Would you attend your ex's wedding if you are invited to it?

Philippines
November 23, 2009 11:42am CST
I've been invited about 2-months ago to attend a wedding by none other than my 2 year college girlfriend. I will be attending not because I want to see her and rekindle anything (as it is too late already) but more because she was a friend to me first more than anything else. I'm still not sure if it will be awkward or not but I'm torn between the excitement of seeing old friends and the gang and being uneasy just thinking how it would feel to see the guy she ended up with. I'm not even sure I can look the guy straight in the eye. She and I never really had a reason to break up. It was more like she had to move to the US and I had to stay in PH. We lived different worlds and if it were still me and her today maybe I would have not let her go. Past has passed already and I can say that I'm just excited to see my best "girl" friend again after almost 5 years. I can't blame her for anything and neither can I blame myself. It was just a situation that couldn't have worked out for long. If you were in my situation would you be attending her wedding?
5 people like this
39 responses
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
23 Nov 09
Not so many years ago, I attended an ex-girlfriend's wedding. At first I did not want to, but since we were together for a long time, I decided to go. Plus, she took my mother as one of her sponsors. It was a weekende event, and when we got there, I realized she still had feelings for me. It was awkward. My old university gang was there too, so we keep joking around that if ever the groom could not make it, I could stand in. It was an experience, and I would say that I had fun. So, yes I would attend.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Nov 09
My old college gang will be there to so it is a reunion and wedding altogether. I do hope mine will not be as awkward. Thanks for sharing your experience. At least I know someone will have shared the awkward feeling afterall.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
24 Nov 09
I just got a thought. Instead of attending the wedding, how about all getting together for a holiday party/reunion and invite the new bride & her husband. By doing that the focus will be on the reunion and not the new couple. Im thinking that would be less awkward for all and still ...you'll all get to see each other. I mean a reunion is a reunion and a wedding is a wedding.
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
I think you have a point there. The problem is just that they will be leaving for the US right after their wedding (maybe not right after but days after). It is also Christmas season and we all have our own relatives to attend to during the holidays so I doubt it will be possible. It is a good idea though.
• United States
23 Nov 09
I think you are a very mature adult to go to such an event. I admire your maturity. If it was me, and I still had some small feelings about a boyfriend that was getting married to someone else, I don't think I would go. I would be very honest with them, and tell them exactly why. Maybe he thought of me as now a good friend, but I would make it clear that my feelings went beyond friends, and while I wish them alot of luck, I cannot be there to witness him marrying someone else.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Nov 09
Hi sweechariot, I think what you are feeling is just normal. I know somewhere deep inside that is going to be part of how I will be feeling. I'm just glad that I can set that aside already and just focus on how to make her wedding day special. She is a good friend after all. I will always remember her as a good friend who made my college days special and for that I think she deserves that I grant her wish that I be there on her wedding.
• United States
23 Nov 09
You are a bigger person than I am, my friend...Good luck at the Wedding.
• United States
23 Nov 09
Hmm...that is a tricky one. I have only attended one of my ex bf's weddings. I was actually IN the wedding. As you said we were friends first before anything else and had continued to be friends years later. I got along well with his fiance and he asked that I be in the wedding. I didn't find it wierd, but trust me everyone not in the wedding that new the situation thought it was. :) Back to your question. I think I would go. As long as you don't cause a scene or anything silly it should be fine. However, as another post said...if she has feelings for you still, it could become akward very quickly. I can only think of one of my ex's whose wedding I would not attend, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be invited. :) I hope you go, she obviously wants you to attend or she wouldn't have sent the invite. Just be courteous, and if things start to get wierd...leave. I hope it works out well and you have a great time.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
23 Nov 09
Thanks for the advice. I don't expect to do anything silly. I'm more concerned about my gang making fun of us. I hope it doesn't end up offending the groom-to-be. I think I'm pretty matured to handle it but I'm not so sure about my other friends. They are used to making fun of almost anything (at times maybe too insensitive).
• United States
24 Nov 09
Yes, I know just the type of friends you are describing. I have a few of those myself! Well, either way good luck.
