Why do you want to be my friend?

Spain
September 13, 2012 12:59pm CST
I received a friend request today from a user whose username was unfamiliar. As usual, I checked how many posts they had. Just under 200 - so far, so good. If an unfamiliar member puts in an FR with only 10 posts, I let them simmer a while, so I can see if they stay around, and if we'll connect. So, second move is to visit the profile and check on their discussions to see if we have interests in common. I looked at the figures in detail - over 200 discussions started, and only 8 - yes, eight responses. Not only is this person a serial discussion starter, they've only ever responded to 8 discussions - none of them involving yours truly. And because the current post total falls short of the discussions started and responded to, they've also had between 10 and 20 posts deleted, so they're maybe not playing by MyLot rules. This person has never interacted with me - or any other members judging by the number of responses. So why does he (or she) want to be my friend? It doesn't make sense.
6 people like this
26 responses
@celticeagle (114369)
• Boise, Idaho
13 Sep 12
I get atleast one friend request daily. I do check their posts and info on their profile and see if they have similar interests too. But I have been on Mylot for five years and have very few scammers and the rest I just go with my gut. I am pretty careful as to who I accept. Some people just want alot of freind's for some reason. Like the more they have the better for some unknown reason. Weird, huh?
@GardenGerty (92230)
• Marion, Kansas
13 Sep 12
I seem to run into that type a lot, all the time. I have so many people on my list that came here and did nothing else, ever.
• Spain
13 Sep 12
Yes, I seem to be a 'friend magnet' as well. Maybe it's because we've all got fairly big numbers next to our names, and people think that either they can pick up tips from us, or else they may - mistakenly - feel that there's some sort of kudos attached to being friends with us 'Oldies.' There doesn't seem to be any other logical explanation.
3 people like this
@Hatley (161860)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep 12
hi again I really really get way too many and i am embarrassed to even say how m any f riend i have. I cannot even res pond to all of them much as I might want too,. I was a pushover to help newcomers and now I a m not really helping them anyway if i have not time to respond to them.
@ravisivan (14055)
• India
13 Sep 12
This is slightly better that the person has made 200 discussions. I received a FR from a person with zero discussions started and zero responses. I declined the request. The person you are referring --i have one in my mind -- started today more than 10/12 discussions and is from China -- I suggested to him that he should post reply comments to responses. One reason can be that he feels he cannot communicate properly in English --i guess this because his discussions are all only one line discussions. yes. your suggestion to wait for people to settle down in mylot is one way correct. But I adopt a policy where a person has 10 in bracket then i accept immediately. ideas differ.
3 people like this
• Spain
13 Sep 12
Yes, that's another one I can't understand - if you haven't actually put something up here, how can we know if we have anything in common? This person was also from China, with one-liners, which of course don't earn anyway. I don't think it's anything to do with their communication skills - a lot of people think that the more discussions they start, the more they earn, so they start loads of discussions, and never return to manage them. If only they'd read the guidelines, they'd soon realise that it's quality rather than quantity that earns on MyLot. Apart from that, it's so much more enjoyable to participate fully in a discussion.
2 people like this
@Hatley (161860)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep 12
hi sandra yep you have nailed it down completely. I have gotten to where if this person with all the discussions refuses to even make a short comment to my response I remember his user name and from then on I refuse to respond to him as my responses are just wasted time.
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Hatley, you're all over this one, just like me. Great, isn't it? Yes, it's wasting time when we could be interacting on discussions like this one, where we're all popping in and out of each other's comment boxes. When you never see the OP after the initial post, it's as if you're talking to yourself. I remember those usernames and keep away from them. My time here is limited, and I want to spend it in enjoyable discussions, not typing into cyberspace for nobody else to read it. You see, that's another problem with serial discussion starters. Because they don't show any interest in their discussions, nobody else does either, and it's all one way traffic.
• United States
13 Sep 12
Maybe they just want to add more friends. new people don't fully understand the site when they jump in and start making money. they will get it after a while nd with other members help. I like to see 100 by a persons name before I would think of approving them. If I have not seen them around my posts I will wait before I except them. I hate spammers.
3 people like this
• Spain
13 Sep 12
I know where you're coming from, and I'm the same - at least 100 before I accept, but this person had almost 200 posts. I say 'person' because they hadn't confirmed their gender either, and that's something else that signals a red flag for me. I may be wrong, but I get the feeling I'd have been spammed if I'd accepted the FR.
