Falling into a relative?

@Daisy_22 (1230)
Philippines
October 2, 2012 1:14am CST
They said blood is thicker that a water but is it accepted if ever you will fall in love with your relative within 3rd degree? I know that in some countries it is acceptable, Would you embrace in this kind of situation?Or would you rather fight your feelings and forget it?
2 people like this
19 responses
@jenny1015 (13389)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
Actually, I have never been attracted to a relative. I don't think it is possible for me. Whether he is a 3rd or 4th degree relative, still I could not see myself falling for that person.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
Same here and all of my cousin i considered them all as my brothers and whatever treatment and feelings i have with my brothers will do to them, they will still be my family. If im going to love them or become my bf then for me its sounds like i love my brother and become my bf too. So its somehow of putting limitation to a certain things also. We can't love all people in the same way for having bf or husband.
@Daisy_22 (1230)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
your right, it seems very awkward in our kind of society.
1 person likes this
@berting600 (3458)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
It actually did not happen to me but to my first degree cousin in my father side to another fourth degree cousin in my mother side.I did not expect that his younger brother was also in love with the younger sister of my fourth degree cousin in my mother side.We did not actually like it is happening in our families with both brothers and sisters are developing to feel in love.They are actually so compatible.We just cheered their families are growing happily.
@Daisy_22 (1230)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
so it's accepted with your society? What are the criticisms they've face because of that?
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
I do not know what kinds of criticisms they might encounter.They are the ones who are in those relationships,yet I am quite sure they are all successful parents of their children and grand children.
@Bhebelen14 (5206)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
Hi Daisy_22, I think better to forget the feelings and look for someone else who not related to you. I have lots of cousins how are very handsome, well-educated and kind but i never imagine myself falling in love with them, there are only like a big brothers or friends to me. I admit were very close but our closeness has a limit and we only treat each other as a one big happy family.
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
That's true though somehow we can't avoid it as there's also other countries that accept this kind of things but in our country its not really common specially in my family as when my brothers will tell us they want to court a certain girl and when my father or mother knows their parents that somehow related to us my father will simply say to forget it to avoid ruining the entire family clan relationship. So of course as respect not just to our father but the whole entire clan my brother stop it and turned to other girls.
@Daisy_22 (1230)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
well this is not on my case, It's just a situation where my friend is into now....But I'm grateful for all your wonderful suggestions!
• United States
2 Oct 12
I have this same discussion going on. I recently ran into a friend who admitted she is dating, and has moved in with, her third cousin. From what I understand, all but her mother seems to except this. When she first told me, I was shocked, but I am happy for her because she is so happy. I gather it was easier for her to follow her emotions than it was for him- he fought against them having a relationship, but apparently things just worked better for each of them when they were together versus just being friends!
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
5 Oct 12
A 3rd cousin is not a member of her immediate family. Therefore, the relationship is considered OK in most circles. It might confuse the family tree a little, though.
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
I don't think that will work although it is accepted in other countries. They said, if relatives get into a relationship and had a child, genetic/hormonal problems may surface. I don't know if it's really true but even if it's not, I won't still commit myself to a relative. That is awkward and inappropriate for me.
@toniganzon (51713)
• Philippines
17 Oct 12
Under the Philippine law, when we say third degree it means your first cousin. The first degree is your parent, the second degree relationship is your siblings, aunts and uncles. The law disallows such relationship for medical reasons. The babies produced by this such relationship develops a certain kind of illness that is related to blood. It's some kind of abnormality. The law allows beyond second degree by consanguinity.
@ElicBxn (60884)
• United States
6 Oct 12
Honestly, even first cousins aren't that closely related to you. Not that I suggest getting involved with your first cousin... but it is legal in some states in the U.S. By 3rd cousins you are really barely related, probably only a little more related than all the blue eyed people in the world are related to each other (since they all seem to share a single ancestor...) However, I barely know my cousins, except my first cousins, and while I was related to them, I was and am fonder of my friends...
@bellis716 (4806)
• United States
5 Oct 12
Please explain "3rd degree relative". In some countries, it is customary to marry first cousins (the offspring of your aunt or uncle). I don't believe that it is actually illegal in the USA, but it is frowned upon. The idea is to avoid genetic diseases by widening the gene pool.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
3 Oct 12
Under the civil code of the Philippines, having an affairs with our blood relation up to the third degree is indecent and immoral. There are reasons why the government prohibit having relationship with our relative up to the third degree. I'm not sure what are those prohibition under the law, but I am sure they will not allowed it even if there is no crimes to be committed but a civil liability being impose in such cases...
