A mistake I often see both parents and teachers making
By The Horse
@TheHorse (238298)
Walnut Creek, California
July 21, 2019 2:26pm CST
As you know, I'm sensitive to discipline issues with young children who are acting out. As a male, I admit that I tend to let kids climb higher and take more "risks" than the (mostly female) teachers that I work with, but that's not what I'm writing about.
What I'm writing about is the way in which some parents and teachers tell kids not to do this or that because it's too dangerous. What I often hear is things like, "Don't climb on that wall. You'll break your leg."
Kids are very literal, and the fact that they've climbed on that wall 141 times and never broken their leg makes it easy for them to dismiss such a statement as "mwa mwa mwa."
If I'm bound by a rule to get a kind not to climb on a wall (I generally encourage kids to climb anything--they don't know that I'm secretly ready to catch them if they fall), I'd say something like,"I know you can do it, but we have a rule here that we can't climb on that wall."
Or maybe (if there is no rule), "I think you can do it, but I'd be sad if you fell, so wait until I'm there to 'spot' you."
Can you remember times when your parents or teachers made bold statements that quickly became "mwa mwa mwa" to you? Do you agree with my strategy?
22 people like this
18 responses
@porwest (112812)
• United States
22 Jul 19
@TheHorse You know, it's this trend of everyone is special, participation trophies, and the list goes on. Johnny can do no wrong these days. When they become adults they can't handle rejection, and when they realize they aren't special, they need stress dogs to help them cope. Sooo many people are claiming nowadays to have anxiety and are on medications for it, claiming they can't go outside or go to work...it HAS to be because of all of this coddling.
3 people like this
@LadyDuck (502379)
• Italy
23 Jul 19
@TheHorse We were "escalating" from the top of the garage up the a first floor terrace. When we reached the terrace, we climbed the metal fence, jumped inside go down and start over. If instead of falling inside from the fence, I would have fallen outside I would not be here to tell my story.
1 person likes this
@Tampa_girl7 (54715)
• United States
21 Jul 19
I'm drawing a blank, but I'm sure things were said.
2 people like this
@Bensen32 (28658)
• United States
26 Jul 19
my mom was always with the "you'll poke your eye out" or the "you'll break your neck" I never poked an eye out but I did break my neck in a car accident as a teen....I told my mom when she got to the hospital, "thanks mom, you jinxed me". She didn't find that as funny as I did.
1 person likes this
@Spontaneo (14699)
• United States
21 Jul 19
I matured very early in life. Nope, I was never disciplined. I was always the "left out" one though. The girls would gather on the playground always leaving me out and how they whispered.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (238298)
• Walnut Creek, California
22 Jul 19
@Spontaneo It's no fun when you're the "butt." It IS fun when one realizes with maturity that supporting others gives more a of a feeling of power than berating others.
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (31042)
• United Kingdom
9 Sep 19
I was working for a family and the little girl kept trying to touch the ironing board. I told her it was too hot. Years later I became a teacher and I liked my class of children to stay safe. When one girl was in a different class she rocked back on her chair and hit her head badly. So if anyone in my class rocked on their chair I would ask her to tell them what happened to her. My class were working with child safe scissors and a girl cut her hand. I was shocked.
1 person likes this
@Torunn (8606)
• Norway
21 Jul 19
My teachers said that doing a bit every day was better than doing a lot straight before an exam.
I've done both, both worked. I still tell my students/pupils that they should do a bit every day.
Or that's what I tell my collegues that I say. If I find out that they're like me (the students/pupils, my collegues aren't like me ;-) ) I'd suggest going with whatever works for you. It's not quite like trying to climb a wall, but if they just follow the study advice giving to them they don't get to find out what works for them. It might be that I'm telling them to climb the wall whereas they should walk around it.
1 person likes this
@Torunn (8606)
• Norway
22 Jul 19
@TheHorse Oh, agree with you there! And I love academic discussions. However, some kids can work for a bit a day in some subjects and do a lot at once in others and excel in both. Others have to work a bit a day.
Maybe it depends on the reason why they do it. I've had some that are really into sports. If they're serious about the sport, they often manage to get both ways of working with school subjects to work. Possibly because they've learned to organize so they will actually do a lot of work in 3 days before a test, but some of their less organized friends will only think that they're going to do it and end up with video games again.
1 person likes this
@koopharper (7599)
• Canada
21 Jul 19
Your approach is quite reasonable. I like watching fail videos with my son. That's far more effective at illustrating what could go wrong.
