Why do some mothers abandon their kids?
By jules67
@jules67 (2788)
Philippines
October 18, 2009 10:21am CST
I was able to watch one episode on Oprah, mentioning that the percentage of mothers abandoning their kids is even higher than any other crime. Correct me guys if I am wrong.
I have been reading a lot of articles discussing reasons why mothers abandon their kids. One could be postpartum depression, financial, history of abusive environment among other things. Why am I getting into this? A close relative who got married at 19 and is now 28 had abandoned her three kids age 8, 5, 4. The husband works overseas (he is coming home before Christmas because of this.). None of the reasons mentioned above applied to her.
She was sent to school, but opted to fool around. She stole jewelries from relatives, but when confronted, she adamantly denied it. She squandered her husband's remittance. Not a single centavo went to the kid's education. We learned now that she had been seeing other men. We had asked her to come home to discuss the issue and she agreed only to find out that she spent last night somewhere else. I have asked the parents to seek the help of the priest because I believe that this case needs professional intervention.
5 people like this
18 responses
@speakeasy (4171)
• United States
18 Oct 09
Why is it that everyone thinks that all mothers feel a maternal bond with their children and possess a maternal instinct?
Obviously, that is not true. Just look at the number of mothers who not only abandon their children; but, actually abuse them and/or neglect them. Abandonment is actually better than abuse; because, once they are abandoned they have a chance of finding a loving caring family. Abused children are stuck in a terrible situation for years on end unless they die or child protective services finally wakes up and removes them from the home (even then, they may be sent back to that home)!
There are still more dads that "run away from home" than women; and, it is more accepted by society than a mom that "runs away from home". Just look at the number of single mothers and divorced mothers and compare that to the number of dads who are caring for their children (even part-time/shared custody).
Some people are just not meant to be parents; but, they end up becoming parents anyway. Then, when they can't handle the situation; they either lash out at their families or they abandon them and start over.
1 person likes this
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
You are right about your point. But I do not want to think that this offense is better than that. It does not take away the pain she had caused. The fact still remains that some mothers neglect their responsibility as a parent. I know that in time, this will end.
@lynnemg (4529)
• United States
18 Oct 09
I am a mother and it really bothers me when I hear of other mothers in this workd abandoning her children. It is beyond me how a woman can carry a baby inside of her, feel that baby move around, give birth to that baby, and then, just leave it. Yes, some children, as they grow seem to be more troubled than others, but I think that has a lot to do with the way a child is brought up. Some of these kids are probably better off in the long run, but the whole idea of abandoning a child, at any age, simply baffles me.
In your case, I think that maybe the idea of motherhood and responsibility is too much for her. In my opinion, if a woman is not ready to accept the responsibility of raising a child, she shouldn't put herself into the position to have them to begin with. It sounds like she is one that wanted the fun, but not the responsibility.Simply put, she has not grown up and matured yet. I hope that the husband is able to get those kids back so he can raise them. Maybe the marriage will last, but if she abandoned her kids and is out partying it up, chances are, it won't.
1 person likes this
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
[b]"In my opinion, if a woman is not ready to accept the
responsibility of raising a child, she shouldn't put
herself into the position to have them to begin with."[/b]
This is precisely my point. I try as much as I can to understand her, but it seems too much to bear. There were still other things she had done but I'd rather not state them anymore. Now, I only find solace in the comforts knowing that God will take care of us.
@mommyboo (13174)
• United States
19 Oct 09
I believe that kids' personalities are inborn and not really dependent as much on the parents and the environment. Some, yes but not all. Think about people you know who have several kids. Aren't all the kids different? If you have three kids, might one of them be very outgoing and friendly, love activities and friends, and another one might be very quiet and shy and prefer to do things alone? You might also have another who is kind of a blend. Discipline doesn't work the same for the kids either. One of them does better if you give them benefits to work toward, like as a reward for good behavior, doing chores, and participating at school and in activities, they can earn something special. Another of them only changes their behavior if you do something like take away the tv or the phone or the computer or ground them from their friends. The third one sometimes does well with benefits but other times they seem unmotivated, so you end up having to take away a weekend movie.
Same parents, same genetics, same home, same environment, same rules, same family. But they do not act the same or react the same to different stimuli.
@robert19ph (4577)
• Philippines
18 Oct 09
hello jules67,
there are many possible reasons why do some mothers are abandoning their children. it's not easy to do that but maybe they are force to do so anyway for they want their children to have a better future. some can't afford financially. others have no guts at all or afraid to take the responsibility. some are having unwanted child because they were raped and others were still studying and afraid that their parents might find out about it.
these are few of the reasons why some mothers are abandoning their children. whatever their reasons, they were the only one who can answer and why they did it. bottomline, they too suffered much more than their children.
@bellis716 (4799)
• United States
21 Oct 09
Were the instances of fathers who abandon their children included in the statistics you mentioned? Within the few houes on our block, there are two women whose husbands left when they found out their wives were expecting and another one whose husband who stayed but had absolutely nothing to do with the children.
@corejola77 (9)
• Philippines
20 Oct 09
i think it is indeed behavioral problem. but this can easily be traced. you mentioned that she married at age 19. well, 19 is very young. she obviously did not complete her teenage stage and now, she is trying to cope up what she missed. being a mom is a big responsibility. in fact, it is a very unselfish responsibility and she was obvioulsy not ready that's why she is fooling around now. i guess she just got pregnant (an indication that she must have been fooling around too often)that's why she married early.
