Insecurities! I hate them.

Philippines
August 7, 2012 8:05am CST
I am so depressed tonight. I am alone thinking of things. It makes me really paranoid. I realized how insecure I am. I am quite envious to a friend of mine. Pretty, rich, a high profile person. she likes a guy friend of mine, and she asked If I could help her with him. And I said I'll try. Then, I told to the guy that my friend likes him. I asked the guy who is quite handsome If he likes this friend of mine and he said yes. This started everything. My enviousness and insecurities has been uplifted. Realizing why can't I be like her? or why can't I excel on things. Why am I so average? I am not pretty and I am not smart. I do not get the boys I like. I don't get the luxuries I want. Even though I tried everything to excel. It's not me being recognized. Why can't I be a someone? I have been thinking of this all over and over and my heart feels so bad. I am so sorry for being so emotional tonight. I just quite depressed and I do not know who to lean on. Thanks anyway for reading.
4 people like this
23 responses
• Vietnam
7 Aug 12
That's not so bad like that. If you think another way, you will feel better. You are a normal person, that's so lucky. You have family, you can go to school and even have the ability to make your dream come true. That is just enough to feel happy right now. Don't be depressed anymore! I remember that have a famous person say a quote: The beautiful is made by yourself. And if you want something, you must act. Don't just talk and feel like the end of the world like that. Have a great day!
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
Hi everyone! Thanks for your advices. It made me feel better. Though I am still thinking of it now. At least it was lessened, Anyway, So much I wanted to reply to every response you've sent. I can't. But I am so thankful to everyone. Have a nice day and Happy mylotting!
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
12 Aug 12
I think we are have our own insecurities. No one problem free. We all had problem, what make it difference its how good their hiding it or how good their handling it. I think you are had something good in you, just develop it. Beauty is something will fade through time and something you can work for. What is inside is really important is you in bad mood situation who will wanna close to you. Smile a lot and be friendly, and the world will change.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
10 Aug 12
First of all, I have to say that it doesn't mean that the grass is always greener on the other side. On the outside, there are a lot of people that we will see that might look like they have everything, but if you are really able to see deeper into that person's life, it is probably true that there is at least one aspect of their lives that is completely empty. I too do feel envious of other people at times, but at the end of the day I come to realize that I really am lucky with my life and I wouldn't really want things to be any different than the life that I have.
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
10 Aug 12
First of all, I have to say that it doesn't mean that the grass is always greener on the other side. On the outside, there are a lot of people that we will see that might look like they have everything, but if you are really able to see deeper into that person's life, it is probably true that there is at least one aspect of their lives that is completely empty. I too do feel envious of other people at times, but at the end of the day I come to realize that I really am lucky with my life and I wouldn't really want things to be any different than the life that I have.
@mythociate (14978)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 Aug 12
(This may be a little long, but I think it will a) give you a wider view of your problem & b) get you started solving it!) I feel your pain; in my early 30's, I'm starting to have the same feeling about marriage ... a lot of the girls I looked at in high-school and thought, "She's not 'hot,' but she'd be an okay wife," now ARE okay-wives ... to some other bum! Now whenever I hear about some girl I knew in high-school "getting married," I'm like, 'When's it my turn ?' (I'm suddenly remembering that line from the song "Part of Your World" from Disney's The Little Mermaid ) I understand that 'the way marriage usually happens' is that The Guy has a car & an income big enough to support at least two people, convincing him that he's "good enough" to have a wife; and with that confidence he 'woos' her ... I guess. I don't 'know,' because I have no car or -'big-enough income.' In humanity's current "environ" (going a little 'Buddhist' here), that means I do not have the 'right' to declare what I do- or do not-deserve. I must simply wait here 'locked in my father the king's castle' (if you somehow take that to mean 'the humble lodgings I can afford on a passively-accepted insurance-settlement') until my knightess-in-shining-armor comes to rescue me. (What is the feminine for "knight"?) Anyway--enough about me (probably one of the reasons I'm so low ... because I would rather take care of others than have any worries about my own well-being)--I would guess that the reason you're so average is 'your parents.' Oh, I don't place all the blame on your mom and dad, as 'the world' becomes one of your parents---when it limits your parents' ability to provide for you the things that you need in order to become what you were created to be (since 'your parents have to provide for themselves first,' like all-humanity). You need somebody who a) is provided-for (with something providing for them, like an inestimable inheritance, dividends/profits on shares of an ever-growing stock, some unending source, etc.), b) provides enough for themselves to have plenty left-over for you or c) is willing to fall into 'lack' in order that you don't need to. Of course, I'm thinking of 'what I need' (as the Cledus T. Judd song--parody of the Dixie Chicks' "Redneck Woman"--says, "I need me a Paycheck Woman"); but I hope you can also see what you need. And the best way I can think of to get what you need is to a) provide what others need & b) to show that you could provide more of what others need if you have what you need.
