You both lovers decide to marry but the GIRL cant marry due to Family situation!

India
February 9, 2012 4:58pm CST
I have a very close friend.He has a lover and they are in DEEP LOVE since 2 years.They are decided to marry when they are in love and waiting for right time to inform their parents. Generally, the GIRL likes her father very much. Now the problem started. The GIRL's father already fixed one boy for her in his relatives and given HIS word to the BOY's family.Here, the GIRL, without knowing herself dragged into the situation where SHE cannot inform her father that she is already in LOVE with some other guy.And, she decided to marry that BOY chosen by her father because she loved her father & mother much where she cannot come out of her family to marry her LOVER. What to do in this typical situation. Appreciate anyone can give good suggestion whether they should apart or they should follow their family rituals..??? Thanks for all who responds..
1 person likes this
14 responses
• United States
9 Feb 12
I would marry the man that i love without thinking about the other person. Wh should she give her dreams up just because she loves her parents. I know I love my parent and my man.
2 people like this
• India
9 Feb 12
Great CONFIDENCE and your WORDS shows your relation with your MAN. I really appreciate your relation. Keep it up dear. So, in my friend's girl friend's situation is that she is from a small village area where every Father even for boys also. They will fix their daughter's or son's marriages with other people with authority where a BOY or GIRL should not deny that. They should marry the other person thats it..! As she came from that type of village she cannot deny his father marriage proposal with another BOY. So, now HER Lover also don't want her to take out and marry as he wants to done the marriage with his parents along with the girl's parents.. SO, i appreciate if you can advice here...
2 people like this
• United States
9 Feb 12
I can't say what I would do if I lived there. If there was an option to marry the man I loved I would take it.
3 people like this
• India
10 Feb 12
she can create the option if SHE is ready to speak with her father. She strongly know that her father won't agree her loved one as he already given the WORD to the BOY he fixed.Again she don't want to hear from her father like "I don't want to hear anything from you as i already promised someone about your marriage which will be done at any cost for sure". Now this is the situation.
2 people like this
@bing28 (3801)
• Philippines
10 Feb 12
Yes sweetychandu, that's a difficult situation but your close friend for sure would have a special blessing for following her parents. She sacrificed her true feelings I just hope she will learn to love the guy her father decided for her and also the guy must truly love her.
• India
15 Feb 12
She is ready to marry the boy whom her parents chose. But she loved a guy and now she is saying that she don't have enough love to marry him. And i donno how she will marry a stranger whom she don't know anything about him. However she can marry the boy she loves which will make her life happier, apart from marrying a unknown guy...
@airasheila (5461)
• Philippines
10 Feb 12
good day sweetychandu7, honestly, if i will be placed in that situation, i will stand on my decision to marry the man i love. that i will still explain to my parents especially to my father, that i will be the one to face the married life after the wedding ceremony. and my happiness is the most important. i will also explain that i do understand his point why he chose a guy for me but, i cannot go on his decision to marry the guy he wants for me instead, i will choose that one i love. yet in this instance, there are times, our parents try to persuade into our decision that they are sometimes not conscious that our own happiness is the one at stake here. that in due time, we need to stand firm on our decision and run our own life.
• India
15 Feb 12
Good words sheila. Here her parents don't know anything about her Love on him.She is not ready to say to her parents because she knows that her parents won't agree her to marry him. So, she is not taking any single chance in this matter and she keep on saying to him that she won't marry him and cannot take chance to speak with her parents because even she spoke they wont agree..thats her argument here...Now the body is in a situation where he cannot do anything other than convincing her where she is not at all interested to speak that topic at all with him. What to do..!!!
• India
9 Feb 12
i will always marry the girl i love , be a man and fight for the girl
2 people like this
• India
9 Feb 12
There is no way that her LOVER has to enter in this situation. The problem is on HER side where SHE has to clear to get a solution. Probably you got it..!
1 person likes this
• China
10 Feb 12
Actually,I have also heard the similar experience,that is my friend,her boyfriend's mother don't like my friend,but they love each other very much,so her boyfriend din't listen to what his mother said,he stuck to be together forever.After half one year,his mother allowed to consider my friend(the girl)again.Maybe for the boy's insistance,maybe his mother felt the girl all right,now they are preparing for the wedding.Hope everyone wish their happiness.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
Thats great and good news that the boy and girl are happy with their families. I hope you are from India.Please let me know. I am from Andhra Pradesh, India.
• China
17 Feb 12
Sorry so late,but I am not an Indian,I am a Chinese,I am from Qingdao, China and Welcome to China.
@jdyrj777 (6563)
• United States
15 Feb 12
I believe when there is a arranged marriage. The parents of both future husband and future wife should bring them up knowing that there is a arranged marriage. Allowing them plenty of time to get to know each other from childhood. Not to just spring the surprize upon them once they have fallen for another. This shituation is the parents fault.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
Yeah. Even they want to do a marriage their son or daughter they have to ask whether they are already liking anyone or they are ready for arranged marriage. Without knowing and asking these very important things i don't know how parents fixes the marriages with the strangers....GOD please make them grow..!!!
