Getting abused and Getting Heard...

Not sure if this is a good suggestion but if I were you I wouldn't send any payment first of all you can't afford it second of all you don't even know what it is for the clinic could've told you what the treatment is for, but they might not be able to because your wife doesn't allow them to she can specify who the clinic is allowed to talk to, about your daughter's medical record. so if she specifies that you should never know, it's pointless to talk to doctors or whoever in the clinic for it I think if the payment stops then you will shake the seemingly calm water and it might be another court trial or at least your ex will call for a meeting, and you can use this chance to say what you say in your post I don't know what actually happened between you and your ex wife but you did say she has been unfair to you, well you can fight back the bad thing about stopping the payment is that the treatment will stop but then again, what treatment is that anyway? and is there a cheaper alternative?

I do not have any children, so I can not imagine how difficult this must be for you. As for the clinic thing, if this is something that your daughter needs, then you can be happy that she is getting help. I would suppose that most of what is going on there is strictly confidential, but I guess there is no harm in attempting to find out what is going on what your child. It must be hard going through this with your family. I would just like to suggest that you try not to get the children too involved in this whole thing. As much as possible, they need to be protected and neither one of you should be using the children as weapons.

You are not telling enough of the story for me to make heads or tails of what is really going on. But I can tell you this. My son has been battling his ex-wife in divorce court for the past 3 years and "IT AIN'T EASY." She cheated. She lied. She abandoned him and their 3 year old baby and still the courts want to favor the woman. He fought for and won custody, but everytime they go to court, she reopens the custody thing because she does not like the child support. He does not have money for a lawyer, so it is doubly hard, trying to do it alone. I do not know your financial situation, but it sounds like you could use some legal counsel. I don't know what city you are in, but sometimes the courts provide free legal counseling and you can go in for 30 minute sessions once a week and they help you fill out papers to file. You may even be able to find a group of attorneys that work with fathers. Be careful that they are not just there to take your money and get you on a track to pay child support if what you really want is to be involved in your children's life. Sometimes you get free consultations with lawyers when you call and they think you want to engage their services. Check out some websites. You might also inquire about a child advocate for your children to be sure your ex-wife is not filling them full of lies about you. Ask the court to appoint one. Tell the judge you suspect your ex-wife is turning your children against you. You don't say how old your children are. One thing, for sure, you must stop feeling sorry for yourself and be pro-active. Stand up and fight! Sounds like you have been taken advantage of because you are hurting. I saw my son go through that same pain. You can't lie there and let a pirana devour you. Think of the children. You love them, fight for them. Writing notes on a check is not going to do it. Do your research. Good luck.

I got a bit confused reading your story but that is me...it is late. What i did get was the part where you wrote on the bill, "do you know the whole truth" and on the check, "more spousal abuse". I am in no way judging you as I don't know your story but then again neither do the people that will be reading these messages. They are just clerks and not at all involved in your divorce case. I am sure they will find the messages odd if they even notice it. I don't think that you should be calling the clinic for these answers but rather the courts as they are the ones that settled the divorce. What is written in your divorce settlement is what is legal and binding. The clinic and their collection department have nothing at all to do with this.

Hi TheGreatWhiteBuffalo, I hate people like you treated unfairley, yeah I think you should have gone to the clinic and demand the right to see your daughter, you sould try and get help from the authorites who deal with something like this, it such a shame. Tamara

..oh.. you're in the middle of a very tough situation.. for me, it would be nice if you talk to the doctor personally.. being the father, you have all the right to know what's going on with your children.. i think you could file a case against your wife if you have enough witness who could stand with you and support your allegations, then go for it.. it is important for you to clean your name to your kids.. they are our treasures.. i would advise you to consult or get a legal assistance so that you will now what to do further.. God bless..

DOnt know if I woud have wrote those words. BUt something like I hope this counts as Child support. and yup I would go to the clinic to find out what was done and why!.GO FIND OUT! you are paying for it and I would think as a parent you have a right to know!

