UPDATE on : I want to save my marriage - ideas?
By ebsharer
@ebsharer (5515)
United States
August 4, 2008 8:23am CST
Here is the original post for those of you who haven't seen it. http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1616148.aspx
Things are going to be okay. I went away for the weekend and came home to a different person. I came home to the man I married four years ago. We talked or should I say he talked, I listened. He told me what has been wrong with him lately and why he has been acting so odd. No it wasn't cheating it was more personal then that.
When we met we lived in Florida we were good there, things changed when we moved to Pennsylvania and continued to get worse as the months went on. We have been here in PA for two years now. He wants to go back to FL. He says that in order for us to be us again we need to go. He told me this wasn't really an option we are going. I am okay with that because as I told him I will do any thing for him and if he feels this is what is best for our family then its what is best. He thanked me for fighting him so hard. He said that if I hadn't fought him he doesn't know what would have happened to him. He was on a downward spiral and my telling him off telling him I was fed up and my fight was almost gone woke him up to the realty that he might lose me and he was POSITIVE thats not what he wanted.
After he said what he had to say I told him that I can't do this again. If he says that he wants a divorce again it will be it for me. I will be the one to leave. I can't take this back and forth heartbreak. He said that he understands and that he won't do it again. My feelings are that he is being true. Not just beacuse its what I want to feel, but because every thing he said he said with such emotion, heart, soul and more. It really was like looking at him the day I married him. I haven't seen this part of him in a long time. I really missed it I am really happy it is back.
Each of you that responded to my original discussion taught me some thing I thank you from the bottom of my heart and soul. Thank you all for your thoughts, opinions, advice, prayers and every thing else. Know that you helped me, you did your good deed for the day / week / month / my life.
As I said in the last discussion - any questions will be answered so if you have any ask away. Thank you again! E
7 people like this
18 responses
@floridachick (603)
• United States
4 Aug 08
awesome glad it all worked out in the end, so do you know when you're moving and where in Florida? as you can tell by my sn I live in Florida.
2 people like this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
5 Aug 08
My husband and daughter are leaving the first week of Septemeber and I will follow once he finds a job that way we will continue to at least have one income the whole time. We are going to Cape Coral / Fort Myers area in Southwest FL. I grew up there and its where we met also is where my family is. We still have a house to sell here in PA I am hoping that it sells as fast as some of the others in our neighborhood. Cross your fingers for me! We are lucky enough to have my family there in FL that is willing to help a LOT! My parents own a townhouse and it has been sitting so we will move into it. Funny we are going back to where we started. That was our first place together and now could be the last. If we make enough on the house we are going to buy the town house. Wouldn't that be nice! Anyway theres another book for you thank you again for your well wishes and words of encourgment.
@floridachick (603)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I live in southeast palm bay, it's good that you have family here. good luck with everything.
1 person likes this
@penny64 (1106)
• Australia
4 Aug 08
That is wonderful news. It's midnight here, and I was just about to go to bed. I just did a quick check of my emails first and saw your post. You have done your good deed by bringing your problems to MyLot - how many people have you helped without even realising it? I'm very, very happy for you and your family. You have proved that it is worth fighting for the things which really matter!
2 people like this
@rsa101 (40976)
• Philippines
4 Aug 08
Well I am glad things went on fine with your fight right now. But as i read your post the reason was kind of very light. He just wants to transfer residence and he would want to divorce you from that. Well, i really could not understand that but hey, you've solved your problems and now you have to move on to FL for that. I hope that is also what you want.
2 people like this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
4 Aug 08
It isn't exactly what I want I mean moving back to FL means a lot of changes for us but I truly think good ones. I understand your not really getting it because even the people close to us don't. But the only way I can say it is there is him, me, and us. He is happier in FL, I am happier in FL, WE are happier in FL. So because we will be happier the US will be happier.
2 people like this
@rsa101 (40976)
• Philippines
4 Aug 08
Maybe I will not really be able to figure it out myself. The important thing in here is that the communications line was opened and emotions flowed out of it and you are happy with the results of that communications. Sometimes its all about communications that link a marriage to grow. That is why make the line always open to each other and be mindful of what you and the other feels. Congratulations for that big effort of yours
2 people like this
@ZephyrSun (7381)
• United States
4 Aug 08
Wow that's wonderful! It's always nice when problems can be sovled so easily. So I guess you are all off to warmer weather and a better life! That's really great! Good luck with your move and getting things back to the way that they were.
2 people like this
@redkathy (3374)
• United States
4 Aug 08
I am SOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU! xoxoxoxox
A word of caution- NEVER SAY NEVER - You might be called to step up again so do not put those limits(I can't do this back and forth heartbreak) out there!!! You are a strong willed person - it's a attribute sent from God you know so use it for the good. He obviously loves you and you him! Your daughter will thank you, God will bless you for honoring your vow of marriage, which is a loving and giving relationship that combines two hearts and souls into one!! It will be worth it when you are old and grey if keep this advice close to your heart, I know that for sure.
