I wish I could handle this myself

@dawnald (84132)
Shingle Springs, California
January 18, 2013 1:03pm CST
It is frustrating getting dribs and drabs of information, and finding out that certain questions weren't asked, etc. I'm talking about the accident that Tony and I got into. The other person's insurance decided that it was 25% his fault, and will pay 75% of the repairs. I know that the other person changed her story, but I don't know the details. And now I know that his insurance has said they will pay $900, and he has to pay a $1000 deductible. Well, assuming they agree with the other insurance that it was 25% his fault, doesn't the other insurance have to cover 75% of the deductible? Thing is, he didn't even ask if they were going with the other insurance's assessment, if they were disputing it or what. I asked him all these questions, and other than "they will pay $900, I have to pay $1000", I didn't get anything. I'm coming to find out that he's a wee bit too passive about things like this. I would never tell him this, but just like R. Aargh, frustrating.
1 person likes this
12 responses
@celticeagle (114391)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Jan 13
There is something I have learned about the men we women tend to pick. We tend to pick the same type over and over until we start looking at the history and see some negative fascets. For me I was always looking for a father figure because mine was never in the picture. I read a book a couple years ago that makes alot of sense. We tend to go bindly out finding men that we may have afew things in common with but do we really set down and figure out what we need and want from a relationship and then actually link that to who we chose to be with? If he treats us nice we think we have it in the bag. Not so. Any guy that has any smarts knows how to treat a woman to get her interested. Then afew weeks down the turn pike we feel slighted and unnerved to find this guy just does't seem to be working out. What a waste of time! The book is great because it tells a woman how to set down and figure out what kind of guy she needs in her life. It explains the different types of guys and which ones to stay away from. It sure opened my eyes. Just my thoughts. Hope this insurance things gsts taken care of.
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
Actually, R had many qualities that were right for me, or I wouldn't have stuck with him for so many years. But I think Tony doesn't have some of the ones that R had that were wrong for me. So hopefully it will work out.
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@celticeagle (114391)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Jan 13
I hope so too.
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
The main thing is that R and his family had me feeling that something was a bit "off" with me. With Tony, sometimes he laughs at me, but it's always in an "I love you just the way you are" kind of way, not judgmental or anything. I feel completely accepted.
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@katsmeow1213 (28845)
• United States
18 Jan 13
I hate insurance companies. Back in 05 hubby went out one day (alone thankfully).. actually it was New Year's Day.. not New Year's Eve, but New Year's Day.. in the middle of the day, and he was hit by a 70 year old, unlicensed, drunk driver! His car was totalled, but thankfully he was not hurt. Can you believe the insurance company said it was 5% his fault? I mean for us it wasn't even about how much they paid.. the car was totalled, the car was in the in-laws names so they got the money and gave us MIL's old car to use.. our problem was for the next 5 years that went against our record and our insurance premiums were higher because of it. I was livid, to say the least, that being hit by a drunk driver could go against our record and make us have to pay more!
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
You could probably have taken them to court, but would it have been worth the annoyance?
• United States
18 Jan 13
Since he didn't get hurt I didn't really even think about court..
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
And without him being injured, good luck getting an attorney to take it on a contingency basis anyway.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
18 Jan 13
I have to admit and be honest that I am very passive, it's very hard to be assertive, and it takes a lot of training and indeed practice, but I guess it's small steps. I was lucky with both my long term ex's they were very assertive, bordering aggressive and they would always handle stuff it came so damn easy to them, and I often wondered how they came that way and why couldn't some of their gile and expert ways of dealing with awkward situations rub off on me!
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
Kind of goes against the grain, doesn't it? You have to push yourself to push somebody else, and it's very uncomfortable.
@wolfie34 (26881)
• United Kingdom
18 Jan 13
I guess it's because I am very sensitive, and I think of others, and find it difficult to be headstrong and in control of situations, my therapist says being sensitive is a good attribute to have, but I say it's a negative one.
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
I say it's more positive than negative. But you have to learn to suppress it when it's not appropriate, or when it's keeping you from what you need to do.
• United States
6 Feb 13
This reminds me of the time my Honda was sideswiped and it was not my fault. The lady was distracted, which she admitted to me at the time it occurred but eventually that came out. To make this short, Farmer's (my insurance) tried to screw me out of an additional $400 for a salvage title. I called and told them I would sue them if I didn't get that money. I had to get rid of the car and I knew this because it was totaled out. It was the first time I had to deal with a collision and I was like, no one screws me over. I won my battle.
