Here We Go Again

@MoonGypsy (4615)
United States
May 8, 2012 9:33pm CST
Another evening of yelling and my bf's big mouth. him and my son are going at it again. sigh. the only thing i can do is write it out on mylot. i know that sounds crazy, but i wasn't mylotting until now. i was chanting, or at least trying to. then the flare up happened. see, he goes into my son's room to play video games (whether my son is playing them or not), and he finds some reasons to start yelling and arguing with my son. he says it's necessary to get through to him, and that everyone else in the house has to put up with the yelling cause he is a kid. what sense does that make. I Don't Like The Flippin Yelling Already. i put up with it too much in the house i was growing up. in why do i have to sit through the loud hour long lectures. if i say something about it, then he will be using he voice on me. i feel so trapped and so do my ears. him and his brother is so flippin loud. why are they so loud. can't they hear. can't they understand that everybody else hears if even they don't. i can even feel my vocal chords. as loud as he is opening his gullet he should feel that he is loud even if he can't hear. geez already. all i could do is either go out for a walk until it is over, or mylot.
4 people like this
10 responses
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
9 May 12
MoonGypsy..I am sorry you have this challenge. You are always heard and appreciated on myLot , and that is one thing that is so awesome about this site. Since he is just a boyfriend..maybe you need to look at the disrespect he is showing you since he must know how much you dislike it?? If nothing can be done, and you still want him around, maybe somehow you can learn to accept his yelling and practice patiece when he starts. That is all I can think of to do when I am in a no-win situation. Good luck to you...hopefully in time he will see the error of his ways.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (157433)
• Garden Grove, California
9 May 12
she has anotheroption, call the police as he is disturbiong t he p[eace and harrassing her own son. why sit and t ake it? love is lbind and stupid too?
@stary1 (6622)
• United States
9 May 12
Hatley Maybe, but I don't know all the details and background history of what is going on.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 May 12
Hatley is right. She needs to find a way to get out of this situation. It is not ok for him to be yelling and emotionally damaging her son. She should NOT sit back and find a way to accept him treating her son in such a disrespectful way!! Never unless the son is older and being himself disrespctful then it is not ok. I don't know how old her son is but the fact that he is entering his room and the fighting starts says a lot. He should just stay out of the son's room. He is the adult after all...or should be.
• United States
9 May 12
Are you mad that he yells at your son like that, I wouldnt be too happy about that. Maybe, you need to tell him thats your son and he should be grown anyway why is he plating video games in your sons room. If hes grown he should get his own or wait his turn he is the adult. Please dont take this wrong but, from what you wrote thats how it seems in my point of view but, i dont know the whole story so please dont get mad.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (157433)
• Garden Grove, California
9 May 12
moongypsy do get mad get furious and call the p olice. you do have options you do not have to take abuse like this he is out of controle and he needs stopping. you have options really, love cannot be that blind or that stupid to let this fool walk all' over you? he does not sound loveable to me, he sou nd s horrid.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 May 12
That's what I felt too, Hatley. I know it is hard to just walk with a child to support and all. I did it with 4 kids...it can be done.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
9 May 12
no, he is not abusive. not at in ANY way, but it's just annoying cause he talks so loud. why does he have to use such a loud voice? he could say what he says. it's usually nothing wrong with that. it's just how loud and the way he says things.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 May 12
Ouch, Moon, I am feeling you through the computer and I am feeling all worked up and ready to explode just reading this. I went through all of this with my youngest daughter's dad whom I lived with for a while. He picked on one of my daughters relentlessly and it always put me in the middle of them. First it was my oldest daughter who was 17 at the time. She just moved out saying she couldn't handle it once she turned 18. I was so angry because she hadn't yet graduated and was not at all ready to be on her own. He had two pampered teen boys who "could do no wrong" and yet they did..he just never could see it. Shortly after my oldest daughter moved out, he started in on my then, 10yr old. I tried and tried to talk to him and to make peace between them. He started getting physical...grabbing her face and squeezing her jaw when they argued. I still tried to talk to him and not in front of her. When it continued because "he was the King of the Castle and I, "the Queen" was defying him, we had it out. It was a horrible situation becasue I honestly had nowhere to go but my goal was to go. It took me nearly a year and he did all he could to make that year miserable beyond belief. I did get out though and I have no regrets at all. He now tells people that he "still loves me". Oh good grief. Moon, apply for housing assistance, do whatever you can but get out of that. It isn't good for either you or your boy.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
9 May 12
i am already in housing an he is my caretaker, as well as my husband. we have a daughter together and i know he loves me very much. he would never hurt any of us intentionally. he has never talked down to me or my kids in private or in public. he is just loud. he speaks very loudly and i don't like men who yell. think of him like one of those guys on a sitcom, the father who goes around yelling most of the time, but loves his family and would never do anything intentionally wrong. he is really not a monster. i am just venting. it's no need to pack up my life just yet. thank you for the love, advice, and understanding guys. i appreciate it. i promise it's okay. i am just annoyed.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 May 12
Ok. I'm sorry for misjudging him. I had a completely different image of him. You know him while none of us do so I will take your word on it. Hope you have a better day today!
@Hatley (157433)
• Garden Grove, California
9 May 12
moongypsy why are you even tolerating that boyfriend how can you love a loudmouth who even bugs your own son? look you do not have to tolerate that at all. pick upo the phone call the police tell them your boyfriend is out of control and you fear for your son then press charges against the b.a.s.ta.rd for all the turmoil that is not love, that is cruelty and you do not have to take it.You can do something, get a new kind decent boy friend and marry him do not do this silly living together. it brings out int men being vicious an women thinking they have to take it.
