It is a boon to have normal children.

I am a prime example of this. I put a lot pressure on my kids for success. I grew up with one parent in the household and my mama work 2-3 three jobs most of our childhood lives. She was not there to tell me good job well done when I got an A, help me with math homework to pass to the next grade, or there to encourage me at ROTC when we would perform in a competition. I will push my kids and be behind them one hundred percent, because I want the best. I guess I'm not like some parents trying to make my dreams theirs, I just want the best. The world we live in now is so hard. Nowadays you have to have a high school diploma to get a job at your local McDonald's and they don't even pay that well. Now for the parents who turn their son's into drama queens and turn their daughters into competitive sport's player...I would have to say that is over doing it. But being for real, everyone wants the best for their kids, no matter who you are.

My son has autism. I'm grateful that only one child out of three has it, and I'm grateful that his autism is only mild. Funny though, the teenager has been a lot more work than the kid with autism the last year, anxiety, teeth, glasses, stomach problems....

Interesting discussion. I had a student who seemed like he had a problem (no eye contact, hyperactive, hard to control, etc). The mother refused to accept the fact and get her son checked. Though I felt it could be autism, I couldn't be sure because I wasn't trained to help such children. I even offered to ask a friend of mine who was working with children with special needs to have a look at the boy. But the mom refused. But some children (normal ones) do need a little pressure to perform to their maximum potential (in any area). And it is for us parents and teachers to identify which child needs that extra push and which child needs to be left alone to grow. Competition in today's world is so high that the parents tend to push the children without realizing it themselves. Their intention is good...they do not want their children being left behind in the rat race. But they do not realize the tremendous pressure they put on the kids...in the process.

I think it is good to have high expectations for a child, but bad to expect them to act a different age than what they are. An example is young girls given high heels and makeup and told to strut around like grown women for so-called beauty shows and that sort of thing. Another example is parents screaming at their boys to play better baseball in little league. Grrr.

kalav56, To be fair, parenting today is challenging and who can we blame but our society. First, we have the a society which goes with the scariest motto: "the fittest survives" which after coming so far till this century - but sadly, still adopt the Spartan mythology which has warped into atrocious proportions. Where do you think the terms like "designer kid", "special kid" or other superlative titles come from? Aren't society guilty of creating the added pressure on children with the best kindergarten, top school or top university? Now, I am sure you will agree with me that children today are born into a very challenging environment and have the most sophisticated toys or otherwise known as media. Look around, they (children) are no longer playing marbles, catching spiders, playing house, police and thief or many of our former childhood favorites any more. Where are they? Well, for all we know....probably in the safe confines of their own house playing game consoles, computer or worse squinting their little beady eyes on some portable PSP compatible playing brick out. Why? I think in today's society, you have to agree with me that we no longer treat our neighbors like the way our forefathers do. Disagree? Look at the sophisticated locks on the doors and by the way, I am sure most of these doors stay shut even when there's someone at home. Then what? Take the games away and limit television.....then what happens? The child goes to school and finds a hard time relating with his/her classmates with the latest television program or computer game or PSP. He/She cannot get along and encounters many conflicts and problems. So much for enjoying school. Exams, if I may add here....do you know what children are tested in examinations today? I don't think parents will ever know if schools do not let their children bring home their papers. Do you know why? Let me just say that most of the questions set are not what they have studied and in some schools (I do not have to tell you which ones) the papers contain at least 60 percent outside of textbooks. Now, how do you think an average child could pass the papers? I think before we go about being judgmental on other parents, let's look around and also at ourselves on how we are making this society to be. What seems to you as parents thrusting their own expectations and ambitions to you - may in fact be society's cruel and harsh realities. You may say that this is a free society and people are free to make their own decisions. But, I wonder if there's any choice for parents to parent in this harsh world.

There cannot be two opinions on this kala. No parent should impose their ambitions on their kids to compete with the Joneses so to say. But this is going on and very little can be done to arrest this malady. After all it is between the parents and the child and others have no role to play there.

It all depends on the parent. Some parents see their child as an extension of themselves. " My son/daughter will be the ( insert their dream profession) I never was!" And they push the child to do it and never give up until the child is a success. Then there are True parents. They see their child as a person they will care for and support the best they can. They will wait and see what the child wants to be. I agree with you, if your child is healthy, then you are blessed!

