Oh well, at least things cannot get any worse

Warning sign
@Asylum (48013)
Manchester, England
June 15, 2017 1:59pm CST
I hasten to stress that this post is not intended to elicit sympathy or distress my friends in any way. However, it would seem prudent to appraise people of my condition so that they will understand if I am absent for several days at a time. When I telephoned the hospital to cancel my scheduled appointment I was assured that the appointment was simply to discuss the results of my scan, so I attended today. It was certainly not the news that I would have hoped for, but I do respect the doctor for her honesty in informing me of the current situation, which I greatly appreciate. Apparently the scan has identified cancerous tumors in my lungs, neck, shoulders and chest. It has been arranged for me to have a biopsy in the coming days and return in July to discuss any future treatment. I have no real fear of death, but do not cherish the prospect of gradually depreciating health and accompanying discomfort, especially since it will no doubt result in a very unpleasant demise. Now I have the difficult task of informing my brother. I sincerely apologise if this post distresses anyone.
112 people like this
117 responses
@topffer (42048)
• France
15 Jun 17
Sorry to read that Barry. I was thinking that you had nothing serious, and I regret to have teased you about your voice. You need definitely to wait for the result of the biopsy that will tell what kind of cancer it is, in situ cancers being not that bad. As long as there is life, there is still a hope. Things can get better.
20 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
It is unfair for the world to be deprived of all the insanity that I still have to give.
22 people like this
@topffer (42048)
• France
15 Jun 17
@Asylum The world will not allow that.
13 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
@topffer Maybe I should increase my insanity while the option exists.
16 people like this
@Mike197602 (15371)
• United Kingdom
15 Jun 17
started writing a lot about my experiences and added some facts but deleted all of it. Last bit of your discussion...an unpleasant demise. You haven't said the disease is terminal as such but I think you think it is. If that is the case then you'll get pain relief. how you choose to use that is up to you.
13 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
It is quite clearly cancer, but nothing has yet been said about the available options.
9 people like this
@Mike197602 (15371)
• United Kingdom
15 Jun 17
You're messing me up I write something then think I'm talking rubbish so delete it. I'll just say I've got a lot of experience in the care industry so if you want to talk I am here.
11 people like this
@ramapo17 (30060)
• Melbourne, Florida
26 Jun 17
@Asylum Hopefully you will get some options to reduce any pain you might have.
2 people like this
@pgntwo (22549)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
15 Jun 17
Ah. Not so good. Not sure what to say to that. I'll shut up until I can think of something better to write.
12 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
Please do not feel uncomfortable, that was the one thing that I did not want to subject people to.
8 people like this
@pgntwo (22549)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
15 Jun 17
@Asylum Not uncomfortable, just flabbergasted. Maybe this will help. Bad news is best delivered quickly, your doctor did not beat around the bush.
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8 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
@pgntwo My Doctor has not yet prescribed Medicinal Compound, so maybe she does not know this old record.
5 people like this
• Leesburg, Georgia
15 Jun 17
I'm so sorry. Don't worry about anyone else, take care of yourself. I cannot imagine having to hear those words. =( I will pray for a miracle for you.
12 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
I have to accept this as a fact of life. I am being philosophical about it, but cannot deny my underlying fears.
13 people like this
@andriaperry (114496)
• Anniston, Alabama
16 Jun 17
@Asylum the word cancer is scary, It was for me when I heard them and I am cancer free since 2005
6 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
@andriaperry It has never lost it's ability to impress horror.
3 people like this
@JolietJake (50643)
15 Jun 17
Well that just plain sucks.
12 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
I remember thinking just that myself earlier today.
11 people like this
@DaddyEvil (42586)
• United States
16 Jun 17
This may sound flippant but I really don't mean it that way. Welcome to the club... I believe you have done a better job of letting the community know about your current circumstances than I did. Like you, I was not seeking sympathy and prefer to discourage it altogether. I, too, merely wanted people to be aware that I may miss time here on myLot for various reasons and didn't want them to worry unduly about any absences they may notice. You have my thoughts and support. If you have questions I might be able to answer for you, I will remind you that I am on my second bout with cancer. My first bout was with malignant melanoma, that was successfully concluded roughly seven years ago. This time is with a very rare form of rectal cancer. I stand ready to assist you as much as I am able, should you wish my help.
11 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
I am saddened even more by the news that you have undergone the same and your nightmare has returned.
