When being independent becomes unappealing
By secretbear
@secretbear (19448)
Philippines
January 28, 2012 11:03pm CST
I was watching this drama last night about a woman who works in a publishing company and her manager asked three guys to take her to a date. She completely turned them all down, well, except for one who challenged her to a batting competition.
This woman, Rin, has been independent since her parents died. She takes care of her two siblings and it has been eight years since she fell in love. Ever since then, she never dated and focused only on her career and on her siblings. At some point, she made a mistake in her work and she was told by her senior that she was conceited and she thought she could do anything by herself. She also forgot her brother's birthday because she was rushing for work. She turned down three invitations for date because she was darn busy.
She then realized that she had too much faith on herself and by being independent, she was completely taking advantage and ignoring people around her. She realized she thought she could live like that forever but what happened at work and at home made her realized otherwise.
This drama made me realized that being independent is good but we should not take it to the point that we ignore those people who are extending their hands to help us. It is good to rely on someone once in a while and it wouldn't make us less of a person. 
What do you think guys?
What do you think guys?4 people like this
15 responses
@EarnMoneyQuick (8)
• Canada
29 Jan 12
Definitely agree we cant be so independent to the point when we really need help no one is there because of the fact you ignored them, but also being too dependent makes you vulnerable to the world and nonfunctional without a person beside you to help, Honestly i like being independent and usually reject a helping hand until I fail, guess i should change that :S, great discussion btw learned allot!
3 people like this
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
29 Jan 12
I am not one to ignore people, but I am like you with the independence. I haven't wanted my life and world to be dependent on the choices of someone else. That has proved to be risky for me. I am ok with a helping hand as long as I know there aren't some kind of ulterior motives. Luckily the people in my life now are genuine. I like that.
Oh..welcome to myLot.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
I like being independent, too. I have longed for independence since I was a student. But I also recognize my need for other people. Sometimes I turn down helping hands but those are times that I know I can still do it myself. I like to be independent only to the point that I know I still can.
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
30 Jan 12
I think there is a lot of pressure on women NOT to be independent, but for the most part, MOST of us really need to be MORE independent not more dependent. She sounds like an unselfish woman and I think the senior was very wrong to say so was conceited because that is a value judgment. Furthermore, I bet her brother has forgotten some of her birthdays, but nobody will castigate him. Why her? We cannot help everybody all of the time, but if we have to help somebody and we have siblings who need to be supported, then it is right to support them. Is that brother the same one she is taking care of? If so then he got a present just having her support. If not, then is he pulling his weight as they are his siblings, too. I think it should be up to her whether she wants to date or not and she should not be forced to socialize unless she wants to.
It is easier to blame a good woman than to be one!
2 people like this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
Wow, seems like you are on the side of the girl in the story. But that's what I thought, too when I watched that drama. She was busy with her work because she wants to give the best to her siblings. Forgetting a birthday did not appear to be a big issue to me but her siblings took it so seriously without so much understanding for her. .
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
29 Jan 12
I consider myself to be very independent. But I can see how sometimes not needing someone else can lead to someone making mistakes. I guess the reason why I've never had a boyfriend is because I'm so independent. I was born in the year of the dragon and since this year is the year of the dragon I decided to look up some facts about people that were born in the year of the dragon. Online I found: "Even though they are willing to aid when necessary, their pride can often impede them from accepting the same kind of help from others. Dragons' generous personalities give them the ability to attract friends, but they can be rather solitary people at heart. A Dragon's self-sufficiency can mean that he or she has no need for close bonds with other people". Reflecting on myself I realized that yes I am just like this and I do like to be alone at times.
Independent people do tend to have so much pride that they don't like asking for help. And it is hard to ask for help! I find it hard asking for help and I don't know why. But I do think that once in a while one must ask for help, especially if they have too much on their plate.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
I agree. Sometimes I feel that way, too. It's hard to swallow my pride. Especially if I have said previously that I can do it. It's hard when you believe in yourself too much. That's why as much as possible, I tell myself to be humble.
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
2 Feb 12
I agree it's very hard for me as well to swallow my pride and let someone else take care of me or do something for me but I'm trying to get better in that department. I think you can be humble and still be independent as well. Happy Mylotting!
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
29 Jan 12
I do think that independence has the potential to damage us if we let it get out of control. It can be very hard to find that line. I am one of those that experience extreme independence. I think it has been because of past experiences that have made me so extreme though. I had to learn very young that if I didn't do it, no one else was going to. I have tried to "rely" on others but to be honest, I haven't had the best experiences with it. I do, however, take great pride in the people who are close to me and care deeply for their feelings. I also trust my team at work to do the things they are supposed. People need to be trusted to be productive and that is part of my management technique. I promote teamwork and individuality at the same time but if I am responsible...I do take the bull by the horns..lol.
2 people like this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
You sound like a good team leader. I know the effect of trust on a person. My boss trusts me a lot and it makes a difference on my work performance. Trust gets you more inspired. ^^
And too much independence, I've witnessed a negative outcome of it. Well, I don't really know the case much but our director laid off one personnel because according to her, this personnel acted alone too much and she called her an island, in reference to the saying "No man is an island".
