My son came home with no hair!!!!

@vera5d (4006)
United States
February 19, 2008 6:42pm CST
My almost 5 yr old son went to his Dad's today as usual... but when he came home had no hair!! His aunt shaved it all off!!! I am sooo (I'll spare you the 3000 extra o's) mad about this! His Dad didn't even ask or say anything...I was trying to let it grow long so I could actually give him a good hair cut! I don't have anything against "buzz cuts" - my hubby has no hair either...My son likes it cause now he looks like my hubby, so I am not saying anything about it to my son so he doesn't feel bad about himself or how he looks... I will get over this. I guess his Dad's idea of "becoming more involved" is shaving our son's head...he could visit him at pre-school, see him for more than 6 hours a week, take him to the doctor's, or 1 million of the other things a Dad should/could do...nope, he shaves his head!! It could be worse, I suppose. How would you feel if your ex did this to your kids? Have any good stories to share?
7 people like this
24 responses
@catjane (1036)
• United States
20 Feb 08
If this is his step-dad and you are no longer together, that means they are not related in any way any more really, unless he adopted him when you were together. Where is his real dad? Anyway, it's about hair. It will grow back, but I wouldn't let him have your son unless he knows the rules. In fact, I probably would have cut all relations with him when the split happened because you will someday find another man who your kids will probably call dad too, so it could get confusing for your son if that were to happen. Is this step-dad paying child support?
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
i have confused some people - this was his biological dad who cut the hair - it is the same style my hubby (my son's step-dad) has...my son usually fights and kicks and screams when he has to see his real dad - he adores my hubby who he's known since he was 1 yr old...sorry for the confusion!!
1 person likes this
@catjane (1036)
• United States
20 Feb 08
Thanks for clearing that up! so your ex cut your sons hair to look like your current husbands hair, is that it? I'm not sure it's even a good thing to have a child call both parents dad, expecially when the one dad is still in the kids life. I know it happens alot but then the child can grow up calling several men "dad" it might get confusing. Does it bother your ex that his son calls another man dad? If not, I guess it doesn't matter, it just got me thinking, and that can be a dangerous thing sometimes LOL.
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
22 Feb 08
it does confuze him quite a bit - he calls my hubby by his first name...but this poor kid has a step-dad, a step-mom, 4 sets of grandparents, 2 great grand-mas...you can imagine the mess we have at holidays! don't worry, he also has a counselor!!
1 person likes this
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
20 Feb 08
Well from the point of view of a father myself. Though I am not bald I would like to see my son look like me and my son also. So I guess you just have to respect that especially if your son likes what his dad and aunt did to him. You are on the losing side if you blurt it out. But maybe you could inform your ex-hubby to let you know before deciding anything/something for yours and his son. Anyway you two can talk civilly perhaps you could maybe arrange something there.
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
the hair cut is the same of my hubby (my son's step dad) - not my son's dad (my ex)...i know it is confusing! I am currently the only person in our house with hair, lol...i was joking that I should shave my head last night too!
2 people like this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
forgot to add- I do appreciate your "father" perspective! Sometimes it can be tough to see things from the other side!
2 people like this
@rsa101 (13336)
• Philippines
20 Feb 08
Oh maybe I got confused but even so who your son idolized you shoud always respect that choice and be happy with that. I am glad you have shifted from being contented at least and can laugh on it already.
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
20 Feb 08
ouch!!! you have all the right to get sooo(+3000 o's) mad about this. i am just reading this and i got really affected. i mean hello your the parent also of this boy... have a little respect and ask you first before taking some actions. its like he spared the discusiion and just decide right away. you are right, there are more things he can do to be a good dad, than focusing on his son looking like him.
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
it's just so inconsiderate...i have to wonder did anything cross their minds that I would not be happy about this?
1 person likes this
@roniroxas (10576)
• Philippines
20 Feb 08
precisely.
1 person likes this
@cmofi123 (344)
• United States
21 Feb 08
My sister-in law husband did this to their kid. She was so mad, she nearly wanted to kill the guy. I will be mad too wether he was my former or current husband.
1 person likes this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
20 Feb 08
I have 3 sons, and they all had long hair as a child! As soon as they were old enough, they asked to get their haircut, and all three sport a very short cut to this day! They prefer buzz cuts. So I guess what I am saying is that it cannot matter so much to us as parents, since they will have their way in the long run. It was influenced by his dad and aunt, as I found most things with kids are influenced by other people!
