One of the hardest days of the year for me
@shaggin (71666)
United States
March 22, 2023 10:41pm CST
My first husband died 12 years ago today. The 21st and 22nd are always very hard days for me. Harder being remarried on this day not being able to just cry and grieve openly worrying how he will feel.
I got some crazy news today. In September a man went missing. In November they found the remains. Today one of my exes along with 5 other people were arrested for the murder. My ex was the sweetest person ever I never would have expected this. When I heard a rumor he was involved and doing meth I didn’t believe it. I feel so sad for his family and the family of the murdered man.
My father in law from my first marriage dropped by. He started his first dialysis treatment yesterday. Once his blood is all good and clean he has to have two blockages in his arteries cleaned out and a stent put in. He has had cancer for 10 years which the treatment is what ruined his Kidneys. Two of siblings just died within the past few months so it’s very lucky he went to the doctor just to get checked out or he would have wound up having a heart attack with these blockages.
The baby had a belly ache and had me hold her all day of she would cry so hard. I changed her diaper 11 times by 3 pm and told my husband I really didn’t think it was a good idea to take her hiking with him but he insisted. I was worried sick while he was gone. She did wonderful though has a great time and didn’t go the bathroom again until almost the minute she got back in the door.
When I was telling him about something the cat did he motioned with his hands for me to get on with it. I know I ramble but I barely did this time and I told him not to do that when I talk that I listen to him go on for hours about hunting and when he does that to me it makes me feel like I shouldn’t say anything.
I have a headache and the baby is sleeping so I’m going to call it a night. I had one really nice thing happen today which was a wonderful private chat with a myLot member here who I also saw followed me. I feel so honored!
Photo is just a cute tree I saw at the eye doctor which is another thing I’ll write about the nonsense of soon.
28 people like this
22 responses
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
23 Mar 23
@sallypup he said some ignorant things about my first husband a few times so I no longer feel okay talking to him about my sadness over it. If I post on Facebook about my first husband I block him from seeing it. I’m sure others can tell him but I don’t have to hear anything about it.
6 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
23 Mar 23
@ramapo17 oh gosh I am sorry you couldn’t talk about it either. My first husband and I promised we would never have children again because it would hurt to see each other with another child that wasn’t our own. We loved each other but I could not stay married to him it was a bad marriage. So I feel very guilty having gone one and gotten married and have a baby with someone else. If he were alive I guarantee I wouldn’t have.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
31 Mar 23
@DaddyEvil know what’s ironic I’ve been reading a book for a few weeks to a month called “Sullivan’s island”. That’s the last name of the ex who just got arrested.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (28511)
•
23 Mar 23
I'm really sorry, it does seem like your load is pretty heavy. And not to be offensive, but hubby should make more of an effort to listen to you--you listen to him. Marriage is a partnership, not a one way street. I hope things get better for you soon.
3 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle it’s upsetting for sure. I’m sorry you’ve been through that as well.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@MarieCoyle that’s what I’ve been trying to point out to him a few times is how I listen to him he should do the same for me.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (28511)
•
24 Mar 23
@shaggin
Yes, when he receives, he also needs to give. Supposed to work things through together, that's why you said ''I do''...for better or for worse.
I've been in those shoes. Not fun. So, so sorry.
1 person likes this
@leighnyork (1880)
•
23 Mar 23
I am so sorry for your loss. I hope that you heal from everything.
4 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
23 Mar 23
@leighnyork thank you. It’s been 12 years this most days it’s not to bad anymore but anniversaries and things my kids have like graduation etc when their father isn’t alive to be there are still very hard.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
23 Mar 23
@allen0187 thank you I definitely could have used a hug last night.
2 people like this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
24 Mar 23
Atleast myLot undid all the bad things that happened to you.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@allknowing yet yes being able to come here and chat makes me happy. It’s so great to have this place!
2 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@allknowing it’s fun to see all the different things people are interested in. Eventually I’ll see flowers blooming and share some photos but rarely will any be from my own yard 
1 person likes this
@allknowing (130066)
• India
24 Mar 23
@shaggin More than earning this place is a place to unwind for many And for me it is to showcase my garden and pets (lol)
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (73441)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
24 Mar 23
That is an adorable tree and the second Easter tree I have seen here, Must be a new tradition, I hope that things lighten up for you, I can understand about your husband's passing, Every year that goes by when the passing of my husband comes is the hardest day for me no matter how much time goes by. This year it will be six years and it feels like it just happened. I hope the baby feel better and your headache goes away,
2 people like this
@aninditasen (15742)
• Raurkela, India
23 Mar 23
This is the reason very few widows remarry in India.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
23 Mar 23
@aninditasen because the new husbands will not understand the mournings of the prior husband?
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
23 Mar 23
Hm. I'm sorry that you went through those things, to begin with and that you don't feel like you could be sad in front of the new husband . That is thoughtful of you. But sounds like he isn't the most thoughtful at times. I'm happy you called him on it.
3 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@FayeHazel he doesn’t like me talking about my first husband and has said rude things about him in the past when I was upset over anniversary dates like this. He is quite rude but maybe he doesn’t know what bothers me because I never say anything. So I have tried lately to mention it rather than bottling.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40248)
• United States
30 Mar 23
@shaggin Dislike. That kind of behavior isn't called for in my book. Happy you are mentioning things now. Don't back down. If you do pretty soon you become only a shell of yourself
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@RebeccasFarm thank you. I am doing better today. I don’t have to worry about dinner tonight so I’ve been able to relax with the baby.
1 person likes this
@RebeccasFarm (86754)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@shaggin Glad you can relax. I know how this is with trauma..it never goes away..for me either.
1 person likes this
@Juliaacv (48437)
• Canada
23 Mar 23
My goodness what a day.
I feel for you on an emotional level, it is always difficult on anniversaries.
You pamper yourself if and when you can during this difficult time, give yourself a pedicure, or relax with a cup of tea while the baby naps.
2 people like this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
23 Mar 23
@Juliaacv I was hoping to just take a nap to sleep some of the day away and feel more rested after not getting enough sleep but that didn’t work out. It was a beautiful day and I had hoped to get her outside to play or go to the park but that didn’t work out either. It’s rainy today but we will have nice days again at some point that I look forward to.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
23 Mar 23
@Fleura I never used to stand up for myself or tell him what bothers me so this is new to me. He generally doesn’t like it but oh well. Hopefully it helps he isn’t a mind reader and maybe isn’t aware what bothers me. I am so very thankful to have myLot!
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17262)
• Mombasa, Kenya
24 Mar 23
I have really liked the tree in the photo. It's really amazing and it reminds me of the Christmas tree we had in the last Christmas. I wish you a quick recovery from the headache
1 person likes this
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@Treborika yes people get a Christmas tree then after Christmas instead of packing them away they decorate them for all the holidays. This business does a really nice job with their tree.
@shaggin (71666)
• United States
24 Mar 23
@Treborika yes same here but the past few years I have seen many people who have started doing this. I want to do it in a few years with the baby when she is older.
1 person likes this
@Treborika (17262)
• Mombasa, Kenya
24 Mar 23
@shaggin That's very understandable my friend. I am used to only see and expect Christmas trees only during the festive seasons of the year. However I say thank you for sharing this. Now I have known.
1 person likes this
