how long will you be the girlfriend before calling it quits?
By dloveli
@dloveli (4366)
United States
June 15, 2009 6:50am CST
how long will you be in a relationship as a girlfriend before marriage comes into play? i was with my kids father for 13 years and we never had more than a discussion on marraige. i am glad that we didnt get married now. how long is healthy before it becomes useless? would you be "the girlfriend" forever?
3 people like this
17 responses
@sudalunts (5523)
• United States
16 Jun 09
After I divorced my first husband, I was with a guy for 11 years. I didn't really want to marry him, even though he talked about marriage. There were things about him, that I didn't want to deal with if he were my husband. As boyfriend and girlfriend, I did not have to deal with him on a daily basis if I did not want to, so it was okay. He drank and I did not, so sometimes it caused problems.
Now, when I met my husband, I knew that I wanted a long term serious relationship. We married two years after meeting each other. I think I would have questioned his intentions, if we continued boyfriend and girlfriend longer than two years.
I think if either party really wants to get married and the other does not, a decision should be made as to what to do, continue with each other or move on. I do not think someone who really wants to get married should be lead on for years, when the other person is really not that interested in getting married, it is not fair.
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Same here.Something told me not to marry him. I realize how stupid it was to even stay with him. It was an abusive relationship. Every day it was torture. WHen I finally escaped (as I view it). I remained single for almost 6 years. WHen I met my fiance I knew he was the one. He said the same thing. It has now been 5 years and nothing. I am in love with him no doubt.I just dont want to be a girlfriend for the rest of my life. I feel that I need definition of a relationship. Just my opinion. dl
@xoxcharityxox (567)
• United States
16 Jun 09
My husband and I were together for four years before we got married. I still think it may not have been the right choice on both of our parts. Relationships always evolve and change. It can be for the best or the worst. Once you get married it complicates things. I still love my husband, but we aren't as compatable as we were at one time. I think girls idealize marriage and do not realize that overtime everybody changes and you either grow together or drift apart. It's interesting, but I'm just along for the ride at this point.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
15 Jun 09
i never spend more than 2 years with a man when i am dating... the last one i spend about 10 months with him and then i get married... may be it is not the wisest decision as i haven't got to know him really well and that's why i have quite a lot of arguments with him after we got married because we haven't know each other that well... but we are getting better and things started to work out for us... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
@dloveli (4366)
• United States
16 Jun 09
Hey Lingli! Sometimes the best relationships are the ones that happen so fast. Its tough but in the end think of the love and trust you will have for each other. My man and I have been together since our first date. We have never slept away from each other. I must admit that we had a some rough times. We made it though. He knows I want to marry him and I believe he wants the same. Its just that he's a control freak and wants everything his way. I am trying to work thru this and show him it should be 50-50. I dont think he gets it. If we dont get thru this I am not going to wait around for him to decide to let me win. I love him with every bone in my body but enough is enough. If we dont set a date by Christmas or at least have a change in him. I am making a break for it. I have two daughters I raised on my own. Their father told me everything I wanted to hear and I fell for it. After 13 years and two children still not married, I left. He was also abusive so it was for the best. I dont want my girls to think its okay to be abused. THat is the same reason I would leave my fiance. My girls. I want them to be strong women. I hope you and your husband have years and years of happiness, You deserve it! good luck friend. dl
@Lakota12 (42600)
• United States
15 Jun 09
I never thought myself as just a girlfriend but went 4 years then we got married my Daughter and Sun in law went 13 or 14 years before they got married. WE just knew that we were to be together and that piece of paper never mattered to me. Never changed a think in relationship!
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
15 Jun 09
I suppose it would depend on the situation. But, after being divorced for 4 years now, and now engaged.....I had told him at the start, that if we were going to be together I could deal with not getting married right away, but I wasn't going to be a life long girlfriend. However, he and I were talking last night, and one of his friends' girlfriend told the guy that if they weren't engaged by the end of this summer, she was leaving and they were through. I would never give an ultimatum like that, doesn't sound like she really loves him anyway. They have been dating for 2 years, she is working on her Master's Degree and he had told her that they would talk about it after she finished. He's only 24! And now that she has told him that it's either by the end of summer or nothing.....he's thinking he would be just fine with his dog and without her!