@derek_a (10902)
24 Nov 09
I have actually attended my ex's wedding about 15 years ago. We had split up about 5 years previous. At first it wasn't to friendly, but then we couldn't really avoid each other, so decided to stay friendly. We are still friends now and her husband is quite a nice guy and we talk quite often. - Derek
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
I'm not sure I can befriend the guy. I'm not even sure who she is marrying. If it was her ex prior to me then that would really suck big time. If it is a new guy and he proves to be a gentleman then maybe at least I can congratulate him. I don't actually plan to rub elbows with the groom though. Maybe in time I will...
• India
24 Nov 09
If you are invited for your ex's wedding, and if she is never a traitor in your part of life, then sure you can attend the wedding and prove your greatness as a perfect gentleman. There is really nothing wrong, from my view. i feel that way.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
Thanks! She never cheated on me and the relationship was almost perfect except for the inevitable that she had to migrate to the US. Other than that, the petty fights are mere issues that we can easily get over - at least when we were still together. As friends, she has always been there for me. It has been years since we actually saw each other. We seldom chat and once in a while we call each other but nothing to rekindle the relationship. She is still my confidant in so many ways though we now live separate lives. Many would say it is cheesy and impossible but it seems to me that a relationship born of friendship turned lovers and then to ex-lovers to great friends is not that impossible after all. It all depends on how much respect and how much you valued the relationship while it lasted. As we mature, things become clearer and easier to accept.
@MrNiceGuy (4148)
• United States
23 Nov 09
This is an upcoming issue for me. A college girlfriend of mine, the love of my life and before that, my BEST friend and one of the greatest people i have ever met, is getting married this summer. We went to college together and were inseperable. But after we went home for the summer some stuff came up and she couldnt come back to school so we broke up. It took me about a year to get over it, but now she visits every once in a while. We talked about it, and im not going to go just because it would be really awkward and it would most likely bring up good memories that hurt me too much. The part im mad about is that i knew our friendship would change if we started dating and she said it wouldnt. If we hadnt dated, I would definitely be there.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
MrNiceGuy. I totally feel you man. I gave up a lot of my childish dreams for this girl. I even lost my chance to get honors in college because I chose to be around her more. It is silly but I always dreamt of having high honors in my college graduation. That is one of the greatest regrets I have and I won't ever be able to make it up to not making that dream of mine come true. I would be in the same situation hadn't I let go of my emotions in the the years that passed since we got separated. She was the reason I did things I never thought I would. I even had to join an acting workshop just to find an outlet (it was more of therapy really). I did other stuff that redirected my thoughts to other things that I can be pre-occuppied with. After keeping myself busy, I just realized one day that I'm already ok. That I was no longer hurting and that I learned to live without being miserable. That was when I started missing the friend I lost in her and accepted that I'd rather lose the relationship than lose the person -my girl best friend.
@skalijnp (147)
• India
19 Dec 09
Yes friend, I would attend her wedding. I just want to see her is she happy or not. I just want to see the reaction to her seeing me on her wedding. I just want to see myself that can I control myself from the tears or not. I must attend that to show her that not only she can marry in front of me, but also I can see her wedding in front of her.
• China
24 Nov 09
You are a mature person to attend such an event.If I were you,I will never attend any of my ex's wedding,I think I'll be very awkward in that place.Sometimes,things just went in the way we did't expect.we have to accept the result.I really feel sorry for you.But being good friends feels also very good.I think you can wish then good luck for their wedding.
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jan 10
If you still have such strong feelings for her, I wouldn't go. I would send her a note of congrats and a nice gift, though.
• Philippines
7 Jan 10
It turned out ok. I did go even though most of my friends stood us up. It was only me and my other girl-buddy who was there from the old gang. My ex- did take good care of us there since we were her only friends who attended. Others were either outside the country or we've lost contact. I'm just glad to see her happy and though I don't agree with her choice for her husband atleast I don't feel upstaged by him :). Maybe we weren't just meant for each other that's all
@happynin (87)
• United States
4 Dec 09
did you attend the wedding?