5 people like this
• United States
13 Sep 12
That is why I would deny them so fast.
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (64082)
• Italy
13 Sep 12
Hi there stranger! I receive many requests from users, some with only single numbers, probably because they see me dishing out tips. I check their activity and if they were on one of those topics where I quoted FAQs or such like then I usually add them. I don't recall one from a user with that amount of started topics though and in that case, like you, I would not accept them. I would not refuse them either. They would end up there on the washing line. After all, they are of less bother there and I have loads of unused pegs
• Spain
13 Sep 12
Hello, Diana. Looks like it's Reunion Night on MyLot! I know a lot of people leave FRs on the 'washing line,' but I just can't do that. I may not be very tidy around the house, but my laptop has to be absolutely pristine. Emails are read, then either replied to, deleted or moved to the appropriate folder if I need to keep them for future reference. I can't do with more than a few emails in my inbox, which is very annoying today, as for some reason I can't open Outlook at all. I'll have to get my tame computer whizz to look at it tomorrow, and hope there's nothing urgent there - there isn't usually. It's the same with the 'Friends' tab here. If I see a number when I log in, I have to go and sort them out, but I do give some the benefit of the doubt if I think we may develop a beautiful friendship in future.
3 people like this
@mysdianait (64082)
• Italy
13 Sep 12
Oh I keep my 'washing line' in order too. It is now well into three figures and I keep an eye on 'em all Sometimes they disappear but not always of their own accord - and it is then that I am pleased that I left them there When you get access to your mail you will see a PM from me over there. I had a request...
2 people like this
13 Sep 12
Any dirty washing on that ‘washing line’
3 people like this
@riyauro (6431)
• India
13 Sep 12
Oh well i don't actually see all that to any friend requests but rather approve it. Because i have come here for a purpose to make money as well as enjoy the discussions. If I am on there friends list there are lots of chances that they will respond to my discussions and then I will respond back, so I work in this way here. Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead.
2 people like this
• Spain
13 Sep 12
What I can't get around with this one though is that they don't reciprocate to their friends' discussions. They only have 8 responses and over 200 discussions started. I guess the person is one of those who erroneously thinks they make money by starting discussions, rather than participating in them.
3 people like this
@Hatley (161860)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep 12
Hi Sandra did they ever comment back n the responses they get from us mylotters? some make a lotof discussions thinking they get p aid for our res ponses which is not true. we type them we get the pay , the others type back comments then they get the pay.
• Spain
14 Sep 12
No Hatley, they didn't. I checked on one or two, just in case there may have been a mistake in the post count. All they consisted of was the discussion topic and no more input from the OP. One of the things I love about the discussions I participate in is when you get several people in the same comment box. That's what's happening here, and it makes for a great discussion. I spent over an hour on this last night, and I've been in here for half an hour already, reading and catching up on responses. It's what makes for great discussions.
• Australia
14 Sep 12
For someone with a relatively high number of posts, I probably have one of the smallest friends lists on the Lot, because I do exactly what so many others have spelled out here, and I'm extremely fussy about having common ground and on the Requester having discussions and posts that show some realistic grasp on logic. I also prune my list regularly along the lines you suggested. I also have never understood quite why they want to be my friend, but I must say I have never yet been spammed. Maybe I'm a good judge? Lash
2 people like this
@Hatley (161860)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep 12
hi yes indeed you are as you asked to be my friend and I accepted too. lol. I have been a push over for newcomers and now have way way too m any friends as I cannot even respond to all of them. Also I need to prune as a lot of newcomers stay for several weeks then just leave. I do respond to those whom I have been friends with for five years here as theyare all my friends too.,I have not been spamed in four years as I do not take friend collectors who want me for a referrral.
• Spain
14 Sep 12
I second Hatley - you sent a FR to me too, so you obviously have impeccable taste and judgement, Lash! Very often, I get a request from a really young person, and I think, 'Why do they want to be friends with an oldie like me, when there are lots of people nearer their own age here?' Then I look at their profile and see we have quite a lot in common, or we hit it off in the discussions, and we go on to develop a really rewarding friendship. You never know who will turn out to be a great friend, but you can always pick out the time wasters if you use a little common sense.
