I am a little miffed!
By jillhill
@jillhill (37354)
United States
October 22, 2010 2:55pm CST
I have a friend who used to be a very good and dear friend. I realize that sometimes things change in our lives that causes us to not see each other alot or circumstances change as the people do. Well a couple of days ago I got an email from her. It was with a request to order a bunch of things from her daughters for their girl scouts troops. Now I have nothing but good things to say about the girl scouts....but in the past two years the only time I hear from this friend is when she wants me to order something from her kids. And the only time she makes time to see me is when she delivers what I ordered. So this time I am not ordering anything. I feel like if I am a friend...treat me like one and not just a way for her kids to make money. I am torn as I do think it's for a good cause...but I am tired of being treated like this. What would you do? She knows how I feel because recently I ran into her at a store and she had all kinds of apologies about why she hasn't had time to spot by or call.
7 people like this
13 responses
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Is she a good friend, Jillhill? If so then I would have to have a little talk with her. I would tell her why I feel the way I do. I mean surely there is enough time to send an e-mail catching up and letting you know that she thinks of you and cares. that being said, I have to ask you if you have tried to call her, e-mail her, invite her for coffee etc. Just saying...maybe it's time you both put a little more time into the friendship.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
24 Oct 10
Ok if you have extended yourself and she is just being lame then maybe it is time to move on. I have a friend who has been my good friend for 40 years now. There were times that our schedules and lives were so hectic that we did not have much time at all to spend together. Still, we made it a point to stay connected and back then we did not have it so easy. There was no internet and at times I had no phone. There is always the mail. Sometimes I sat up at night writing her a letter just because our friendship was important to me and I wanted to make sure she knew that. Sounds like your "friend" has no good excuse. I think at the very least then maybe it is time you stop contacting her or trying to and move on. If she realizes that she misses you in her life, you can decide then if the friendship is worth continuing. If not them well, you will have already moved on anyway. I actually do have a friend much like that. We were once so close that not a day went by when we didn't hang out. Then she got a boyfriend and I saw her less and less. Every now and again she pops by my work to tell me that she is going to stop by for coffee on such and such a date. She never shows. I don't wait for her anymore. If i'm there...I'm there. If she knocked on my door tomorrow I'd be thrilled to see her but I don't expect to and I don't feel bad anymore that she doesn't. It is what it is.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
22 Nov 10
That is upsetting. I co lead my daughter's troop. So I understand the difficulty in selling items. However, my rule of thumb if I don't see or speak to someone at least periodically through out the year, I don't ask when sales come along. It just seems rude otherwise. I agree with you!
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
24 Oct 10
I would do the same as you have done Jill because it is not nice of her to do this
I mean that is not a Friendship really that is using someone
It is so sad when the People you think are a Friend you find out they are not really and they hurt you like that
@carolbee (16230)
• United States
23 Oct 10
Don't blame you at all for being miffed. You might tell her that you aren't receiving her emails and ask if she knows why. Make her wheels turn and put the ball in her court. You might initiate an email and ask how she is doing or how her kids are doing. See if she will respond to you. It only takes a few minutes of her time to answer you.
I have a friend who does this to me too and we've been friends since grade school. She's obviously busy and makes her emails brief and right to the point when she does email. It bothers me that she sometimes sends an email with something written in the subject line but nothing else. Like she can't take the time to do an informative email. She always asks me to donate or buy cookies from her grandkids. I always do but have often wondered how close we are after all these years when she can't bother with me. I don't let it get the best of me but consider the source.
Your friend will get the hint if you don't buy from her kids. After all, money is tight right now and the holidays are almost upon us. Good luck with this situation.
@ellie333 (21016)
•
24 Oct 10
Hi Jill, She does seem very selfish in only contacting when she wants you to order something so I would not order this time either, you can always order a bit extra another time if she makes the effort to contact without an alterier motive. We all have busy lives but a quick call to say hi or to arrange meeting up for a coffee at lunchtime would be good. I always make an effort to call people if I have not heard for a while just to check all is okay but if it is always me making the call I will stop and see how long it takes them to contact me, in fact last Christmas I had a tearful call from one of my friends apologising for being such a bad friend and not being in contact and I would I forgive her after I excercised this one. Huggles. Ellie :D
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
24 Oct 10
Well I hope this isn't a total loss....we met 25 years ago and until the last year or so still did things together etc....Hopefully someday we'll reconnect like you have.....that would be great but for right now I am not in the mood to just be someone to fill her orders.
@lovinangelsinstead21 (36850)
• Pamplona, Spain
20 Nov 10
Hiya Jill,
I would agree with Katsmeow, if she can´t be bothered during the whole of the Year and she only bothers to benefit herself then I would not order from her. You are right you have to do what you feel is right.
I lost a very good Friend but I asked her to wait for me a few minutes while I went and got changed as I had just come from a 19 hour Journey through France almost non stop all the way to England.
I just happened to meet her as I was getting out of the Car and I was really shattered but she would not wait and went of really miffed.
She has not ever got in touch with me again but I was not to blame. I felt I did the right thing I had to go to the Bathroom and that was it.
I know that deep inside she knows I am right. I would have waited for her I even explained I had just done all those hours in the Car.
So I would´nt feel bad about it. A real Friend is there when you need them.
@KrauseHome (36448)
• United States
31 May 12
Personally, this would be a hard one, and one I am not sure what I would do if it was me faced with this. Maybe it is true that she is busy, so it really is up to you. And if you're really wanting to buy Girl Scout cookies, there are always other places to get them other than from her. So in reality, the choice is up to you.
@emarie (5442)
• United States
22 Oct 10
Just don't order anything, but it's no reason to break off any type of friendship. There are friends I've never spoken to in a long time. When my kids have fundraisers, I put it out there that they need help, but I don't expect anything from them since times are hard for all of us. If you've already let her know how you feel about it then it's already done. Also, if you have her email, at least drop a line by to let her know how you're doing. I did that all the time and sometimes I'd get a response and sometimes I won't. I don't hold that against them because they have their families and jobs and they get busy as well.
@AmbiePam (85514)
• United States
22 Oct 10
I wouldn't order anything. You don't owe her anything. And it's really tacky how she treats you. She won't be surprised if you decline to order from her daughter. And if you decide later you want to go ahead and make an order, there are plenty of people I'm sure you could order through. People who aren't using you.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
22 Oct 10
I'd be upset too and if you can't out right confront her, then I'd just say "no thank you, I am not interested" Because you can always support the girl scouts without having to buy off the daughter..
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
22 Oct 10
I would be miffed too, and I can't say I blame you for not wanting to order from her kids. I'd probably even go so far as to tell her how I feel in a return e-mail. It's funny that she has time to send an e-mail when her kids are selling something.. but not just to say Hi, How've you been? I mean really.. it takes a second. If she can't cut out a few minutes of her time for you when she doesn't want something.. then you can't spare a few dollars!
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
22 Oct 10
i WOULD FEEL EXACTLY AS U DO, JILL. I would have done the very same thing. Ran into this situation a few years back. U know me i told her how i felt about it.Happy weekend to u.
@avikal132 (1)
• Poland
23 Oct 10
This all are obvious thioungs happen with time , there is a lot of things u have to digest ,