@tatazbrush (126)
• Indonesia
18 Oct 09
halow jule67 wow there are lots of reason why mother do that, every mothers want the best for their children, i try to give my son a home schooling technique, because this system works well in our family, this will lead child to intensively study and learn more under our way.
1 person likes this
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
For the longest time, my belief is like yours, that all mother want the best for their children. But the truth is, it is the exact opposite. Not all mothers would want the best for their kids. I had seen some documentaries with regard to that. I had seen it happen in my very own eyes.
1 person likes this
@kaka135 (14916)
• Malaysia
19 Oct 09
Well, I totally do not understand how mothers can abandon their kids, especially they have gone through the 9 month pregnancy, the babies were inside their bodies for so long, and yet they dare to abandon them. Perhaps they are not ready or not willing to become mothers.
I've heard that some women got pregnant just because of money. Once their babies were born, they are going to sell the babies to someone else. I got a shock when I heard this, but it really happens.
@paula27661 (15811)
• Australia
19 Oct 09
I am a mother and my daughter came to me after almost six years of gruelling fertitility treatments and it is beyond my understanding why any woman would abandon her child. It is hard not to judge somebody in this position. Your relative certainly sounds immature and she does need professional help.
I appreciate that not every woman wants to be a mother and that is okay; it isn’t for everyone and clearly it is not for her but why on earth did she have three children? Why did she not stop at one?
It is a shame for the kids, I can’t imagine how it would feel to know your mother has left you; the older one especially will be very aware of what is happening.
If a woman falls pregnant by accident and does not want the child she can make provisions for the baby to be adopted and there is absolutely no need for abandonment and the ones who thought they wanted to be a mother and changed their mind do have places they can go to even if it means taking the child to the local hospital instead of just leaving the baby.
@gmatthews (154)
• United States
19 Oct 09
I am a mother and I do not know why some mothers decide to abandon their children. I could never do that. My boys are my whole world and they are what keeps me going. I do find it interesting though that mothers are always looked down upon if they leave their kids, but it is much more accepted for men to do it. I think our society still has a long way to go for equality. I do not think it is okay for man or woman to abandon their children. Children should not be brought into this world without being wanted.
@ebuscat (5935)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
The reason also that she don't want kid's it's time that she feel full in emotions and lack of attention to his husband maybe she don't have friend that she can relay on.
@abhikmjmdr (779)
• India
19 Oct 09
I am the father of an adopted child and I do not understand how parents can leave a little helpless child to fend for itself. If you do not have any intention to rear the child why have one? If physical craving is so intense, there are so many methods of preventing conception these days, why cant you adopt one? It is just the mentality of shirking responsibilities in most cases, and mainly on the part the father which forces the unwed mother to abandon her child. Social stigma is the root cause which blames everything on the mother and the father gets scot free with his promiscuity.
@buping (952)
• China
19 Oct 09
hi jules, i do not think a woman is qualified if she abandons her own kids. but some women can not raise a kid for she does not get married, some even be abandoned by her boyfriend or husband. in fact she is a victim either. everyone should be responsible for what he did in this world i think.
@ruths77 (21)
• Australia
19 Oct 09
after you decided to have kids, we all should know that we will need to do sacrifices, life would be change totally but doesn't mean will turn to be a bad life. I know everybody have different kind of life experiences or background. I don't know her life, but just sound she might started family when actually she was not totally ready, not mature enough to be the adult or even the parents to the kids. Not fair at all for the kids. Ready or not she needs to change her attitude, she needs to realize totally that now her life is about the kids as well. Professional intervention might the best solution for now, she needs someone to open her eyes and heart and to listen her side as well why she's been that kind of person.
@jules67 (2788)
• Philippines
19 Oct 09
You said it right. She got into a situation when in fact she is not totally ready. And since, she is now married, ready or not she has to face the responsibility. The kids did not ask to be born and yes, it is not fair to them. Thanks for your comment.
@Weizen (144)
• China
19 Oct 09
before i have consider this reason ,I think there is much reason about this .
First one ,maybe this girl don't want to be prregnancy ,
Second one ,maybe this girl have not marred ,so she have not enough to keep this girl
the third one ,the girl don't like this children
The fourth one ,some girl only like boy ,or some girl only like the girl
@cheriezhao (246)
• China
19 Oct 09
I think,there's a reason here that mothers gave birth to their children without a father or before they married,so that's a big problem for women to raise a child alone.
@jodylee_04530 (1097)
• United States
19 Oct 09
Some people are put on this Earth to be mothers and some are not. It is a very natural occurrence for many women. They have babies and their lives naturally progress and life takes its course. Other women, however, seem to wind up pregnant and then forgo the responsibilities because it is too hard for them to adjust and to much for them to handle. It seems to be very selfish driven. I have seen some women abandon the children and be put in much happier situations where they can thrive and live happy lives. There are also those unfortunate times when children are abandoned and never find a better life. It is sad and frustrating that there is no way to prevent some from having children. It sounds like your close relative is one of those women that was never cut out to be a mother. I hope you all help take good care of those children! Best of luck to your family :)
@wuying524 (28)
• China
19 Oct 09
Oh,it might be a big problem of the society that we can not settle