@alottodo (3061)
• Australia
3 Oct 12
When I was 18 I met one of my cousin for the first time...and he was such a good looker! but I new it was not for me! I made my choice not to fall in love with him...and why not? he was my first cousin for goodness sake! so at the end of the day is for the individual to make that choice! I would not fight any feelings because I would not let my feelings get away with it!
@natliegleb (5184)
• India
2 Oct 12
yes even in my country its acceptable and many people prefer that for sure since they can easily know their relatives and judge them well and for so many other internal reasons,they fall in love
@jaiho2009 (39019)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
This is acceptable in other countries, but for me I will never indulge myself into this kind of relationship. It's not all about culture or tradition- it's about the welfare of my kids. We know very well that, blood relationship will likely to create health problems with their kids. So, I will never risk my kid/s future all because of my selfishness. I may find another man, other than my relative.
@Shavkat (63449)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
For some, it is not acceptable. I don't want to feel guilty for loving someone in our blood line.
@aejey322 (1006)
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
I have experienced it... not really into a relationship but just merely admiration. I met him at a mall when I was still in high school. I had a crush on him. and i found out that he worked in a bank situated inside the mall. i researched for his full name. it was for about 5-6 months that i came back regularly just to see him from afar... or get inside the bank and just take a glimpse of him. you know, teenage crushes... One day, we had a family reunion and I was very surprised to see him there. When they were introduced, I found out that he is the illegitimate son of my father's cousin. It is when I realized that is why his name didn't even gave me a clue that he was a relative because he's using his mother's family name. But after that, my crush on him faded. I'm afraid what our family would say that I fell in love with a relative.
@rsa101 (13833)
• Quezon City, Philippines
2 Oct 12
Tradition and culture would prevent your from expressing your feelings of course. I think it is natural attitude towards family relatives that we take them as family and not as a different person from us. So I guess it should be prevented to avoid conflicts from within the family.
@riyauro (6428)
• India
2 Oct 12
There are some places where it is acceptable. i guess 3rd degree cousin is fine though for me it was a no no always. I also have very handsome cousins but I saw them as my brothers and no feeling of love developed for them ever. I have seen some people get married to 3rd degree cousins and they are accepted. i think if it is not accepted where you live and by your parents then you should not indulge in it. There are lots of fish in the ocean and he is not the last man on earth. ..Thanks for sharing and have a wonderful day ahead
@WakeUpKitty (8706)
• Netherlands
2 Oct 12
By law it's only forbidden to get married in the 1st degree which means: father with daughter, mother with son, brother with sister (even if the brother and sister are adopted). Nobody can forbid you to fall in love with someone since falling in love is a feeling. Also there is a difference between what is allowed (by law) and what is accepted by the society/culture you live in. In many cultures parents find it normal you get married with your cousin, they arrange that. My friend is an example of it. She walked out because her ex was very abusive. Also she finds it terrible since nearly all kids/people in that family of her are nearly deaf. Personally I don't care with whom my kids want to marry or who they love. It's their life and it's up to them. If I would fall in love with a cousin or so and he with me I would go for it. No matter if my family would like it or not.
@rog0322 (2834)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
2 Oct 12
Hi, In our place, it is frowned upon to fall for a relative even if it is to the nth degree. There is always a scenario where a young man who court a girl would go through a series of interview first with the parents of the girl only to trace the generations where he came from. If the parents are satisfied that no connection exist between the families, then the relationship goes on.
• Philippines
2 Oct 12
I can't imagine loving my 3rd degree cousin as if i have special feelings for them it might not love but a feeling like for a family only, as long as they are my cousin no matter how much degree it is then i will not going to do it. Im not against those who will as im not in the position to tell them but its all up to them as long as both party are happy i mean also their family if they will accept it then fine. I still believe of love for my family, relatives and friends so even friends i will not dare to love them in a way of becoming a bf or gf thing as its also important to put a certain limit to those were into with and if we think its already beyond our limit then better get out as early as we can.