Best friend falling in love..

Best friends - Best Friends stay together in thick and thin.
@asweetie (1188)
India
September 30, 2009 1:40pm CST
My friend has a male who is her best friend and he has fallen head over heals for her. She doesnt like him more than a friend.. so now the problem is how she can say no to him without effecting their friendship?
1 person likes this
12 responses
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
30 Sep 09
Hi asweetie, it may not apply in this case but when one of my male friends started to get a bit soppy round the edges I said I coulnd't even consider going out with him until he lost 70 kilos, fortunately he is yet to start the diet.But she could voice an aversion to any physical feature to put him off the idea.
1 person likes this
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi thea, thanks for the response and wow u told him to loose 70 kgs.. thats wow and wow how much des he weigh right now. I can understand your problem because if he asks for straight position during love then you would be crushed. Good thing you put this condition but wont work with my friend. If she rejects him on say his face or something ( he is actually good looking) then he would be crushed and his srlf confidence gone.. we did talk on this point but then rejected this because friends do not crush each others confidence or egos.
@thea09 (18327)
• Greece
4 Oct 09
It's a shame she can't use that technique. Be assured that I most certainly did not crush any ego in this case, poor chap is more than proud of his protruding stomach and knows full well no matter how often he asks he will never get anywhere but remains a friend.
30 Sep 09
This is a toughie. She is just going to have to be honest with him, and tell him she loves him as a friend, but no more. I think he will settle for that, rather than not have her in his life at all. It is a difficult situation, but he will get over it, i am sure. I hope it works out ok.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164484)
• Garden Grove, California
30 Sep 09
hi this is hard but you know what, sometimes what seems like love someone as a friends often turns into love a friend romantically. It did for me and I never regretted marrying my best friend as I did love him, and he learned that he loved me romantically as well as just a friend. I could not fathom making love with a man who was not also my friend. they are not exclusive you can love a person and also be best friends with that same person.this is something a lot of people do not understand but I do.
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
Hi forest gold and hatley, thanks both of you for responsding to this discussions and yes forestgold i do agree with you that she should be honest with him but he is very sensitive guy and gets hurt so easily. We dont want to hurt him or dent his confidence or shatter his ego. He is too lovely a friend of hers and mine too and we know how good the boy is. Thats why we wont like that she would hurt him.
@ahgong (10066)
• Singapore
10 Nov 09
Hmm... this is usually the sticky situations that you would want to avoid. If I were in her shoes, I will only go out in groups. And of course, let it be known clearly that she only regards him as a friend and that there is little chance of the relationship to develop beyond that. Then keep a distance. Still go out like friends normally do. But be extra aware of your gestures, your glances, your touches (any form of body contact, be it a pat on the shoulder or a brush of the hand), so that your friend do not un-intentionally give the impression that she is leading him on to something more than just friendship.
@asweetie (1188)
• India
23 Nov 09
hi ahgong, thanks for the repoonse and keeping distance would be like telling him and this is going on to hurt that guy who is very sesitive one and well he is not known to touch girls at all so there is no body contact at all from his side. But i think it would be handled maturely.
1 person likes this
• United States
1 Oct 09
That is a hard one, and I have been through that as well, but if he is truly her friend as you say then if she sits down with him and tells him how she feels then it really shouldn't affect their relationship as friends. And unfortunatly thats how you find out who your true friends are.
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi chelly, Thanks for the response and i understand this is one of the options but it is going to hurt him and hurt him real bad. he wont say anything i know , he would just smile but he would be hurt badly which we donot want to do. I know ultimately it would be talk with him but still trying to find a way out of this which wont hurt his heart, wont dent his confidence and wont crush his ego.
@Shooyao (156)
• China
1 Oct 09
I can understand you asweetie.if i am you friend ,i will make a decision as fast as i can ,you know ,whatever you do never lie to other.As you said your friend love another boy more than him ,so tell him the truth and stay this friendship,its a good way to solve this problem.If the man is a good friend of her ,i think it's not a big deal,take it easy.
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi shooyao, thanks for the response and i really donot understand what you are trying to say. I am sorry may be if you can say in easy english or explain it better than please do as english is not my first language.