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
6 Feb 13
salvage title?
• United States
6 Feb 13
If you intend to keep your vehicle, which I didn't agree, at the time it was regulation to take out the $400 as a fee because they take the car off your hands. A salvage title is nothing more than saying the vehicle has been in a collision before and loses a lot of value. I still think it's bullsh*t.
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
6 Feb 13
probably
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
19 Jan 13
I worked in insurance for 12 yrs and I have never ever heard of this certain percent being your fault and another percent the other guy. Of course, I have been out of that business for several years so maybe this is a newer thing? Or maybe I just did not deal with any states that handled things like this. From all you said in your past discussion on this, the other guy sounded 100% guilty. Tony should really call his insurance company and be a bit more outspoken about this. I think it would be worth going out of his comfort zone a bit. Sounds like a lot of money and his insurance will go up quite a bit more than likely.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Jan 13
And if his insurance goes up, not sure he can afford it...
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
21 Jan 13
It varies I think from state to state and so much has changed. I know that a few years ago I tapped a guys very junk car that was parked illegally behind mine in the middle of a major snow storm. I knew he was there but the visibility was horrible. The car had so many dents that I could not tell which I caused ..if any. The insurance company paid him 800.00. I,on the other hand, got my insurance doubled for the next 3 yrs. I paid for that stupid 800.00 several times over. To me, it really does not sound as if Tony were at all to blame and that he had the right of way. I hope you can convince him to at least talk to his insurance company.
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jan 13
Doubled? That is outrageous. Talk about "no good deed goes unpunished". I am hoping he will let me write them a letter. I can write very persuasively when I want to.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
20 Jan 13
There is certainly not much room for passive when it comes to insurance companies. They will try to get out of paying anything they can. I was in a car accident once many years ago and they tried to make me somewhat responsible too. I held out for 6 months before they finally paid me. It was tough but they gave in when they saw I wasn't backing down and court was in their future. It was for a good sized sum though.
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Jan 13
My feeling is that Tony is just going to resign himself to whatever they decide...
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
19 Jan 13
I have not been in a car accident in like 3 years. It was all my fault. Not much damage was done on either cars. Nobody was hurt either. I had no car insurence at the time! Luckily the woman I hit never got hold of me! I got lucky and right after this I got car insurance! In 2001 I got rear ended by a 17 year. It was all his fault. I got maney to pay for all my car repairs. The kid got ticketed,too. I hope I never have to deal with the crap you are dealing with now!
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
21 Jan 13
You got very lucky...
19 Jan 13
When it comes to these things I must admit I have the understanding of - um, someone who doesn't have much understanding! But I can relate both to being passive and to dealing with someone who is. I was very unassertive and would back down from everything in the past - I wouldn't even go in a shop to return something. I then moved away from home and lived in another country for seven years. That was a lesson in independence, I can tell you! I have also dealt with a partner who is immensely talented but will not do anything with it or respond with action when someone gives him an opportunity. Very frustrating. Good luck with the situation PoetMouse
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Jan 13
Unfortunately, this is mostly beyond my control, as it is his insurance company, and the other person's insurance company, and neither one wants to talk to me.
• Philippines
19 Jan 13
The most important is because of the accident you knew more about Tony. You are the going to pay then you have the better option what offer is best.
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
19 Jan 13
I'm not sure he really has a choice on what to pay unless we go to court...
@alberello (4756)
• Italy
18 Jan 13
Well, I know, probably you're talking about an automobile accident. You have to know that we have an insurance (among other things in my name) with a deductible (not covered) € 500. My brother had an accident two years ago where he told me that it was not his fault. Moral of all this, we had to pay € 250 for the damage caused to the other vehicle. Some insurance companies have the absurd!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
yeah, in this case it was totally the other person's fault, that's what's so outrageous.
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
18 Jan 13
Id march into thier office and give them a piece of your mind....
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
I'm in a new job, and don't want to take any time off unless it's absolutely necessary.
@bounce58 (17550)
• Canada
18 Jan 13
I've been known to be passive. And I hate it about myself. Specially if I'd be put into a situation like you and Tony are in. Not only wouldn't I want to pay for something totally not my fault (even if they say 25% is mine), I also wouldn't like to dealing with it. Hang in there dawn.
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@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
18 Jan 13
yes,I'm the same way. I have to push myself to be more assertive about things...