Do You Believe in Cry It Out?

August 26, 2015 11:36am CST
Do you think we should allow babies to cry it out? I let my oldest cry it out when she was a baby and I regret it now. I read how it can lead to ADHD and other issues that I think she may have. I do admit though, she slept so great after only 6 weeks of life. My youngest I am doing things a little bit differently. When she cries I comfort her right away instead of letting her cry it out.
11 people like this
16 responses
@cupkitties (7175)
• United States
26 Aug 15
I don't mean any offense to you, but that is such a load of bs. If your child does have ADHD, it is not because of letting her cry. You do everything in your power to find the reason behind what's got them upset and you fix it to the best of your ability. Babies are master manipulators. Sometimes they actually cry for no absolutely no reason. They learned very quickly "When I cry, mommy will come". My first child cried so often for no reason, the only way to stop her was to hold her. The moment I put her back down, she'd start up again. I was extremely stressed out, very ill, not getting any sleep, not eating, couldn't even take a shower because I couldn't have a moment of peace or time to myself. Being in that condition is not helpful to your child either. I asked my step mom for some advice and that's when she let me know that girl had played me good.So from then on I took care to do what I could to comfort her, but if she turned out to be messing with me, I just let her cry her little butt off. She learned quickly too that I wasn't playing her game anymore and she only cried when there was an actual reason to. She is now 16 and she turned out just fine.
4 people like this
• United States
27 Aug 15
:Claps: So very true!! They are master manipulators!
2 people like this
28 Aug 15
No offense taken. I'm really not sure what I believe. I do hope that my second one is more laid back than my first though. I'm not sure if I believe in CIO or not, it is hard for me to make up my mind, but I do know that I want to take a different approach with this one.
1 person likes this
@Rollo1 (16689)
• Boston, Massachusetts
26 Aug 15
I don't know which is right. I do know that I rarely had the patience to listen to hours of crying, I couldn't stand to hear it. So, I probably spoiled them.
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (99481)
• United States
27 Aug 15
One of my first sisters-in-law said the only spoilt baby was one that was left on the shelf to rot. She was very attentive.
28 Aug 15
That's how I feel too. My baby loves to cry when I am ready to eat or ready to take a shower. It's like she secretly knows I just need 10 minutes to myself. Anyway, I can't stand to hear it either. As soon as I have free hands I rush over to hold her.
@Boonie1 (431)
• Ashdod, Israel
26 Aug 15
I think whatever makes the parents feel better have more impact on the child then the method itself
3 people like this
@GardenGerty (99481)
• United States
27 Aug 15
I tried with my first child a time or two to let him cry it out. He just escalated and that did us no good. After fifteen minutes if it has not stopped I would do something. He was a big baby and grew extremely fast and was hungry all the time. 10 lbs at birth, over 23 lbs by 3 months. He napped well when he was cutting his eye teeth and stomach teeth,aka cuspids. When I weaned him to a bottle at a year he was drinking a half gallon of milk daily and having three full meals and two snacks. Hungry child. My daughter did not cry much, loved to go to her bed and slept reasonably well. When she was awake and tried to be whiny, starting at about six months, I would tell her "I can't hear you when you whine." and she would then use words when she learned them. At meal times and other times if they would cry for apparently no reason I would say, "You can cry if you like, that is okay, but I do not have to listen. Go to your room (or some other place) and come back when you are done. If kids got hurt and cried, I told them in a practical way that they would be okay and I did not freak out, so they did not freak out. Long answer, sorry.
2 people like this
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
27 Aug 15
Very much how I handle my crew.... a little different for the younger ones because of needs but the basics are the same. Funny thing is, the most disabled child I have is the most willing to do things like pick up after himself but just doesn't have some of the necessary brain function. Example: He knows he puts the fork in the sink and the napkin in the trash but his mind will do it backwards.
• United States
27 Aug 15
No I did not do the cry it out method, UNLESS I did everything I possibly could to calm him down like feeding, changing of the diaper, cuddling, ect. I didn't do it at all when he was really little. He started sleeping through the night around 3 months and has ever since thank God! I felt like a horrible mother for even thinking of doing the cry it out method because I didn't want him to think I abandoned him. But sometimes they really are overly tired and then cry themselves to sleep. My rule was the 10 minute rule. If he kept crying and crying for more then 10 minutes, then I would go back up and try again.
2 people like this
28 Aug 15
Oh! I am so looking forward to her sleeping through the night. I sure hope it starts soon because I"m sick of getting up every 2 hours with her. I have some friends with two years old and they still don't sleep through the night. I just pray that isn't our situation!
1 person likes this
• United States
28 Aug 15
@dashboardc33 I have friends who's kids sleep at weird hours and still wake up so early. I feel so fortunate that my son has a good sleep schedule.
@TLChimes (4842)
• United States
27 Aug 15
I think it is a balance of everything. It also depends on the child and their needs. I did both with all of my children. Some people can't handle the crying so for the child's sake it should be picked up. Some people can't balance life and holding a child.... they would do better to keep the child close (from day one) so the child can find comfort in their voice or just in being near but not held. I would talk to my kids all the time so that if I was busy and couldn't pick them up, they still knew I was close and there for them. It also helped their communication skills. I don't think they should be left all alone to "cry it out" for long periods of time. A few minutes doesn't hurt them but longer periods may have a negative effect.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (99481)
• United States
27 Aug 15
I think you brought up really good points, and like you I was a talking mommy and I think that helped.
2 people like this
@dawnald (84146)
• Shingle Springs, California
27 Aug 15
I never let mine cry it out, but they were all pretty easy, feed them, they stop, change them, they stop.
