I Have A Strong Evidence But I Cannot Reveal It

i think you should say to the stepdaughter!! because it will seem like you are making an effort to get on the right path with her!! if you say to your wife, and your blows up at the step daughter and shouts at her etc... then the step daughter will hate you for going behind her back.. but if you bring it to her attention, she may be grateful you didn't go straight to her mum and gave her a chance!!

Have you heard of 'The Turtle'? It is an exercise to help with oncoming angry. You put your hands over your chest and count to ten. My grandson has a mood disorder and this helps him. I really think you two need to seek out a marriage counselor. They can teach you how to talk to one another.

Well I think you should talk to your step-daughter. Not to threaten her, but just to talk to her about the thing she has done. Be a father and state why you think it is bad (I have a feeling it is, since you'd want to tattle on her). Don't scold her, don't even mention about mentioning (or not mentioning) the issue with her mom. Just give her some advice. She might act all tough and angry, but the more you force her and scold her, the more rebellious she will become. Think of Newton's Law of Action and Reaction. Every action is accompanied by a reaction of equal magnitude but opposite direction. If you try to be gentle with her, sooner or later, she will also be.

hi neildc for me honesty is always the best policy as if knowing something you must talk to your wife first then the two of you can talk to your step daughter. do not be afraid of your wife's anger as the issue is you are supporting and paying for this step daughter ana thus she should at least show you some respect. at nineteen if she wants to be taken care of she needs to obey your and your wifes rules too, if she cannot then do like we do here in the US insist she get a job and an apartment of her own.,You folks are wonderful in taking care of grown children and here in the US we often push the adult birdies out of the nest so they can now use their wings, they are always welcome to come back but we do want them to try to now become self sufficient adults. I was working at 19 which is not a bad idea for your step daughter. if there's a big problem I really would share it calmly with your wife first then the two of you talk to your step daughter. you are right she does need to respect you. If she cannot do that then its time she grows up gets a job and an apt of her own. I mean you live under your parents roof you must respect them and obey their rules.simple.

hello neil, It's really hard to make some move that you think might end up with bad result. I know you caught between your step-daughter and your wife. You only want some peace and understanding, yet you don't know where to start. Why not talk with your step-daughter first. Not to the extent of telling her that you know something, but giving some hint and observe her reaction. Then,if you think you hit the bullseye, thu it sounds manipulative...do what you think is right. Pray hard my dear brother....

I think it would worsen the relationship between the two of you. Is there a chance that you could sit down and talk to her like she is a real adult? Can you treat her like you still respect her as a person and not a step-daughter even if you're mad at her? Do you think that's possible? I know that in order to respect somebody that person must earn it, but sometimes we have to respect someone in order to gain that person's respect too. I hope you can settle things with her and your wife as well. I know it's easy for me to say this because i'm not in your situation. But this is the best i can give as of the moment. Good luck Neil.

I would go to your step-daughter one more time and if that does no good, I would go to your wife. I went through this with my daughter but nothing helped at the time. Now that she moved out, it has gotten a little bit better.

Hello, there neil. It is never easy to deal with a child when he/she is in the rebellious years...those puberty or teen years. Just what we went through while, we were in those ages ourselves. Now, the problem becomes manifold because she is a stepdaughter. If i were in your shoes I will talk about this with my wife calmly. Tell her to see objectively what you will be telling her. It is not to discredit the daughter but, to make the mom know what is really happening so she can remedy the situation. This way, you can show your wife that you only care for the daughter that is why you are revealing her this information.

I haven't read your other posts on this, I don't think so I am going to have to go back and read them. However, I will respond to this and all that I can find, so my advice may change as I respond. I think that it seems you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. You need to get this dealt with, but either way added strain will come. Threatening your step daughter with telling the wife may turn the step daughter even more against you, and she may make up some wild story that will get you into a fight with your wife. The best thing in this case I think to do is to sit down and have a long and honest talk with your wife, telling her first that you don't mean or intend to anger her, but that you have some news about your step daughter, some evidence that will show that the previous fights were not all instigated, or completely your fault etc. A mother will almost always believe the daughter even BEFORE the husband, so this is a very risky and dangerous conversation. I hope it goes well for you but please choose your words carefully.

Well dear friend whatever evidence you have then tell it to your wife. If you believe that evidence can help, then reveal it to your wife and be ready how she would react. If your motive is to reform your step-daughter and to help your wife understand that her daughter has some behavioral problem and needs to be corrected then tell her. Now if your wife still would not take it positively then I could not help but believe your step-daughter becomes that disrespectful because your wife is in a way tolerating her wrong actions.

I am sorry to hear of your situation and that it still goes on. I think you need to have an intervention. You need to learn how to talk to both your wife and your daughter. You need to show a united front when you deal with your daughter. And if you are not able to do that then you aren't going to get anywhere. Professional family counseling is what I recommend. Check out: www.loveandlogic.com

This is a case of "damn if you do, damn if you don't" kind of thing. If you tell your wife now you have to expect and argument. Or, you can keep your silence and wait until your wife found out about the secret from other people and expect and argument. However, the problem with the second option is when she founds out that you've known all along but kept the secret to yourself, if that is the then expect not only an argument but expect to be blamed as well. I suggest you choose well.

Still having problems sweetie? Well, to solve this once and for all, get your wife and daughter together and talk to both of them. They need to understand what you think and how you feel about this whole damn situation. Or i can come there and whip your daughter till the manners get stuck in her head. Your choice.

It is not easy, facing the child. It takes more patience. You must be patient. A child, if scolded, the more rebellious. If your child make a mistake, you need to talk, and discuss with your child. Tell a result of errors, that your children are doing.

She is 19 and thinks she is an adult and legally she is. It will do no good. It seems like they think they know everything. I have almost quit talking to my son. He is 18, working a full time job and don't think he should have to tell us anything. If you ask, he bites your head off. I just looked at him one day and told him that if that is how it is, he can leave or he can pay rent. He will be held responsible for himself. That means food, clothes, laundry, supplies to do laundry. He seems happy with it. If he asks something, I will answer, but I refuse to fight with him. If he snaps at me, I just stop speaking to him. I don't need his smart mouth.

it is very hard to say as I don't know your wife's daughter. I think perhaps you should let you wife know if it is something that would concern her.

I remember reading of your problems before with your step daughter. How old is she? Your wife is not going to accept that her daughter is a problem. I have experienced all this before when I had two step children. If you have the evidence of her misbehaviuor, then you should show it to your wife. Start this by saying that you dont want to have argument, that you just want her to seewhat the daughter is doing. If your wife starts arguing , just walk away. If your wife still can not accet what her dauhgter is doing, then I suggest you get councilling. It doesn't always work with step children, I'm afraid to say.

Gosh, I'm so sorry that I am late. Neil, this situation you have described yet again about you and your wifey fighting over your step daughter is the problem. Your wife should stand by you. She should support you. If the two of you were able to take a stand together when your step daughter misbehaves there would be less of a problem. Your step daughter has learned how to press your buttons and her mothers so she gets her own way and causes havoc as well. Explain this to your wife when you are both away from home and calm. Work together to tame the misbehaving daughter.

Hello Neildc, I don't know what you just discovered, but i think it's a problem if you talk either of them about this. it's a matter on how will you take it if they respond. I have read with the other lotter and counseling is the best solution there. You know, coming from a family that prefers to mind our own business when ever it comes to personal problems, i was thought to stay out of any body's problems.