'Bad Parent' or 'Bad Person'?

Its hard to let a comment like that go. I still am hurt by a comment my grandmother made to me when I told her I was pregnant with our third child. First off, we have 2 girls. They are pretty well behaved, (the 2 year old is a little stinker) and I've always been calm when handling them in public. I've gotten tons of compliments on how good they are. So, anyways, I tell me grandmother that i'm pregnant and her first words to me are "why would you want another one, you can't handle the two you have." I was shocked. I've never said or acted like I can't handle them. But even though I knew I was a good mom it had me analizing everything I'd done to see if I'd made some mistake. I'm sure your friend will get over it. Just keep showing her that you think she is a good mother.

Although it is not easy to forget such a comment, it is very important to consider the source. In my experience the person who makes such a comment is usually a highly insecure person, with guilt over his or her own shortcomings as a parent. This kind of person lashes out at others in an ill-guided attempt to feel better himself or herself. It troubles me, though, that your friend chooses to define herself almost as though she were a parent first and a person second. Her acquaintance obviously knew her weak spot, so she did leave herself open for a strike. She needs to understand that whether she is a good parent or not is in no way defined by what someone else says or thinks, especially if that person is in no position of authority. Otherwise, she is letting other people manipulate her. That would not be setting a good example for her children. Do you think your friend has good parenting skills. If so, it might be helpful if you were to point out very specifically some of the things you have seen her do that prove she is a good parent. Then she will have some objective and concrete examples to cling to. That should chase the subjective remark this other person made right out of her head. As you are friends, you probably have already done that. If not, do give it a try!

It wouldn't bother me too much if someone called me a bad parent because I HAD bad parents. So I know what bad parenting is, and I have never done, nor would ever do, anything like it. As far as I'm concerned if the child is loved, paid attention to, given some boundaries, and not abused.... you're a good parent. I make that decision based on the opposite of what my own parents did. So unless someone knew me very well, I wouldn't take their words to heart that I was a bad parent, because I would assume they didn't know what bad parenting really was, or that they didn't know enough about me to even judge me as a parent.

It would KILL me if someone called me a bad parent. If you deserve it, that's one thing. I feel I am a good parent and my child means more to me than anything, if someone told me I don't take care of her like I should, I would find it hard to get over.

The comment of "bad parent" really hurts, especailly for a mom. For most women consider being a mother is the most important role in their lives. I would get upset at the comment too. But it also depends on the commentator. If we are not very familiar with each other, I'd just let it go. If she is a friend of mine and knows me very well, then I'd ask her to give me more details and inspect myself accordingly.

I would wring the neck of the person who will tell me I'm a bad parent. Most parents love their child and would do anything, give anything, even their life, for their child. But even the best parents are not perfect in this non-perfect world, so they sometimes make mistakes, but that doesn't make them a bad parent. Like Britney Spears. Many call her a bad-parent, but who knows?

I don't think anyone has ever accused me of being a bad parent and I'm not sure how I would feel if they did. It would possibly depend on who said it. Of course it would be upsetting that someone could be that horrible, especially if they didn't know me. Then again, if someone didn't know me then their opinion wouldn't really matter. I did have one incident where someone made a comment about children being kidnapped just because I wasn't physically holding my child and to be honest, I thought less of that person than he did of me. I wondered what kind of person would think that way. Maybe this person who called your friend a bad mother was a bad person, possibly even a bad mother, herself because I do know that some horrible people try to justify their own ineptitudes by accusing people of the their own faults.

Your friend should not let that one comment touch her, but it will. It's hard not to take the role of parent personal, and any comment on that is going to hit the heart. It's very hard, but your friend should try to sit back and take the comment in context. If this person was "judging" her on one incident, then she's really only judging the one incident, not your friend. I know many people who try really hard to be a great parent but for some reason things still go wrong - man, don't I wish there was a handbook for raising kids!!!! Your friend is most likely a very good parent and needs to take the other persons comments "seriously" but not let that dominate her thoughts. We can all learn from each other and your friend should try to find the good in the comment. Maybe there was something your friend could have done a bit different that would have helped the situuation?? Then again, maybe not...

people are going to say what they want to say. so what. your friend knows what kind of person and parent she is. tell her never allow anyone to take that away from them because of their harsh words. you let her know that and be her friend.

