Does life ever get normal again

@dorannmwin (36695)
United States
March 12, 2013 9:04pm CST
Many of you know that my husband is a Hodgkin's lymphoma survivor. He has been cancer free for a year and a half now and he's been out of treatment for 14 months (he had radiation after chemotherapy). I thought that he would be pretty much back to his old self after about six months post treatment, but that really hasn't been the case at all. He still gets fatigued very easily and his attitude is a lot different than it was before cancer. I mean I know that having faced a cancer diagnosis is something that will change people, but I still feel like there should be more normalcy this long post treatment. And of course, I also have to say that the thing that scares me the most is that he has said that if he ever does have a relapse he doesn't want to go through treatment again.
3 people like this
20 responses
@roshigo58 (4871)
• Pune, India
13 Mar 13
Hi, Your are lucky that your has been cancer free. So you don't have to worry about it. Your hubant must be depressed by taking painful treatment of cancer. We can't understand the pains which the cancer patient has to go through. You should encourage him and try to make him happy with motivating words. It will take some time to get out of the fear of cancer. I wish everything will be normal as before.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I don't really think that things will ever be normal as they were before his diagnosis with cancer. However, I do think that there will eventually be a new normal that we will be able to appreciate. I just haven't seen that new normal just yet.
• United States
13 Mar 13
After dealing with all that poison being put in his body I would think he needs more time to get back to being himself. t be honest he might be as far back as he will ever get. That was very tragic for him to face and for him to not want treatment again should be all you need to know he is not doing his best.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
That is definitely the truth. It really scares me to think that could be a possibility. Another thing that really bothers me is that he will always say that it didn't have any impact on me at all and that is not the truth. I suffered as well though it wasn't with going through the treatment, but instead my constant worry about almost everything from the kids bringing home germs to being afraid that he would get a virus that could have ended his life almost immediately.
@cynthiann (18628)
• Jamaica
13 Mar 13
This would suggest that he is probably a little depressed. This may just come and go after surgery and chemo etc. He went through a life chanhing experience and is proabably trying to make sense of it all. Life will get better from probably not the normal that you knew but it could be a beter normal. I had terrible depression after the two open heart surgeries last year and I am not back to whatever normal is. It is still a struggle but I just keep on going. he may say now - in a depresed state - that he would never have treatment again - but he probably would
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I certainly hope that he would go through treatment again as we do have the two younger children and the last thing that I would want my children to have to go through would be not having their father in their lives. That has been something that I've been through and it is certainly not fun at all.
@mariaperalta (19096)
• Mexico
13 Mar 13
Sorry to hear that. My mom also had cancer 4 5 years here. She never got back to normal. Only the pains went away.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
He definitely does look healthier now than he has in quite a while. However, it seems to me that his zest for life is gone in a certain sense.
• Mexico
13 Mar 13
sorry to hear that....
@RitterSport (2452)
• Lippstadt, Germany
23 Mar 13
dear Dorannmwin sorry you still have such a hard time in spite of the fact the cancer is gone. Maybe you remember that my best friend suffered from cancer but didnt survive when it came round for the second time. When it had returned she didnt have classical chemo but something else and she also said that she would stop if it drained her out like it had done the first time. It was a 30 day treatment and during that time I sent her flowers several times and a small letter of encouragement every day so she wont give up.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
25 Mar 13
I've done something similar to what you did with your friend through some of the darkest days that Tom has had. I will write him notes of encouragement and things like that just so that he will keep going.
@kprofgames (3023)
• United States
21 Mar 13
I'm sorry. We are just now going through chemo with my dad and he's taking it well. He gets down a bit here and there but he's trying. Today he went for a 6 block walk. Says he wants to build his energy back up so he can go on a fishing trip with my brother. I think that gave him something to look forward too really. Not sure what else to say here, but hope he comes around.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
22 Mar 13
I have faith that my husband will eventually come around, I think it just stinks for him because he did have to work through everything. With your Dad, it sounds like he has a great attitude and that is going to be something that will make everything that he goes through easier on him.
