Why do people assume things and never ask?

@jugsjugs (13037)
March 31, 2010 4:00pm CST
I had a very good friend say to me the other day that the reason i was not asked to go some where was because they assumed i would be busy? Yet other times then they must have assumed i was not busy,is that the case.I hate people who do not ask things about anything and assume things.I looked in my diary last night and i saw some dates that got written in my diary yet i assume i can cross a few of them out now as the follow ups have all been done for the appointments,i hope i assume right.
5 people like this
32 responses
@doormouse (4619)
31 Mar 10
well jugs for a change i don't know what to say,that's got to be a first,anyway,everyone gets things wrong sometimes,i know i do,could you talk to your friend and just explain how you feel and how next time just ask what you're up to and not assume
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13037)
31 Mar 10
No i do not think so,as too much has been said and too many other things seem to have gone by unnoticed aswell,so i do not think that she is the kind of person that would give a care to how other people feel as i have seen a different side aswell as heard enough i think.If they were a friend at all they would have at least rang.
2 people like this
@doormouse (4619)
31 Mar 10
that's a shame,you do whatever you think is right,maybe in time things will change,who knows what the future holds,,take care jugs,big hugs x oohh that rhymes haha
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@Hatley (115360)
• Garden Grove, California
31 Mar 10
doormouse you are a poet, and dont know it. he he.
1 person likes this
@se7enthbird (8330)
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
not that would be a lame excuse to say, assuming that you are busy. its either they dont like you to go there or they forgot to invite you. but to say that you might be busy is a lame excuse. how did they know you are busy? are they with you 24/7. if i am in your situation i would cross out some appointment as well for i will assume i am busy har har har
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@jugsjugs (13037)
31 Mar 10
I thought of it that way aswell as i also told the person aswell as i had heard something before this had happened.I was going to not turn up for one of the dates they had given me as i have written the dates down in my diary and they know that i never let people down no matter what even if i had to get a sitter to go.From now on i will be very busy as there are things i am in the middle of sorting out and to be honest at the moment i am getting quality time with my family.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 Mar 10
that is more important. the good part of it you realize that you have more time with your family who is important to you and you care for at care for you back than to be with them. now you assumed what they assumed earlier about you. i would rather have a quality family time as well than to be with people who assume that i was busy. right you are busy, busy taking care with your family.
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@jugsjugs (13037)
31 Mar 10
Oh i will always make them a priority over anything or anyone else.I am still in shock that the person has told me they thought i was busy,all the other times of a weekend when i have been busy i have always mastered fitting everyone in.I just think that all the things that are now being said to other people,not all by this person but by people they know is funny as all of it has got back to me,so instead of me being busy i am bideing my time.
1 person likes this
@SomeCowgirl (32277)
• United States
31 Mar 10
To me it sounds like they didn't feel like bothering to ask so instead they just said they assumed you'd be busy. I am not really sure. I hate when people assume things too, but really I'm very bad at assuming things.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13037)
31 Mar 10
I try not to assume anything as i would rather be the person that asks rather than assume as that way it is better,that way you can never be wrong.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
Hehehe. well, I think it's already a human nature for us to assume things. Though I attended a team building just last month, and our speaker made a really good point about this. Never Never assume, in our line of work (audit), you cannot assume, cause jobs and businesses are on the line if you do. And he gave us this line with regards to assumptions Assuming = you're making an A$$ of U and ME And I thought, that really is true.
@kalav56 (11504)
• India
1 Apr 10
Auditors always say this I guess.My husband is one and he always says this.
• United States
31 Mar 10
I hate when people assume that others do not have plans when you do or when you od not have plans and someone assumes that you do not have plans when you do. If it were me I would ask a friend before assuming. What also bugs me is when you make plans to go out with someone and the person flakes out on me. I know that I make a list of things that need to be done, but I will sometimes rearrange my schedule so I can go out.
1 person likes this
@jugsjugs (13037)
31 Mar 10
I know there are times that people could or are busy the same as with all of us,but i would always ask a person rather than just assume things about if they are or if they are not busy.The thing that really got me was when people assume do they ever think about how they would feel if i was just to assume about them.It also bugged me how the same person flaked out on a date out that had been arranged for months for the second time at least,i had thought of keeping quiet and then letting them down when they wanted me to go some where,just so they knew how it felt but i have never been like that.They had it done to them by someone else in the past and they were not happy so really they should have known better.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (115360)
• Garden Grove, California
31 Mar 10
jugsjugs I have wondered that all my life. for one thing I was so looking forward to a fellow mylotter who was cooming to my area to look me up and come see me, but on the d ay she said she would c all, I never heard from her, and to this day I dont know if she had family problems or what as she never notified me at all. I feel maybe she c ame by here and did not like the looks of the place so gave it up. I felt hurt and yet I did not know why. At least you are going ahead on all your appointments. this allergy has put a stop to my two medical things I was going to do. for one thing that medication shoves my blood sugar so high that blood work now would not read right. so must wait awhile. anyway I need to get more money first.
