"When is it ok to lie?"

@Drosophila (16573)
Ireland
December 7, 2015 4:26pm CST
"When is it ok to lie?" Lately, I've been tossing this question in my head. You might wonder why. You see, I've recently found out a good friend of mine has fed me a spadeful of lies. He lied to me about his age, his occupation, and now I'm wondering if he even lied about his name. We met some 18 months ago online, whilst I was hanging out in this technical support forum. He had an issue with his Ipad, we got talking and hit off immediately. We were into the same gadgets and apps. We had nearly identical views on VR. So a beautiful friendship blossomed. Over time, we exchanged emails, skype details, and so on. Never in a million years would I suspect anything odd. Until I got talking to another mod on the site, then I realised I got fed a spadeful of lies. Since then I've been musing about this, "when is it ok to lie?" What's your thoughts on this? p.s. To "you" if you're reading this, here's a quote: "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.” -Friedrich Nietzsche
38 people like this
40 responses
@GardenGerty (157675)
• United States
8 Dec 15
It is not okay to lie to make a friend. I would wonder what was wrong with him that he could not tell the truth.
7 people like this
@JudyEv (326222)
• Rockingham, Australia
8 Dec 15
I agree. In this situation what can he possible gain from telling lies?
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
Yep, I now wonder if this person even exist.. the scary thing called "online"
3 people like this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
8 Dec 15
@Drosophila The internet can be a very dangerous place.
3 people like this
@TheHorse (206718)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Dec 15
In general, I think it's good to be truthful. But I think there are times whe it's OK to lie to protect others from emotional harm.
5 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
I guess that might be an occasion.. e.g. Your backside don't look fat??? kinda thing
2 people like this
@TheHorse (206718)
• Walnut Creek, California
8 Dec 15
@Drosophila Yep. And kids' questions about Santa.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
@TheHorse I always just say its St Nicholas.
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (58675)
• Delhi, India
8 Dec 15
It was unfair on his part to lie to you about his personal details and win your trust. Telling a white lie cannot be justified, specially when you and he were into an online relationship. He lied to you and you later come to know that is not the issue/problem because you will overcome this shock gradually. The problem is - from now onwards you won't believe anyone with whom you talk online, which ultimately will not be fair.
4 people like this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
8 Dec 15
You wll never believe anything from this person again unfortunately.
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
8 Dec 15
@Drosophila You just never know about people on the internet.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
You're right there, he's not the first person to lie on the net, or he will be the last. I've met bunch of these before, didn't think he was one of 'em. ah well. it's the internet.
3 people like this
@celticeagle (159572)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Dec 15
How can you really trust someone that has lied? If they lied to you about these things how you know what else he has lied about or what he may lie to you about in the future? I think the rule of thumb is ying is NEVER ok. It shows a lack of character and it makes it very difficult to ever really trust this person.
3 people like this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
8 Dec 15
You could never trust someone like that again.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (159572)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Dec 15
@Drosophila ...It could be a woman.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
That's what I'm wondering.. maybe the guy doesn't even exist? Lol
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64361)
• United Kingdom
8 Dec 15
I would cut all ties with him.
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
16 Dec 15
@Drosophila Googling that... and it still makes no sense to me... Would you mind explaining, hon?
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
Definitely been an option I'm pondering on.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
15 Dec 15
@DaddyEvil Haven't been in contact since, I just don't need additional drama in my life. Tbh, wrath is one of my major "fallen-angels", so best not hang around people/things that set that particular demon free. That's a shame about your mylot friend, didn't she realise Angels are born to fall. xD
1 person likes this
@poehere (15126)
• French Polynesia
7 Dec 15
Online people want to be someone different. But if you form a friendship yuo should be honest to them. I don't think lying in such a case is OK. I too would not be happy if I found this one out.
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
Yep, considering the things he chose to lie about had actually 0 impact on what we often talk about.. which is the latest gadget!
