Ever being scolded by another adult? Confronting!

@paula27661 (15899)
Australia
September 17, 2009 10:05pm CST
Yesterday I parked my car outside the doctor’s surgery so I could go in and, as I got out of my vehicle I was approached by a rather stern looking woman who proceeded to lecture me on the evils of pinching someone else’s parking spot. I was completely taken aback as she ranted and raved at me with a mean look about my nasty deed. I was completely unaware that she was waiting to park there and had she put her indicators on I may have had more of a clue! I apologised anyway and offered to move the car but she walked away shaking her head and muttering under her breath. It ruined my whole day and I was left with the same feelings I had when I got into trouble at school; I felt anxious, guilty and annoyed all at the same time. Has another adult ever scolded you? How did it make you feel?
7 people like this
18 responses
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
18 Sep 09
How dare she scold you like that Paula! You are no mind reader and you do not know astrology to predict what another person would do.This is horrible! I normally react like this later, fret, fume and seethe and allow such boorishness to spoil my day.But I have learnt one thing---this is a recent development-only if we allow people to talk like that they go on and on[moreso when we get tonguetied and are too polite to give them a piece of our mind].I was and am still a bit of a meek person and that is why I don't like confrontations.But this does not pay us Paula, and it only brings us hurt in the process. No one dare talk like that to my husband. Change today--about what you have written in the last sentence--there is no need for guilt because as I said initially you were not aware.Secondly, it serves that rude woman right that you had by mistake taken her intended spot.Give back aggressive people the moment they start by using a louder voice than what they do.THere is a statement in our language that a barking dog chases the person who runs but the moment the person stands and stares at the dog it stops barking. I try doing this but aggression does not come naturally to me.THe watchman in my compund spoke very rudely to me twice because I could understand understand his blessed language and the third time he started saying something aggressive I just gave him a piece of my mind [with a stern face] in my broken Hindi. I am very happpy thta thta woman was put to at least thta sort of trouble.Serves rude people right!
3 people like this
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
18 Sep 09
Sorry for the typos.I got so carried away ,--read 'could not understand his blessed language'.
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@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
Looking back on the incident I realise that I was not to blame because the done thing is to sit and wait for a car park with your indicator on so that other drivers know what you are intending to do and she didn't do that. It is always easier in retrospect to think of what one should have said or done but she took me by surprise, shocked me and I was happy to move my car just to stop her from ranting... I am glad I didn't start a big fight, sometimes it is wiser to take the higher road and rise above rudeness. Aggression doesn't come naturally to me either; I have been known to yell back at someone but it is not the norm for me and I don't like doing it. Thanks for a great response kalav!
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
18 Sep 09
I see what you mean Paula.There have been instances at home when an elderly relative has spoken unnecessarily rudely to me under some mistaken notion and I normally get tongue tied .Because I am naturally not agrressive, I tend to get worked up at times.THis ultiamtely spoils my peace of mind.THta is why , now, I feel that it would be better if I keep my defences up-I try to rather, but once again a lot of it comes with introspection.Sometimes I get irritated with myself for being so tonguetied.But I agree that it is better to stay quiet instead of getting into a fight.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
18 Sep 09
Ya...I've had it happen and I hate it....just hate it. I worked for a women that always scolded me as if I were a child and about the most ridiculous things. I really needed the job and so I stuck it out and dealt with it. After a while it didn't bother me much at all. There is no need to talk to another person in such a degrading way. It says so much about the person. I'm sorry this person ruined your day. She was just being a jerk. I've had people cut off my parking spot many times and sure it is frustrating but that's life. They got there first. I don't assume that they saw me and did it deliberate. For all I know they could have been driving around looking much longer than I was. It's just a parking spot.
3 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
I know one has to out these thing into the right perspective. I certainly did not intend to steal the woman's parking spot and she was clearly having a bad day. She was rude and I am glad I didn't yell back at her now because that would have made me as rude as she was. I am over it now. I have this naive notion that everyone should be nice to each other at all time and unfortunately the world doesn't work like that! Thanks for responding sid!
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
18 Sep 09
Wouldn't it be nice if we all could just be nice to each other? It sure would make the world a nicer place to be in. Nothing is ever accomplished other than harsh feelings or worse by people acting out in anger.
