raising children

@savypat (20248)
United States
August 25, 2009 2:05pm CST
How much do you think family influences children? Can a child from a good upbringing go wrong and if so why? Is that child predestined to go bad? Are outside influences to blame? Is a child that goes bad at one point just misunderstood and can tht one point be the turning point in their life? What do you think?
3 people like this
20 responses
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
25 Aug 09
H isavypat You have a thing for kids I see, thats a beautiful thing, Well when I was younger I use to talk back to my mom,never curse anything like that, I just had a answer for everything, anyway I can't for the life of remember what I did to make her decide she wanted me out of the house, I remember being in the court room, don't remember what was said, she told me it was the look on my face that made her change her mind, I don't remember the look either, but I guess I was a problem child after all of this happened look at me now, I am one of the greatest people I know, so yes children can change depending on the situation, my mom was/is great so it was not anything she did, I was set in my own ways as a young child, I guess it depends on the child.
2 people like this
@savypat (20248)
• United States
30 Aug 09
When you think deeply about this do you think that as a child you could sense that your treatment of your Mom would be allowed and that there was a benefit to you? Many children act the way they do as a bid for attention. Thanks for your response
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
30 Aug 09
Hello my friend No I don't think so, my mom was there for us everyday all day, I think my was/is I have a opinion for everything my Mom was raised in the south and they do things so different so I don't agree with alot of this, and instead of keeping my mouth shut I had to voice my opinion every chance I go, like I said it was never like cursing my mom, I am 43 and have never cursed at mom or around here maybe once out of anger at my sister I can only speak for myself Pat, I don't know what goes on in the minds of others I do know what went through my mind,
@dianmelydia (2272)
• Indonesia
25 Aug 09
First, we should thinking genetically. Good parents should have good children. Bad parents usually have bad children as well. So before blaming outsite influence, as parents we should look inside ourselves first. If we want to admit that our children's behaviour is like us when we were child, usually it will be easier to manage that children. Just considering we are trying to teaching ourselves. So by using this mindset, we can find the best way to teaching them how to behave. Perhaps it's not easy to do but it doesn't mean it's impossible to do. I have seen many parents successfully taught their children by using this mindset. We must believe that the next generation should be better than us, the older generation. And in this modern world, especially internet era, we are now living in technology transition. So the way our parents taught us can't be totally applied to our children. The approaching method should be more friendly, and patiently. Good luck and have a nice day. Happy mylotting.
@dawnald (84126)
• Shingle Springs, California
25 Aug 09
I think you can have two children with the same upbringing more or less and have one turn out "good" and the other bad due to: 1. bad friendships 2. bad choices 3. some other factors, maybe genetics Sometimes the parents do their absolute best and the child still goes wrong and the other way around too. Some children who were horribly abused turn out to be really good people (damaged maybe, but decent).
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
25 Aug 09
Oh it's tough to be a young person these days. Everybody is hitting out at them as if they were the cause of every social ill there is. They can't hang out because apparently this makes them potentially bad and when they go off and do something, like form a rap group or something, this is the wrong thing to do. Children can deviate from good to bad even though they come from good families. Partly it is the company they keep that influence much of their young minds. In our adult arrogance, we assume that we always know better and we seek to impose on kids. And trying to impose anything to our kids frequently receives the wrong reaction, as anyone who know kids will understand.
• United States
25 Aug 09
I think the family has a huge impact on a child. However there are many things that also influence them, community, peer influence..etc I believe there is a turning point in every childs life that determines their future. One thing sticks out to them as why I will be this way, or not be another.
@aianism (63)
• Philippines
25 Aug 09
There are a lot of factors that could affect behavior. First of course is family. But even if a child grew up in a good family he could still go the wrong way because of course our behavior is also affected by our environment, peers, and even our experiences.
1 person likes this
• United States
26 Aug 09
I agree, 100%! Sometimes it doesn't matter how rich or involved the family is...anything could still go wrong with the child's behavior because of peers. Peers have MORE influence than parents...it's sad to say, but true.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Aug 09
yes. Definitely. Peers have more influence on the children because they spend more time with their friends (and classmates) than with their parents. Remember that most of the child's time is spent in school with his peers and only a few hours at home with his parents. Even that few hours with his parents is not guaranteed. Especially when child is already a teenager. The child would sometimes prefer to surf the net, watch TV, or be alone than talk to his parents. Parental (and family) influence, I think, is not really that strong when it comes to a child's behavior.
1 person likes this
@savypat (20248)
• United States
30 Aug 09
What about outside conditions? Do you think a child of war is different than a child of peace? Thanks for the response, it was well though put
• Philippines
26 Aug 09
about 50% of the over all personality in a person is acquired thru the influence of the family...yes a good upbringing can sometimes go wrong like if you dont let see the real world they became more dependent to the world you create on them...also its the free will of a child that can sometimes predestined them to go bad...
1 person likes this
@kch4ng (4)
• Indonesia
26 Aug 09
The important thing is, we have to treat the childeren with heart because they can feel it... not with strict rules.
1 person likes this
• India
26 Aug 09
family influnces kids , parents who are always fighting with each other & not respecting each their kids will also not respect them & not listen to them , parents should give time to kids & try to listen to their hearts , try to know what kind of thoughts are there in their mind
@23uday (2998)
• India
26 Aug 09
Hi friend, In my opinion is childrens are raising from a good family.The childrens are upbringing growing in a respective family that child will be grown in a wrong way. Always parents should care about their childrens and take a responsibilities to their childrens. parents genetics family influences bad friendship bad relationship with parents. So always parents should respect to their childrens. have a great day.