@pioneer2009angel (135)
• United States
4 Aug 08
It Sounds like he was truly unhappy with move to PA in first place,but I think if moving back to FL saves the marriage then it be great! I am happy you take the step to save your marriage, not alot of people will do that to save marriages. I think people who are truly lazy in marriages just divorce when things are not right, though it good you save it and move to FL. Though I wounder if he truly miss FL because warm air and stuff. But if he didn't cheat on you that is great, I think move to FL is a good one. If I was married now I would move anywhere with my man as long he stay faithful and honest. I also think that if
he truly loves you theh he will work things out. I don't believe in divorce because it does nothing but heartbreak. I can not take much heartbreak as I am really sentisitve person, but I believe you and your husband is doing a smart move, just it will cost ya to move to PA TO FL.
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
4 Aug 08
Yes it is going to cost us a lot of money to move BUT we are lucky enough to have my parents there to help. My parents own a condo as well as the house they live in. They have been trying to rent the condo so they said they are willing to continue to pay for it until we get on our feet.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
16 Aug 08
Here I am crying. I'm pleased for you both, truly. Thank goodness you called the counselor and not the lawyer. It was great that you stood your ground and refused to give up or let him. It's hard to make a call from a distance but I'm pleased this is working for you. I wish you and your family all the best. I think the two of you will be ok...just a feeling I have. it's silly , I know to try and guess these things when we don't know the people involved but the tone of your discussions speaks volumes.
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
8 Aug 08
That is great news ebsharer and glad that things are working out for you both. He's lucky that you held on tight and never let him go - you're a keeper!
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I am glad things are looking up for you hun. I am glad that you and yours are going to work things out. Communication is a big part in a relationship and I am glad to hear that you two are able to talk things out and make decisions together for the best resolution for your family. I know how hard it can be sometimes and it sounds like you are doing everything you can to keep your family together. I hope that everything continues to work out for you! Keep your head up and continue the good changes you have made together!
1 person likes this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
5 Aug 08
The communication in my house has been next to none the past few months I can honestly say that over night it all came back. I left Saturday and came home Sunday to my husband not the man I have been living with for the past few months. It was quite refreshing to have him hug ME and talk to me again.
1 person likes this
@Erilyn (3020)
• United States
8 Aug 08
Sorry it took me so long to get back to you on this one. I am really glad for you. Sometimes people just wake up and realize just what it is that they have and realize that they aren't willing to lose what they have. Maybe he came to that point. However it happened, I am very happy for you!!
1 person likes this
@bellaofchaos (11538)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Hun I have no questions and I can honestly say from the bottom of my heart good luck and I hope that when you get back to florida that things change for the better. I will say this Pennsylvania is not easy on a person .. Well at least where I live in Pa .. The jobs are few and far between .. The only way you get a decent job here in Pa is for someone to pass ....But I'm in a small town and family is what keeps me here. LOL!! Take care and have a nice one...
1 person likes this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
5 Aug 08
Thats the only reason I don't want to leave - my job its great! I hear that the jobs in FL are far and few between so I am scared about how long it will take for me to find a job. Florida will give us family back here in PA his family lives but they aren't close where as in FL my family is very close and he wants that back as much as I do. In fact I think he wants in more then I do. Either way I things are already different and I think things will get even better once back in FL.
@snowy22315 (208897)
• United States
5 Aug 08
I hope that things work out for you in Florida. I hope florida is the key for happiness for you and your mate, but dont be surprised if it's not. I dont like the fact that he doesnt seem to be concerned about your needs. My husband is like that and it doesnt make for a very hapy relationship sometimes. Good Luck and God Bless.
1 person likes this
@ebsharer (5515)
• United States
5 Aug 08
My husband is concerned for my needs and that is why we are going because as I said it is what is best for him, me, us, our family. Financilly it won't be as great but emotionaly it will be. We will be happier in FL as we both realize thats where we belong.
The last 4 years have been really good it was just in the last 2 months that things changed I know why now and understand his points. Once back to FL things will get better. They already have. The man I married is back.
@ashleecook (199)
• Canada
5 Aug 08
i truly hope you are doing okay. things are going to be alright. marriage takes work - that much i know for sure, first hand.
it takes a lot of open communication to make things go smoothly. those marriages that are worth saving will work out in the end, that is what i believe. xo.
@jands1 (835)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Wow. I missed a lot when I was gone dealing with other issues.
First of all, I'm so sorry you went through this nitemare ebsharer. *hugs*
Second, I really hope the change of scenery will be what is needed.
Please, keep me posted and I'll add you and your family to my daily prayers.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
5 Aug 08
All's well that ends well
Hugs to all of you there
Hugs to all of you there1 person likes this
@checapricorn (16060)
• United States
5 Aug 08
HI ebs,
I wasn't able to respond in your previous post but I am glad that you work it out..It is always a nice news when a couple will be able to resolve the problems, I know you both love each other and that trials like that is always part of our lives!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163772)
• Garden Grove, California
5 Aug 08
ebsharer I am so glad your husband has made a change
in himself.I love to see people work to save their
marriages . that is just wonderful and hope you
and your husband will really be happy together again.
You sound really happy and your husand seems to havefound out hust what was wrong with him. many happy years for
yuou both. love.
1 person likes this
@msedge (4011)
• United States
11 Aug 08
I am glad things are doing well with your marriage.And it is really obvious that you still both love each other and giving your marriage another try is a very good decision for both of you.Good luck and i hope your marriage will last forever.Be happy!
1 person likes this