@poehere (15126)
• French Polynesia
8 Dec 15
@nanette64 I would never do that one. I don't care. I would rather meet a person and not online.
2 people like this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
8 Dec 15
That's why online dating sites are scary @poehere . My daughter was in contact with someone on line and when they met, the guy was nothing like he had stated.
2 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
8 Dec 15
I think when it is for the betterment of the relationship , then it is okay to lie . Buy lying can make us be bothered by our conscience though .
3 people like this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
10 Dec 15
@Drosophila Yes, that should do .
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
15 Dec 15
@Drosophila @simplyD My response would be to grin and ask if the woman wanted an honest response or if she preferred I simply stop with this comment... leaving how she wanted to accept my comment as the finish to a stupid question up to her! I HAVE given an honest answer in response to this question! (For some reason, neither one of my ex-wives LIKED my honest opinion! They shouldn't ASK for my honest opinion, in that case, should they? LMFAO! After all, I do tell people I prefer not to tell lies... If a woman still prefers to ask a stupid question after being warned, then the reply is her problem, not mine!) Yep! There IS a good reason I have been divorced twice! (You have been warned! grinning and waiting for the reply to this comment... )
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
I guess it's better to "not disclose" than to "outrightly lie". I'd prefer to say, "I don't want to talk about it". That's my personal preference.
2 people like this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
8 Dec 15
My thought exactly as per quote. It is like people that talk about other people you know constantly. I always think does that same person talk about me to them? He will lie again? yep. I think your asking how serious are the lies now right?
2 people like this
@Bluedoll (16774)
• Canada
9 Dec 15
@Drosophila when the publisher says who do I make the cheque out too?
3 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
15 Dec 15
@Bluedoll When someone starts telling me about someone else they have met or know, I actually just come right out and ask them if they talk about me like that to other people... Most of the time the answer I get is, "No, because you don't treat people like s/he treats people." I still do wonder, though! So I guess I believe that person lied when they gave that reply. I do tend to shy away from them after that, I have noticed...
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
9 Dec 15
Yep, the internet is an odd thing, I can understand why people have "usernames", "pseudonyms", "nicknames", but at what point should you become the "real you".
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
8 Dec 15
If the truth saves someone from harm I would lie - Yes SS Officer, there are Jews hiding just over there isn't a good time to use the truth
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
xD Art!!! You're a great one! Luckily we don't have to experience that particular scenario.
1 person likes this
• Preston, England
8 Dec 15
@Drosophila mercifully not though many have faced such a dilemma and some tragically still do to various extremists
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
@arthurchappell That is true indeed! Scarily true!
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (459514)
• Switzerland
8 Dec 15
I love the quote and this is so true. In my opinion we can only lie if we want to protect someone, not to let him (her) now unpleasant news or facts, or in order to let someone feel better. In no other case a lie is acceptable.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
Yep! I don't particularly feel this is a lie that belongs to those categories.
2 people like this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
7 Dec 15
I would want to confront him and understand why he told you such stories.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
I must admit, bits of me just wonder "if it's hassle I really need?". Aint spoken to the guy since tbh. I guess some people are more comfortable being someone else and the internet caters to that.
1 person likes this
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
7 Dec 15
Btw in the real world I am not actually a big blue cat but I am happy if people think that I might be. Miaow.
7 people like this
• United States
9 Dec 15
@boiboing that ruins it for me. I thought you were a real cat with the gift to gab (or at least write.) Does Miaow sound the same as Meow?
3 people like this
@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
8 Dec 15
I think a little white lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings is OK. Otherwise it's best to stick to the truth. Most people aren't intelligent enough to be convincing liars so, in most cases, the truth will out, eventually!!
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
@WorDazza Which is true in a way depending on the cut & the color, dress can either exenterate or hide certain curves.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
Lol! so you're in the category of never tell the truth if a woman ask you "does my backside look big in that dress?"