I don't really know more than what I've read in these posts and the responses you got, but if I were in your shoes, I'd tell that clinic they won't receive any payments from me if I don't get any information of what has happened to my daughter. I'm not going to pay for something I'm not aware of, nor can they force me to do so. If they say that I should not have any involvement with the treatment and my daughter, so why are they involving me in the payments? Right? If they want my money, they should at least give me the courtesy of knowing what's wrong with my daughter or even give me the time of day to at least get to talk to her and know how she is doing.

Hi TheGreatWhiteBuffalo! I have not been your friend for a long time which is why I really don't know the whole story. However, I do believe that you have the right to call the clinic and inquire about your daughter's treatment, better yet, you should go there personally. You are paying for her treatment and it is just right that you should know what is going on in her treatment. If the clinic refuse to give information then refuse paying them. You said that you don't trust the health doctors because of the experience you had before. But I do think that you should find strength in yourself, take courage to stand your ground and fight for your rights. It is truly difficult but i believe that the good always win in the end, no matter how much hurt you may have to endure. Find someone who can stand by you. It is hard to do it alone. No matter how scared or traumatized you are, this is your life you are fighting for..don't let anyone make a puppet out of you. I am saying all of these because my brother is in a similar situation you are in. We stood beside him. He can't afford a lawyer to fight her abusive, greedy, manipulative lying wife but my brother have us, his family. My brother refused to give child support (because we insisted that he should refuse doing so) unless he be given the right to see his children. Last year, his former wife gave in and let us see the children once a week. We know that she tried her best in poisoning the minds of the children but never succeeded because the children showed us how they loved and missed us especially their father. She has destroyed my brother's reputation by telling a lot of lies and stories but we know the truth. She still threatens my brother once in awhile but she knows we will defend my brother and will stand by him. Don't be afraid my friend. You still have your grandmother and some family members who can help and understand your plight. Believe in yourself and take courage to fight what is right and good. Do everything in the proper way so that your former wife will have nothing against you, only her lies. Take care and hoping the best for you. God bless! lovelots..faith210

I'm so sorry that this is happening to you again dear friend...I guess, you should have come to the clinic and see the administrators personally and talk to them so you would know the truth, since this has happened to you already and it will not be a surprise if it happens again--were not saying your wife can be a total crook and will do what she can do just to have what she wants--but its better to be careful and seek the real thing by yourself...with regards to the writing something on the bill--guess it makes no difference even if you write the whole story--it wouldn't matter to them anyway.... God bless always dear friend, Diselle

Do you have shared custody, physical and legal? I am under the idea that if someone does not have shared legal custody, only the parent who has legal custody has a say. I know this because my spouse has sole physical and legal custody - or he did until his daughter turned 18. Anyway, this meant that he made all the decisions involving the kids while they were minors, including naming me as their other guardian and giving me right to make decisions on their behalf. We did not have to inform the bio mom and she did not have a say. However, she did not and does not pay support either, so maybe THAT plays a part. If you pay support you likely do share custody, and in that case I'd say it violates your rights not to be involved in decisions about your own children. I believe you have a right to know about a bill you receive - why, how, and what you can do about it if you believe you should not be receiving it. I think that you're probably more than a little peeved about the situation so writing what you did on the check was a way of venting frustration. Writing what you did on the bill MIGHT get you a response if you follow up. I would most definitely call the clinic OR go there in person. I might also decide to file something with the court stating that my rights of shared custody have been violated. If you cannot talk to your ex-wife, then it will have to go thru a mediator of some sort, or via forms filed. I think the clinic has a responsibility to release information to someone who they deem is responsible for payment. If they will not give you information, then how can they in good faith expect you to pay for something? Even when you dispute something, the company you are disputing has to give you information, and if the information does not wash or you can prove it is false or incorrect, then you are not liable for the bill. I think I would be more angry about the fact that I was left in the dark about any condition that would require treatment of my kids and after that I'd be angry about a bill.

Sorry I am just replying now, I sort of fell behind on my discussions to respond too. Your ex-wife sounds like a real pain in the rear!! I don't think you did any harm n writting on the check or on the bill. I don't think they will pay any attention to it and if they do they will probably just feel sorry for you. However, I don't think I would have paid the bill until I got answers. I would have took the bill with me, gone into the office and demanded answers! If you are paying for a bill you have the right to know what is going on and what the bill is for! Sorry to hear you are going through such rough times yourself. I wish you the best of luck!