@jugsjugs (13037)
31 Mar 10
Yep i know what you are saying,but it would have been nice for them to tell you that they were not going to show up and it would be the nicer thing todo i think.I had a friend let me down yet again last week as we had arranged to go out and on the morning teld me she could not make it yet again so i do know how you felt.A phone call would have not gone a miss.I do hope you get your health sorted out,there is nothing worse than feeling ill or low down due to being ill.
1 person likes this
@Pose123 (21677)
• Canada
1 Apr 10
Hi jugsjugs, I was told a long time ago that when we assume something, we make an a.. out of u and me. It's always best to check rather than assume. Blessings.
1 person likes this
@setsuna26 (2410)
• Philippines
1 Apr 10
Thats one thing that really pisses me off big time too. When someone tells me that they did not asked me anymore because they thought i dont like to join or to be somewhere they will be going.This is also about giving respect to a person or a friend, to at least ask before you assume something specially if you really dont know what will be his answer,now if his answer is not then good but what if its a yes? You'll never know unless you try, if you keep on doing such a thing you might not be aware of it but your hurting the feeling of the person involved. People should be much more sensitive to the feelings of others to avoid such conflicts
1 person likes this
@cerebellum (3872)
• United States
1 Apr 10
I have some friends that go out to breakfast sometimes to discuss a trip they take together every year. They don't invite the one girl that goes on the trip. When I asked why they said she was usually busy with her husband. She said she wasn't and they never mentioned it to her. This confused me, she goes on the trip, so it can't mean they don't like her or don't want her around. I think sometimes people just don't want to bother to invite someone and then they say they thought the person was busy or wouldn't want to go.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Mar 10
Never assume. It makes an a$$out Of u and me! I hate it when people assume too. To look at me some would assume I would be the perfect babysitter or teacher well... they are wrong. I wouln't know what to do with a child and I never want to learn and as for teaching, I don't have the desire nor the patience!
1 person likes this
@climber7565 (2579)
• United States
31 Mar 10
well sometimes they don't assume and that is only an excuse for when they don't want to include you in those plans.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11504)
• India
1 Apr 10
What a topic ! Wonderful.This is what many people say on many occasions.In my house itself my husband says frquently"Never assume.Ask" THere is a proverb in or regional language thta says"what you see is not true.What you hear is not true.Ask and find out -this is hte real truth".Many people tend to say "Oh! I htought you would be able ot do this;Oh! I thought you would be unable to do this!" I thought you would not come ;thta is why I did not invite you" Now my view is thta this person did not think it fit to find out.If it were a case of real interst in having one's company or if it were a case of genuine friendship or relationship they would ask.THese are excuses.
@kalav56 (11504)
• India
1 Apr 10
Sorry for the typos.One more point Iwould like to make is thta when people need somehting they would not hesitate to ask.[in the case of some clinical appointment or so it is their need.
@Lakota12 (42794)
• United States
1 May 10
lets hope you do assume right lolololol
• Philippines
19 Apr 10
There are those assume because they already asked question but the answer is just a mere estimation too. When the friendship is involve I do not assume though. I really ask a friend. If she is busy then it comes from here I do not assume. When it comes to medicine we do not need to be assume because it is dangerous if we drink more and the effectivity is less when the we drink less. I believe we are hurt when a friend done it to us. It irritates me when they assumed too, meaning they are the ones who decide for me when asking question is free. What if they assume it and they are wrong, it will only lead to misunderstanding I know. Moreover, there are many people who assume anyway. But I as much as possible I don’t want to do that.
@gabs8513 (48822)
• United Kingdom
6 Apr 10
It is very annoying when People do that t the end of the Day even if you are Busy it is still nice to be asked and have the chance to yes ok or no I am sorry but I am busy that Day
@hexeduser22 (5873)
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
Those people saying that are just indirectly saying that we don't want you to be with us this time and or this time we need you so you must be free
@hexeduser22 (5873)
• Philippines
5 Apr 10
Those people saying that are just indirectly saying that we don't want you to be with us this time and or this time we need you so you must be free
@erikmama (12935)
• United States
4 Apr 10
To be honest I dont know why we assume things. I know I am guilty of doing it, and in the end I usually end up wrong.You know the saying assume means u r making an azz outta u and me.I dont get the me part, but assuming does make people look foolish quiet often. Maybe we think we knoe the answet so there is no reason to ask.
• India
3 Apr 10
Well jugsjugs my friend know how busy i keep and my tours enjoying seminars, workshops and lectures following my retirement, it is okey, but why they should presume, they can just call me and know Thanks for this post Prof
@bounce58 (17552)
• Canada
1 Apr 10
For me, assumptions after the fact is just a cop out. I think it is just a convenient excuse for forgetting something, or for thinking that it wasn't that important that you were included. If I did the same thing, I may say the same excuse. Because if you really think of it, it's the only thing that comes to mind. For me, at least. Anyway, I hope you have had the talk with your friend. If she's a real friend, then she would appreciate the honesty.