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
18 Mar 13
I guess, by the mere concept of being a 'survivor' suggests that life wouldn't ever be normal again. It'll always be something that your husband would carry with him for the rest of his life. It is scary to think that he made this declaration. I hope and pray that he (and your family) doesn't have to go through that ever again.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
18 Mar 13
Thank you so much, you don't even begin to realize how much your prayers for our family mean to us.
@winterose (39929)
• Canada
14 Mar 13
I am so sorry hon, all I can say is you have to make a new normal now, a normal that is based on day to day. I hope he continues to be in remission. I will pray for you and him.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
14 Mar 13
You prayers are very much appreciated. I also do understand that normal is going to have a different definition now, but I want to actually be able to realize what that normal is going to be.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
14 Mar 13
No matter how you may look at it cancer is a horrible disease that changes lives forever. I don't believe that life canve back to tt same normalcy that we enjoyd. Yet I do believe that life can go on and can be much better as we strive to make the most of it. We find new respect and enjoyment once we conquer the cancer obstacle.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
14 Mar 13
I agree with you and I'm hoping that is something that kicks in for him soon. He might feel like he was dealt a bad hand, but what he doesn't realize is just how proud all of us are for his making it through everything and continuing to be a good parent and husband through it all.
@Rick1950 (1538)
• Lima, Peru
13 Mar 13
I didn't know. that your husband was a survivor from that disease. And I can understand why he will refuse to go to such a treatment again. I imagine that such treatments are terrible for the people suffering that illness. I think, he is feeling tired, due the process he has followed to become healthy. I can only expect that he keeps healthy. Have a nice day.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
14 Mar 13
That is definitely one of my greatest hopes of all for him. He didn't ask to have to go through what he's been through, but he was a trooper through it.
@savypat (20248)
• United States
13 Mar 13
Each body is different. I have a friend who won this battle 3 years ago and she is still tired easily. This also goes for his mental attitude, each of us is different. The best you can do is stay supportive and let him heal at his own pace. Blessings
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
That is one thing that I've definitely been trying to do is to stay supportive through all of the feelings that he has and the struggles that he has to face. This is where I feel like being mature has been something that is very important.
• Canada
13 Mar 13
Hi dorannmwin, I am so sorry for you both as this has to be hard on you both, even thoa your husband went through the difficult part of just knowing he had cancer and had chemo, it sounds like you have went through it with him. I personally have had a scare of cancer a few years ago I was lucky I only had to have a full hysterectomy, which was major enough, but for me I feel different and I look at life a lot different now. I was also blessed with a very patient husband and I thank God everyday for that. I know it is hard for you but when you have been as sick as your husband has, 6 monthes really isnt that long. For both of you take one day at a time, and watch for signs of depression,(for both of you) if you are able to keep the communication going on both ends and remind each other how much you love one another. Take care
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
You see, you've pointed out one of the things that I don't think that he has ever realized. Yes, he was the one that had to go through the harsh treatments. However, I was right there by his side for every appointment, every treatment, every surgery, everything. He thinks that he is the only one that has changed through everything, but the truth is that not only has he changed, our children (now 10 and 6) have changed and I've changed as well.
@jagjit273 (1740)
• India
13 Mar 13
First of all, l want to give you both applaud for staying together with each other through this bad phase of life. You both have couragedly faced this time. Just tell your husband to do regular walking, if he can in early morning's and after that give him a cup of tea made in boiled water of little mixture of fennel seeds and bishop weed. First boil them both in water then put tea, sugar and milk. It will be good for him as it will keep his digestive system well and no disease will come near him.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I think that the tea suggestion that you've given here might be one of the best suggestions that I've heard as a part of his issues are the fact that he says that his stomach has not been the same since he went through chemotherapy.
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
13 Mar 13
I'm happy to hear that he has been cancer free for over a year. I believe he is most likely scared that it could come back and that is why he is feeling the way he does. If he is still feeling weak it is very hard to have any type of normalcy in ones life. Dealing with cancer and the treatment had to take a toll on his body and mind and its going to take time for him to bounce back. I believe once he is in the two to three year mark of cancer free he will be bouncing back to normal it just takes time and you have to find the patients to deal with it. I will pray that it all happens sooner for him though. God Bless!