1 person likes this
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
15 Jun 09
I did not want to be the ‘girlfriend’ even for two years! We are basically college buddies and immediately after graduation, we started looking for jobs so that we could get married. One particular reason was that Indian society usually looks down upon people cosying up to each other on the streets…all this bf/gf was not very accepted yet, in the early 90s, so we did not want to get caught and take a beating at home. Secondly, none of us are very career minded…we were in love, we needed a job to get married and that was all. So we got married pretty soon…I believe we were about just one year outside college as bf/gf and then we got married.
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I stayed in my relationships for a very long time. I did everything I could to make it last but they never did the same. I finally had to give up on it and move on after about three years worth of it.
@xParanoiax (6987)
• United States
16 Jun 09
I'd be Ok with being called a girlfriend until I got to the "commitment" stage. I'm not at all the marrying type, I will never be a wife. But I wouldn't mind being called someone's "love". It's a simple enough title, no? And one I'm comfortable with.
@scarlet_woman (23465)
• United States
16 Jun 09
um..last one was 6 years..but after awhile,i didn't even think about marriage.
i got way tired of his bull.he had some major paranoia problems on top of his
other issues.
one of the wonderful things that comes out later..
@kriszelunka (557)
• Australia
17 Jun 09
I have no interest in getting married, so for me, I'd be happy to remain as 'girlfriend' rather than 'wife' forever. Of course, this is just my personal preference, and one that most of my friends cannot understand, as they are all planning on getting married.
@suzzy3 (8342)
•
16 Jun 09
I don't think there is any time limit to waiting.It depends on what you want from your life,being married is a safer way to go because you wo't be his next of kin,if something happens to him ,it will all go to a brother,sister or someone else.They might decide to throw you out and you will lose everything.or if he has an accident you may not be allowed in to see him,or any type of descisions on his health will be given to the next of kin and that won't be you.I suggest you sit him down and talk to him about the serious things in life.
@Ruby722 (796)
• China
16 Jun 09
Well,i never condiser about this kinds of question.But as i think if a realtionship have a strong basic.and have kids why don't get married? I hope you don't mind what i said.Because when you married.you are formal family.i feel it will take more sense of security.it just all my personally opinion.
@Windflower258 (114)
• China
16 Jun 09
Hi dloveli,
I have been with my boyfirend for almost a year,We are in college now.He will be graduated in a year,But I need two years.We have discussed about break up after he graduated,then we found that wo cann't. Why should you call it quits if you love him.Does marriage really matters that much? I don't know,but I don't want to get married in resent a few years.
He was asking me to visit his parents,I refused.I was afraid to be so ...like your life would never change.
Are you anxious to get married?or you just need a promise?Whatever,Goodluck to you!
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
15 Jun 09
I think it really depends on the relationship, and it depends on what people want, going in. I know of a couple of people who are happy to be committed, and don't want to get married, yet there are those who felt that getting married after a long or short period of time was the right thing to do for them. The healthiest thing is for two people in the realtionship to want the same thing.
@danishcanadian (28953)
• Canada
15 Jun 09
I think it really depends on the relationship, and it depends on what people want, going in. I know of a couple of people who are happy to be committed, and don't want to get married, yet there are those who felt that getting married after a long or short period of time was the right thing to do for them. The healthiest thing is for two people in the realtionship to want the same thing.
@virtualmirage (494)
• United States
16 Jun 09
In 6 months I will be a 4 year old girlfriend. Maybe a year and a half ago when we had the marriage conversation my bf told me that we were having a realtionship not a horse race..lol ok whatever that means..
So now its gonna be 4 years and thats the longest relationship I have ever had besides my 7 year old marriage. If anything I think that in all this time I have figured out that I DONT want to marry him anymore. If it would have happened before now I guess it would have been a mistake.
Where we will go from here now I do not know. I guess we will just keep living together till I finally decide to finally break it off.
