are you offended if a sibling was given a gift & you were not?
By bingskee
@bingskee (5234)
Philippines
December 12, 2011 12:05am CST
I was told by someone that one of those siblings that we were talking about has that trait of getting offended not receiving a gift when the other brothers or sisters receive a gift during Christmas.
It amused me to think that for somebody who is a grown-up already, it is kind of immature to feel this way. This had happened to me not only once when a friend was given a gift and I was not (though I have given the person a gift each Christmas), and I just shrugged off the incident. Always give the benefit of the doubt even if the act was deliberate to make you feel envious or hurt (you might think this is absurd because it is Christmas time to be thinking this way but believe me there are people who thinks evil though it's Christmas 
).
I usually shrug it off because likewise I will not give a gift to someone I don't like. I will simply think the person does not like me better than the one given a gift. It is as simple as that.
Knowing, for example, that a certain person will be offended if you give a gift to his brother or sister only, will you buy/give this person a gift? Personally, I will not. There is no rule that must be followed re: this. I think giving a gift is not obligatory. It is showing how a person is special to you. How could you give one to a person you do not like at all and who hurts more than be kind to others?
In answer to the question, I am not offended. The giving of gifts is personal and it is not an obligation. It must be an expression of love and appreciation and gratefulness.
What says thou? 
).
I usually shrug it off because likewise I will not give a gift to someone I don't like. I will simply think the person does not like me better than the one given a gift. It is as simple as that.
Knowing, for example, that a certain person will be offended if you give a gift to his brother or sister only, will you buy/give this person a gift? Personally, I will not. There is no rule that must be followed re: this. I think giving a gift is not obligatory. It is showing how a person is special to you. How could you give one to a person you do not like at all and who hurts more than be kind to others?
In answer to the question, I am not offended. The giving of gifts is personal and it is not an obligation. It must be an expression of love and appreciation and gratefulness.
What says thou? 4 people like this
15 responses
@squallming (1775)
• Malaysia
12 Dec 11
I can't say that I would be offended. It's common that we may feel a little sad and disappointed but not to the extent to be offended. I personally would give everyone present or gift so that everyone would be happy. If I am to only gift to one person, I would gift it secretly so that the others won't know and won't get jealous or offended.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Dec 11
thats what I was saying why hurt anyone by leaving them out and just giving something to one person? Christmas is supposed to be a time of kindness to all.why not inexpensive things and give to all who are there.
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
12 Dec 11
Woukld I be offended? of course.. would I give a Christmas gift to one sibling, or one parent and not another.. heck no! Why would I want to hurt their feelings?
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Dec 11
right on. be fair and gift to all or forget it. to hurt anyone is not the spirit of Christmas.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
12 Dec 11
i think in the spirit of fairness if the gift is to be given by a parent, all of the siblings should receive one gift right, but if the gift is not given by parents,then i guess one should not be offended if a friend of your sibling gave him or her gifts. i mean, that sure is not to be questioned. :D
1 person likes this
@jeanneyvonne (5501)
• Philippines
12 Dec 11
I admit that I am jealous whenever my parents doesn't give equal presents between the two of us (my brother and I). As a child (and even now), I always consider the saying 'the sauce for the goods is the same for the gander' when it comes to gifts, money and responsibilities.
I can't put a finger on it but I always felt that my older sibling gets what he wanted. Somehow, I thought it wasn't fair because we are both children of our parents, and basically equally in many levels. There are times when I deliberately hold back my rights (to ask for anything) because I felt my brother already asked for something. Besides, our parents ask us to share anyway. I don't want to seen as a spoiled child or a a whinning child every time I wasn't given what I wanted. Guess this is the result of being trained to live within our means and the lessons of frugality from childhood.
When it comes to gifts, I don't really had the habit of asking presents even on my birthday. Usually, I ask for money and I kept in a bank. As long as they don't inquire about my balance, I don't ask for anything else. Again, effects fo teh frugality lessons.
Besides, I always thought that in giving gifts it's the thought that counts. it might be a simple greeting of the season, but it can be an immaterial gift that cannot be measured by a price tag. Things like kindness, understanding and best thoughts are always on my gift list things (although I admit, there are expensive material ones).
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
20 Dec 11
hello, jeanneyvonne. though this is not about parents giving gifts to sibling but an individual giving a gift to a sibling, i would say that as a parent, i always check if i am being fair to my children. so, if i give a gift to one, i should be giving a gift to another but not necessarily the same gift. i learned though that children have their own separate needs. it is like giving love and attention. if a child needs more love and attention, a parent gives him that, even if it seems more than the other. this does not mean that the parent loves the other more, it is giving what is needed. from this lesson, too, i learned that a parent could not be 'fair' all the time. he or she must give what a particular child needs.
your parents must have seen something about your siblings that you do not need that is why. although i cannot disregard the fact that some parents have favorites.
you sound like a strong person. keep it up. merry christmas to you!
@r3jcorp (1382)
• Philippines
13 Dec 11
No, I don't get offended. Even now that we are older, my sister never asked anything though she saw that my mother is helping me in my financial problems. And now that I have children, I don't want my daughters to be envy of each other. So I raised them to have equal benefits, but these does not mean that the other enjoy everything what the other one is enjoying. Like for buying things, If the youngest needs a new shirt but the oldest does not need a new one yet, I only buy for the oldest. The same way that if the other one has exam and the other one has not and she has a free time to be in computer, I allow her. The one with exams knows her responsibility and she should not be offended and yet, she knows that after exam, she will be given time to be in computer. I think, it is on the matter of how we raised our child that envy would sprout on them. The should feel loved no matter how many the material things in their possession. Sharing should be encouraged not envy!