@elenyae (390)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
Well, I'm now legally an adult so I think I can partake in this conversation. :P As a university student, I'm part of the university choral society...now, it's weird because they allow non-students to take part in the choral society, and I have no problems with this, but they're all...for lack of a better term, old. Some are "ancient" and really should find a more age-appropriate choir I think, and others are just middle-aged. Suffice it to say that university students (ironically enough) are the minority in the choir. Now, I understand that they have just as much of a right to be there as us, but it really gets on my nerves when they look down at us and are like "Oh they're so disorganised" blah blah blah. Which, has a grain of truth...but it's like they're on about how they should never let students have leadership positions in the (get this) UNIVERSITY choral society because we don't know how to run things and all that. Now I understand that they perhaps have more experience in those sort of matters, but it's no reason to totally be against any uni student getting a leadership position. I mean, we may be younger and true enough, maybe a little less organised, but it doesn't mean that we don't have ideas and abilities that can be used! But what REALLY gets my goat is when they think it's appropriate for them to tell us off when we're perhaps getting just a little boisterous in rehearsals. I mean, I understand the conductor, when he does it and he has the right because he's in charge of the whole affair. But other choir members seriously shouldn't have the right to totally be snarky at us when we're, y'know, enjoying ourselves. I mean, choir's meant to be fun and we like to have a giggle sometimes about the music and all that. We're all perfectly serious when it comes to rehearsing and performing, but every so often we need to cut just a little loose because the rehearsals are so rigid!! Anyway...I think I just ranted there...so sorry to vent in your discussion. P.S. I noticed you're from Perth! I'm originally from there, currently studying in Canberra! High-five! P.P.S. Also, Perth's Western Suburbs can be a little up themselves a lot of the time. :P
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
I know what you mean...There is a certain division between North and South of the river too! The 'oldies; in your choir sound to me like they should be in a group more appropriate for their age by the sound of it; they have no patience for the young ones there, they would be better off elsewhere as you say. It is confronting being scolded by another adult and the great difference is that as a grown up you are perfectly entitled to stand up for yourself and give some back! Thanks for responding elenyae, great to speak with a fellow Australian especially one that knows Perth well!
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
18 Sep 09
Youngsters must giggle and have lots of fun! I hate this boring attitude of the fun-averse people.YOu have your fun elenyae and let them lecture all they want and close their eyes and ears!
@Hatley (164524)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Sep 09
hi paula wow that woman was something else. I would have'hated that as we seldom get scolded like that by another adult. I'bet she'had a very short fuse, and a whole lot of gall. I had an incident that upset me here at the retirement center.a white haired elderly woman pushing her wheel chair came up to me and said her usual have a good day, then a few minutes later when we were standing'in line waiting our turn for evening snacks, I turned A bit to let a care taker go into the office.in doing so I bumped my cane into her'wheel chair but it was just a gentle bump.she rounded on me and screamed, dont you look where you are going,you could hurt somebody blah blah blah. screaming and in my face.so I said softly, maan you should learn to control that temper.that could cause you to have a stroke. she kept right on screaming at me. I think that woman is a mental case for sure.
3 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
I wonder about people like that, they obviously have issues. No matter how black my mood is I cannot imagine yelling at someone especially in a public place! I got over my 'incident' now...Thanks Hatley I appreciate your response.
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Sep 09
Made me feel bad, of course. What's so annoying about this is that she just wrongly assumed you had bad intentions and then didn't even give you a chance to explain or make it right. It's probably the unjustness of the accusation more than anything that feels bad about it.
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
I know.. I am a person who was brought up to do the right thing at all times and when someone accuses me of doing otherwise it throws me. I did not intend to take the parking spot from the woman and there was no need for her to be so darn rude! You are right, it is the injustice of the accusation that is upsetting... Thanks dawn!
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@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Sep 09
In Dawn's little perfect world we would all give each other the benefit of the doubt...
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@Archie0 (4669)
18 Sep 09
my best friend always scolds me and sometimes make me feel that he is avoiding me.but i know ,he love me in his heart because whenever i become sad and lonely he is the only person who console me and make me happy.then what is the meaning of making fun of me and pretending to avoid me.
2 people like this
@med889 (5958)
18 Sep 09
I remember once I was talking with my mother and she was insisting that I finally take the dress I was looking at instead of choosing every time so I told her to please go if she cannot wait for me and then came an older man who said he was watching me for some time and started to scold at me because I was talking to my mother like this, he is such a stranger and did not know the whole matter and started to scold me in front of others too. When my mother told him that we were joking he did not stopped talking loudly, It was so embarrassing and me and my mother were angry too.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
Don't you hate that? Someone comes in and verbally attacks you and has no clue as to what is really going on! That man should have clearly minded his own business. What I don't understand is why people have to be loud and embarrassing in front of others; if there is something they need to say to you why not speak in a lower tone discreetly? Thanks for responding med889!
@med889 (5958)
18 Sep 09
We were so angry and when he was talking loudly we just could not listen to him anymore as he was too much, even some people walking around could sense that. My mother even told him that he need not talk to me like this as she does not scold me like he was doing in public for something he should not be bothering about.
