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All you need is love or could it be this simple?  email this discussion to a friend?

myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships 3 years ago

So I'm googling around looking for marriage help and I find this: http://www.marriagebuilde... And I start reading everything that's on this site from start to finish. And what this Dr. Harley person has to say (mostly) resonates with me and feels true. And I've got Richard reading it too and so far he's excited about it. Well to summarize what I'm babbling about here as far as what on this website is striking a nerve (synopsis for Thea):

Most people get married because they love the person they are marrying

People start getting disenchanted because:
- the other person isn't meeting their emotional needs or
- the other person is doing things repetitively that bother them
- they aren't spending enough quality time together
- they don't communicate the problems for fear of hurting the other person, etc.
- they disagree on things and go off on their own and do whatever they want

How do you fix it? You get the love back by:
- doing the things that do meet the other person's emotional needs
- not doing the things that bother, annoy, anger, hurt, etc. the other person
- communicate openly
- spend time together
- they both agree on what they're going to be doing or they just don't do it

Assuming no abuse and assuming both people are receptive to changing, sounds so simple. I wonder if it can work?

 

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tags:  mature content, but define love, dawn, desire, family
 
1. myLot reputation of 85/100. reeyan (934)   3 years ago

Hi dawnald

Very good discussion in deed. Many time we have seen that misunderstanding and communication gape is the main cause of the disenchant of the family member. The family relation is based on the emotion of the member. We should honor to each other. married life is not a contract but an emotional binding. Ans if emotion is hurt then many inconvenience may comes to the family.


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

I guess it's both an emotional binding and a contract, but both can be broken.


myLot reputation of 85/100. reeyan (934)  3 years ago

Hi

Actually every thing can be broken ... But the beauty of life lies in how can we keep it remain unbroken.

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2. myLot reputation of 95/100. Hatley (48826)   ranked 215 out of 19,205 in relationships   3 years ago

of course it can work if both people really want to learn how to make their marriage work better. I and my deceased husband used to use some of these ideas. The first thing we started to do was learn each others emotional needs and act accordingly. It takes a little practice but is well worth it. also i think a key word is respect, do we respect each other, as in I do not like someone even my hubby when he was alive walking in on me when I am on the throne. If I am just combing my hair thats fine,I can share the bathroom but otherwise do not intrude. My husband on the other hand did not mind letting me in inspite of that,but I chose to wait. all just little things but they annoy and thus we learn to respect the other person needs. this makes for amuch pleasanter time together. We learn to brainstorm together and to argue and to compromise when necesshappylolwink


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

Respect is very important. You may not agree with what the other person wants, but if you can respect that it's important to them and do it anyway, it's a good start.

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3. myLot reputation of 96/100. ANTIQUELADY (16514)   ranked 3,114 out of 19,205 in relationships   3 years ago

Dawn, i hope it works for y'all. Can't hurt to try it. GOOD LUCK.


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

Nope, can't hurt...

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4. myLot reputation of 99/100. savypat (13320)   ranked 356 out of 19,205 in relationships   3 years ago

It seems to me for this to work both parties must be clear as to the goals and expectations in this agreement, after all most of the problems start and end with communication. It's best to put it in writing and both to sign. Do not sign unless you totally agree with everything in the contract, work on the wording until you both are satisfied. You will be amazed on how much better you are both feeling after just doing the work to get the contract made. Blessings


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

I hadn't thought to put it in writing, but clearly both parties must agree. :-)

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5. myLot reputation of 96/100. thea09 (5382)   3 years ago

Oh thank you Dawn, I nearly passed by when I saw the link but you thought of me.happy
As one who got annoyed by the other persons predictable behaviour and regression into some patterns which are just a no no for me, such as sulking, or having to be told repeatedly the basic things in life which a child of 7 has already mastered, to me that just makes the person lose all their attractiveness. For me once that has gone I'm done. I finished mine and I don't regret it as I've only got one life and can't imagine spending it with someone who annoys me. You certainly see a different side though when you want to divorce and the other person doesn't want it. I wouldn't have had your patience to try and work on it as I'd totally lost interest. You've got 3 children though so there's more at stake. Mine was working away so wasn't around as much at the end so it was less of a blow for my son. But funny how in the end the doting father ends up making the son being the one to pay for my choice by hoping that by not sending a penny of support for his son I'll go back to him.
If you both think there's something worth salvaging though, and the attraction is still there, then go for it.


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

Not quite sure if I'm patient, stubborn or just afraid to leave and screw up the kids. But if he's seriously willing to work on it, I think it's worth one more go...

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6. myLot reputation of 95/100. cloudwatcher (4168)   ranked 3,211 out of 19,205 in relationships   3 years ago

Dawn it all sounds very logical and "abc" to me.
The main ingredient is a desire to WANT things to work out.
If that is there, there is no barrier.


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

Want to work things out and follow through - it's the follow through that's the important thing to me at this point.

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7. myLot reputation of 84/100. sparkofinsanity (3868)   ranked 502 out of 19,205 in relationships   3 years ago

This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

This post contains content of a mature nature. You must be Signed in or Registered to have the option to view this content.


myLot reputation of 84/100. sparkofinsanity (3868)   ranked 502 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

No links, but I have pictures! LOL



myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

lol

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8. myLot reputation of 95/100. gabs8513 (23375)   ranked 3,172 out of 19,205 in relationships   3 years ago

It sounds far to simple and I guess the big part is that the 2 People still love one another and are willing to refresh their Marriage
I do hope it can work as it might help some Marriages to get the Marriage back together


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

that the 2 People still love one another - that is the big question...

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9. username182 (52)   3 years ago

people can change but if they have to whats the point in being together? and if they do really want to be together whats the point in leaving? stay with someone for who they are and how u feel around them


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

So I should accept being with somebody for who they are no matter what they're doing that hurts me and the children?

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10. myLot reputation of 93/100. Irishfrndly65 (8534)   3 years ago

Actually I think that it can, but one can't do it alone. I'm testimony to that....er...well..ONE can...but let's see how long they last. It is simple, it's called caring enough about the other person to try and love them in THEIR love language. Everyone is different....but......compromise is a beautiful thing. Love CAN be "healed" but, as you said, BOTH parties have to work at it, make it happen, care enough to do what needs doing.


myLot reputation of 96/100. dawnald (24280)   ranked 50 out of 19,205 in relationships  3 years ago

I think it can start with one person, but ultimately you're right, if the other person doesn't eventually come around and participate, it won't work.


myLot reputation of 93/100. Irishfrndly65 (8534)  3 years ago

Yip...just don't go as long as I did...or...maybe you already have? I don't know...don't listen to me..what do I know? LOL!

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