My Cheapcuterie Board
By Jim Bauer
@porwest (112876)
United States
January 1, 2024 8:23am CST
Some people just like to blow money. It is what it is, I guess. My sister recently had a party for my nephew's graduation from Logan University to be a chiropractor and she hired some lady to provide charcuterie boards for it.
I am not sure exactly what she paid, but it was over $100.
For crackers, cheese, sausage and whatever else was on the board. Probably about $30 worth of food. lol
I commented on it and she said, "But you can't make meat slices look like roses."
"You're right," I said. "But at the same time nobody cares what it looks like before they shove it in their mouth."
We politely agreed to disagree. Hey, you do you, Sis and I will do me, but it will be a cold day in Hell before I spend $100 on a fancy looking pile of food.
For our party tonight I will lay out trays of sausage, cheese and crackers and will put a sign next to the platter that will say, "Cheapcuterie Board. Bon Appetit." I am sure it will get a comment. I paid under $30 for everything going on it by the way and there will be plenty.
None of my meat will look like roses, but I am sure it won't taste any different, and my pockets won't be any lighter as a result either.
All in fun, of course, though. My Sis knows I am only teasing her.
12 people like this
11 responses
@porwest (112876)
• United States
24 Oct 24
@NJChicaa My sister's household is one that is a perfect example of people with an income twice what mine was who have a quarter of my wealth if they are lucky. Like I always say, how much you make has nothing to do with how much you have.
1 person likes this
@moffittjc (128835)
• Gainesville, Florida
2 Jan 24
I love that Jim! A “cheapcuterie” board. Leave it to you to come up with such a fancy name!
Did you post that photo for @NJChicaa?
Or did you serve up some fried squirrel? Lol
2 people like this
@moffittjc (128835)
• Gainesville, Florida
7 Jan 24
@porwest My dad and I used to hunt and eat squirrel all the time when I was in my teens. We used .410 shotguns to hunt them, and I hated cleaning the meat because you had to remove all the shotgun pellets from the carcasses. But I didn't mind eating them, they tasted a lot like chicken (doesn't everything?).
1 person likes this
@porwest (112876)
• United States
4 Jan 24
I thought it was a bit witty if I may say so myself. lol. The pic was, I suppose, a play on cheap vs. fancy, quality of presentation and blah blah blah.
I have eaten squirrel. I always find it to be a bit chewy. But no squirrels were harmed in the making of my cheapcuterie board. lol
1 person likes this
@porwest (112876)
• United States
8 Jan 24
@moffittjc I never had to "field" a squirrel so I'd have no clue where to even begin, but I can imagine it would have been a chore of sorts. But yes, I think almost everything DOES taste like chicken. lol I often wonder why that is?
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (52146)
• Staten Island, New York
2 Jan 24
I agree. We can make it ourselves, knowing that the stuff there is really fresh. So what if it doesn't look like a work of art.
4 people like this
@LadyDuck (502491)
• Italy
3 Jan 24
@lovebuglena Exactly! We can slice just before preparing the board and we know that it's fresh.
3 people like this
@porwest (112876)
• United States
3 Jan 24
That is always my thought process whenever I see vegetable trays, meat and cheese trays and so on so forth. I can just make them myself and save money, and I can't justify the "time saving" factor since if it costs me more, I have to ultimately spend more time working to make the money to pay the difference. In other words, it doesn't actually save anything in the end.
2 people like this
@LindaOHio (222417)
• United States
1 Jan 24
Ewwww Looks like a deep fried animal. I doubt I would spend $100 on that either. I'd make my own. Happy New Year!
2 people like this
@porwest (112876)
• United States
4 Jan 24
@LindaOHio And it wasn't mine either. lol
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (59216)
•
2 Jan 24
I saw a lady pay for a birthday cake she ordered from the grocery store deli. It was not large. Just a cake, with icing and the Happy Birthday greeting on there. $49 for it. Honestly, it's a cake--the stores' deli departments that make these things get the cakes in frozen in a bag, un-iced. When they are ordered, they slap on icing they buy in 5 gallon buckets and squirt on a few decorations. Their total cost for what is a 9X13cake is minimal. The cakes and icing are made as cheaply as possible. Choosing buttercream icing rather than the whipped icing usually means the icing is made with oils, emulsifiers, palm oil, and on and on....but still, people buy them.
I think charcuterie boards became popular during the pandemic and everyone started making them, bigger and bigger as time went on. It has now reached the ridiculous stage.
2 people like this
@porwest (112876)
• United States
31 Jan 24
@MarieCoyle People like that are nuts to me. What does it take, for Heaven's sake? I mean, I actually FEEL better if I know that my guests will get something from ME. Anyone can buy something. And we both agree, of course, who cares how it is presented ultimately. I mean, you don't want to just slap things on a tray. But ultimately all I want is an EMPTY tray, and so long as I put it out, someone will eat it regardless of what it looks like and that's all that matters. lol
If someone doesn't like what my offering looks like, I can always tell them, "Next time perhaps you can bring it?"
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (59216)
•
31 Jan 24
@porwest
One of my neighbors brought me a huge block of cheese right before Christmas. She ordered different items for a charcuterie board, and wanted everything pre-sliced. She refused to slice it herself, said it wouldn't be ''pretty'' oh, good grief. I offered to slice it for her, but she said she had purchased some more, already sliced. So, I got a free 2lb. block of some really good cheddar cheese, because she is lazy. I said thank you, and enjoyed it, as you said, FREE is good!
1 person likes this
@FourWalls (86713)
• United States
1 Jan 24
My dear mother of blessed memory used to say about expensive crap like that, “Our name isn’t Rockefeller, so NO.” I’m not a “tightwad” (with love to Jack Benny) but there are some things I simply will NOT pay stupid money for. “Presentation” is one of them. My stomach has no eyes, so it can’t see what the food looks like, and a “beautiful presentation” doesn’t make the food taste any better (or worse).
2 people like this
@RasmaSandra (98004)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
1 Jan 24
Well, it sounds delicious to me no matter if the meat looks like roses or not. Now if you could get the meat to smell like roses that would be something 
I hope you had a great party,
I hope you had a great party,2 people like this
@lovebuglena (52146)
• Staten Island, New York
2 Jan 24
What's that fried animal on the plate in the pic? I think we eat with our eyes first. The prettier it looks the more we want to eat it. To me, spending $100 for a charcuterie board is expensive but if people are willing to shell out that much money for it, it's a good way to make some extra money I bet.
1 person likes this
@lovebuglena (52146)
• Staten Island, New York
3 Jan 24
@porwest even if you put it there for shock value what is it? Was it a bat or some rodent? And it doesn’t gross me out by the way.
I saw someone on fb posted a pic of a sturgeon. Not sure if it was smoked sturgeon or what but it had a huge weird looking head and resembled a dragon lol. And they had people guess what it is.
1 person likes this
@porwest (112876)
• United States
3 Jan 24
I put it there just for shock value. lol. As for pretty food, I never care much about it. If it tastes good, it tastes good. Spaghetti, for example, looks like a mangled, bloody animal with his intestines sprung on a plate when you really think about it. But we still gobble it up.
1 person likes this