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
my son is happy with it, so i can't be that mad...but I still wish he would've thought about my reaction!
2 people like this
@olivemai (4738)
• United States
21 Feb 08
Hair is personal and the guys do not think much about it! The easier it is to take care of, the better! I would be glad to hear that he did not have lice!
1 person likes this
@drannhh (15227)
• United States
20 Feb 08
And your X is still alive, grrrrl, you are a SAINT! A smart saint, too, to keep your disappointment from showing around your son. Oh, but I bet he is cute! My husband is laughing his behind off over this, not AT you, but in sympathy. He cannot believe your X did this. I can believe it though. A guy dumb enough to let you go would do anything.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 08
I agree if I had a son and my ex cut his hair off I'd be one angry momma and he'd be lucky to be alive. I have 2 daughters who live with my ex and my oldest she's nine, wants to grow her hair to donate it but my ex keeps getting it trimmed. Makes me so angry because he knows she wants to do this but doesn't seem to care!
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
i wouldn't go so far to say I am a saint, lol...i was so very tempted to call them and scream at them...my ex did have some sense - my son had his hood up on his coat & his dad was already in his car before I saw the damage...probably the only smart thing he's done lately! stormee - it is nice to hear you can relate! I can imagine this being even harder with older kids - and especially girls who are a little more sensitive about appearance!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 08
I would be very upset. It seems that she doesn't trust your opinion. There is some serious trust issues. These need to be resolved for the sake of your son.
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
22 Feb 08
I am not sure if I want to read into it more deeply or not...
1 person likes this
@moneyandgc (3430)
• United States
20 Feb 08
My ex-husband cut my daughter's hair when she was like two. She had long beautiful hair. One day I went to pick her up from him and her hair had been cut...and badly. The other time was when we were trying to grow out her bangs. For some reason she became afraid of getting her haircut around the age of 3 or 4 years old. Her stepmom wanted to show her that cutting hair doesn't hurt, so she grabbed a handful of her bangs and chopped them off (thinking that she was going to get her haircut anyway). It wasn't until after she had a chunk of hair in her palm that she realized her mistake!
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
22 Feb 08
Man...I would be a zillion times madder if someone did that to my daughter!! I have long hair...it takes a lot of work to get it long & be healthy! Thanks for sharing your story!!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 08
At least hair grows back. And I am sure he still looks cute as can be!
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
he looks like a cute juvenille delinquent, lol :)
1 person likes this
@suehan1 (4355)
• Australia
20 Feb 08
vera i am surprised you just said sooo.i would have hit the roof.it would be o.k if you said to him while our son is with you get him a hair cut.i would have torn strips of him and the aunty.cheers sue
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
It is hard to believe he didn't think that i would not be mad...i don't know, i guess i just get so mad at him for everything else, what's one more thing...it falls on deaf ears
1 person likes this
@Grandmaof2 (7603)
• Canada
20 Feb 08
I would have definately phoned him and asked him what the meaning of all this is. It's your son too and because you're the full time parent you definately have a say in this matter.
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
it's funny, his dad did give me a new phone number for him, too...lol
1 person likes this
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
20 Feb 08
When my baby turned 1 year old... my husband was insisting on having my baby's hair cut/trimmed by his sister... i wanted to do since i am the mother... so there as quite a long argument about it... But when i finally gave him the look and said in total finallity that I will be the one to give my baby her first haircut... that is the only time that he stopped arguing with me...
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
yes, that first hair cut is special...funny my son's dad was around for that - he's never "cared" about our son's hair...heck, he's barely cared enough to even see him most of the time...
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 08
This is outrageous. I am surprised you are not reacting more. How dare he and how dare the aunt. This child is obviously in your custody and he has no right to shave the child's head. No doubt that the kid does not mind - it is probably the only attention that daddy has given him. I have the perfect thing for you - come on over to my on-line shop and look for the Horse's A Card - http://qbranchltd.etsy.com If you want I will make you two - one for him and one for the aunt.
