My ex-brother-in-law passed away. How would you handle this?

United States
@mentalward (14774)
May 8, 2009 8:09am CST
My first husband's oldest brother passed away recently. I don't know any details yet, other than the fact that he was only 54 years old at the time of his death. Admittedly, I did not know my first husband very well when we were married. It was a stupid, impulsive move. He turned out to be a drug addict, he was violent and he cheated on me many, many times. His brother was no better. When I was pregnant with my first son, my brother-in-law came over to our house with his girlfriend and, before I knew what was happening, this guy shoved cocaine under my nose to try and get me to try it. I was appalled! I was totally disgusted! How could anyone, in their right mind, even THINK to hand a pregnant woman such a harmful drug??? Needless to say, not only did I push it away, but I left the room, refusing to "entertain" our guests. The last I knew about this guy, he had moved to St. Croix, Virgin Islands, because of the huge drug trade there... at least, until today. I received an email from my ex-husband (who has since cleaned up his act, no more drugs or alcohol, remarried, and has tried to "make up" for all the bad things he did to both me and our son) with the obituary notice about his brother. Our son resembles his uncle a LOT, both in body and face. But, my son in no way acts like him! My son wears his heart on his sleeve. He cried when his pet goldfish died! Okay, that was a couple of decades ago, but still... a goldfish! Anyway, I'm thinking of sending a condolence card to my ex-brother-in-law's parents. His mother never liked me; she never liked any female her sons got involved with, although I tried to be nice to her and never deprived her of seeing her grandson whenever she wished (after my husband and I were divorced). Would you send a card? The funeral is in Georgia, so there's no way I could attend, even if I wanted to. I think sending flowers is a bit much, considering the relationship I had with my ex's brother and his mother, but would a card be out of the question? Maybe send a card to my ex-husband since he's really done a great job of turning himself around? What would you do?