being a mother before 20
@jamaicanwizard70 (148)
Pakistan
January 5, 2008 5:04am CST
well baby is a blessing from da God,but being a mother before 20 is it ok,well many must be having babies before 20 or even below 20,but what i think is planning a child could also be done later,there are others things which should be considered first like completion of education and finding a good job,well many mothers think that earning is fathers part but for da well being of a child its important that both father and mother must be working,well people r different so thay have different views,so folks plz do respond
8 people like this
25 responses
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
5 Jan 08
In being a mother since I was 18 years old, i have to totally agree with you. I think that becoming a mother at such an early age is not the best idea...you still have a lot of growing to do yourself at that age or earlier. Completing your education is very important, not only for yourself, but for your entire family in the future. I didn't complete mine and I regret it so much now and this is three kids later. I love my three children more than anything, but i wish i had waited until i was older to have my first two. I was 18 and just turned 20 when my son's were born. I didn't have that time of being on my own alone or anything like that. Neither pregnancy was planned, but it definitely affected me in the long run when it came to being a mother and how i had imagined my life before kids. You loose dreams a lot of times when you have children. I don't personally think that people should even consider becoming parents until at least 25, but that is my opinion. There are some people that make really good parents at 18 or 20. They are obviously blessed in that area. It took me a little longer, unfortunately, which really hurt not only myself but my children in the long run. God bless
@prettypinkbug (437)
• United States
6 Jan 08
You can still go back to school. Your life isn't ruined just because you have 3 kids. I have 2 and want another and am currently in school. If you want it bad enough get out there and do it. I see you are "a sgts wife" there are schools that give military spouses discounts. Try Career Step for med transcription. They give military spouses 20% off tuition costs and you can work from home when you are done.
1 person likes this
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
7 Jan 08
Thanks for the suggestion. I will definitely look into that. Thank you again and God bless
@asgtswife04 (2475)
• United States
7 Jan 08
i meant to comment on the other part as well...i dont believe that my life is ruined because i have three children. My children and my husband are my life and i wouldn't have it any other way. i couldn't imagine my life without them now. i just meant that things didn't turn out the way i had always planned as a child. that i wasn't ready when i had kids at such a young age and that it affected my two oldest. things are great now though for the most part. sure there are times that i wish i had some time to myself, but what mother doesn't at some point. i stay at home with my daughter...my husband is overseas...so i don't have, literally, any time just for me to relax. but, i never meant to imply that my kids ruined my life. i love them very much and i love being their mother. Thanks and God bless
@mummybec (685)
• Australia
5 Jan 08
Hi...
Ok here is my thoughts on this subject... I really think that the age of a person is irrelevent in some ways as some younger people can actually be mature, ready & responsible enough to have children, and on the same note some older people may not be... I know this is actually hard to explain... ummm say an 18 year old may have been in a relationship for a few years and may be more grown up etc than say a 30 year old she may also be mature and responsible enough to handle being a mum etc... Please let me know if this does not make sense as I know what I am trying to say - it is just hard to write it!!!
With this said though... I was lucky enough to have things happen the way I wanted to I was married and both my kids were planned this is the way I had always imagined it to happen to me. Be married first and plan our kids.
@zeloguy (4911)
• United States
6 Jan 08
Before I get into this... my mother had me when she was married at the age of 19 years old (got pregnant at 18).
Now here is the good and the bad:
If there is a conscious decsion (as it was with my parents) to get married and have children as soon as they get married then all the better for them. My parents have no idea what it is like to have a live without kids and that is the way they wanted it.
Now when we are talking about kids being irresponsible and irrational (a 14 year old screwing around because she wants to graduate from dolls to a real child) then we have a problem.
75% of girls in school do NOT graduate after getting pregnant. Let me say that again. 3 out of every 4 girls who are in high school who get pregnant DO NOT graduate high school... and for obvious reasons.
Do I believe it is a woman's right to get pregnant... yes absolutely... more accurately a couple's right but that is neither here nor there.
The prudent part of the sentence is a WOMAN's right... not a child.