7 people like this
@DaddyEvil (42586)
• United States
16 Jun 17
@Asylum Dreams can be both sweet and scary. How you allow them to turn your thoughts is entirely up to you and the mindset you have. I've done my best to keep a cheerful face and attitude since I learned of the malignant melanoma. Please, don't feel sad for me. I have acheived several things I feared impossible. (My greatest wish was that I live long enough to see my daughter past the point that my ex, her mother, could come to control her again. My ex was a manipulative woman who loved mind games.) Pretty is well past that point, now. (She turned 29 on her birthday in February.) I've set my sights now on helping people find fun and laughter in the everyday things life throws at us. (I think I have done very well here on myLot!) I am still working on this, but hope I can make greater gains in the future.
10 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
@DaddyEvil It must be wonderful to finally hear that the problem is in the past.
6 people like this
• Preston, England
15 Jun 17
@Asylum obviously very distressing news. Hope the tests catch it in time to beat it for you - good luck
10 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
I get the impression that it is far too established.
6 people like this
• Preston, England
15 Jun 17
@Asylum wait for the formal diagnosis if you can bear it - though it might seem the worse is likely people have beaten even very severe cancers before now - don't give up hope
7 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
@arthurchappell I am not giving up hope, but have to be realistic.
7 people like this
@RasmaSandra (42975)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
15 Jun 17
It does not distress just makes me incredibly sad you have to face this. I am glad you seem to be a brave soul. I will put in prayers for you and send you much love and understanding.
9 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
I had definite reservations about posting this. It seemed only fair to make my friends here aware, but was worried about distressing people. Of course the hard part will be telling my brother and nieces.
6 people like this
@RasmaSandra (42975)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
15 Jun 17
@Asylum hang in there and now especially you will need an outlet for your thoughts and emotions I say keep on writing as long as you can. I truly believe that can be helpful and yes, I too will pray for a miracle.
5 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
@RasmaSandra Since I live alone I cannot help but wonder how long it will be before I am placed in a home.
2 people like this
@LadyDuck (341821)
• Switzerland
16 Jun 17
I am sincerely sorry Barry, I did not expect to read such terrible news. Wait the results of the biopsy, there is still hope and anyway if the tumor is confined there is still hope. We are not allowing you to quit us. Please let me know if I can do something for you.
7 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
The tumours seem too widespread to be easily treatable. This post seems to have upset several people and I am beginning to regret posting it. Maybe the impact of the news stopped me from thinking clearly.
8 people like this
@LadyDuck (341821)
• Switzerland
16 Jun 17
@Asylum Barry you did the right thing to let us know, friends are here to listen and to help where possible.
6 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
@LadyDuck I have just been talking to my neighbour for a while and feel very guilty now because I struggled to avoid becoming emotional. I did not expect it to be so difficult to talk about.
6 people like this
@sishy7 (27267)
• Australia
16 Jun 17
I'm so sorry. Really no need for you to apologize - you are always in my thoughts anyway, and even before I read the post as soon as I saw the tags and warning I was already in the brink of crying. But I am sending you all the positive thoughts and prayers I have in me as you go through this.
7 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
The news appears to have affected me far more than I had realised because I have not slept since yesterday. I spent almost one hour in bed, but then gave up and came back downstairs.
5 people like this
@sishy7 (27267)
• Australia
16 Jun 17
@Asylum Completely understandable... And there's absolutely nothing to regret for posting this discussion... You know we are all here to support as you go through this very harrowing news. Stay strong!
4 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
@sishy7 It was worse when I chatted to my neighbour earlier because I could not remain calm.
5 people like this
• United States
15 Jun 17
I can't possibly hit the "like" button. I am distressed but not because you told your mylot friends the bad news, but the news itself is so difficult and so sad to hear. I'm sorry for the distress it has caused you to have to tell such appalling news. No words are adequate.
7 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
The one thing that I was hoping to avoid was making people feel uncomfortable about the situation, which it seems I have not been totally successful about. Of course the hard part will be telling my brother because I know how I would feel if circumstances were reversed.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 Jun 17
@Asylum It is just that it isn't happy news and there is no getting around it. Telling your brother will be very difficult. I can't imagine the sorrow hearing it from one of my sisters.
3 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
@Jeanniemaries I will have to talk to him while my nieces are not around. He can pass on the news when it is more convenient.
3 people like this
@rebelann (85750)
• El Paso, Texas
15 Jun 17
Wow, that is a real bummer. I hope the results of the biopsy will prove these tumors to be benign so that surgery to remove them will cure the problem.
5 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
This seems extremely unlikely considering the fact that I now have a Macmillan nurse assigned to me. Amusingly she was introduced to me as a nurse and was present throughout the whole discussion. It was only afterwards that her true role was revealed.
