Improving a relationship.

I believe this situation happens far more than is obvious. Its only natural for a Mother to resent another female, coming into her sons life, usurping his love, and her importance. However in most cases as the Mother comes to know her new Daughter-in-law, she will be gradually drawn to her, and will soon come to love her as a daughter.

Dear Pose Here in my religion most marriages are arranged by parents, so indirectly all marriages are 100% approved by the parents, inspite of this there are quarrels between some mother in laws and daughter in laws.. I say, remove this 'inlaw', the problem gets solved.. Thank you so much for sharing. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. . Cheers have a lucky day ahead. God bless you. Welcome always.

It is a difficult situation because if the mother voices her honest opinion to her son it could swing against her in that it will push the son closer his fiancee, or it might cause a rift between the relationship of mother and son. But if she doesn't voice her opinion is the animosity towards her son's wife going to go away or is she going to accept her son's choice and learn to get along with his wife? I think a good way would be to have a dinner engagement or go somewhere on neutral territory to improve relations. Sometimes, however people just don't get on and there is no middle ground, it's being adult to accept it and to be civil to each other even though you don't like them.

This is definitely a difficult situation. Certainly not the sort of situation many of us want to find ourselves in. I think that the best thing to do is to try and talk about it, very calmly. both sides should listen to what the other has to say and just have patience and stay calm. This would be my advice.

It's easy to say things but when you're in that actual situation it seems impossible for the mother or the girl to voice out their feelings. They don't like each other but if the couple loves each other, this won't matter. There will be problems, for sure, but they should be ready for this upon knowing it from the start.

It is a common phenomenon that the in-laws have really something to say. As to how the two could sustain and improve the relationship, well I agree with the comment/advice to be NICE. well, try to shun the impressions, because usually the in-laws have their own impressions and biases, she just have to try to prove those biases and impressions wrong. And well, actions speak louder than words, her actions should speak for her intentions and reasons why she's marrying the guy. Still, best thing to do, is be NICE... it wouldn't be too difficult if she really loved the guy... :D God bless you pose! have a happy life! :D

for me, honesty is the best policy in any relationship including mum and son relationship... it is better if the mum be very honest and open to the son as to why she despised his future wife to be rather than waited until both of them getting married... the future daughter-in-law need to know the reason as well... if the mum just keep quiet and let it pass, i'm afraid sooner or later it will affect her son's marriage life in the future... so i think honesty and open communication is the way to improve the relationship in this case... take care and have a nice day...

Well Pose I have been there The way I handled it is to keep my feelings to myself, I treated her like my own, I knew though she would not make my Son happy, I knew she would end up hurting him, I also knew she was cheating on him, but I did not interfere It is a known fact that if you try to tell them they will not listen and just blame you for interfering, even though both my Children know me really well and know I would not say anything unless there was a reason, but in this case it is different, they need to learn but you need to be there for them when they need you and never ever say .........I knew this would happen because.....just be there for them

Is important to get to know people before we judge them ,so everyone deserves a opportunity before we jump into conclusions. The mother can be honest with the daughter in-law and express her concerns.

As a mother-in-law I have very strong feelings about this. I raised my kids and I value their feelings enough to stay out of their lives. Whom ever they chose they are the ones that have to live with the relationship, I will accept who ever they pick. This has kept me out of a lot of trouble since several of the marriages didn't go well. But one was great.

I think the son should try talking to the mother about it. If the future daughter-in-law were to marry the son, then it'll be the start of a bad relationship between the mother and daughter-in-law. When this happens, the son will be in a dilemma everyday, thinking of who to side with. Secondly, the son also has to try talking to his future wife about it, and telling her that no matter what happens, he'll always be with her. Actually, relationships can be improved easily, just by communication. Ever heard of, communication improves harmony? Yes, that's right. Once you communicate, the other party will come to realize it and start to change. One all is done, the son should try to talk his mother into liking her daughter-in-law and that she will be his wife, and also her future daughter-in-law. After that, everything should be ok. Now when they're married, they should always give pocket money to the mother and this task should be done by the daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law should also frequently take the mother out for shopping and outings, this is another way. Overall, there are a lot of ways to improve a relationship but the most important one of all is communication, I can't stress this enough.

If I was the daughter-in-law to be I would confront my future mother-in-law and ask her what is wrong, why don't you like me, what did I do to deserve this? Then depending on the answers we may be able to straighten some things out. There may have been missed messages that either on was getting. Then hopefully everything can be worked out. Now if the mother-in-law goes crazy on you well then I think it will be a horrible position to be in for the rest of your life. My future husband might have to get involved to fix the problem or just walk away from his mother. Or we just learn to live our lives without communications from each other and deal with life that way. I would hope things would work itself out and everyone would learn to accept each others differences and just learn to be happy.

If a relationship starts out wrong like that, it's really hard to fix it later on. Of course, it is possible, but it's going to take work from both parties and it would mean that both parties would need to be dedicated to making the change. I was lucky enough to get a good mother-in-law who actually wanted my husband and I to get together (and had wanted it for a long time, really). I consider her a really good friend and almost from the start she basically considered me as the daughter she never had (and she did want one, but had two boys instead). This relationship, of course, is important to me because I will be giving birth to our daughter in a few months and it's important to me for our families to get along so that she can know her grandparents. On the other hand, my mother is in that same situation, where she's had trouble with her husband's family and they have had a bad relationship from the start and given her grief. At first, my mother tried hard to work to make the relationship better, but no work was put in on his family's behalf, so eventually she gave up. It's sad to see because that means that my sister rarely gets to see that side of the family and there's really not a lot of interaction there because of the strained relationship. I think the first step towards making the change is for all parties to take a step forward. An apology, first off, can go along way, just to say you know I used to think this about you, but I see now that I was wrong and I'm sorry for having judged you like that. After an apology, you might even offer to "start over again" and if both parties agree that can be a great foundation for a new and better relationship. But, again, the key thing is that they both need to want to make the change otehrwise it'll never work.

Hi pose: I think that the mother should talk to her future daughter and law and tell her that she is sorry because she doesn't want to make this situation happends and even if she doesn't agree with some of the things about her she wants to improve their relationship for the sake of her family. I think that to be honest would be a good option. ALVARO

Pose- Dear friend, been there done that and have the t-shirt. I just remained who I was and didn't change for anyone. It is their choice not to come around, to be resentful, and so forth. It is not just the daughter-in-law who may be resentful, it is also the mother-in-law. In my case I simply stayed true to myself. I did not change my husband to suit his mother's wants. I refuse to change anyone to be honest. Now, this does mean we don't see them hardly but they are there in the background peeking in from time to time. I welcome them with open arms when we do see them and as Stine said I am nice. I honestly harbor no ill will toward them and their early treatment of me. That is their issue, not mine. I guess I've just no strength or time in my life to focus on the negative. Things are what they are and I can only do what I am supposed to do in this life. I cannot live the life of someone else for them. Namaste-Anora