@GardenGerty (92230)
• Marion, Kansas
13 Sep 12
I go through phases of just approving everyone and then deleting them when or if they spam me. I do see where you are going on the gut feeling on this one though. I agree with someone else who said that sometimes they are just looking for prestige by who is on their friend list. I also have issues with people who request me as friend and never ever start a discussion I can even respond to. Certain topics are just hopeless for me. I have decided to delete some of those from my friend list completely.
2 people like this
• Spain
13 Sep 12
Hello, GG. I did a 'cull' of my friends list last week, and I wiped out a whole page of them who'd either never interacted with me, or never put up anything I could find interesting. That's why I'm more careful about approving people now. I've also had a few newbies who've spammed me - and also some more established members who should have known better.
1 person likes this
13 Sep 12
Boo Maybe it is something as simple as they see your name see that you are respected and have been a member for some time, popular and take time to respond in a thoughtful manner and think by being your friend they will gain some of that prestige by association.
1 person likes this
13 Sep 12
I actually only popped on to see if my account was still active seeing it had been so long since I had been active, maybe I will stay around for a bit. Ironically considering how long it had been since I had posted or replied to anything I’ve got a crazy amount of friend requests in my absence which all I can think off is that they have seen I am a level 15 in the “Movies” section and requested a Friendship which seems to back up my theory that they see respected members and want some sort of coolness by association. Oh and they were true kind words.
2 people like this
13 Sep 12
@mysdiana - I was wondering when you would spot I had returned, guessed it wouldn’t be long when I responded to Sandra. Many thanks for the welcome back.
1 person likes this
@mysdianait (64082)
• Italy
13 Sep 12
Ehehehe I don't miss much on here, especially if it happens on topics started by friends
1 person likes this
@allen0187 (27914)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
maybe this mylot user was enamored by the picture in your avatar. lol! no idea really, perhaps you can wait a while and see if this user participates in more discussions. if the mylot user doesn't meet any of your requirements then you can just delete the invite. cheers and happy mylotting!!!
@allen0187 (27914)
• Philippines
13 Sep 12
just want to add that perhaps this mylot user is an admirer of yours.
1 person likes this
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Hey, Allen - I never thought of that. I'm 60, so I thought I was past the stage of collecting admirers, but thank you for suggesting it. Although I'd like to think of myself as the object of a stranger's desire, I think it's more likely that he just wants somebody else to spam.
@allen0187 (27914)
• Philippines
14 Sep 12
lol at your comments sandra. so did you delete this mylot user yet? just curious. cheers and happy mylotting!!!
@STOUTjodee (3348)
• United States
25 Sep 12
The first thing that came to mind is Mr. Rodger's theme song: "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood, would you be mine, would be mine, would you be my neighbor?" Some times things just pop into my head out of no where, but anyway... Discussions likes this make me look into a person's profile to see what other interesting comments/ discussions the person makes. Since I haven't been on here that long, I will request to friend someone who has interesting discussions/comments such as you or someone who comments on a discussion that I have made that are similar to my views. Hope you'll accept me friend add!
• Spain
25 Sep 12
Hello, STOUTjodee. Yes, I'll be your friend - even if I can't be your neighbour. I haven't heard that song - must be a USA thing. I always look at the profile, unless I've seen someone on the discussions and had some good interaction. Even then, I'll check it out, just to be sure. Let's face it, you check out people in the real world before you make friends, so why should it be any different online?
• United States
25 Sep 12
Thanks for adding me as a friend! You're absolutely right about checking out friends in the "real" world. I've been referred to as being "stuck up" when meeting someone because I sit back and listen and watch a person before I make a decision to whether I want to associate with this person or not.
@BarBaraPrz (17988)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
13 Sep 12
Maybe they want to be friends with you because they like vodka... I just accepted a FR today from someone with only 10 posts, but she had just started here, we have some things in common, and she did reply to one of my discussions before requesting. Mostly, though, I just wait a bit before denying FR. Sometimes I'll accept a FR but turn their notifications off (not that I'm getting any anymore anyway) (how many any's can a person use in a sentence!?).
1 person likes this
@Hatley (161860)
• Garden Grove, California
14 Sep 12
hi Barbaraprz any way you do not get any anymore wow. like me ' with a sentence the other day something like" he had had way too much to drink and I had had all I could take from him had he had anymore to say to me I would have had to hit him." what a horror of a sentence and my son laughed at me so I did revise that one a lot.
