CRIVAS (1820)
• Canada
13 Jan 09
I agree with you completely. One of the reasons that I like Mylot so mcuh, is because I feel comfortable discussing things here that I normally wouldn't with some of the people that I know. In regards to the sensitve issues, this is what I have to say: No one is forcing you to read into that discussion or to even become a part of it. If you see a subect that you feel inappropriate don't read it. I can't believe that some people actually try to get those topics banned, if you don't like it skip it,. I know that I would skip those topics and I would expect another mature person to do the same.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
Not reading the discussions posted by others does not bullet proof you from getting rude remarks that hurts. Some uncivilized mind will abuse your own discussions by responding to it in the most degrading manner. There is no route of escape but feel the pain reading through it. I had it many times and it only saddens me and freeze my thoughts for a while. Have people gone out of their sanity when they see something beyond their comprehension? I wonder? But putting up this discussion draws out many good responses that are useful which brought me back to my senses that those 'few' people who always display their rudeness are isolated cases and should be rejected.
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
13 Jan 09
I am pretty opoen in discussions. there are some private matters that I would not announce to the whole world though. I have gained friendships and some more knowledge while being here and the earnings rewards are nice also.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
14 Jan 09
Thank you for being open. I know that from all your responses which might be short but sweet and often hits the bullseye. Certain things have to be locked in our closet and not for the world to know.
@KrauseHome (35522)
• United States
26 Jan 09
Very True indeed. These are some Great words to live by. Personally I feel myLot is a wonderful place to be. I have learned so many things, and met so many wonderful people I could never trade my time being a member in here as well. There are so many things I feel have helped to make me more of who I am with being able to post in here, and I personally love being a member here, and Glad you have chosen to continue to want to stick around here as well.
@ronaldinu (12440)
• Malta
23 Jan 09
I think mylot helped me to open more my mind and be open towards other cultures, traditions and religions. It does not mean that I have abandoned my faith or my religion. however mixing with other people of other believes or none of it made me a better person. I think we should feel free here to discuss whatever topic we feel like even though we might not agree with the others.