1 person likes this
@koopharper (7599)
• Canada
21 Jul 19
@TheHorse We don't just watch fail videos. We spend time together watching all kinds of different stuff.
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@TheHorse (238298)
• Walnut Creek, California
21 Jul 19
@koopharper Whew! It's funny that I'm an old fart, but I tested my limits at the skater/cycling park where I took one of my kid clients (I think he was 11). I rode my Trek 820 (bicycle) over a wall and "into the depths" without incident and than did it again and again. Testing our limits is a part of "growing up," even in if you're 80 (I'm not quite 80).
1 person likes this
@xstitcher (39019)
• Petaluma, California
29 Aug 19
Ugh. Where I work, they don't let kids just be kids ! I think it's partially because they're afraid of being sued or something, but I constantly hear, "Be careful" "Don't run" "Don't jump" "Don't --" it drives me nuts.
1 person likes this
@DWDavis (25797)
• United States
21 Jul 19
"Keep going the way you are and you'll throw out your back catching those kids."
I know what you mean. I do encourage kids to follow the rules because the rules are for their safety and am willing to use as examples kids who have broken arms, legs, needed stitches, etcetera when they haven't followed those rules as any playground probably has a few such.
Oh, and my face did not get stuck that way, my eyes didn't stay crossed, and I didn't go blind.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (135690)
• Marion, Ohio
21 Jul 19
That is a good way to do it. I never listened as a child.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (135690)
• Marion, Ohio
23 Jul 19
@TheHorse I think so. Or a very accomplished at being in the physical realm ghost. 
Im not telling which.
Im not telling which.1 person likes this
@TheHorse (238298)
• Walnut Creek, California
13 Nov 19
@wolfgirl569 I sometimes wonder if I'm a ghost. But I think I'm really here.
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
22 Jul 19
oh, we got that lots! sadly karma seemed to 'lways be'n the folks side. lots 'f broken bones, stitches, lol.
i do 'gree with yer strategy though. 'ncourage 'em to take chances whilst they know somebody 'tis watchin' out fer 'em. then 'gain, maybe that makes 'em e'en braver to do such 'lone?? hard to tell.... anythin' beats that yellin' though!
1 person likes this
@crazyhorseladycx (39503)
• United States
22 Jul 19
@TheHorse yes sir, ya engage 'em 'nstead 'f dismissin' 'em. :)
@paigea (36143)
• Canada
22 Jul 19
My parents were like you. They didn't make those kind of catastrophic statements. They weren't there spotting us either, and were not quick to hand out sympathy.
I do remember my dad telling me not to climb on a pile of boards. He was busy removing nails from them. When he went in I started climbing. A nail went through the bottom of my sneakers. I did not want to tell him! I yanked my foot off the nail and tried to keep it to myself. But he noticed me walking funny!
So, I get why adults try to get kids to understand the danger. It is not fun to learn everything the hard way.
I do remember my dad telling me not to climb on a pile of boards. He was busy removing nails from them. When he went in I started climbing. A nail went through the bottom of my sneakers. I did not want to tell him! I yanked my foot off the nail and tried to keep it to myself. But he noticed me walking funny!
So, I get why adults try to get kids to understand the danger. It is not fun to learn everything the hard way.1 person likes this
@vandana7 (102698)
• India
22 Jul 19
I am one of those who is terrified of kids getting injured. My new boyfriend is again fond of jumping at me without a stitch on, before his bath. I don't understand and neither do his folks. The kid does not go to any stranger. But when he sees me, he is kinda lurching forward .. lift me..kinda. My prince charming sustained a fairly serious injury at my place while he was chasing me...yeah..he was chasing me. He slipped and the edge of the door hit him on cheek. For 3 weeks I did not show my face to his mom. She is a brave one, and she is the one who put me at ease saying he fell from bed and hurt more. Its ok, it happens. Princess somehow knew where to draw line.
1 person likes this
@garymarsh6 (24006)
• United Kingdom
21 Jul 19
I think you have the right approach there you give them an explanation as to why it is probably not such a good idea. Rather than just telling them don't which for me is like a red rag to a bull. Being told don't is a sure means of making me DO!
1 person likes this
@DocAndersen (54399)
• United States
22 Jul 19
The balance between reality and logical consequences takes a step well beyond Piaget's concrete operational thinking.
This is a great example. I do remember Mwa Mwa Mwa that my father uttered. He was more often right than wrong but in my eyes every time was the time he was wrong!
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