Facebook friend requests
By Canellita
@Canellita (12029)
United States
July 12, 2010 12:02pm CST
Ok, let me first start by saying I am not one of those people for whom it is a goal to have thousands of friends. I was reluctant to get on facebook and only did so at the urging of someone who is the program director for an organization I am involved with who wanted everyone to sign up in order to get updates on the organization and help disseminate information.
That said, almost all of my 100+ fb friends are people I know face to face in the real world with the exception of four writers I network with online, three internet friends I've had contact with for over a year and one person who claimed to be a friend of a friend who wanted to network whom I made an exception for.
I started receiving friend requests immediately from men I did not know almost the moment I signed up. Two were obvious networkers who, according to fb, were friends with my friends. Others were just men who saw me pop up in someone's friend list and decided to friend me. Well, just because they are fb friends with people I actually know it doesn't mean they really know the people...
On sites like myLot where things are mostly anonymous and people are there to have fun you can be everyone's friend and there are no consequences -- unless someone violates the TOS and gets kicked out, of course. But on a site like fb, where real people connect with real people from their real world to network and share info I'm a bit more careful.
I don't play games on fb, it's merely a way to connect easier and share information with people I know and those with whom I network. fb makes sharing of links and images extremely easy and therefore it's convenient, but I'm really not there to socialize.
Why then would I accept friend requests from people I do not know who don't even send a message with their request explaining who they are? Some people don't even have a real photo. I received a request just this morning from someone with whom I am supposed to have 15 friends in common. The profile pic is a yellow flower. I go to the person's page and none of their details is accessible. It is quite possible I have met this person in public somewhere before and may actually know them, but without a photo or a note saying "Hi, it's... we met at..." How am I to know?
I emailed a friend asking who a man was who sent a request. She started telling me stories that were no help and I had to ask for a description. I think I may know who this person is and would actually accept his request if I could confirm it, but when I sent a note asking how we knew each other he said he didn't remember but that I would know.
If I knew who he was (no photo) would I be asking him to tell me?
15 responses
@much2say (53945)
• Los Angeles, California
12 Jul 10
I'm not on Facebook to meet any new people. I have many friends on Facebook, but I do know all of them with the exception of one - she was the head of one of the groups I joined - and then we happen to find out we had a lot in common. There was one other gal that I was on my FB list that friended me simply because we had a strong, common interest . . . and I don't know why I let her in, but I did . . . but luckily she took me off her list recently. Anyway, I don't ever add in anyone unless I know them. In most cases, I can snoop to see where they found me . . . in my case, it's usually from some group that I joined. If I really cannot find out for myself, I will send them a personal message asking them how they know me . . . and if it's not someone I know personally, I ignore the request. I agree that on myLot we are anonymous and there really aren't any consequences. But Facebook has a lot of our personal info on it . . . we shouldn't add people we don't know for security reasons.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I am really tempted to unfriend this one guy I accepted just because he is a bit of a jerk and just seems really young and I really don't have the time or the patience for the foolishness. I don't appreciate the way he communicates or how he has become instantly familiar. I did finally ask how old he was and his response was "Y." Not even a word, just a letter. That is so immature. Now that I have access to his profile and pix I see he is the son of this crazy woman I know via my father going all the way back to my adolescence. Ugh!
@wickedstepma (940)
• United States
12 Jul 10
I was a slow start with Facebook, too. But I did start using it when I had a class reunion coming up. My class actually got the whole thing organized through the site.Most of my friends are former classmates, and people I work with, or worked at a previous job with. It helps to organize them by lists! I have also ignored a lot of requests. It seems like one person went through and requested everyone with the same first name as me.
I admit, though, to getting caught up in the games! I have a list of people who only play MyTribe, met through the forum for the game.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
12 Jul 10
I am continuously discovering more people whom I actually know on fb. For everyone else I am trying to come up with a name for a "public" persona to create another page for those other folk who want to be friends.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
18 Jul 10
True, though for now I am ignoring him. I am trying to get facebook to let me add my middle initial. Then I would just have a secondary account for public use.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
Well, now that I have seen it, I kind of wish I had not friended him. I am waiting to see what will happen next. I tried changing my name by adding my middle initial but for some reason fb is not updating my account info. If this had happened I would have started a second "public" account.
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
It is definitely useful. I think for now though I am going to stick to only friending people I know or at least have met face to face.
@mrscallands22 (2852)
• United States
12 Jul 10
Wow, that's crazy. I get random friend requests from people too, but I simply ignore/deny them. I only really generally add people that I know or people that I work online with, people in my family, people I went to school with, people I went to college with and old teachers, etc. I don't accept requests from people who don't have pictures. I don't accept requests from mutual friends of my friends whom I've never met. That can be quite dangerous especially when Facebook allows one to post ALL of their information... including address, phone number and relationships to other people.. furthermore the FEED is the most convenient device for a stalker. I have about 1,577 and I can say that I know every last one of them. What can I say?? I'm a popular person. :)
1 person likes this
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
12 Jul 10
Well, I have close to 200 and if I accept everyone on the planet I know, who knows how long the list will be, lol. I completely agree on the safety issues. The person I accepted who was a friend of friend I already regret (sigh).
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
Happiness is more important than anything except for health. Thanks for responding.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
13 Jul 10
Well, the one person I did not know who I added recently I already regret so I'm back to "politely ignoring" (I think that's how fb puts it) requests from people with no picture who I can't confirm I have at least met in person.