@Jezabeth (82)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
I've read an article about How your greatest insecurities reveal your deepest gifts just recently.According to Ken Page in his decades of practice as a psychotherapist, the insight that has inspired him the most is that Our deepest wounds surrounds our greatest gifts.He found out that the very qualities we're most ashamed of, the ones we keep trying to reshape or hide, are in fact the key to finding real love.He called them "core Gifts". Don't feel depressed about your insecurities but instead think of them as a positive way to move on,improve yourself & be as confident you could ever be. ^_^
@jamssy23 (30)
8 Aug 12
Don't feel bad for yourself. Cheer up girl! We are all unique. In some ways you are better than anybody else. Just be optimistic and learn to love and appreciate yourself. Don't compare yourself to someone else. You are special! Be confident and keep smiling! ^__^
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
I do understand your sentiment. I've been in that situation and I know in the future, I'll be in than kind of situation again. There's no cure for insecurities. All you have to do is to accept your own flaws and learn to love yourself. Think of your self as a unique creature, that you are loved by God. Try to listen to Selena Gomez song " Who Says?". You just need some cheerful spirit. Just like you I'm not rich, I'm not pretty, I'm not that sweet kind of girl, I am a fat lady. But, what I did is to accept all of this. I know one day someone will love me for who I am.
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
You should try to re-assess yourself. Try to think what are the things you have that others don't. Maybe you just missed to see the wonderful things you possess because you are setting a standard that's meant for others. You fail to find your self worth 'coz you keep on prying on what others have. You may never be like her but you can be better than her in lots of unseen ways. You have to believe in yourself and be grateful for whatever you have right now, soon blessing will pour on you more than you expect:)
@camomile07 (1422)
• Germany
8 Aug 12
Instead of comparing yourself with your friend (or another person), I am sure she is an exceptional person otherwise you wouldn't accept her as your friend, you could ask yourself about your qualities. First of all, look into a mirror and aks yourself what a person you are, which qualities you are: you are also a pretty person, maybe on another way. The external prettiness goes away with the time, but the prettiness you weare inside not. I am sure you have your own internal prettiness which stays with you until the end of your life, it's something you also are able to work on it. Nobody can ever destroy it. The other points like beeing rich, have a good job, a nice boyfriend or interesting studies, all these are points you can work them out. You are able to get everything in your live you want. You only have to act. Selfmotivation is very important and if you need more information about it, you will find it in Internet and there are plenty of books written about it.
• United States
8 Aug 12
Don't think that we don't understand your pain. Your not the only person to ever feel helpless about their life. I have felt this way a few times. I am doing better now and will be hoping the same for you. just remember someone out there loves you.
@Jshean20 (14374)
• Canada
8 Aug 12
Sounds like you're going through a very rough time emotionally. I want to let you know that I have experienced depression so I know what it's like. I can sit here and tell you not to feel so down on yourself, but when you're in this state of mind it's not something you can change by snapping out of it, I know that. Just remember that even though your friend is rich and high profile, I bet there is atleast one thing that she is jealous of with you. The best I can suggest for the time being is do everything in your power to not think so negatively, if it means not talking to her for a few days then so be it. Try to do something to get your mind off it: read, exercise, mylot, whatever it takes. Take care!
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
Have you ever thought? there are some too, intelligent, beautiful, and ladies who almost to perfection but keeps asking why they haven't found the right man yet. You see, it is not about one's appearance..It's about, who accepts and loves the real you.Maybe "he's just not into you". Well, if its yours, its yours..if it's not, it's not!! Don't be insecure, you don't know, someone might have been envious to you for what you are... or ... someone adores you right now for what you are and for who you are. Just be confident about yourself, for what you are, for who you are and for what you have.