@paula27661 (15900)
• Australia
26 Aug 09
I believe that primarily a child’s upbringing is the biggest influence on a child’s behaviour along with basic personality traits. Of course some personalities are more susceptible to peer pressure than others and can unfortunately choose the wrong path regardless of the parental upbringing. Events and traumas can change a child forever. There can be pivotal moments in every individual’s life they can make all the difference.
1 person likes this
@shimanaja (495)
• Indonesia
26 Aug 09
I think raising children is very necessary smart way.Cause yes family is crucial child development.If one of the parents do not consistent would be affect to the children. So as the parents, though we are busy to work, but always take care good of the children, nomatter how for the bright children future.
1 person likes this
@picjim (3003)
• India
26 Aug 09
Family has a lot of influence on the initial upbringing of the child.There are so many factors at school and college which have a bearing on the child.A child who goes from good to bad may at times be misunderstood but people in general will not complain unless the person has erred.The change in direction could be a turning point in life but the parents by keeping a careful watch and communicating with the child can find out what is effecting the child and bring change in unwanted habits.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36636)
• United States
25 Aug 09
I definitely think that family has the most influence on the way that a child turns out as they grow up, but I don't think that they are the only influence that children have. I see that a lot of what we've taught our children is shown in the way that they behave, but I also see them taking part in behaviors that they have learned from school and from their peers and the parents of their friends. When a child goes "wrong" I don't necessarily think that it is the family's fault nor am I going to place the fault on solely outside influences. However, I think that peer pressure is a big part of what causes people to make wrong decisions. And, I also feel that in a lot of situations these wrong decisions do end up being turning points in a person's life.
1 person likes this
@bigplay (212)
• United States
25 Aug 09
I think to a degree family does influence children, children sometimes learn by imitating family members. Especially members that they are close to, nieces may imitate their uncles, or whatever. This is a good question.
@Pose123 (21671)
• Canada
25 Aug 09
Hi savypat, I don't believe that any child is predestined to go bad. As for the question "can a child with a good upbringing go bad", I think it depends on what we consider "a good upbringing". Certainly everyone don't think alike on these things. Every child is different and when we consider this from the outset there is always a better chance that the young person will do well. From day one he/she must know that it is loved, that has to be the number one priority. The child must never be told that she/he is bad and if the parents are fair and honest, I don't believe that outside influences will have a chance. I'm not saying that this is by any means easy or I that I would be the perfect parent and do everything right, I'm stating what I honestly believe. When the child goes wrong, there has been a misunderstanding somewhere and being the adults, the parents must look first to themselves. Finally, the child must know that the door is always open for him to return home, and that he will be welcomed with open arms, no matter the situation. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17694)
• United States
25 Aug 09
Hey pat~ I think that only some of the reasons that a child can go wrong have to do with their upbringing. Plenty of children that do go wrong come from perfectly wonderful homes. Alot of reasons are peer pressure, hanging out with the wrong crowd or just the child themselves. Sometimes a good child just ends up being bad and there really isn't any way that can really be explanation for it. But, it definitely shouldn't be always blamed on the parents because alot of the times they tried their best and nothing would have changed whatever did occur to make the child a "bad" child. Outside influences is always a big factor, but sometimes it is just something that comes from within the child that no one ever realized.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Aug 09
Hi, Pat! There are so many influences on each person's life, it's quite amazing that more kids don't go bad. I've known ,many really good families with great kids and one who's a genuine bad seed. If science could figure out why it happens, they could probably stop it, but it's just too complex.
1 person likes this
@Daraiki (52)
• Croatia (Hrvatska)
25 Aug 09
Get ready for a great wall of text. Let us begin A family member or members will have a great influence on your child if they participate from the beggining of its childhood. The surrounding you give to the child is also a factor that has to be taken into consideration. In an early stage of childhood the infant will most often establish a strong link and relationship with its mother(let me clarify that...when a child screams for attention{it's a natural occurence} when the mother picks up the child it will most luckily scream a bit more then go silent as it is gently been hold...however if perhaps the father which whom the baby does not have a relationship yet established it will immediatly stop screaming due to the fact that the infant does not know whether will he pay him any attention. To make things short the family has a 70% influence on children. The answer to your second question is that depends on the childs behavior how he sees things it also matters what values it places first, either way it is a hard thing to predict. A child is NEVER predestined to be bad. Yes and no outside influence can be bad only if the child chooses to fully embrace them knowing what kind of damages come with it. There is no one point...every point every situation every conflict every event...everything the child sees, hears, and thinks makes him piece by piece into the man/woman it will become...you cannot put blame on one moment( actually you ca if it's a HUGE TRAGIC MOMENT filled with lots of negative emotions). Basicly to wrap things up raising a child is a huge deal, you will ALWAYS SCREW UP at one moment the point is that you learn from it and also take some notes from your own childhood. I hope this answers your questions.
1 person likes this
• United States
25 Aug 09
Assuredly, we can point out genetics, or, perhaps, homelife..There's peer pressure and school. Non-peer pressure of social class environments or education. Good influences do not always produce good people. Bad influences do not always produce bad people. The best we can do is the best we can do and hope that they choose wisely. ENJOY!