@sandymay16 (1619)
• Philippines
1 Oct 09
Hi, that would be difficult but if friends are real friends in truth bad or good, he would accept his fate that they would remain as friends and nothing else. Mostly, friends like this will end up as still friends. But sometimes if they just seek time apart from each other and really do some soul searching maybe they will realize that they are mean to be more than just friends. I wish it were the movies so they will live hapily ever after friends or otherwise.
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi sandy, thnks for the response and yes i wish it too that it was movies becuase we do have a guy here who is so much in demand so every girl gets chance to romance with him in new movie..but to this guy he is sensitive and it would hurt him more than anything else. He is little shy kind of guy too so it must be very difficult for him to tell her that he likes her more than a friend. but she is trying to let him know that she is not intersted and we have discussed it 100 times how to let him no and we havent yet found a decent way which wont hurt.
@Swadey (220)
• Canada
1 Oct 09
wwell that is a really hard situation to be in, unfortiyly there is not really any way with out eefecting there friendship. things will be different now that she knows he likes her and regection is going to make things hard for him all she can do is let him down easy things are going to be a littl ackward between them for a while but just give it time and there be like they were. happy mylotting!
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi swadey, thanks for the response and yes it is going to hurt him and hurt him a lot. fact is he has been in couple of relationships before and both the girls have just played with him and since he is very sensitive guy , it took him very long to come out of those relationships and he is a great friend , all you need to do is hey i am facing this problem or i want this to be done and he would do it somehow what ever it may take. it is very difficult to say no to this kind of guy.
@Craicha (801)
1 Oct 09
your friend should tell him honestly dnt make it last long coz the guy might expect to much and the more he get hurts afterall that too much expectation is just nothing..... and for sure the guy understand her, yah he will get hurt but he will be ok coz its not the end of there friendship anyway....as long theyre honest wd eachother as friends...
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi craicha, thanks for the response and she is trying to prepare him to final no so he doesnt get it as a shock and since he is her best friend she doesnt want to hurt him or crush his self confidence or would want that his ego may be crushed or he feel very bad. Yes he does understand her like back of his hand and they been friends for few years now.
• Philippines
30 Sep 09
Hello asweetie!There is no such an easy way of saying no to someone that may ease the pain. How sure is your friend that what she feel towards his friend is really love and not infatuation? Remind your friend that loving his best friend is like facing different complexities in life. The risk is to heavy to handle most of the time. As your friend will enter in such relationship she must be prepared with the what if's & how she will handle and cope up with the stresses that may arise. Is she ready to cry and handle the heartaches most of the time? If ever they will both decide to end their relationship in the future, they will both lose the friendship forever. Now the question would be, is she willing to lose the friendship in the future? If yes, then continue loving her best friend. However, if not, then dump that feelings. Burden awaits for sure. Good Luck!
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi angle, thanks for the response and yes there is no way to reject someone and he not getting hurt. one thing is my friend likes someone else and second thig is she thinks ok even if she liked him and dated him then soon they might have a fight or break up then her best friend would be lost which she dont want to loose and he understands her so much that she doesnt have to tell him that she is feeling sad or bad and he is always there for him.
@ra1787 (501)
• Italy
30 Sep 09
There is never a nice way to say no to someone, but try to be as gentle as possible and explain how you feel, that you want him as a friend but nothing more, and that you don't want to lose his friendship for this. But first think if you are really sure about being just friends, if he is your best friend probably you like something of him, and if you are sure let him know that you have no interest in being more than friends, don't let him him linger in the doubt of how things really are.
@asweetie (1188)
• India
4 Oct 09
hi ra, Thnaks for the response and i agree with you that it is never pretty to say no and even u try to be as gentle as possible, and guy may not show it but he does get hurt. Yes he is her best friend and my friend too. And that girl ( my friend) likes someone else, though it is complicated actually but first thing for her is how to say no to her. She been trying to prepare him for the no so lets see.
• United States
2 Mar 11
Hi, She needs to tell him that she does not want to loss there friendship if it doesn't workout. She would rather stay friends. 80% of the time you can never go back to being friends. She needs to tell him before it gets to late and it ends the friendship that why. I wish her all the luck.
• United States
1 Mar 11
She just needs to tell him that friendship is all she is interested in. Sense he's already head over heals, I don't think it's gonna matter how she tells him, he's gonna be hurt. There's nothing worse then being in love and that affection is not returned.