@jambi462 (4598)
• United States
8 Aug 12
In the end we must realize that it is our so called flaws and imperfections that make us beautiful and unique. We cannot compare ourselves to others so much because we will always find someone that is better than us in some aspect. The only thing that truly matters is that we are good people and that we treat people well. There will always be someone prettier than us but not everyone will have as beautiful of an outlook on life as we can all have. We must find comfortability and confidence within ourselves if we want to dispel insecurities. We can't focus on our flaws because the more we concentrate on them the more we begin to notice them all the time. Even when I am complimented I find it hard to believe sometimes, it is necessary for us to accept compliments and also to accept that we are all beautiful within our own right. The most important thing though is the way we act and react to moments of life, through struggles and strife if we can show positivity that will make us all beautiful regardless of our physical looks.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
8 Aug 12
Hi Joneilromana, I can tell you what it is but I can't tell you how to fix it,unfortunately. Your problem is really very common. It is that you are comparing yourself and rating yourself on other peoples great qualities rather than finding your own and zoning in on them. I'm sure you have them. I 'm actually positive you do. The thing is that once you accept who you are and then learn to like the person you are...that is when everyone else will like you for who you are. Why? Because you are no longer being down on yourself and trying to be someone that you are not or wishing you were. Sounds so easy and so cliche but it is also so true. I was just like you when I was younger. I had too many zits, not enough boobs, underweight, didn't talk well in social situations...ok...I didn't talk at all in social situations. People would ask what was wrong...Why don't you talk? I just did not fit in anywhere. Looks ...that didn't cut it. I grew my hair and wore the right clothes....got told I was pretty enough...could not hold on to a boyfriend...and then when I did ...I married him and that was a nightmare. Honestly when I left him, I thought I was doing HIM a favor. I got councelling. Spent severala months just learning to be me...not good being good enough for someone else. im a quiet person...nothingI love more than being home and even home alone. I will never be a cool person in my eyes. Oddly when I stopped caring so much about what others thought ...that is is exactly when I gained the most popularity. Do I feel I deserve it? No...probably never will. BUT...I'm happy in my life with who I am and others can take it or leave it.
• United States
8 Aug 12
If you are not pretty learn how to apply makeup. You are smart because you know yourself and admit your feelings. Most people act like they have answers but they don't. Almost everybody is faking it. You are not alone. You will understand when your friends relationship and flirting don't work out. So put on some makeup look nice do your nails and hair and feel good about yourself. Studies show guys don't care about what women think they care about. So start with you.
@Paper_Doll (2376)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
I guess that many people feel the same way so don't be too upset about it. But you have to realize that we are different. We may think that other people are better than us but we don't have to put ourselves down because of that reason. Learn to find contentment of what you have and do not base your success to other people's achievement because you will never find happiness on that. This may not be the time that your efforts will be recognized but definitely, you time will come. Some people are like plants that some of them grow only in specific types of soil. You are maybe not on the right soil as of now but surely, you will find this eventually. I hope that helps.
@Iriene88 (5352)
• Malaysia
8 Aug 12
Don't feel bad, I have been there too. Each and everyone of us at times will feel very down, insecured especially when we start comparing with a better person than us. We will asked the big question of 'Why she is better, why not me'. I sometimes admiring people driving my dream sport car, they are so blessed. However, always remember that all of us have a reason being here on earth. We are made perfect and have our own beauty too. We are surrounded by the people who loves us so much, we are like a piece of the puzzle that fit well in the whole picture. We will find our joy, our freedom in our own unique way. God loves us and He did shower us with great surprises too. Be happy and live life to the fullest, do not waste our time thinking about what others have .. for this life is short. There are some people who are not as lucky as us, they felt bad too at times. So stay cheerful and happy
@toniganzon (48524)
• Philippines
8 Aug 12
Hi! I'm so sorry to hear that but i could relate to how you feel. I'm just glad you admit that you have this insecurities. Don't know if you would want to hear what i want to tell you but i will say it anyway and hope you will have an open mind while reading this. I think you should stop trying too hard and doing your best to become somebody else. I think the reason why you couldn't be what you want to be is because you don't want to be yourself but you want to be somebody else. Why do you study hard? Because you want to be like someone. I'm really sorry if i'm being harsh or trying to meddle in your affairs. If you are open to advice, i will tell you this. Try to be yourself, don't compare yourself to others. You will see in time, with patience, you will be ok. As of the moment try to find an outlet that could take you out of depression. Once again, i'm sorry. Hope you will be ok soon.
• United States
8 Aug 12
I have been there, and sometimes, I still feel like I am there. No one likes insecurity, but if you feel insecure, then that's about the time that you start thinking about how you can get away from that feeling of insecurity. What are you going to do about those feelings? I don't want luxuries. I just want the necessities. Start with that.