Hi! You are very right Kala, those who get normal children are really blessed. It is very very difficult to bring up physically or mentally challenged or say differently able child. I think those of us who have 'normal' children should always thank the Great God for his favour and should always feel indebted to Him.

i know and the only thing that comes from pushing them hard is they either eventually have a breakdown mentally from it or they completely go the opposite way as much as they can. i know my mom pushed me to be beautiful and be a model as she wanted to live her dreams through me. but that just made me not care about my looks and always be interested instead toward tomboy things and journalism. so, i never tried to push mine. i would only encourage them when they seemed to lean toward a career.

Ya it is definitely a boon to have normal children. I have had a terrible pregnancy and at one point the doctor told me that if the situation continued then she had to abort the child.It was the shock of my life.But luckily i changed the doctor and did everything which she told me to do and then i was blessed with a son.I always apprehended that he would be healthy and normal physically and mentally since i had been under heavy medication.But i must thank God that he just showered his blessings on to me and my child is healthy physically and mentally.He is doing good and i always pray for his well being . As far as expectations are concerned ,i will never impose anything on him.I do not see in him a future engineer or doctor but i just wish that he grows to be an honest gentleman .The rest is up to him.

Hi kalav, This is indeed a potential issue. Earlier people did not bother much having children but today right from the the conceive parents are worried about the nature of the child as well as wellbeing of the baby. The fundamental cause of a child turning abnormal is they hardly get to mix up with the children of their age. Hence social alienation hits hard on them. Secondly, even the parents find lesser time to accompany their child who most of the time looked after by maid servant or the like. Another thing is freedom. When we were children we would do a lot many things right from paying hide and seek to swimming in the river. We have so much of things to recollect in our pensive mood as we grow older.But what these children would be lift with?

I'm blessed to have two children that are very intelligent. However, I also think that there are some problems with having children like them. The main one that I see right off the top of my head is that because of their intelligence it is easy to forget that they are only four and eight years old and I tend to expect a little bit too much out of them. All in all, however, I love my children and I don't want to push them beyond their potential.

I totally agree with you. At the same time, I also understand the parents' mind, not that that makes it right, that they want their child to succeed, probably the way they conceive success to be. When my children were born, my husband and I were so happy when the babies were declared normal - as in, all 10 fingers and all 10 toes, APGAR scores,weight, etc. And by God's grace, they are still normal. I could not hope for anything better than that. Yes, I want my children to be the best in their age group, as is normal with every mother, but I am just happy that I have healthy and happy kids. I recently found out that my close friend found out her baby's health problem (I posted a discussion about it http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2478755.aspx ) That and seeing other babies with problems make me realise every day how lucky we are to have 'normal' children. Yes, I do want the best for my children, but that does not mean that they have to live out my dream. Or that I should push them to achieve what I could not achieve. Of course my children are still too young, but as and when the time comes, I will try not to push them too hard to excel as long as they try their best.

I do completely agree with what you say kalav56. I am the parent of a three year old and when I see the lengths to which other parents would go to ensure that their child has to participate in any competition, it make me cringe. I do not force my daughter to perform, rather, I would like her to enjoy whatever she does. I do make her participate in competitions, but I make sure that there is no pressure to perform and both myself and her enjoy participating. Even though she did not win any prizes, I am happy that it is slowly building her confidence to perform without stage fear. I do not pressurize her to study everyday too. She studies at her own pace and even though finishing her home lessons are a big struggle, I make sure that she completes them on time and plays some more. She is happy that way.

Hi Kalav Yes it is indeed a boon to have normal and healthy children. There are so many cases where the children are born with congenital defects or abnormalities, something with which they will have to live for rest of their lives. also there are some cases where there are no children born at all.

I agree with your point of view.In fact,many parents,put too much ambition imposed on their children.This is wrong,I have a child,I as long as he is healthy and happy,good.I won't give him any pressure.

Hi Kalav, I am not sure about this yet but I think it is the result of our lifestyles that in today's world it is a boon to have a normal child. Going by the lifestyles, the expecting mom should take more rest - the chances are less when both are working and also the woman is in IT or uses computers. After delivery, the newly born, is into TV, Mobiles (quite an early age) and then as the kid grows, there is always the pressure of Do this, do this, do this. There are more medications that follow just to fill in the nutrients that we believe are a must so that the kid/newly born is able to cope up with the pollution, the race and so many more... Somewhere I do feel that all of these do have their ill effects on the newly born The parents fail to realize because they know that things are not going to be that easy for anyone in the present scenario and a simple living is the last thing anyone wants. Regards, theSids.

Hi Kala, I feel as a parent i should motivate, support and guide my child but never want to pressurize them for anything. And you know kala retarded children should be treat in a mild way, we should have more patience and show more intimacy and love and affection on them then they will listen and they try to understand, also try to implement too. Have a nice day kala.