1 person likes this
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Hey, Barbara - thank you for that. I'll add liking vodka to the list of requirements! I take your point about low post count FRs when they've already responded to your discussions and you have things in common. I've done that myself. I'm not against accepting FRs from anybody, but I accept them because I want to interact with people, not to be able to boast how many pages of friends I have. That's why I never hit 'accept' until I've checked them out, and I hope people do the same before adding me as a friend. And ladies, we all do the repeated words thing. That's why it always makes sense to read everything through before hitting 'submit.'
1 person likes this
• India
14 Sep 12
Hi friend, i think you have lot of restrictions to approve the friend request, i agree we must be very careful while approving the friends, otherwise we will suffer with a lot of scams and spams in our inbox. I am not interested in approving the friend request of the person who don't have any activity in this site. Mostly this kind of persons are send their request to spam our inbox
1 person likes this
• Spain
14 Sep 12
That's the problem - they're not interested in being friends, they just want to have people for referrals. Yes, I do have quite stringent requirements for my friends - both in real life and online.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
14 Sep 12
I don't really get some other My Lot users why they even add me. Most of them have a single digit number of posts. Haha! I'm not as active as before here in My Lot but whenever I have the time, I try posting some because I really like it here. Whenever I log in to my My Lot account, I'm surprised someone still wants to add me as a friend even with a couple of months of not being online or being active.
• Jacksonville, Florida
13 Sep 12
I think as others have said that some people just want to gain more friendships, especially from the people that have been around a while. I am not sure why but it seems that way to me. I had a friend request from someone who was here a short time and they spammed me like crazy telling me to try this link and the other one. Now I wait to accept new people until they have been here longer or I see that they are really doing the right things here. I don't like being spammed! Lol.
1 person likes this
• Spain
13 Sep 12
I don't think any of us like being spammed. Everyone seems to think the same as you - that people want to be friends with those who have the big numbers. Once you pass the 1000 post mark, it seems you're fair game for the friend collectors. The problem is, I value my friendships so much - whether online of offline - and I get concerned when people treat FRs so lightly.
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27954)
• Malaysia
13 Sep 12
Looks like am experiencing drought season in mylot. Nobody had send in any FR for the past two weeks since my return from leave. I used to be swarmed with requests and would approve them without vetting through their past records in mylot. So you see in my profile I have many friends but most of them are only sleeping partners who never appear in any of my discussions. Now am wondering why did these people request to be my friends when they don't support my discussions. The only reason I can think of is they expect me to respond to their discussions only and do not wish to reciprocate my good deeds. I should stop being friends collector and only admit those who have shown a good run in mylot as at the end of the day they are more of an asset than liability.
1 person likes this
• Spain
13 Sep 12
That's just what I'm talking about, Zandi. We take on friends because we don't like to say no, but then we find out it's one-way traffic, and it demeans the status of friendship. As you say, real friends are an asset, and we look forward to meeting up with them, whether online or in the real world. We should keep it special, for all our sakes.
1 person likes this
@bostonphil (4397)
• United States
13 Sep 12
You have raised a very good question in your discussion. I am often suspicious of why some mylotters send me a friend request. I check out their profile and number of posts. I read some of the discussions begun and those responded to. I am cautious before I accept a friend request. We do not always know who is on any of these sites, not just mylot. They could have hidden agendas including stealing our identity. In fact, I believe that mylot suggests to us that we not post any identifying information about ourselves, such as real names, when we begin or respond to a discussion. Mylot must have a very good reason for making this suggestion. I believe that you and I began to network on the subject of online writing sites, especially Helium. That was among the things that we had in common and I am very grateful for your friendship and for your help.
1 person likes this
• Spain
13 Sep 12
Hello, Phil, and thanks for that. I don't worry about identity theft when FRs come in, but it does concern me that FRs are genuine, and not just notches on the profile page - otherwise, what's the point? As you say, we've exchanged tips and hints - that's what real friends do. We offer advice, help and support in areas where we have common interests. That's why it's so important to me that all my friends - both online and offline - are friends in the true sense of the word.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (56720)
• India
14 Sep 12
I have about 137 requests which I have kept on hold. I watch them and if I find them contributing positively, I will accept them. Also, there is no point in increasing the number of friends if we have nothing in common with them.But I have not rejected anyone so far nor have I deleted any one, even though I might have had some difference of opinion. People change. This is a virtual world and deleting them at the drop of a hat is to my mind, not called for.