I am shocked to read this.Though i do not know you much and i do not know what were the reasons which led to the current situation in your life but one thing is pretty sure that you have the very right of knowing about your children well being and what they are going through.your children are at such tender age that what they are being told against you will find permanent placements in their minds & hearts.You should talk to them directly and you have the very right to do so and try to explain your situation .You should clear the venom from their minds being filled in by their mother. In turbulent times have faith in GOD and definitely He will help you through thick and thin.

Hi TheGreatWhiteBuffalo, and thank you for your discussion. Like many comments before mine, I can't quite get a handle on the entire problem, but it does sound serious. It's unfortunately that the very people who are supposed to love us, are the very people that hurt us the most. It appears as though no matter which way you turn, you run into a brick wall, each with tremendous consequences. Although I don't know the problem, or the solution, I can sense that you are being pushed to the brink of no return. With that said, you may have to resign yourself to the fact that you can ONLY do what's best for you, no matter how much you want to do right by your children to show them who you truly are. I don't understand how you can be required to provide for children you aren't permitted to see. That, in fact, may be illegal, and may be worth persuing. I don't know what the laws are in your State. Unless you have the money to obtain good legal representation, I hate to say, you many not have any other option. I'm not sure what your legal problems are, or how she managed to get you committed, but it sounds like she either has brains or power. You may not be able to do it righ away, but you should research the custody laws in the different states, and prepare for a move to the friendlist father state and petition custody there. I know it sounds like a long shot, and most likely your children will be adults by the time you can prepare for something like that. If that's not an option, for as much as it may hurt, you may have to drop persuing the matter all together and work on taking care of just you. All of the problems you are having to endure may now may mean you have to give up this battle for now for your own good. For as much as you may want to clear your name, especially in the eyes of yor children, the consequences at this point may prove more severe than the rewards. Eventually your children will grow up, should be able to seek you out, and thus find the truth. It's important to remember that it's a wise person who can walk away from a fight thus living to fight another day. There are things you can change, and things you can't. You would be wise to concentrate your efforts on those things you can change. When I'm confronted with hugh problems, I like to develop a game plan. Option A, B, C & D, each with a plan on how to achieve the goal with D being the worse case scenario. Surely one of these plans should work. No matter what you decide, you must be comfortable with it. Just know that you made the right decision, don't look back, and be happy with that decision. I hope I helped a little, and I'm sorry for babbling on again.

Wow. Hardcore... Without having been in on the earlier convos, let alone at all knowing the whole story... I can say I wish you the best of luck, and I hope everything resolves itself correctly... dr...

As I'm only a recent friend of yours, I have no idea of the background of this story. Based on this alone, there are huge chunks missing out of the picture. From some of your responses to others, I'm under the impression that you have been a patient of a clinic yourself, and you are worried about being readmitted. For that reason, I don't think it's a very good idea to write cryptic messages on checks and bills. I understand that you have your reasons, but to an outsider it seems like a very odd thing to do, and I don't think you are helping your cause by doing so.

Unfortunately, I haven't been your friend long enough to know this story. I do know that arguments with former spouses can be devastating and although it shouldn't be this way, often the children are used as weapons. The reality is that the children are the ones that get hurt the most. No doubt you feel the pain of not getting to see your children but they are hurting too. It is bad business to put these little ones in the middle of your argument with your former wife. She should care more for their feelings than her revenge.

I am sorry. I must have you mixed up with the other non paying, drunken wife beater on here.

Are you always so thoughtless? What have your problems with your wife and family got to do with any clinic? The clinic is there to do a job only and will ask for payment only. What kind of father does this to their child??

I think that you have the right to contact the clinic and the courts. I don't think that it is fair for you to have to pay for something even if it is related to your daughter, without being informed about what is going on. I think that if they need your money they have to respect your need to see your children. I am sorry that you are going through this, I hate hearing about people that use their own children against their ex just to get their way. I think your ex should be ashamed of herself and I think that you had every right to do what you did, I would have done worse.