depression has made me a little insular
By Kelli M
@spiderdust (14331)
San Jose, California
March 18, 2023 6:06pm CST
March is not the easiest month for me. First of all, the switch to Daylight Savings Time does me no favors. Secondly, Mom's birthday, her death anniversary, and St. Patrick's Day are all close together and that's a lot of emotional stuff for me to push through (Mom came from an Irish-American family, so St. Patrick's Day was a big deal for her). A couple of years ago, my oldest daughter ran away from home on the anniversary of my mom's death and broke my heart again (she didn't take note of the day at the time).
There are some happy things in the month too, like the birthdays of children and my dad, but there's still that grief in the background that I try to ignore.
I don't always know how to talk about it. Often I don't want to talk about it, which doesn't help me a whole lot, but I don't always have the emotional energy to explain all of my internal stuff, especially people who I know are already dealing with a lot of their own stuff.
So I end up not really talking. This week I've had one earbud in at work (with my hat covering my ear so it's not obvious during store hours), quietly doing my tasks while listening to music or NPR and not really engaging with anyone unless they interact with me. I've barely been on my social media stuff, other than doomscrolling through TikTok or Instagram. I've been playing games on my tablet. I've been looking at the TV while Star Trek: The Next Generation is on, but not really paying attention to the screen.
This will likely soon pass. I'll catch up on sleep. My brain chemistry will level out. I have things to look forward to at the end of next week (like not wearing the ankle splint anymore) and sad thoughts will eventually be less intrusive. I'll stop wanting to isolate and will post more.
In the meantime, I'll be around, even though I'm quieter. Enjoy this picture of last night's dinner of corned beef, colcannon, and Irish soda bread made from my mom's recipe.
15 people like this
13 responses
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
19 Mar
Sometimes it is easier to vent to strangers, isn't it?
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (13591)
•
19 Mar
@spiderdust
It is easier at times. I am sorry it's not been a good month for you. I do understand how that can be. Sending you a big hug. 

1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (62450)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
18 Mar
Something to be said about the clock change, I always feel odd after the change and the beginning of this past week my anxiety seemed to elevate over nothing. Anyway I am doing better now and looking forward to a whole new week. I hope you feel much better soon and have a good Sunday,
3 people like this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
19 Mar
I hate daylight savings time so much. I know some people prefer it, but I do not. I wish we'd just leave the clocks alone at this point.
2 people like this
@RebeccasFarm (90579)
• Wheat Ridge, Colorado
19 Mar
Oh how you have my complete understanding Kelli and I am sorry RIP your dear Mom.
Sorry to hear of your daughter too..did she ever come back?
St Patricks Day was also my Mama's big deal and I too am still grieving. She was born in Ireland so that day is extra full of sad for me, and why I have been talking about her non stop here. I guess I did the opposite.
I will be glad when you get that splint off.
It is okay we understand but good to see you here.
That food in the photo looks so tasty.

2 people like this

@RebeccasFarm (90579)
• Wheat Ridge, Colorado
19 Mar
@spiderdust Glad she came back then Kelli.
Yes you needed the splint when you needed it, now you can give it the boot.

1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
19 Mar
My daughter did come back, about a year later. She's still here and still figuring herself out.
I too will be VERY glad when I no longer need the splint. I've been making myself wear it, even though my foot feels cramped and tired after working in it all day.
2 people like this

@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
19 Mar
I'm sure I'll be able to. It's just hard some days.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (118284)
• United States
19 Mar
I'm sorry you're going through so much stuff lately. I wish I could do something to help you.
If you ever need to talk with a friend, you can have my phone number and I'll listen... 

2 people like this

@DaddyEvil (118284)
• United States
19 Mar
@spiderdust I understand. This hasn't been the best year for Pretty and I, either... But we're doing the best we can and trying to help when others need it.
Let me know if you need an ear. I listen well...
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
19 Mar
It does feel like one thing after another has been happening this year, and I'm sure that's contributing to how I'm feeling too.
2 people like this


@sallypup (53439)
• Centralia, Washington
19 Mar
@spiderdust You have a lot on your plate. I hope you have some you time in which you can grieve. Funny about us being at the pub- I am not a booze drinker. I had grapefruit juice and hubby had iced tea.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
21 Mar
@sallypup I like pubs for the food, especially if they have a full English (or Irish) breakfast on the menu, or curry fries. 

@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
19 Mar
I wish I had been able to do the pub thing, honestly. I was tired and not really up to making food, but it was a special day and I was trying to put on a good face for the kids. I think it might have been a bigger deal for me than it was for them.
2 people like this

@popciclecold (32414)
• United States
18 Mar
Sometimes, I think we all have a lot on our plates, at times.
2 people like this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
19 Mar
I think so too. There are times when there's less on the plates, but there's still always something on them.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (150755)
• United States
19 Mar
This too shall pass. I have issues with depression too, and don't deal with it that well myself. Sometimes you just have to wait it out a bit I think.
1 person likes this

@snowy22315 (150755)
• United States
21 Mar
@spiderdust Yes, the nature of the beast I think.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
21 Mar
You're exactly right. I know this won't last, and sometimes I feel better than I do other days.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
22h
@snowy22315 I do think it's important that people talk about it when they're depressed (or having other mental health issues) because it happens to lots of people and isn't something to be ashamed of, even though there's still a lot of stigma around it.
1 person likes this

@much2say (51316)
• Los Angeles, California
21 Mar


1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
21h
Colcannon is mashed potatoes with greens, usually cabbage but sometimes kale (which is what I used). It's a bit more authentically Irish than corned beef & cabbage (which is an Irish-American creation), but it also goes really well with corned beef. It's often requested by some of my kids for St. Patrick's Day dinner.
Champ is a very similar dish, but scallions are used instead of the greens.
@FourWalls (52939)
• United States
19 Mar
I’m sorry it’s eating at you. I pray you get through it. What works for one person won’t necessarily work for someone else because we’re all different. 

1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
21 Mar
I'll get through it. I'm sure I'll feel different in a week or so. I just have a lot of sad memories this time of the year and being extra tired makes it more difficult.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
21 Mar
That's what I've been thinking.
I also need to remember to call my dad this week, his birthday is coming up too.
1 person likes this
@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
22h
@LadyDuck I shopped for a birthday card for him today. 

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@spiderdust (14331)
• San Jose, California
21 Mar
I'm sure I'll be better. I recognize what's going on inside enough to know that I won't always feel like this, that it just takes some time for my body to level out. It seems to help me to acknowledge what's going on with myself (like writing posts about it).
@coldplay8 (1976)
• Zagreb, Croatia (Hrvatska)
21 Mar
sorry for your mum passi g. there are those days, they should pass. hold on.