1 person likes this
@bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
20 Dec 11
exactly the point that i am trying to convey. anyone, including parents, should not feel obligated, to give everyone a gift. one doesn't have to just give everybody in his environ equally because they have different needs, aside from the fact that not all of them are worth to be given a gift.
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
12 Dec 11
Never have I felt offended too. I would just be wondering what my brother got for Christmas. Normally I wouldn't get the most gift when my aunt comes after Christmas. My brother will get more than one because his godmother is my aunt's daughter too.
For kids, I wouldn't wonder if they feel jealous over their sibling but when they grow up it's strange seeing one get offended.
1 person likes this
@enelym001 (8322)
• Philippines
20 Dec 11
I hope when that person reach 40, s/he'll be mature enough to understand when s/he don't have any gifts
Thanks for the early greeting bingskee Happy Christmas too!
Thanks for the early greeting bingskee Happy Christmas too! @sid556 (30960)
• United States
13 Dec 11
Hi Bingskee,
I would not be offended. I really don't care if I get gifts from someone or not and I definitly would not want a gift given to me just to spare my little feelings or because they felt obligated. My friends and I don't exchange gifts as a rule unless it is handmade. Every now and again, I come upon something that I just HAVE to buy for my friend. I give it to her right on Christmas so that there is no chance that she feels obligated to go buy me something. It's really against our rules but she has done the same thing to me. They are gifts from the heart. I"d feel terrible if one of my other friends felt bad about that. I don't think they do. I sometimes randomly pick up something for them too. I'm a parent and have 4 daughters...they don't feel bad if I buy something for one and not the others. It's never always just one ...I buy gifts randomly and usually for no special reason. On Christmas I do give to all my daughters and I always tried to keep it somewhat fair but I can't be counting gifts or adding up dollars spent.
gifts from the heart are always fascinating! @Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Dec 11
bingskee I w ould instead give something of equal value to the other person at the same time I give a gift to my friend. its called being fair and to deliberately hurt someone because he or she did not get a gift while I gave one to their friend is unkind and unfair. some people do feel left out when others get the goodies and they are not included. its a normal feeling and I
would feel left out though i would not ever say a word. to bypass someone just because you are not friends but load a friend down with gifts is saying something not Christian, you do not belong here. so get lost.so no I do not leave people out and i do not care who it is that person has feelings as we all have feelings. so make me a wuss but I do not hurt people even if they are not a friend.Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace on earth good will toward All men.
a friend down with gifts is saying something not Christian, you do not belong here. so get lost.so no I do not leave people out and i do not care who it is that person has feelings as we all have feelings. so make me a wuss but I do not hurt people even if they are not a friend.Christmas is supposed to be a time of peace on earth good will toward All men. @bingskee (5234)
• Philippines
20 Dec 11
no, it is not fair at all to give equal gifts when one of them, for example, is helping someone in times of need, and the other is just ignoring, or deliberately do bad things against that person. what if the person who will be giving the gift is just reciprocating the kindness? will that be taken against that person?
as i said, there is always a way, if one sees them as sensitive people, by giving the gift to the person secretly, as suggested, too, by one of the commenters.
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
15 Dec 11
I don't mind who gives gifts to whom because of the fact that I'm an adult now and I find the most pleasure during the Christmas season in buying gifts and giving them to other people.
With that said, I know that I won't be getting a lot for Christmas this year because of the fact that it has been a really tough year for us. However, I know that my children and nieces are going to have a good Christmas because I've worked hard to make sure that is the case for them.
@veronizm (907)
• Philippines
17 Dec 11
Hi bingskee,
Normally no but if the gift comes from my parents then in all honesty, yes (well, a little bit), but only if the gift is a big deal, like a car or house & lot perhaps, or an DSLR camera, etc. But if it's just a simple gift then I don't really mind.
@thesids (22180)
• Bhubaneswar, India
12 Dec 11
Dear Ms. Bingskee 
I at times do feel jealous... more so when I see the gifts of today's generation... But that jealousy is on the positive ends... like if we had all of these during our times(when we were young).
I didnt feel bad about when anyone gifted my brother anything and forgot that I existed and I always gave away what I got to my brother in case he wasnt gifted... Maybe because of me being elder to him, I am more protective and more caring.
Gifts eternally, have been associated with pleasantries but unfortunately, we have started misusing those and there are occasions when we are (willingly)forced to give gifts even to those who we would have never considered
I at times do feel jealous... more so when I see the gifts of today's generation... But that jealousy is on the positive ends... like if we had all of these during our times(when we were young).
I didnt feel bad about when anyone gifted my brother anything and forgot that I existed and I always gave away what I got to my brother in case he wasnt gifted... Maybe because of me being elder to him, I am more protective and more caring.
Gifts eternally, have been associated with pleasantries but unfortunately, we have started misusing those and there are occasions when we are (willingly)forced to give gifts even to those who we would have never considered
@inertia4 (27961)
• United States
13 Dec 11
I agree with you on this issue. I have had that happen to me many times and from family members throughout the years. I never felt like I was owed a gift or anything. I always bought gifts for the family myself. To me, especially at this time of the year, it's more abut giving then receiving.
@bjc66bjc (6730)
• United States
13 Dec 11
wow bingskee, I can see if you were talking about young children
living under the same roof..But adults, nope can't see it..Why
would I get unset about what my siblings get as a gift or who
give them a gift.
Are you serious? this is one of the childish issues I have heard
of..These people need a life...Do they really need a gift that bad.
Who wants a gift from a stanger who don't give s didly about you.
I am with you is suppose to be personal unless it a grab bag, but
other than that gifts should be be out of obligation...Its should be
love for your love ones and gratitude to friends..
@tkarabulut (434)
•
12 Dec 11
I just give gift people whom I like and if I give gift to someone, I don't expect anything as an answer.
1 person likes this