My wife and myself started our life out late in life and have found she cannot have kids. If there is one thing (other than money troubles) that can put a strain on a marriage it is that. For those wanting (not ready, you are never ready) children and who are over the age of 18, who have already finished their elementary schooling (high school), who are in a relationship or married and want to have children... I say go for it.
@jamaicanwizard70 (148)
• Pakistan
7 Jan 08
people thanx for such lovely comments,u all had really much to share and with some more matured comments here others got a chance to learn,as for me i juzz had put a responce
@steerforth (1797)
• Italy
5 Jan 08
I think it's very difficult to being a mother before 20 years old. I know a girl that waited a child and she was 19 years old, and she aborted. After she aborted, she devorced. So her life was planned but now she is 24 years old and she is yet devorced and she aborted. Her life is not easy. So it's very difficult planning life at 20 years old.
@positiveminded1977 (7072)
• India
5 Jan 08
Actually, it depends on the lady. If she feels she is ready to be a mother, age doesn't really make much of a difference. However, I cannot imagine very young people(age 20) being ready to be mothers. I am sure they would still be struggling to find their place in the world. Then, if they become mothers, it will be tough on them and tough on the baby.
1 person likes this
@glitzypurple (1477)
• Philippines
5 Jan 08
In my opinion, one can be a mother if she's mature enough to handle the family or have enough knowledge how to raise up the child.
In the case of being 20 below though, I guess it would be rare that girls below 20 can be a mother and handle it on her own. She has to be with someone who could help her, like the father and some support of course from friends, parents who are willing to be there to help her and the family raise up the child.
@smwilliams (647)
• United States
6 Jan 08
With my first daughter I was a young mother. I had her at the age of 18...she was worth it, but I know now how much growing up now that you have to do to be a parent. There is soo much that you sacrifice for your children and dont realize it. I would not take anything back that happened, but I would suggest to other young women to wait. While I was tending to my daughter I missed out on being a young adult. You literally jump from 18 to 30 in a short time. Like I said I dont regret it and love my kids very much, but if you have the choice then be young and have fun and enjoy your youth. Being a good parent I think depends on the person and not the age of the person. I would never say that age has anything to do with bad parenting. We must consider also that when we are younger we are more selfish and when we are older more selfless...its a maturity issue. Im 25 now..married..have 3 children and my nursing degree...My schooling I did as a single parent plus working full time...Its hard, but achievable...however not recommended.
@prettypinkbug (437)
• United States
6 Jan 08
People keep mentioning that a person still has growing up to do. There are many, many people who are in there 30's and 40's who still have not achieved this goal of growing up and becoming an adult or atleast acting like one. It doesn't matter how old a person is when she decides to have children. People grow and change throughout their lifetimes, some at a different rates than others. You are right being a good parent does not depend on a person's age. Sacrificing for your children is something that never goes away. A good parent will give up things for their children throughout their lives. Why should something in your 30s be more worth the sacrifice?
@SViswan (12051)
• India
7 Jan 08
Personally, I think being a mother before 20 wouldn't be a good idea for me because I want to do so many things. I had my first child at 24 and still didn't get to do all the things I wanted to do before that (some yes but not all). We also hadn't planned on lots of things that would crop up after a child is born. I would fight with my husband on that matter all the time. He lived for the moment (as far as finance was concerned) and I always wanted to keep something for a rainy day (especially for the kids).
Having said that, I know of people who had kids by the age of 20 and since they handled things well, they did get a life when the children had grown up.
So, it has more to do with being ready than the correct age to have a baby. Education, job can be handled along with a baby if the planning is done well.
@carolbee (16230)
• United States
6 Jan 08
I think being a mother before 20 can work if the parents are mature. Sometimes it's not a planned pregnancy and that can cause all sorts of problems if the couple is not married. I also think a one income family is better if, mighty big if, the couple can afford to raise a child or children on one income. Most often in today's world, it takes two incomes.
@kingatul (849)
• India
6 Jan 08
I think that being a mother at the age of 20 is wrong . I mean come on ,at 20 a girl herself is a child and how can you take away the innocence and freshness by making her a mother. According to me its a crime. Let the girl become mature enough to make her understand the greatness of being a mother. She will be responsible for a person who will come out to live in this world.