I know the effect of trust on a person. My boss trusts me a lot and it makes a difference on my work performance. Trust gets you more inspired. ^^
And too much independence, I've witnessed a negative outcome of it. Well, I don't really know the case much but our director laid off one personnel because according to her, this personnel acted alone too much and she called her an island, in reference to the saying "No man is an island". @eljayo (1105)
• Philippines
29 Jan 12
Hi! No man is an island. No matter how hard we try to be independent we still have to depend to somebody. There's nothing wrong with being dependent as long as your independent also in some ways.Anyway, man was created to help each other and that makes us depended to one another.:))
2 people like this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
I completely agree. One of my co-workers was sacked because of being an "island" (in reference to the saying "no man is an island").
@deodavid (4150)
• Philippines
30 Jan 12
Hi there secret bear,
How yah doin today, well great topic, i guess being independent is something that most of us likes doing in most days but for me if you can get help so that your not swamped then you do it, and the job would be more efficient and you get to relax.
2 people like this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
29 Jan 12
I don't think it sounds as if this woman is too independent so much as that she's become too career focused and doesn't have balance in her life. If this was a man, no one would be saying he was too independent.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
If this was a man and he turned down three dates, then something is wrong with him.
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
6 Feb 12
Throughout my life I have been shunned and abandoned by those I love just when I need them the most. I had to become independent and I had to teach my children to be independent because when the chips are down, you can only rely on yourself.
I've come through some tough times when neighbours have said, if I needed their help ever, to just come and they would help me only to literally have doors slammed in my face as I was approaching.
Even now when I try to tell my siblings about things that are troubling me or going wrong for me, they change the subject and won't listen to me. It makes me feel very alone and I know that I just have to battle through on my own once again.
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
29 Jan 12
When I got divorced I had to take responsibility for my kids...and I because very independent to the point that it was hard to even accept someone buying me a soda.....it took a while to break down a bit and not be so darn independent....but that is part of the problem I have in relationships....I do my own thing.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
Thanks for sharing that personal stuff, Jill. I guess that's part of your way of coping up.
@kun2349 (23381)
• Singapore
1 Feb 12
Yeah, i agree, secret ^^ Being overly independent is not a good thing as well because it tends to make us oblivious to things happening around us. That inturns make us look conceited and overly confident.It's good to be independent but not to the extend of ignoring family, friends around us because that makes us aloof instead. There's a limit to how independent we shall be but they themselves don't see it while using work as an excuse 
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17679)
• United States
30 Jan 12
Hi secretbear! Sounds like an interesting drama. I would have liked
to have seen that too. I spent alot of years trying to be independent
and doing everything for and by myself. Can't say it worked out too
well for me either. But, I didn't have anyone else to take care.
I still tried to make time to go out with my friends when I could.
Money was always an issue though. No matter how much I made it was
still never enough and some of the jobs I had I had to work long
hours and always had alot of stress. But, the one thing I never did
was depend on anyone else for help, until now. I am alot older and
not in the best of health as I was back then and I appreciate having
help now. I guess it depends on the situation we are in at the time,
but everyone needs to have friends or family in their lives.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
I agree. Everyone needs a family or a friend. No one can live alone forever. It's sad to live that way and no matter what you do, you'll always need someone's help. It's good that people extend their helping hand to you. I hope when I grow old, people will not stop helping me. ^^
@prinzcy (32322)
• Malaysia
29 Jan 12
I guess I can say I am pretty independent myself. I have to. Since young I need to be the responsible sister and daughter. Then when my dad passed away, my mom took quite a time to recover and back on her feet. During those time, I was the only one that stayed with her so I need to be strong. I didn't shy away from people though, like Rin was. I still meet my friend and attend events if I need to. Though I did avoid some as meeting people is not really my favourite event. I do rely on others if I need to but there's not many people to rely on.
Sometimes we need to be tough but sometimes we should be open and accept others. Face it, no one can really live alone, despite what they say.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
Yes, I also believe that no one can really live alone. Everyone needs someone. No man is an island. No one can do everything by himself/herself.
@CTHanum (8234)
• Malaysia
31 Jan 12
Hi secretbear!
I absolutely agree with you. I have met with people who thought that they don't need anyone else as they can survive by their own. They don't need anyone to say and teach them as they know how to handle it and thought they are good enough to do it by themselves. Sometimes I questioned myself till when these people will acting and doing that way? Most of the time they are not feeling happy about what they have. It is good to see if someday they get to others and rely on them but it seems that it is so difficult for them to do so as they are egoist.(^^)
Anyway may I know the title of the story please??(^^)
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
2 Feb 12
I can't remember the full title of the drama but the first two words are Renai Neet. You can search for it and you will still be able to find this Japanese drama with Nakama Yukie as the lead actress.
@rubbershot (173)
• Kenya
29 Jan 12
Independent women like having it their way most of the time. Unfortunately, they come across as snobs and people tend to keep away from them. They come to realise they are alond when it's too late.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
31 Jan 12
We're the same, Jen. My goal is stability. I wouldn't want to rely on others all the time. I'd like to be independent but I know there will come a point where I would need help and I would not hesitate to ask for it.
@JenInTN (27514)
• United States
29 Jan 12
I'm independent and I am not one to have to have it my way all the time. My goal has mainly been stability. It's not that I will realize when it's too late that I am alone, it is that I realize that if I am alone, my world doesn't end. I love my family and am very sensitive to the needs of others. I just want to establish a place of being where my life is not dependent on their choices. I do know there is a fine line between it being too much though.
1 person likes this
@rubbershot (173)
• Kenya
29 Jan 12
Independent women like having it their way most of the time. Unfortunately, they come across as snobs and people tend to keep away from them. They come to realise they are alone when it's too late.