I always say , sticks and stones may break my bones but words cause permanent damage.Tell your friend that the only thing that matters is the love she shows her kids and that they are healthy and happy.As long as her kids love her, she is a good mother.Being a parent is the hardest job and she is doing it well and to forget the idiot and their comments.

IT is really very hard to digest such a comment especially a negative comment on something that is so important to us.A parent can never accept a negative comment of this sort.

When people make comments like that usually they are just blowing off steam. There is someone in my family that is always commenting on my parenting skills in negative terms, but this person has no children of his own. It's easy to judge someone when you're not in their situation. I just ignore it b/c he is old and in ill health and I figure he is just venting when he says those things. If I were your friend I wouldn't take that person's comment too seriously. Who made that person such a expert on parenting, anyway?

It is true, that one comment, even by someone that isn't aware of the parenting skills, can really hurt. Such as a person that doesn't spend much time in my household passed judgement upon me and how I run my household, and I would like to say I know this person well. But I don't know the ins and outs of their every day life. I was very hurt by the judgement they made on me, even though it was not based on facts. I take alot of pride in being a stay at home mom, taking care of my kids, my house, and my hubby. Their comments were based on a feeling, not fact, but it still hurts, because it reflects what they think they know about me. And it taught me that they really didn't know me.

Having your parenting abilities called into question by anyone is a hard thing to just forget about. I have been in this situation before and I used to dwell on it for days. After the sting of a comment like that goes away or lessens she'll realize that it doesn't matter what anyone thinks about her parenting. As long as her kids are happy, healthy and there's love between parent and child no one can say anything about how she parents her kids.

I know that it would upset me, it would definently bother me, but I also have faith in myself and know that I would be doing the right things, the best I could. Plus, if I had friends around me telling me that I was indeed a good parent, that would really help me out.

I have honestly never been called a bad parent by anyone. My husband has tried to only to make me feel guilty for wanting to take a little time for myself. So yes it hurts and it's the worst thing to tell a mom. I mean that's our job. It's like someone telling Tom Hanks he's a bad actor, Peyton Manning is a bad quarterback, etc. Was this person also a mother and if so, I would have told her once I have calmed down, that no one is perfect. Also you can point out all the good things she has done as a mom, that will make her feel better. It won't make her forget that but it will make it easier to push it back in her mind.

Some people just can't hold back with their "holier than thou" attitudes. I agree with your advice that one person's opinion does not count and should not be taken to heart; but I can also understand how it would have been devastating to hear it as well. There are always going to be people in this world that have one comment or one insult haunt them for a long time; you often hear stories of people called fat as a child for example who then have this comment basically rule their life from that point forward. No it is not easy to forget, the goal is to prove the comments wrong. Not to the person who said it (who cares about them!); but to yourself.

Well you could not avoid hearing comments from others about you. It is a fact of life that there will be people that will not like her and there are also those that appreciates her. That was only one person and there is "YOU" who sees who she really is and I think that is important at least there is one person who really knows who she is. Forget the comment she got from that person. Focus on person that likes and knows you more than to person who judges you hastily without regard.

It sure would hurt me just as much. Cause you try so hard to do what's best and do what needs to be done and be a good parent, to give everything your children need financially and mentally. And even if you can't provide enough, when your doing your best, you are being a good parent cause its the best you can do, cause kids dont come with manuals you know!. And you work SO HARD towards that goal of being a good parent, if someone was to tell me that i was doing a bad job, that would be.. devestating! You love your kids so much, and you want so much to be the best you can be for them.. I bet that person that told your friend she was being a bad mom isn't a mom are they ? I don't think that person is a good friend either way. If there was something that her friend thought she was doing wrong, or could have been doing differently, then she should have offered to help her out or something instead of being allcritical, after all if your not part of the solution your part of the problem!!

I guess it depends on who it is that said it. If it was some one I respected and looked up to and valued their opinion it would be hurtful. If it was some one that I didn't know and knew nothing about me it would be something I would be able to let go. After all if they don't know me how would they know what kind of parent I am.