How do I trust him again

You don't trust someone, they earn your trust in most cases. There isn't a reason to trust him, and therefore you have a choice..each time there is a situation where he "might be lying", and you can't tell for sure, believe him. Simply say it out loud..and try real hard not to accuse him. If he denies anything is going on and you want to believe him, say it out loud. "I want to believe in you...I want to trust you so I am going to..you say it is the truth, you are my husband, I love you and I want to trust you so I will "(However, either way, put it in his hands to tell you the truth. Make it clear that you WANT to trust him..that you NEED to trust him as much as he wants you too. SO, do it..simply do it..and if he proves you wrong..leave. Don't walk..run..if you make it clear you are putting your suspicions down and he gets caught in a lie..then its time to consider getting out. No spying on him, no following, no falling for the baiting with the other girl things..just say "You said that was over and I believed you..and still do. If that isn't the case, I'll be very hurt."...leave it at that. Walk away from any chance to bait you more.

Other than leaving him you could feed him salt peter and he couldn't be with anyone else... :-) It is hard when someone cheats on you and you fight so hard to keep it together and they don't seem to do the same. If I were in your shoes I would probably leave. The only reason that I would is that if he is still going around the girls knowing how you feel and also if he does it intentionally to get back at you for something has he really changed? Love is sometimes the hardest thing in life.. You love him and want to be with him but can you trust him? For me I could never trust again. I am one of those odd types that if you burn me then it is over and done with.. Thinking in a way of wanting to stay with him and work on something with him and getting past this... Write down everything that you do not like about what he has done with you. You might try writing him a letter that you will never give him. Put everything that is in your heart in that letter and don't leave one thing out that you are afraid would upset him because he is not going to read it.. Make sure that you do this when he will be away for a while and you can write as much as you want and then burn it before he gets home..... The thing with the letter is after you write it and before you burn it, read it... I do this when I have problems and I can't seem to find a solution. I write down everything and then write down what I would want to change. Then I can read over it and see where I stand and why I am upset with it... This only helps you, not him. Now if you are working on the relationship and have someone safe that could be with you and your husband to sit and be the middle man you might try asking if he would sit and talk to you about it. Ask the questions of why it happended, what caused him to do it... The main thing is if you don't have some way to close it down and put it away with out him bringing it back up to you or being around these women/girls then you are not going to be able to work past it and move on. You will have the doubts.... He should not talk about them to you or use that against you if he is honestly working on a relationship with you. I might be wrong but it doesn't seem like he feels bad for doing it to you. The only reason that I say this is I have seen guys that cheat on their wives or girlfriends and when they are honestly sorry for doing it they try to avoid the subject the do whatever they can to make it up to the wives or girlfriends. Why does he go and see them when he knows that it will hurt you? Why does he bring it up or bring them back into your lives when he knows that it will hurt you and make you question... Is he using that to make you have a low self esteem so that you won't leave him? I am sorry if anything that I have written bothers you.... Good luck and I hope that you find the peace in your heart that you need...

You say that your relationship cannot be better than it is now. But still you say have a a ton of doubts. For the past 4 years has he been nice to you and do you still like him a lot? Are your doubts based on solid ground and evidence or just womanly intuition which can once again spring from a lot of insecurity? Have you had a proper conversation with him? Are you sure that you haev satisfied him in every way and despite that he is going astray? if you are absoutly confident that there is perfect satisfaction on both sides then the marriage can continue. if either is going to feel sacrificed then there is no point carrying on. If heis just being lecherous for the sake of it and is incapable of being faithful to you in spite of all best efforts[this is an operative word] then leave him.

I am sorry that this has happened to you. My main question is that if you know he is unfaithful and he is still in contact with the person he cheated on you with, why are you still married to him? He sounds like a complete LOSER and my opinion is "once a cheater, always a cheater"! You need to value yourself better and think seriously about getting rid of this man. I would hate to live in fear that my husband would cheat on me constantly. Being around the temptation that has led him astray before is not something that is healthy for your well being. Sorry if this sounds harsh but you really need to decide how you want to live your life.. in fear or happily!

That is a togh question because I actually ended two merriges because of them cheating on me. I had my first baby with my first husband and he cheates on me many times and he would always tell me that he was sorry and that he would never do it agian but that happend many times until I got tired. My second husband also cheated on me and I just knew of one "lady" and he lied to me true his teeth that he had nothing to do with her and the worst part was that I took him back and after a few months I foundout that everything was all a big lie. So I deside to never get back together with him. Now im with some one that I think has not cheated on me and I hope he never those or he would be the third person to be in my life. So far I have really never got merried but I have lived with them so it is almost the same thing well I only got married to my first husband. But the point that I want to make is that only you can know what to do. You should know that ones a men cheats it is really hard that he wont ever do it again and if he has done it more than two or three times he would never stop. My dad was the same way with my mom and actually every lady that he has been with and at the moment he is still cheating on the new lady that he has. So is all up to you good luck and put everything in a valance to see what you think you should do.

Well,i think the first thing that you should do is talk.You can air both sides so that you can get over the feeling of doubt.It's not a great feeling if you're being doubted especially if you are not doing anything.It happened to me about 8 years ago.First,i was always pestering him with those things.I always asked him a question about her and he would usually just stay silent which makes me mad even more and doubtful.But then i realized that i know in his heart that he loved me because he chose me over her and the reason why he's not talking abt it is because he doesnt want us to slap in his face the mistake that he has done.Talk to him abt it for the last time (and be sure that it is the last time),tell him how you feel about it.It would make him realize a lot of things,im sure.Secondly,try to regain the trust that was broken.I know that is hard and it would take a few years before it can be regained.Just in case that you are feeling doubtful,pray and remember the last time that you have talked abt it,the promises (if there is any)that he has made etc.

You say your marriage is better than when you first married and yet there is so much mistrust and doubt going on here. I can't say as I blame you either. I honestly don't know how you deal with him talking to the woman that he cheated on you with just because he gets angry at you. You say he has cheated for most of the 11 years that you have been married. How could you possibly trust him? If you are not willing to leave him then I guess you just have to put up with him. It doesn't sound like a very happy time to me. I would bet you could do better but the problem is that you probably don't believe so because your esteem is probably next to nothing after dealing for years with this.

Well my husband cheated on me a year and a half ago and girl I don't know what to tell you. I don't know that things will ever be the same. He has seemed to change and I can tell, but the moment I think he is not happy with me I think he is cheating and it is hard for me to function. But he don't talk to other girls. I would nip that in the bud right away. There is just no sense in that.

You want some advice on what to do, but you don't want to be told to leave him. There seems to be a deeper problem here (or I may be reading too much into it). Why don't you want to leave him? Are you afraid you can't find someone else, is there a fear of starting over because you have been married to him for 11 year, etc? I feel that you should have a serious talk with him and let him know how you feel and see if he respects you enough to stop putting you in these situations. I do feel that a relationship is built on trust, respect, and communication and if you don't have these then the relationship will fail. You may have these for him, but does he have these for you? You need to seriously think about if you want to keep dealing with his habits or if you feel that you can do better. But I do hope everything turns out alright for you.

Honestly I'm sorry but once a cheater always a cheater. When he gets mad at you he talks to her?? Omg sorry but you need to leave him he's using his affairs to make you upset... more upset then usual. Marrage is between 2 not 4 or 6 or how ever many women he feels like sleeping with. Please love yourself and your kids enough to leave this man and let him have his mess. Your better than that...a lot better.