5 people like this
@rebelann (85750)
• El Paso, Texas
15 Jun 17
I wish I knew what to say @Asylum but I hope you won't be going through any horrible pain.
5 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
@rebelann I considered it only fair to notify people of this, but did have reservations because I do not want to make people feel uncomfortable.
5 people like this
@moffittjc (97111)
• Gainesville, Florida
15 Jun 17
Cancer or no cancer, you better plan on sticking around for a while longer. This site would not be the same without you. But sorry to hear that your'e dealing with this crap, and I hope you can eventually beat it, or at least manage it. Just keep a good, positive, and lighthearted attitude about the whole situation (well, at least for as long as you can). Our bodies feed off the positive energy.
5 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
I may not risk going out to the shops for a while now. Illogically I seem to be subconsciously depressed and keep crying for no apparent reason. Obviously I cannot risk that happening on the bus or in a shop.
3 people like this
@moffittjc (97111)
• Gainesville, Florida
16 Jun 17
@Asylum You received some very scary news, that's potentially life-altering. It's okay to experience the feelings you are dealing with right now. You are human, and will go through many different emotions as you deal with this. Just know that you have many friends here on myLot who are here to support you in any way possible.
2 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
18 Jun 17
@moffittjc I do realise that.
2 people like this
@Essjayd (1589)
15 Jun 17
So sorry to read this! I hope they can treat it successfully. Just remember the docs don't know everything a friend of ours is still here 15 years after docs told him he had a few months left!
5 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
I am still waiting to hear such things as predicted remaining lifespan, but it may not be very promising.
2 people like this
@Essjayd (1589)
16 Jun 17
@Asylum My thoughts are with you I hope there is a chance they can get rid of the tumours!
1 person likes this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
@Essjayd It does not seem likely, but I still hope.
1 person likes this
@dgobucks226 (27122)
15 Jun 17
I am so sorry for your condition. May you find strength and solace in the Lord in your troubled time.
5 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
To be honest I would rather it was all over because I dread whatever is to come.
2 people like this
@CinnamonGrl (7133)
• Santa Fe, New Mexico
15 Jun 17
Don't worry about your friends. You are the one with the health issue and friends exist to be there for YOU. I hope you have people close to you , family or friends, who can help assure that you are as pain free as possible. I hope your brother's nearby.. I also hope you have a good oncologist. Sending you hugs, and sending up prayers for you.
5 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
16 Jun 17
Upsetting other people would not make me feel better, so I am now regretting this post to some degree.
2 people like this
• Pamplona, Spain
15 Jun 17
Like Rasma Sandra you are in my prayers which I am not very good at but I do pray the best way I can when needs be. Can I send you a big hug and what else I donĀ“t really know what to say and I did not know you were ill either.
5 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
15 Jun 17
I have had a series of health issues and hospital visits recently, so this was not a total surprise to me.
3 people like this
@bluesa (15064)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
17 Jun 17
@Asylum , I am so very sorry and I can only wish you strength at this time. And say that maybe the hope that you can beat this from many, could help @TiarasOceanView thank you for notifying me, maybe if we all send positive thoughts it could help. @Asylum I say again, strength to you, I hope that somehow you can beat this.
4 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 17
welcome Cat xo
2 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
18 Jun 17
I appreciate your positive input, but cannot direct my mind to feeling confident in any way.
3 people like this
@garymarsh6 (22737)
• United Kingdom
17 Jun 17
OH dear Barry I am so sorry to hear this. From what you have already told us previously I was praying that it would not be. Don't in the first instance think that it will be unpleasant there are many options such as chemo to shrink the tumors.Pain can be eased if there s pain at all. You know you have many friends here and we will all be routing for you! Get out and do all the things you want to do while you can! If you need further information there are many sites including cancer research that can be very useful with loads of information but it might be better to wait until they have identified what type of cancer and what stage it is. Barry you know how to get hold of me if you want anything! Fingers crossed eh!
4 people like this
• United States
17 Jun 17
1 person likes this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
18 Jun 17
Getting out has become a real problem because the heat of the summer is having an adverse effect on me. I only spent a few minutes in the driveway talking to the lady next door and suddenly she was in my driveway looking down at me. I cannot even recall falling, so I must have blanked out, which is not the first time.
3 people like this
@Morleyhunt (21373)
• Canada
22 Jun 17
Take care of yourself first. The word cancer elicits fear....but it is not insurmountable.
4 people like this
@Asylum (48013)
• Manchester, England
22 Jun 17
Yes, it certainly put some horrific thoughts into my mind.
1 person likes this