Are men helping a lot with kids

@soleya (1102)
Latvia
November 4, 2010 1:51pm CST
Ok, my husband is constantly talking about having kids, but I don't feel like I am ready to give up my whole life for a kid. When I am telling him about my fears that I will be all alone, the whole day taking care of a kid he just says, that he will help a lot! After coming back from work he will play and etc. But according to my friends, they say that men don't help a lot, so kids are completely woman's project. What do you think about it?! What is your experience? Thank you so much for your views on this subject!
6 people like this
19 responses
• United States
4 Nov 10
I raised my daughter alone because her father chose his freedom after she came. The sad part about it was he was the one who wanted a child not me. I was going to terminate the pregnancy and he would not let me. He followed me everywhere even hid in the bushes at my job. My boss told me to call the police Or be fired. So,I had to leave even though they called the cops.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Nov 10
Wow, I didn't know that gifts..And now he wants nothing to do with your daughter??? That stinks...
@soleya (1102)
• Latvia
4 Nov 10
This is sad! How did you raise your child alone? How did it go?
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
I don't have kids of my own yet but, I do have some experience on taking care of my nephews. All I can say is that after working at the office or wherever it is that you might be working at, you are tired and you want to rest by the time you get home. That's what the mother of my nephews usually does, she either goes straight to bed to rest or relax herself somehow. She's tired from work and those who take care of her children are also tired looking after them. I guess you just need a lot of energy to do more than the usual. Now, with your husband constantly mentioning about kids, he should understand that if you don't want it yet, he simply needs to wait. Its not him going to be moody or picky with food while having the baby after all for those months of pregnancy. He can say encouraging things like what you have already mentioned but, if he works in a very exhausting place, playing would be the last thing that might cross his mind by the time he arrives home. Then again, I don't really know your husband, maybe he's that kind of person who has a lot of energy? (^_^") Never the less, you should have a baby when not only your husband but, you yourself also agrees on it.
1 person likes this
@Lindalinda (4112)
• Canada
5 Nov 10
We cannot generalize about "all men help or don't help". It depends on your culture, circumstance and where you live. I looked at your profile page and maybe it is not a good idea for you to have a child right now. You seem to have ambitions that would be difficult to realize if you were a mother also. As I said it also depends on the country where you live and the facilities that are available. I live in Canada and in sizeable cities we have parenting centres where young mothers with babies and children up to 5 years can go 4 days a week from 9 to 2 in the afternoon. There is a trained child care worker on the premise, snacks and drinks are provided for the children, there are different play areas for different age groups, games, play and songs for all age groups. Moms have a chance to interact with other moms and therefore do not feel isolated, lonely and constantly responsible for the welfare of their child. They can form friendships with other moms. When they go home in the afternoon the child takes a nap and mom has plenty of time to attend to the house. I am a grandmother and I take one of my grandbabies there one day a week. A lot of Canadian dads are very involved with their children. My son feeds, changes and entertains his children who are both under five years old. His wife has many outside interests. She plays bridge and does volunteer work some evenings and afternoods on a weekend. He then takes charge of the children. He also does the children's laundry, washes, folds and puts it away. He gives the kids a bath every night and reads the bedtime stories. He also puts them to bed. So I would say he is a fully involved dad, as much as he can be after work and on weekends. Not all dads are like this. So, if you decide to have children you should first get a very good idea what kind of involvement you husband plans in the raising of your children.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
For me husband only playing about the kid's they are seldom do the take care.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
5 Nov 10
Most men don't partake in raising children and relegate all the responsibilities of caring for the kids to women. They don't wake up during the night to bottle feed the babies and they don't change their diapers. They think they have bigger responsibilities as breadwinners and caring for the children are sole responsibilities of women. But not all men are like that. They are few men who take keen interest in their children upbringing and share the responsibilities of parenting equally. But the big chunk of raising children are shouldered by women, in most cases. Those who help along are rare breeds.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Nov 10
yeah off course men will help kids... they will take care of kids a lot..In my home my dad will take care of kids..He will bring what ever they necessary daily..And also women will take care of kids ... Compare with the men women must take care a lot..take care ... happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
5 Nov 10
personally at home, my mom has almost all the responsibility on us 3 kids especially when it comes to financial matter. my dad is always happy go lucky though he always cooks dinner for us and make sure we all dine together. hes a homebody person.