2 people like this
@katsmeow1213 (29047)
• United States
26 Aug 15
My younger 4 cried it out quite a bit. 2 and 3 were twins, so I had no choice there. If I was in the middle of something with one of them, the other just had to wait and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. 4 was rather an easy baby so he didn't have to cry it out too much. 5 was a nightmare. He cried just because he could. He didn't want or need anything, he just liked to cry. So yeah, I had to just walk away sometimes and let him cry or I'd go crazy. None of my kids have any ADHD or any other problems like that. They're all 100% happy, healthy, and they're all really smart. They're also very independent.
2 people like this
• United States
26 Aug 15
Well to a certain extent, but not a long time crying at all. I do not believe in letting them cry it out. I am glad now that you pick the child up after a while of crying. You are doing the best you can, we all have to learn friend.
2 people like this
@phyrre (2324)
• United States
27 Aug 15
First, ADHD is genetic, so if your daughter has it then, yes, you likely are responsible for it to some degree but not because you let her cry as a baby. It's also not the end of the world. My entire family, basically, has ADHD or ADD, although I suppose we may not necessarily be pillars of normalcy. xD The "cry it out" method works if you know how to use it. Babies cry for a myriad of reasons. Sometimes they have a legitimate need. Sometimes they want reassurance or human contact. Sometimes it's nothing and they're bored and looking for entertainment. You just have to learn to recognize your child's cry, which is difficult at first because it takes time. Not all parents can do it, though, and not all parents like to do it. But sometimes babies just cry, and sometimes there's really nothing you can do about it. They cry because they're overtired. They cry because they don't want to sleep. They cry because they don't want to sleep in their beds and how dare you put them there. These are fairly normal things, but they're also things they have to learn to do at some point. My daughter slept in her bouncer near our bed until she was two months when we moved her to the crib. She wasn't impressed. We went through one really long week where she cried when she was put to bed because she didn't want to be there, and it was a rough week. As a mother, you don't want your children to cry, obviously, but I personally felt like it was for the best. After that week, there was no more fussing. She is now a very healthy four-year-old who has no issues and doesn't resent us at all because we let her "cry it out" at a point in time she can't even remember. :P In fact, she's done so well with her bedtime routine since that one week. All of my friends are complaining about putting their children to bed and how rough it can be and they don't know how other people manage. Me? My daughter has always known the wind-down routine before bed and gotten into bed without a problem at all. We had a wind-down routine even when she was a baby. :) So, yes, I believe in it, but I also don't think it's the "only" way, obviously. It doesn't work for all kids, and every child needs to be raised as the individual they are.
1 person likes this
28 Aug 15
That's true. My family doesn't have ADHD nor does my husband. I'm actually not sure if she has it or not or if it just her age. She does seem more hyper than others, but maybe it's just because I'm with her all the time. My girl still hasn't slept in her crib because I get up with her so much. She's in the pack n play right now. I have tried the bouncer but it makes me nervous with the chin on the chest.
28 Aug 15
@phyrre That's a good idea to buy a glider. I wanted a recliner so bad but we just didn't have any room. I also agree that ADHD is over diagnosed. It seems like every kid I hear about has it.
1 person likes this
27 Aug 15
I don't think it causes those issues at all but I never liked letting my kids cry it out. IF they were bad, then yes, cry. If it was because they were hurt or couldn't sleep. I would comfort them. It also depended on their moods. One time both of my girls were sick with a bad flu and could not sleep. My youngest was so cranky and would not let anyone touch her, hold her or anything. It took making her take medicine and just sitting there letting her cry it out for her to go to sleep while I held my oldest til she passed out. I definitely would not let yourself get worked up and thinking you are hurting them or causing them to end up with a mental illness. You are doing the best you can.
1 person likes this
28 Aug 15
Yeah, I meant more for a newborn/infant. When they get to their toddler years and they misbehave I don't see any harm in letting them cry. However, it's just when they are babies and they can't communicate as well I am just undecided whether crying it out is the way to go or not.
28 Aug 15
@dashboardc33 Well I meant my youngest at the time was only a baby. Being that she was my second I knew better and let her cry it out.
@Sreekala (22973)
• India
27 Aug 15
I think all depends on the age of baby and the situation. Most of the time a mother knows why the baby is crying and what is his/her needs. So a responsible mother knows well how to tackle the situation.
1 person likes this
@cherigucchi (4778)
• Philippines
27 Aug 15
There are times when we discover a lot of things as parents and then we learn from them
1 person likes this
@crossbones27 (19603)
• Redlands, California
26 Aug 15
I always heard it was better to comfort them to a point. It helps with empathy later in life is what I have been told. I do not know though as I am not a parent. The world should be thankful for that also. lol
1 person likes this
@sofssu (14460)
3 Sep 15
I never let my babies cry it out.. but there are times when they wanted to be picked up all the time or insist on having their way I did ignore those attention seeking behaviors a bit. I didn't have an help and i had loads of work to do.. I always used to sing to them to soothe them down.
@Shellyann36 (9885)
• United States
2 Sep 15
There are times when you have to let a baby cry. If their diaper is changed and they are fed and burped and there is nothing physically wrong with them it is ok to let them cry it out of you have things to do. With my younger boys ages 5 and twins that are 3. The 5 year old was probably spoiled. We lived around family and someone was always holding him or something of that nature. With the twins I had to juggled them by myself often. One would have to cry while I took care of the other one. Whoever woke up first got the attention first. That was as far as I would go with the "cry it out" for the twins because at the early age of 2 months old they both developed RSV and that turned into asthma as they grew older. If they were crying I had to figure out something for them. Swings worked wonders for a while. They were able to sit up and they enjoyed the back and forth motion. As far as ADHD I would get it checked out by a doctor.