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
9 May 12
Hi Hatley, I was in that same situation with my last (notice I said LAST) live-in relationship. I do know how hard it is to break free once you are living together and you have children to think of. She has to make it her goal and come up with a plan so that she can leave and still provide for her son. I had 4 kids at the time and I did it. She can do it. It's not easy at all but she will never ever regret it and I bet she will never set up household with another man again until at least after her son is grown. I didn't and now all my girls are grown and I am so happy on my own. I would never do that again even without kids. I know it works for some but I'm perfectly content being on my own and haing my own space. I date but no guy is going to live here and I won't be moving in with anyone...that's when it all gets ...ugh.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
9 May 12
guys the situation is not that bad. he is not abusive and i don't have to pick up my whole life and leave my house. nor do i have to bring cops to my house and upset the scene just for the sake of calling the cops. that's someone else's situation, not mine. it's just that i don't like loudness and i wish he would lower his voice.
@Bluedoll (17023)
• Canada
10 May 12
I do understand how people can get loud sometimes and it can become a habit, maybe a bad habit. I have a loud mouth bird that has a lovely song and chirp but if you are talking to someone and he wants attention he gets louder and louder until you end up talking loud too. Sometimes that happens. If we feel we are not being listened to or pent up because we feel are not getting attention or not being understood we can get loud because we are frustrated. It is not the way to live though. I hope things calm down for you MoonGyspy and noticed you did get some really good comments.
@Bluedoll (17023)
• Canada
10 May 12
Was thinking more about this... How long has this been going on? Did you say here in the discussion? No matter here is the thing I think. If it has or goes on much longer ask him this question in a calm conversation sitting down alone. Is it working? Usually people want results and if yelling doesn’t get results try honey, honey cause it will. Just make sure no results are had from yelling. Sorry, I wasn’t listening! This is called reward good behaviour and punish poor behaviour. Ok, think of mylot. If you make good quality discussions happen you get rewarded but if you make lousy ones bye bye discussion. See good is rewarded poor is not. Hope this helped in some small way. Get this guy under control cause it sounds like he needs help. I don’t punish my bird when he is bad but I will isolate him into another room. Ok, maybe that is a kind of punishment but it not cruel I just show him he can not control the room like he does want to. Loud mouthed bird.
@Suebee (2013)
• Canada
10 May 12
MoonGypsy it sounds as if you are very confused. I have been reading the posts in this discussion. It seems that one minute you are saying that your bf is arguing with your son, picking on him, yelling at him and in the next post you are defending his actions saying that he just has a loud voice. It is true that people who are hearing impaired speak very loudly. I know this because I come from a family of hearing impaired people. My mother speaks very loudly but it is not in a threatening manner. I myself have a hearing impairment, but I don't yell at people. Does your son have a hearing impairment so that your bf feels that he has to speak loudly? Does your bf have a hearing impairment that would cause him to speak loudly? If not, and there is no physical reason why your husband should be yelling, then you have a real problem on your hands and you need to seek help. Not only is he yelling at your son and verbally and emotionally abusing him, he is disrespecting you as well. It sounds as though you are in denial as to what is really happening here. You need to seek out counselling or therapy to deal with the situation.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
10 May 12
he never says any words that are cutting to the spirit. he just yells and lectures about every little thing. he not only does this to my son, he does this to everyone. he thinks it's part of his leadership skills. i never said he was emotionally abusing me. that is too harsh. he is not doing to my son either. he is just abusing us with his noise.
@mommyboo (13207)
• United States
10 May 12
I wonder if he just doesn't possess volume control . If he's not yelling because he is angry or disciplining, just LOUD, that's my thought. There are people like that, I know many of them. In fact, I tease some of them about not having an 'inside voice' and needing to shoot a hole in my roof so I can hear myself think. How old is your son, and what is the point of your bf arguing with him? Is your son disrespecting him or is your bf PICKING on your son? See, there has to be something going on there. If I'm provoked, I will argue, but I would never start it. I didn't grow up in a house with a lot of yelling either, and I remember once at a friend's house for dinner, the yelling between her dad and sister and brother in law and their family escalated so bad that I left the table and ran upstairs and hid under my friend's bed because it scared me so bad!! I was 19 and never had I see a family dinner come to the point where I was afraid people were going to start beating each other in front of me!
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
10 May 12
see that's the thing. they way he yells you would think that something is about to go on, but it's nothing. it's just his chastising way of speaking to people. as i am typing this message he is talking to someone and is so loud while is he doing it. no, my son wasn't trying to disrespect him. my son was crying because he wanted to get his way. i agree with him for not letting that happen, but why so loud? that's all i am saying.
9 May 12
Oh I could feel the tension in your house. I hate that scenario and I think I cannot live like that with the yelling. The best way is to leave the house for a while or should talk to them mildly. So you did just right. I think you should tell them to lower their voice maybe they are not so aware of what they are doing.
@MoonGypsy (4615)
• United States
10 May 12
oh no, he is fully aware of what he is doing it's just that he thinks he is has a right to yell. this way he can make sure people hears him.
• Philippines
10 May 12
Hello Moongypsy, regarding this discussion, for others it sounded like he was kinda abusive with the yelling. you could have just butt in there and tell them both to lower it down since you hate the yelling already. I hate yelling too as we are used to the quiet view here but unfortunately we do hear yelling in some computer shops outside our house almost every night
@TrvlArrngr (4058)
• United States
10 May 12
I hate yelling too. I always give in or try to reason with my kids so it doesn't escalate. At times I have to go for a walk or drive just to calm down and distance myself from them.