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
that is ingenious...this is definately one of those "special situations", lol...here is a direct link of the card if anybody else wants to see it: http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=7218806
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 08
My daughters father went to get his hair cut once and took our daughter with him. Well he didnt comb her hair or anything and it was all ratty so the hair lady decided it needed to be cut. Well she came back with bangs that didnt look like bangs and half the back of her hair cut off. I was sooo mad cause I wanted it to grow out and be long. I flipped out on him and said never to let that happen without my knowledge first. I think both parents have a say but however you should at least get the others opinions.
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
yeah, it's a bit of shock when they do something like that...my hubby thinks we should dye my son's hair black (temporarily) the next time they visit to get back at them...but he is just joking, it wouldnt be fair to put the poor kid in the middle of it...thanks for sharing your experience!
1 person likes this
@musicman6 (2370)
• United States
20 Feb 08
They would never do that to me, I would still be mopping the floor with both of them! My ex, knows better, she always asks me first, because she knows that I can cause a lot of trouble!
1 person likes this
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
I try to remain level headed...it is not so easy to do! My ex "should" know better...
1 person likes this
@trickiwoo (2702)
• United States
20 Feb 08
Yikes!!! Well, the good news is that hair grows back! And I take it's a good sign that your son is happy that he looks like your husband. So this is probably something you'll look back and laugh about years from now. Maybe you should talk to your son's father and let him know you'd appreciate it if he'd run things by you first before majorly changing your son's appearance?
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
20 Feb 08
Hair does grow back thank goodness! My son loves his step-dad...so I am very lucky in that regard...but I think this is because he's known him since he was just over a year old...I guess I would just kind of assume that someone would have thought to call me first...oh well - thanks for the response :) I am cooling down already!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Feb 08
I would go crazy if anyone ever cut my kids hair with out asking me first. That is so disrespectful. Thank god your son likes it. That does make it easier to deal with. I would diffently say something to the father about this.
1 person likes this
• Nigeria
20 Feb 08
if my son comes back with no hair in his head i will him that really that i ma his father the whole world will know.
1 person likes this
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
20 Feb 08
That would probably tick me off too. You would think that before doing something like that they would have at least checked with you first! At least it's only hair that will grow back. At least the little guy is happy with it, not sure but maybe that should count more. For sure you should let 'dad' know that since you're in charge of the little guy that it would be nice if he ran things by you before just going for it. It's good you're not showing your son your disappointment and anger, little kids should never be in on their parents disagreements...it would serve no purpose other than to make him feel it's his fault.
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
22 Feb 08
I'm still trying to think of what I am going to say to them when they (the grandma & aunt who shaved his head) call me this weekend to see him or when his dad picks him up Tuesday...I would like to handle it in a mature manner, but at the same time feel like smacking them!
1 person likes this
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
22 Feb 08
I know what you mean, no need to fly off the handle if there's a mature way of handling it. If it was me I'd probably say something like 'gee, I wish you would have checked with me first. I was planning on getting his hair cut soon and wanted to get pictures of his first haircut for his album. If you don't mind, in the future if you'd be kind enough to check with me first it would be appreciated.'
@bowtieguy (5930)
• United States
7 Mar 08
The hair style is not the issue it is that they did it without your consent. Wiether the child, father or aunt liked the style is beyond the point and even if it turned out ok they still defied you. I also feel that unless you have a licened degree in cosmotology then you should not be cutting someone's hair, just as a bueaty supply store is banned from selling hair cutting devices to non stylist so should people like this from cutting hair and furthermore should be punished just the same. Hopefuly it will all grow back and be restored to it's once greatness and every one has learned their lesson so a similar situation dose not occur.
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
7 Mar 08
hair does grow back...i just found it to be awfully disrespectful of me...if they would have asked, I might have said yes, who knows...but to see your kid 5 hours later looking completelt different is quite the shock! thanks fgor the response!
• United States
26 Feb 08
Your son sounds like my two boys. My boys love their hair shaved because they look like Daddy. I would also be mad like you, if he didn't asked ahead of time. Something like that you should ask about, I would think. I don't have any stories to tell about the whole ex and the kids deal because there real daddy has nothing to do with them. My boys call my boyfriend of 5 years their daddy.
@vera5d (4006)
• United States
3 Mar 08
my son's dad disappeared for several months, almost half a year, then suddenly reappeared with new wife...my son was only 3 then...my son adores his step-dad (my hubby) - he's known him since he was only 2 years old...they are quite the pair together, lol.