Live In Parent Not Keeping Their Room Tidy.
By ladym33
@ladym33 (10979)
United States
December 13, 2011 10:38am CST
I was at an appointment today and there was another lady there talking to the people that work there. Apparently her 65 year old mother is living with her now and the woman was completely stressed out because apparently her mom is not keeping her room clean. The lady says she is all stressed out because she is constantly having to clean her mothers room and she wants her mother to get rid of all her clutter. While I can see why she would be upset and it is indeed her house I would probably just tell my mom to keep her door closed and let her do what she wants with her space as long as she is no so messy that it harms the carpet or the walls or anything. Not that I would have that problem with my mom because mine is a neat freak but I would respect my parent enough to allow them that space of their room and let them do what they like in it, as long as the mess did not carry over in to other parts of the house. What do you think about this, would you force your parent who had to move in with you (mom or dad) to keep their room clean or just let them be and have them keep the door shut?
3 people like this
9 responses
@peavey (16936)
• United States
13 Dec 11
That depends on a few things. First, why is her mother living there? Does she have health problems that make it difficult to keep up with things? Does she have dementia or alzheimer's? Has she always been a messy housekeeper or is this something new? Just how messy is her room?
Different people have different levels of comfort when it comes to things like that. If it's just a matter of degrees and isn't harming anything, then I agree that the daughter should back off and show a little respect to her mother.
If it's something new and is becoming really bad (food left for days, trash strung around, etc) then at 65, I'd say her mother needed help. She may be depressed or sick or any of a number of things that can be helped. It isn't fun, having to live with your kids, especially when they take the upper hand in situations like this.
3 people like this
@ladym33 (10979)
• United States
13 Dec 11
It did not sound as if the mother was sick or had any type of dementia or alzheimers it seemed to be more of a financial arrangement. She did say her mom ate in her room but didn't say anything about food being left in the room. It sounded like a general clutter problem.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157723)
• United States
14 Dec 11
We do not do food in the bedrooms, or really anywhere except kitchen and dining rooms. It sounds like mom may be depressed at having to live with daughter and daughter may be depressed or angry about it as well.
1 person likes this
@peavey (16936)
• United States
14 Dec 11
A general clutter problem isn't a problem, unless the daughter makes it so. If that's all there is to it, then the daughter needs to back off and leave her Mom alone. A little respect can go a long way.
I agree, GardenGerty. It sounds as if neither of them are happy about the situation. Sometimes we just have to buck up and do what needs to be done. It always makes life easier in the long run.
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@mr_pearl (5018)
• India
14 Dec 11
Hello... I'd not like my old parents to clean their rooms.. I'd rather employ a domestic servant... They are easily available here and I'd require working for a couple of extra days... And I can easily do that... I won't force my parents to work at old age... It just doesn't sound proper to me..
1 person likes this
@hmkoct5 (2065)
• United States
17 Dec 11
I would allow my parent(s) to do whatever they wanted with their space, as long as it didn't affect their health or safety. I would give them the respect they deserve. After all, they raised me and dealt with all my stuff when I was younger. It seems fair to do the same thing for them! Of course, I don't think we would have that kind of problem with our parents. They are both pretty neat and tidy.
@hvedra (1619)
•
14 Dec 11
I think she needs to have a talk with her mother about the room and a number of things need to be considered:-
Did her mother keep her house like that? If yes, then the daughter shouldn't be surprised but needs to work out some basic agreement about levels of tidyness and cleanliness and keeping the door shut.
If the answer is no, then her mother is possibly somewhat distressed at having to live in someone else's house. She may not feel like her room is her room and the mess is a way of having control over it OR she may be making it messy because she doesn't care because it isn't "her" room. She may have moved in physically but not mentally and emotionally.
I think it can be difficult to move in to an established household especially if space is tight. It might help if some of her mothers things could be spread around to other rooms of the house so she doesn't feel like she's holed up in one room.
Either way, it isn't just "mess" it is a visual symptom of something else and they need to try to talk it through before it becomes habitual and much harder to deal with.
@WakeUpKitty (8694)
• Netherlands
13 Dec 11
I don't have a mother like that but a daughter like that. I also keep the door of her room shut! I don't like to see the mess. If it's very dirty I tell her to clean up NOW because I don't want insects or mice or whatever in my house because of the dirt. I also don't want bad smells comming out of her room.
So in her room she can do what she like but within some borders, since it's still my house she is living in.
1 person likes this
@gaea23 (252)
• Philippines
14 Dec 11
I agree with you, parents should be respected. They often get hurt when reprimanded. We should always take a slow when giving them "advice" because they don't accept it they way we want. But there are other parents-children relationship that is so adorable, sometimes they deliver is like just kidding but true to themselves. We should always have reservations for their feelings. If their rooms were messy then we have to try to make time clean it but have to ask permission. Perhaps the next day, they will do the cleaning by their own.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
13 Dec 11
That's interesting, I wonder if perhaps the lady got her idea of being neat from her father or is this a case of "the tables have turned" and now she knows why her mother got on her for not cleaning her room?
I know some people have this thing about "closing the door" but come on, some people can take it as far as leaving molding food lying around and the room smelling bad. No, I would insist, (unless the mother has a physical problem that she can't clean her room) that the room gets at least a good cleaning once a month.
@francesca5 (1344)
•
13 Dec 11
that's an interesting problem you overheard there.
i suppose it depends on how well they get on. the argument over how clean the room is may just be a way of the daughter expressing anger in an indirect way towards the mother.
but i would agree with you that i would just shut the door and leave her to look after her room as she sees fit. if there was lots of food left around and mice, then that would be an issue, but the mother should have her need for space respected, and i would just shut the door on it.
but then i'm not the most tidy person in the world, and i just don't think its an important enough issue to fall out with someone over. if i have to have arguments i would prefer it to be about something more important than how messy their bedroom was. but that's just me.