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Hello, Allknowing. That's a good way to do it. I have this thing about keeping everything online tidy, even though I'm not a tidy person at home, so I never have more than a few pending. Usually, they don't hang around, but I just sent out a FR tp a person with just 6 posts, because I can see from the posts he's made already that he wants to integrate and contribute to discussions. We also have quite a bit in common, so it's certainly not all the newbies who are just here as friend collectors to make money.
@allknowing (56720)
• India
14 Sep 12
These pending requests sit cozily somewhere and they don't bother me![em]rofl[/em. My approach here is slightly different in that I respond to topics that interest me and many of them may not be on my friends' list. Most of my friends' notifiers are off as that would really clutter my inbox! I depend on the discussions tab where a drop down menu as you know gives us the total picture of what's going on. And ofcourse the home page too has it all. Until you responded to one of my topics I did not know you existed here! And I am so glad I found you.
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Oh, that's lovely, thank you - glad to know you too. I don't get here as much as I'd like, because I'm very busy with writing projects and a paid forum posting gig, although I do try to get in a couple of times a week. When the Olympics were on, there were a lot of interesting topics coming through to my inbox, so I was here most days, and my friends here were so pleased to see me I felt a bit guilty for neglecting them, so I vowed to make it here at least once a day. I have most of the notifiers off as well, except for a few friends whose discussions I don't want to miss. I check on the 'my interests' tab for discussions to respond to, as it mixes up the ones from my interests rather than just listing everything.
@bounce58 (17527)
• Canada
17 Sep 12
I guess they just want their notifications to show up in your inbox so you could respond to it. But since they also don't respond to discussions, then I guess they are still in the impression that they earn if they raised a lot of discussions even without responding. Like you, I've let people simmer in the 'pending request' for a while before I accept them. Until I come across them in discussions.
• Spain
17 Sep 12
Hello, Bounce. See, that's a big problem - no matter how many times we tell them they get paid for quality rather than quantity, lots of people are still under the impression that they have to start lots of discussions to make money. If they'd only realise you make a lot more money by managing discussions well, they'd earn more and have a lot of fun into the bargain. This discussion has been great, because not only have people responded, they've dropped comments in other boxes as well - that's what makes for a good discussion. Like you, I will only now accept friends I see in discussions, because at least that shows we have interests in common. That's what friendship is about - online and offline.
@bounce58 (17527)
• Canada
17 Sep 12
Thanks Sandra! And I hope you don't mind that I don't respond to some of your discussions. I try and read them, but I can't relate because I don't have a helium account yet.
• Spain
18 Sep 12
When you have a lot of real friends, as opposed to numbers on a page, you can't keep up with everything. And just like real friends, although you have stuff in common, there are areas where your interests don't coincide. We just get together when we can, and enjoy the experience - no apologies or explanations are necessary between friends.
• Maldives
14 Sep 12
I wanted to be your friend that is because...because..ummm..because..ummmm..because... ooooooops nothing comes to my mind let me think of something that would not irritate you and respond later.. It's no wonder my name is ''bull'' as normally bulls eat their salad without mustard cream...and that shows they are not very good at thinking deep.. may be the word ''bull'' derived from ''dull'' as it is visible that if we turn the letter ''d'' to the right it tuns out as ''bull''... ......
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Love it, Misterbull - welcome to MyLot. You certainly are not irritating me - it's the best laugh I've had all day. I'd be proud to have you as a friend.
• Maldives
18 Sep 12
....Now I got it...it is because. I am single....!!!!!!
• Spain
18 Sep 12
That's it - you got it!!
@neildc (17257)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
14 Sep 12
i also have a number of friend request coming each day. i try to check their profiles for their activities and especially their location. lately, i'm fed up with too many fr's so i just accept everyone. but i will give time to clean-up my list... some could only be trying to get referrals for their other accounts outside mylot.
• Spain
14 Sep 12
Hello, Neil. That's the problem with a lot of these FRs - they're just after referrals, which is why it's necessary to check them all out. I had a new guy come into the discussion who only has 6 posts and he's eager to participate in discussions to improve his English. I sent him a FR, because he's got the right attitude, and although he's made 6 posts, he only has one friend, so he's using the system as it should be used. If only everyone thought like that!
@neildc (17257)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
14 Sep 12
he truly needs help and he deserves support from us. i'll check out on him.