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I hope that this is something that will happen sooner for him as well. You know he is a younger person that has had to go through all of this and I think that one of the things that bothers me the most about it all is that our children have not been lucky enough to have a normal childhood because of what their father and in consequence, our family has had to go through.
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
In my opinion, it wouldn't be the same.. but there will always be a new beginning, a new start... for i know in life there's always hope... hope for a better life even though we struggle in life, there will always a hope. For i know hope makes all things bright. In addition to that put also some faith. For faith makes all things possible... But as they say the greatest is Love... Put them all together... it would be a good life...and with God beside you... He will never forsake you nor leave you as your Helper... God bless you... and Goodluck =)
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I know that things are never going to be the same. I think that this is the case for everyone when they've been through a major change in their lives. However, I do hope that there will come a point where we will be able to recognize exactly what the new normal is going to be for us.
• Philippines
13 Mar 13
hi there! I am so sorry to hear what you are going through....it must be tough for you and the whole family. Your husband is going through a whole lot and this is affecting him so much. What stuff like cancer do to someone can have two effects, 1. make him a better man 2. make him a pessimist, introvert etc. I bet there are times that your hubby is scared he would relapse and the fear of dying is inevitable. There is also the uncertainty of what the future may bring for you and the whole family as a result of him being sick or dying. Bills, loans, mortgages etc. stuff that a man of the house would think about especially if you are not financially prepared. What I suggest you do to help him out is "encouragement" help him see the best things in daily life that are far precious than money. Help him see the beauty of the trials that you are going through but first you must see that too and learn to appreciate that as well. Next is assurance. Assure him that no matter what, you will go through stuff together whether good or bad. Remind him that you love him every single day while you still can.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
Reminding him that I love him every day is certainly something that I've done since we've been together and it is something that I will continue to do until the day that one of us no longer exists. Financially this has all been a train wreck for us, but luckily we've been able to get through that mostly intact. We have been able to keep our house and make sure to have food on the table and clothes for the children. I do think that there is a fear of relapse and that is not only something that he struggles with but something that I struggle with as well. We've both changed through everything and I think there are times that he doesn't realize that this is the case.
• India
13 Mar 13
I am very sorry to hear that your husband is a cancer patient. Pray to the God or his fast recovery.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
Actually, he is a cancer survivor, not a patient in active treatment now. When he goes to the oncologist for his follow-up in June, he will have been clear of cancer for 18 months.
@natliegleb (5186)
• India
13 Mar 13
it is just a time and after the diagnosis over,you can revert back to normal shape with proper diets
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I don't think that it is just diet that is needed to return to your prior vitality, I think that it is also your activities and understanding of the people around you that you need to have as well.
@blackrusty (3532)
• Mexico
13 Mar 13
well I did not know about your husband or i missed the post and I know from my cancer it has taken me 2 years to fully recover to be back to my old self so don't give up hope
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
I'm not giving up hope, I just hoped that it would be something that we would start to be able to appreciate sooner than it has been. Of course this is also a tough time in the year for me because it was two years ago in April that he was finally formally diagnosed.
@Hatley (164069)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Mar 13
hi dorannmwin yes I can imagine that after all your husband has been thought its had to change him a lot. the only thing I can suggest iks that he has some depression but I hope in time it will clear up.This is something I know we worked through after my husband had colon cancer.And it did take much longer than J wolu ld have imagine fo him to get back to his old self in fact since he had a colostomy he had to adjust to that so he never really did get back to his old self. But he copp[ed like we all dol eventually I hope it will be faster and easier for your husband but remember both of you to be eternally graterfulk for a cure..
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
13 Mar 13
Oh, I couldn't be more appreciative of the fact that he was able to reach a remission after the first line of treatment and I also know that this has been something that has changed all of us. However, I know that there are a lot of times that he doesn't realize that it didn't just change him but it changed the children and myself as well. I think that when he is able to realize that, only then will we all be able to start to realize the new normal in our lives.