@jennybianca (12912)
• Australia
7 Jan 08
I honestly wouldn't recommend being a Mother before 20 years of age. Many women would lack maturity. Besides, people need a chance to experience life before starting a family. To study, work & travel. Maybe buy their first home.,
Still, there are many Mothers who had babies before the age of 20 who have been successful.
@prettypinkbug (437)
• United States
6 Jan 08
Having a baby before a woman is 20 is not such a bad thing. As long as the mother is a responsible person and wants the baby it's not as horrible as people think. Younger bodies can handle pregnancy better most of the time. I was 2 weeks from being 20 when my son was born. I currently don't work (my hubby does) but I am finishing college and I homeschool my kids. Maybe I am the exception to some. I was always a responsible, capable mother. I was just blessed with my child earlier than some thought I should be. My parents were of course worried for me when they found out, but now I think they are happier then ever because they have 2 wonderful grandchildren to brag about. :)
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
7 Jan 08
While I agree that, ideally, babies should be planned, jamaicanwizard, sometimes things don't always work out that way. I am speaking from personal experience. I was married as a teen and had 2 babies by the age of 21. No, it was not the best way, and I had to endure a lot of struggles by doing it that way, but I still loved them and did the best I could for them. That's what parenting is all about.
@moneyandgc (3428)
• United States
6 Jan 08
I have 4 children, my first son was born when I was 19. I was married, my husband had a stable job and though I was young I don't think I was any less of a mother than I am now with my last child at 29. I also don't believe that for the "well being of the child" both parents must work. I am very thankful that I could stay home and raise my children rather than stick them in a daycare. I didn't want to miss any of their "firsts." Some people have no choice but to put there children in daycare, some choose to and that is their choice. Personally, I don't believe in daycare if I can do it myself. That is my choice.
@jasonanderson (151)
• United States
5 Jan 08
from da God? well i hope da God realized I don't want any kids for a few years
@Stiletto (4579)
•
5 Jan 08
I had my daughter when I was 18 and I raised her as a single parent. It was very tough and yes, I do think I was too young. I didn't want her to do the same thing I did and thankfully she didn't. She waited until she was in her mid-20's before she had her daughter. She copes much better than I did and I also think she enjoys it all a whole lot more.
@annettenasser (2992)
• Kuwait
5 Jan 08
For me becoming a mother before 20 is not an issue,,, the issue whe you become a mother before 20 and you are not mature enough to forget your life as a single and doesnt care to change for the best interest of the baby,, i know many ladies who become mother at early age but they are just fine because they got the support they need not just for the financial but also for the emotional too..
@Ambur25 (1006)
• United States
5 Jan 08
I was pregnant at 17, had my first son at 18. I was with someone at the time, but that did not work out. I asked him to leave and he hasn't been seen since. I got married about a year later, and had my second son when I was 22. I wouldn't have it any other way! Sure, I missed out on some of my childhood/college years. But, this is the way it was meant to be for me. I believe God wouldn't put anything on me that I couldn't handle. And I trust Him. I know there are some kids having kids out there even younger than I was. A friend of mine is about to have her 2nd child and she's only 17. Things happen for a reason.
@lovelydame3000 (1577)
• India
5 Jan 08
Hi jamaicanwizard70! I gguess it is an individual choice. But if you ask me i would say that when you are willing to take the responsibility that comes along with the child then you can plan your child.I am talking about both financial and emotional support to the child. You are absolutely right about the need of concentrating in your studies as it can help you get a better job and be able to stand on your own financially. All the very best!
@sweets57 (94)
• United States
5 Jan 08
Everyone has to decide what is best for themselves, but I do know several young adults that had children, all of them have quit school. Some of them have low paying jobs, and some of them have no job, some are married, and some are not, they all love thier kids, but wish that they would have waited. They are having a really tough time financially and emotionally. I also know a few young adults that are handling it pretty good. Good luck to all young adults, life if very hard nowadays.