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (15833)
• Manchester, England
8 Dec 15
@Drosophila The lie being that it's the dress that makes her backside look big
2 people like this
@troyburns (1405)
• New Zealand
8 Dec 15
The philosopher Kant thought that telling the truth was a categorical imperative - in other words,that lying is always morally wrong even if good things come of it. Folks have been arguing about that one ever since.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
I guess most lies get exposed after a while.. it's just a matter of when.
1 person likes this
@PainsOnSlate (21854)
• Canada
8 Dec 15
Maybe because he was invisible he was feeding you a big bag of crap to see your reaction. That's down right creepy..icky, slimy, I feel like i need a shower... Just think Karma... karma will get him back
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137142)
• United States
15 Dec 15
Karma takes too long for my own satisfaction, @painsonslate ! Surely there is some faster way payback could come about? Of course the internet makes it easy for people to lie! You should remember, though most people don't believe they will ever meet the people they talk to every day online... They have nothing to lose by lying about themselves to people they will never meet, @Drosophila !
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
15 Dec 15
@DaddyEvil I guess some people call it a "their online persona".. ah well..it is what it is..
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
9 Dec 15
I guess the internet does make it a lot easier.
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
8 Dec 15
It sounds like his agenda was not the same as yours. I personally would never be able to trust his word on anything again.
1 person likes this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
8 Dec 15
@Drosophila That is good you did not get into personal stuff.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
I am just glad now that most of our chats are about new amazon tech products..
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
9 Dec 15
@Marcyaz Yep, I'd certainly be more vexed otherwise.
1 person likes this
@UmiNoor (4483)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 15
It's not ok to lie at all, period. Why did the guy lie about such basic information about himself? Now, you won't know if what he's going to say is the truth or just a lie.
1 person likes this
@UmiNoor (4483)
• Malaysia
8 Dec 15
@Drosophila Definitely something fishy going on otherwise why would he lie?
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
@UmiNoor Some of the myLotter has rightly asked, "how do I know it's a man?" could be a woman. The answer is, I don't, not for sure.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
Lol indeed! I actually start to wonder if there's some ulterior motives associated here.
1 person likes this
@Inlemay (17714)
• South Africa
8 Dec 15
A lie always has consequences - you must live with them
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
8 Dec 15
For starters, you need to remember what it was.
2 people like this
@just4him (307407)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
8 Dec 15
I've never found lying to be something good at any time. The truth will always come about and you will be discredited or worse. It's not worth it to lie about anything.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
9 Dec 15
Definitely you'd have to remember the lies!
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
10 Dec 15
@just4him HAHAH imagine the chore of keeping your story straight!
1 person likes this
@just4him (307407)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
10 Dec 15
@Drosophila Yes you would, especially if you told something different to different people. It never works out.
1 person likes this
@paigea (35767)
• Canada
10 Dec 15
Have you met him in person? I never told my husband my real name until I met him in person. On line he didn't know who I was or where I lived.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
10 Dec 15
Nope, we've only voice chatted twice in that time.
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
10 Dec 15
@paigea That is cool and I respect that! It's when people start to say things like "am X years old, and lives in Y city, and does Z for a living." Then you found out it's not any of those things.. Especially when those things has virtually very little to do with your chats.. thats when you start to go..erm.. why?
1 person likes this
@paigea (35767)
• Canada
10 Dec 15
@Drosophila I kept a lot of things to myself until we met in person and then gradually got to know each other. I didn't say where I worked or anything specific about my family. I didn't see it as lying, just waited until we met in person to really start giving information about myself.
1 person likes this
• New Delhi, India
8 Dec 15
Interesting post.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
9 Dec 15
@anamika5776 I too edited comment. :)
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16573)
• Ireland
9 Dec 15
Thanks, could happen to anyone.
1 person likes this
• New Delhi, India
9 Dec 15
@Drosophila I am read a post but i am not edit in a comment.
1 person likes this