@Devilova (5392)
• Indonesia
13 Jul 10
Did You know that I have thousands of friends request on my account??
For me, FB just one way to make money online.Except my primary account in there.
Lot friend or we can say that they just a list, will give us lot of benefit.
Just try to look from the positive ways.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I get requests from people who are slowly discovering that I am there and I make requests to people I really know. It's interesting really, but for now I am sticking to people I know in the real world.
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
13 Jul 10
Hello Canellita. Just like you, I was reluctant to join Facebook. I thought it was another site that I had to maintain with not so relevant advantages. But like you, I was forced to join to help get information. Immediately too, I got tons of friend requests. From people who are vaguely familiar, and some whom I decidedly chose to forget already. I don't see the value of accepting their requests. Thankfully, I am not there regularly.
O c'mom Canellita. How can you say you've never met a yellow flower on the real world before. You never know, it might be a real flower trying to communicate with you.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
13 Jul 10
The day that flowers can walk and talk and use the computer to friend you on facebook we will all in trouble!
@babyEj (1522)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
Like any other community network site facebook is helpful and destructive. It depends on us users. If we are not responsible enough then facebook will likely to face a big problem in the future. I do too ignore the friend's friend if we haven't had any chance to be introduce and get to know. Gosh!!! I am not an artist that needs to gain a lot of friends without a true "sense of friendship".
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
My brother found me on fb today. I thought, why do we need to be fb friends when you live next door? But I accepted the request anyway, lol. I looked at his profile and all he uses it for is games. I use it to network and promote my writing. Go figure.
@inday_lorna1970 (1268)
• United States
13 Jul 10
Yeah you are right..? On FB I don't anyhow accept people unless I know them or with real picture but sometimes some people are using fake photos and they have messages sent for requesting a friend!..We must be very careful in accepting friend request because these people may cause problem to us..!
@dian21 (606)
• Philippines
13 Jul 10
Facebook is now really a popular social networking site. Many will just add you even if you don't know them really just for the purpose of accumulating many friends in their profile. I am not also one of those people. I only add friends whom I really know. I also customize my privacy setting so that not everybody can view my personal informations to avoid being screwed up.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
13 Jul 10
I could see having thousands of anonymous friends on a site like myLot, but at fb it doesn't make sense. I think it's crazy to ask to be someone's friend when you have not even communicated with them. And then there is that one person who I sort of know but because he had no picture I could not be sure it was him. When I sent a note asking how we knew each other his response was he doesn't remember but I would know.
@jennyze (7029)
• Indonesia
13 Jul 10
A friend of mine saw me writing one afternoon and urged me to put it in facebook. So, I joined fb in the hope people will see my writing and comment. I added 8 friends of whom I know face to face. Like you, I received so many friend requests, which mostly I refused cause I did not know who they were. After some months, I realized there would be no one interested in my writing cause what they mostly did were posting one or two sentences of the day like: Oh, how I am glad it's Friday, Last night was a nightmare for me, I am happy now that my boyfriend is here with me...etc. So, it has been more than a year now that I never opened fb. I did not get any advantage from it. Mylot is the networking I've been looking for.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
18 Jul 10
If you are posting your writing on a site like Helium or Associated Content you can share links on FB and then it will be helpful because people will visit your link to read the full article and you'll earn from the visits.
@Biohzrd451 (9)
• United States
13 Jul 10
My wife could tell you stories about the guys who send her friend requests.
Anything where girls are posting and guys who can't control themselves see them they immediately think oh here is someone who might want to "cyber" me. Now as a husband this disturbs me but I have seen the horror that many females experience first hand, from random guys trying to add my wife on myspace who could be her granpa to guys in other countries who think it is cute to say nasty things to her in other languages.
My advice to you is make sure your photos are private and if they fail to say who they are when they send a request decline them... and if they keep harassing you block them.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
13 Jul 10
Well, hopefully it won't come to harassment. I have a very public profile off the computer so a lot of people know who I am through various things I am involved with. I don't mind adding someone to my network I have actually met at some time but it annoys me when I get a request from someone I can't identify and then they have protected their info so that when you go to the profile to see if you do know them you can't find out anything. I just think it's stupid to pretend to have privacy on a site like facebook. There's nothing private about social networking.
@OpinionatedLady (5966)
• United States
13 Jul 10
I actually hate when that happens. if it is someone I might know I ask and i do not care if I am rude. if I do not think I know them at all or don't want to be friends with them 9 i was a partier as a high school student and hung with a rough crowd. I put that in my past but there are many I hung out with who didn't grow up yet), i just refuse them. I don't worry about hurting feelings or any of that. It is rude I think to ask people who do not know me at all to be my friend. i am not networking on there so there is no reason to be friends with other people. It also makes me crazy when half naked girls ask to be my friend when again i do not know them and do not wish to. I do not think it is a smart idea to network that type of thing, it is inappropriate and dangerous all at the same time.
@Canellita (12029)
• United States
14 Jul 10
I have someone like that from high school who really was not a very good friend and now that I am an adult and well past high school she has tried to contact me on Classmates and I didn't want to be rude, but I just have nothing to say to her. She was a bit of a dingbat, especially when it came to men and I am just so far removed from all of that nonsense. I have no desire to go backwards.
I am very well known in my community and I am pretty careful about my associations for that reason and I just don't see fb as all that different from my real world associations. I don't get how some people have no sense of boundaries or anything.