1 person likes this
@lingli_78 (12846)
• Australia
4 Nov 10
i don't have kids yet... but my hubby helps me quite a lot with the housework... i believe that it depends on individuals... some men will help with kids but some men won't... if your hubby loves kids, then i believe he will help you to look after the kids... you know him best... that is my opinion... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
4 Nov 10
I do help with my children, but not as much as i'd like to. My wife does most of the looking after but she still gets abit of time to herself as i'm willing to look after the children just like she does.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164670)
• Garden Grove, California
4 Nov 10
hi so leya yes a lot of more modern husbands do help with their kids as it lets them bond with their ouwn children. My husband loved to bathe anad change and put our two to bed as babies. they were born 11 months apart so I was super busy at times, and he often took over with the children which I really appreciated. He did it because he really wanted to. I think a lot of younger men also do this. the older ones no they do not help they just plop down on the sofa and watch their wives work.so it depends on the man entirely.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
4 Nov 10
My experience is, yes men do help with kids and they play with them, "when they feel like it" If daddy comes home tired, he goes and lies down, he doesn't play. But then there are times when he has energy and he plays with the kids. Which I don't get, why can't they help with the kids when they are tired? After all, moms can't say they are too tired...
• India
4 Nov 10
cant ans in womens prospactive i can only ans ans as a male i do help my wife with my daughter coz i live my daughter very much cant say anything els
1 person likes this
@saqi78 (1405)
• Malaysia
4 Nov 10
I agree with this that kids caring is only women project, I have seen this in my society. Men ll always wish for kids but they ll never help you in caring them, in start they ll care but after that you ll be the only responsible for that. In your case just take a written from your husband, that he ll care for the kid and choose some punishment if he could not, I think you should give him a kid because as I think we marry not only for love but for the babies also, your life ll be very beautiful when you ll have a baby, so act on your husband proposal now....:) Be happy and be the reason of happiness in others life....:)
1 person likes this
@buragee (173)
4 Nov 10
Don't you want having a kid? Are you scared of the obligations that you will face if you and your husband has your baby? Back on the topic, it depends on the man how will he face the responsibility of becoming a father. But not all fathers don't help a lot. I mean some fathers are willing to help their wives to take care their babies even after work. That's all, thank you.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Nov 10
There is no blanket "all men do this". Some men are active fathers, some men get scared and run off. You need to have a long, serious, frank discussion about what life would be like if you were to have a child together. How the childcare and chores would be divided. Do you work? Can you take maternity leave? Does he work? Does his job offer paternity leave? But the bottom line, if you are not ready to have a child, then do not have on yet. It is NOT a decision to be made lightly or under duress. A child is a LIFETIME responsibility.
1 person likes this
8 Nov 10
my husband is very hands on with our son. he is a great daddy. i cannot remember a time without my son
@dragon54u (31605)
• United States
7 Nov 10
Men have good intentions but once faced with reality they usually abdicate responsibility to the woman. My husband was like that, as were those of my friends for the most part. They have this cute picture of a perfect, smiling child and traditional daddy that rarely comes true. If you aren't ready, don't get pregnant. I will tell you that raising my children is the most exciting, rewarding thing I've done in my life. Watching their small accomplishments, seeing them turn into intelligent little people who could express themselves and share their ideas was a true wonder. Playing with them took me back to my own childhood and the tranquil pace of the pre-school days was heavenly. It's not drudgery or boring, it's the most wonderful part of life! But husbands don't help. Don't let him fool himself or you--there are exceptions but they are usually too tired after work, too busy or too grossed out by dirty diapers and stuff to be much use.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
7 Nov 10
Unfortunately, there are really guys who think that way. They think that kids are the mother's responsibility. But for me, I try not to think that. I try to make sure that I am always there for the memorable moments of my children. Even the not so good ones. And hopefully I help make their personality.
@maximax8 (27979)
• United Kingdom
6 Nov 10
From my experience the man leaves the child's mother to do most of things for him or her. He typically goes out to work all day and spends time with the baby or child at the weekend. The mother will usually be the one getting up for the baby to feed him or her in the middle of the night. Only one time in my life have I heard about a man that did as much for his child as his wife did. That was a man with triplets. The mom cared for one, he cared for the second and the oldest son cared for the third. A lady might be a stay at home mom and that is a busy job for 24 hours a day and 7 days a week. She might work part time and have a child carer for that time. Sometimes she might have a full time child carer and maintain a full time job. Some men can't amuse a baby. Some don't want to hold the bottle. Many wouldn't want to change a diaper. They think all the hard work is for the wife and the fun time is for them. I think that children are a woman's project and if she is lucky the man will give her funds to buy food and children's clothing.