2 people like this
@BStuff (498)
• United States
18 Sep 09
Adult's can on ly effect you if you let them. I'm only 22 and I've had a few different people try to bring me down. I had a woman one time in a parking lot call me little girl and try to give me all the crap about how I was parked. Let me say I dont always park perfect BUT I'm ALWAYS completely in my white lines. It might not always be striahgt but I'm in my gosh darn lines!! (lol ignore that) So she tried to tell me I needed to get back in my car and park correctly. I was like I'm in my lines thats the only parking requirement I'm aware of. Then she tried following me in the store yelling at me and she said "Little girl get back in your car and fix it" (she was maybe 40 but she made me mad) I turned to her and said "Old woman you need to just walk away get in your car and maybe go to the therapist because you can some control issuses" She looked like she was going to poop a brick. I laughed the whole way through the store.
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
Well...You handled her alright! It's good that at such a young age you are able to stand up for yourself and won't allow anyone to intimidate you. Are you sure you were parked within the white lines? (LOL)Just kidding! Thanks for response BStuff!
@BStuff (498)
• United States
18 Sep 09
lol yes I was in the lines and yes I grew up watching my mother whose the nicest person I know getting pushed around so I learned how to take care of myself for me and for her cause no body messed with my mother when I'm around! Don;t let them get to you. They have no importance to you, if they are doing that they probably have a sad inner problem that they need to work out and they see you as a strong indivdual that they need to bring down.
1 person likes this
@prinzcy (5058)
• Malaysia
19 Sep 09
That was sux! I hate it if that happen to me! That woman probably had a rough day (or she always like that~~~) but it's not appropriate to talk like that to others. If she thought you're guilty of taking the parking lot, she can say it nicely. People can understand. Doesn't need to rant. You already apologize, if she couldn't take it let her be. She doesn't deserve to lecture you, she's not being polite either. We have a way to communicate, not by being rude.
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
19 Sep 09
That's exactly how I see it! There are ways of communicating that can get your point across without rudeness. I guess she was a miserable woman and I hope I don't come across her again! Thanks for responding prinzcy, I appreciate it!
• Philippines
19 Sep 09
i haven't experienced such ranting and raving. once, though, a similar incident happened to me. i didn't notice someone was queuing at the cashier's area to pay items that she bought. i didn't notice she was lining up because she was out of the line and was looking into something in a nearby display area. when she turned around, i was already there and she was angry and was telling me that that was her place i was taking in a manner and in a voice for everyone to hear. i apologized to her pointing out that she was out of the line and i thought she was not lining up. she still continued to utter angrily and that was when i told her, ma'am, i can also understand if u speak to me in a nicer way and in a soft voice rather than as u are doing now. i still can fully understand if u would rather speak that way. that silenced her. had she have continued, i would surely lose my patience and gone out of the way.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
19 Sep 09
There is a right way to point out a mistake and a wrong way isn't there? She could have quietly approached you and told you that she was before you; there was no need for a public spectacle; that's what I hate, the yelling and the ranting...Totally unnecessary and immature... Thanks for the response moneymakingtoday!
• United States
18 Sep 09
Paula- I'm afraid I've not had that occur to me as directly as you have. I had a woman when I had my very first child (she's now 18 as of next March) come up to me and wrap her blanket around her again because her foot was showing. She was little Russian woman and to be honest I wasn't offended because I knew the culture. It's the babuska thing to do. I have actually lectured people when they've done things that were completely out of line like almost hit my family! I feel you have a right to stand up for that. I also lecture those who park in handicap spots without a proper park decal! It annoys me to no end. I think all we can do is listen to people, and keep in mind generation gaps. We were all raised with different values, and we have different cultural ideologies. Now, I have been lectured by friends but that I take with the friendship. If I am doing something that is not healthy for me, I expect my friends to tell me something. My biggest flaw is that I am too nice, don't stand up for what I believe, and apologize the moment someone yells at me and tells me I'm wrong for having my opinion! I'm working on that but I've a good friend who "lectures" me all of the time. I've never deleted her or walked away from our friendship just because she had a difference of opinion or even felt strongly about something. I've been deleted from many friends lists recently for having opinions, and all I can say is that they are not ready for what comes with friendship. I'm sorry this woman was upset, but it is a valuable lesson on being completely aware of one's surroundings. Cheer up and know that we've all had this occur. Namaste-Anora
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
19 Sep 09
I guess it depends on how a person lectures another, what I cannot stand is being patronised and made to feel like a child. There is a right way to point out to someone that they have made a mistake and it shouldn't entail ranting at them and making them feel small. The woman in question was in the wrong too for not making her intention to park clear by indicating and was out of line with the way she approached me. Anyway it's over and done with and made a good discussion! Thanks for responding Anora.