• Philippines
15 Feb 12
That's totally a very odd situation when the girl will be forced to marry a guy whom she didn't even know personally and have met before. for me, That's a very unethical way of arranging a marriage plan.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
The girl is not forced here. Her parents don't know that she is already loving a boy. Thats her mistake not telling to her parents. Their parents are just doing their responsibility getting a good guy to marry their daughter..thats it..!!
@myzhian (586)
• Philippines
12 Feb 12
If you are both willing to take all the consequences and challenges against all odds then nothing wrong to get married even though some factors are dealing with in your relationship, but if this is just only for a one man fight then better to think of it million times, because marriage is not like a brand of underwear that you can change it anytime!
• India
15 Feb 12
hahhha...good comparison anyway. You are too practical and what you commented is absolutely truth.
@GADHISUNU (2164)
• India
12 Feb 12
I take it that you are an Indian. Otherwise it would be rare to find an example of a marriage which is fixed much before the girl or boy come of age even. I mean the promising of a girl to a boy by the father/mother or both parents as if the born entities have no say in the marriage. I have married through the arraned marriage route. It is not as bad as it made out to be. But it is necessary in these days when marriages happen between mature individuals only as per the law of the land. n my opinion the girl must confront her father and let him know that she is in love with this boy. Her father also should move out of his 18th century stand and take a look at the boy the girl has in mind. In 21st century this- going by a promised marriage, as if boys and girls are commodities- appears as an anachronism. Our TV is replete with stupid soap where too much of Joint Family and Family hierarchy is being shown which defitely is not true for the majority middle class.I hope they are not too much of a propertied family with business interests. If that be so, only God help the boy and girl.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
yeah thats really perfect comment. lets hope GOD help the girl to regain love on him to marry. but i believe she won't marry him as she don't want her parents to think bad on her that she is in love and want to marry the boy she loves.
10 Feb 12
I consider that the lovers should be together. If the girl married the guy chosen by her father who she didn't love grudgingly, their marriage will be a tradedy because they are a odd couple. No doubt that parents are very important to us, but we don't have to gamble our happiness and life in order to satisfy them. Some time we should make choice for ourselves and chase our own happiness.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
thats absloutely true but here in this situation the girl wants him innerside.but in the outside she's saying she don't have that much love to marry him..which is making the boy mad. she knows how much the boy loves her and in return the girl loves him..but she is not ready to take the risk by asking her parents...i donno what she gonna do to him...
@zandi458 (27880)
• Malaysia
10 Feb 12
Poor girl she is torn between her parents and her lover. If she thinks of her long term happiness she should go along with her heart's desire and for once reject her father's choice. No doubt it would infuriate his father but rest assured it is only temporary. Match-making is no longer practical in this modern age. Going through match-making to please others will be a living hell.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
Yeah Zandi. I support you. now she is good to go with her Father's decision only. She isn't willing to marry the boy she loves. Because every time my friend ask her..she is saying that she don't have enough Love to marry him.So, she said clearly to my friend that she cannot marry him at all...So, i don't know what is his situation is...
@bird123 (9986)
• United States
10 Feb 12
Clearly this is no more than a communication problem.She should ask her parents: Do you love me enough to allow me to marry the only man I do love??? If they don't love her enough to say yes, should she really be concerned over who they think she should marry? Clearly they do not care about her. The only reason anyone should get married is for true love.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
Good thats true. She should inform her parents about her love. Both are doing good jobs and he is perfect in all matters whatever a girl wants. Now, she don't want to take chance saying her parents that she is loving a guy and wants to marry etc..what to do..she don't leave a chance to him to take a single step forward...
• India
10 Feb 12
This is a normal situation that majority of lovers had to face these days. The decision should be left to the girl. If the girl loves her parents so much then obviously her parents also love her the same. if her father comes to know that she is already in love with your friend then he might re consider his current marriage proposal, his word is not that much important than his daughter's happiness. If the girl doesn't have the guts to tell her father about your friend then she is not eligible to love or she doesn't love your friend that much. The least she can do is tell her parents about her love. If she can't even do that then I pity your friend for loving her. Whether her parents would agree or not is another issue but they should know and it is her responsibility to tell them. Who knows her father might agree if she convince them. Ask her to inform her father immediately. If she doesn't want to do it then ask your friend to forget about her. She is worth his love if she is not willing to tell about him to her parents
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
Yeah. First she is not ready to inform her father about her love at all. Other way she saying to him that she don't enough love to ask her father about him. This is the situation my friend is facing. He is ready to speak with her father if she say about him that she is loving.But as she is not ready to say he is not able to take any step forward. Unless and until she is ready to say to her sister at least he cannot move forward right..!!! thats what happening here...
@Hatley (115264)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Feb 12
If I were the girl I would slip away and marry the man I loved just as I did as its my life not my parents.I loved my parents too but I was mature 32 and in real love.I married my beloved despite all myy father did to stop our marriage. I respected my parents but they had no right to dictate to me whom I should marry.it was a good and happyu marriage. I am now widowed and still miss him very much.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Feb 12
Ohhhh GOD thats really really heart touching. I am sorry to hear that you are alone without him. My God..you are really brave to live without him. Be courage enough to move on...thats what i can say. Do you have any kids?