• Philippines
4 Dec 09
After reading all the comments and doing my self-check, I will be attending. It won't be until the 22nd of December though. Just one thing I can't get off my system is that I still can't find it in me to be close with the groom. I mean, I can be civil or maybe start at the lowest level of friendship (a cliche) but definitely not pretend to be like we were best buds for a long time. If the girl asks me too then that is a different story. I'm now super happy for her after we had a chat last week. She was asking for my address where she will be sending the invitation (of course I declined because my mom might see it and suddenly feel sorry for me). I said I'll be there without the invitation, she just has to make sure I won't be turned away by the wedding planner :).
@MrKennedy (1994)
24 Nov 09
For me, it would depend on how we felt about each other and if I had the time to attend at all. If we were on good, speakable terms with each other, then I would most certainly consider attending. Of course I would want to see an ex-love of mine be happy once more and tie the knot with somebody she loves. Also, there would be free food on offer, which would certainly be a deciding factor for me. However, if it was obvious that she had just sent me an invite to rub my face in the fact that she was living a life far superior to mine, or that her new man was everything that I wished I was, then, free food or no free food, it would be a definite no from me when it's time to RSVP. Furthermore, if it was too far away, or I was very busy, or even if I had a wife of my own, I wouldn't bother with the hassle to be honest. Personally, I find weddings to be rather dull affairs. I know that sounds cruel of me given that it's supposed to be the best day of somebody's life, but I usually find myself fighting to stay awake when the vowels are being read. Perhaps I will appreciate them more when I am older and more sentimental!
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
I agree. The wedding itself thus feel like a long boring movie of some sort. I'm really looking forward to just the reception when everybody gets to be together and share experiences with each other. Now that I think of it I don't think I'm going to attend the wedding ceremony. I might just go to the reception where it is less about the couple and more about me, my gang and the girl who used to be my girl best friend.
• Malaysia
15 Dec 09
I will not attend my ex wedding because I don't want to ruin their happy day. It is not just your ex wedding but it also involve another person, the bride or bridegroom. The spouse might say he/she doesn't mind but we will never know...so it's better not to go. Just make an excuse...
@ybong007 (6659)
• Philippines
28 Nov 09
From your words it seems that you two had an unfinished love story. If i were you, i will not go to the wedding. You said that you can't even look her new BF in the eye. Going to her wedding would only open up wounds that have not completely healed yet. I'm sure you are not the only one who would feel uneasy but the people around you who knew the story. This is their day, let them make the most of it. I'm sure you won't even be missed or if they will it's all worth it. Cheers!
@jambi462 (4598)
• United States
28 Nov 09
Yes I would to all of my exes too. If someone is courteous enough to invite you to their wedding it means that it's probably important to them that you be there. Even if my ex wasn't the best relationship or we had some bad problems I would get over it to share what could be the happiest day of their life.
@funkeyguhl (1743)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
For me, I would say attend the wedding. It is always nice to see someone from your past... it makes us remember a few things about ourselves that we have forgotten because of the stress in our lives. I do not see any harm in attending this party as you do not have any intention to ruin the wedding. Also, getting an invite from your ex-girl friend means she wants you to be part of this special event in her life.
@olepmis (843)
• Philippines
26 Nov 09
Yes I will attend the wedding for the sake of friendship and to see her and the gang for old time sake. It hurts to see her go but that is life we have to accept for the things that we cannot do anything.
@adhyz82 (36289)
• Indonesia
25 Nov 09
hm. it`s hard question. i dont know if i will attend her wedding if she invite me. it depends on my heart maybe. but whether iam coming or not, i had told her that i am happy if she is happy.
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
Hmm. I think I would be attending too.. It's quite the same reason as yours.. first I think of my exes as my friends then an ex.. I mean, wouldn't you attend a friend's wedding? right?.. And not attending I think would just hurt her.. if she has invited you then she wanted you to be there.. I think what happened in the past should already be forgotten and all of you should move forward, and just celebrate her big day..
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
24 Nov 09
If the break up is good I will attend the wedding. But if the break up is so painful due to her acts of cheating I can't attend the wedding because that will remind me of the past that makes me hurt and cry...
@happynin (87)
• United States
24 Nov 09
yes, why not, its bad if you go to your ex wedding day and your not invited..