• India
18 Sep 09
Dear paula27661, There are certain humans exactly like that. I could sometimes accept it when I am wrong and if he/she is rude rather than accepting, I'll go little further and I will start my reaction to them saying 'can't you be soft in saying that'. I really hate those kind of people who never understands the feelings of other people. They often think that they only have problems and all are living happily. There are people who are jealous of other people living happily. Cheers... Have a nice day always..
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
Some people feel bad about themselves and attempt to make themselves feel better by being rude to others and yes they should be ignored. I don't believe there is ever a need to talk down to anyone no matter how different opinions may be. Thanks for responding philip, I appreciate it!
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
18 Sep 09
Being a victim of another adult scolding sometimes leaves us powerless. I have never met such kind of incident where I am being scolded by another adult. But should it happen to me I will analyse the whole situation and if I am in the wrong I would ask for apology but if it is not my fault and that person scolds me I will fight back until she apologize to me. But small incident like that is not worth going overboard, just let it be like passing wind and leave immediately.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
That's what I think too. I did not deem it necessary to start an argument in a car park over a parking spot; what I did was unintentional, the woman was rude and the way I see it, no need to stoop to her level! I agree that only some instances call for retaliation and some are just not worth the stress! Thanks zandi!
@Archie0 (4669)
18 Sep 09
Not much of my life as i am a quite student for now my lecturers dont scold me that much before when i was in school my teachers use to punish me often and even in my high school i got it many times.but recently i am nnot being scolded by anyone many times..
2 people like this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
18 Sep 09
That's a good thing because it is not a nice feeling at all! I guess handling situations like that is part of being an adult...Thanks for adding to my discussion Archie0!
@sanuanu (11238)
• India
20 Sep 09
he he he he he he!
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@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
20 Sep 09
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@sanuanu (11238)
• India
20 Sep 09
I thought that this time you will be a little angry on me! hey but you have not been changed with time. So, how is my Intelligent Paulla doing? Is she doing fine or finding difficulties with her life? I think she must be happy because she has a caring husband and loving kids too, isn't she?
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@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
25 Sep 09
Well sanuanu, things are good, how about with you? Still cheeky I see...(LOL)I could not be angry with you sanuanu, not for long anyway! (LOL)
@CatsandDogs (13964)
• United States
23 Sep 09
Sweetheart, it takes all kinds to make our world and this "B" makes no exception. At least you offered her the parking spot and since she didn't take it, it's her problem, not yours so don't make it yours. Gee, do you have eyes on the back of your head? I hope you say not! lol If someone were to approach me like that, they wouldn't be the only one yelling and if they don't leave me be, they just might hit the asphalt!
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@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
23 Sep 09
You are quite right it takes all kinds alright! Clearly this woman was having a bad day and decided to share her misery, what can you do? I guess it would have helped if I did have eyes in the back of my head or better still could read her mind! (LOL) Thanks Cats for the great response!
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
18 Sep 09
That stinks paula! People are so silly sometimes. I have not been confronted like that before but I used to be a cna in a nursing home and those little people didn't care to tell you what was what..lol. You didn't even have to do anything and a couple of them would cuss you right out. I just let it go. Don't be guilty. You weren't trying to pinch her parking place or be mean to her. She may have been stressed about other things and you just happened to be the one she took it out on.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
19 Sep 09
That is what I think too. She has her own reasons for being miserable! I don't feel bad about it now, it just made me feel like a naughty kid again and I didn't like it (LOL) I can imagine some of the older people being quite grumpy at the world... Thanks Jen!
@savypat (20246)
• United States
18 Sep 09
There is nothing like a situation like that to make you feel 10 years old again. It happens to all of us no matter how old we are. Chin up, you have lot's of friends here.
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@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
19 Sep 09
Thanks pat, that's a nice thing to say! It is amazing how a good scolding can bring back those memories of being a kid again! Not sure I like it! (LOL) Thanks for being here!
@Sreekala (23596)
• India
18 Sep 09
Hi Paula, I am sorry to know about your hurts. I can understand your hurt feelings. Some people are like and that kind of people are everywhere in the world. They think about them only. Don’t worry about a selfish lady because it is not your fault and you can guess it any way (what is in her mind). She won’t a good lady otherwise she will be cool for listening your apology. Just forget about the incident like a nasty dream. Hope you must be alright now sharing the same with your friends. Be happy.
@paula27661 (15899)
• Australia
19 Sep 09
I am over it now, that woman was rude and ignorant; there was no need for a big rant and rave especially after I apologised. It just made me realise how being scolded by another adult can make you feel like a naughty child again! Thanks for being here Sreekala!