How to pay back a friend?
By SViswan
@SViswan (12051)
India
March 18, 2008 6:52am CST
Well, here's the situation.
Let's say family X is having medical problems and are in the hospital most of the time. Family Y offers to take care of their child during emergencies and also cooks food for family X when required.
Now, family X is healthy and is back to a normal routine. They know that family Y doesn't have too much money to spare and helped them despite it. But they don't want to give family Y some money because family Y might take it in the wrong sense...because they helped because they are friends.
Family X needs to show their gratitude without hurting family Y's feelings. A gift would be nice but not enough to make up for the help during a time of need.
What would you do if you are family X?
15 people like this
39 responses
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
19 Mar 08
If I were family X I would surprise them with occasional gift cards for stores that sell basic items I know they would use, not fancy restaurants, etc., and be nice as usual, and just wait and watch for a good opportunity to do a bit more, and the way life is, I think that opportunity would probably come soon enough. I might also buy an investment of some kind (here we have treasury bills that mature after 25 years and that sort of thing) in the names of the children so that when they reach college age or some other milestone these would be of some value even though they do not cost much now. I don't think anyone would turn down something like that for the children.
3 people like this
@4mymak (1793)
• Malaysia
19 Mar 08
i guess there is no 'proper' pay-back...
except to just wait and hope that there will be an opportunity for us to be able to do the same for them, whenever they may need it... (not that i wish for any of them to be in the hospital, though..)
for now - what i could think of is something as simple as.. having them over for barbeque or dinner... a small party just for the two families...??
3 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
18 Mar 08
Family X should have family over for dinner at least twice a month. That way they don't have to pay for a dinner and no money will exchange hands.And you can help them out.Or you can just come over with a few things they need for their house and tell them it is just a small token of thanks. They were there for you and now it is yor turn to be there for them.
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Mar 08
Oh thank you once again.
But this wasn't based on one incident alone...that's why I didn't mention myself as either family X or Y.
I live in an apartment complex and since most of us don't have our extended families close by, we usually help each other even before the family asks for help.
But sometimes, one of the families is aware that the other went out of their way to help and want to repay it...but don't know how to.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
19 Mar 08
I hope you get to do it.And remember a saying I once heard in a movie, Pride is smaller than kindness. It is the perfect thing to tell family Y.Take care.
@jewelenterprises (1996)
• Australia
19 Mar 08
I would suggest having a get together, thanking them for their friendship and expression your appreciation for their help. At the same time let them know that if they ever need help, not to hesitate to contact you. Maybe you could pick their kids up for school (if they have any and if they attend the same school as your kids or a school nearby). Maybe you could attend a medical appointment with them that they are nervous about. There are lots of ways to express appreciation and support.
3 people like this
@denae77 (33)
•
18 Mar 08
The best think to do is just be there and never forget, being a friend goes a long way and can never be replaced in their heart, really the only place it counts, I would just thank them and be there when ever needed just as it was done for my family, this sounds like a caring family and would be a blessing to have to call as friends, people like that don't come around everyday.
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Mar 08
I agree....friendship goes a long way...and family X will definitely help when family Y needs it. But they also know that family Y went out of their way to help them..and they are short of cash too. Cooking daily meals for a whole family is not easy (money wise and energy wise). So, family X wants to show their appreciation.
I have to say that I have neighbours who are this way. I suppose I'm very lucky.
1 person likes this
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
18 Mar 08
Maybe you could get them a gas card or a grocery store gift card and also a thank you card. Explain to them that you felt so much appreciation for what they did, that you really want them to accept this as a token of your appreciation, maybe invite them to dinner and give it to them while they are there.
2 people like this
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
18 Mar 08
Well one way to do this might be to buy a big lot of groceries and say it is a way to replace all that was eaten by other family, or if the family is short on something give then a gift certificate and tell them it is in appreciation for all the wonderful thing they did. make a big splash about what they did as friends and down size the repayment, in other words we can never repay you for your kindness and would never try but we want to at least replace what you shared (food) so generously with us
2 people like this
@howard96h (11640)
• New York, New York
18 Mar 08
Since family Y doesn't have money to spare and won't accept cash rather than buy a gift I would put some cash in a pre-paid gift visa/mastercard card so that person can use it anywhere they wish whether it be for food at a supermarket or anything else that person chooses. That's what I would do.
2 people like this
@drknlvly6781 (6246)
• United States
19 Mar 08
I would buy family Y gift cards to the grocery stores, clothing stores, and other places they may shop. Then again, I might just give them the money anyway. If family Y needs the money, more than likely they would accept it as a blessing, and not be hurt by it. At least I wouldn't be if I were family Y. I feel that friends like this are blessings from God. You know that God answers prayers, but he doesn't answer them by sending what you asked for directly from the sky. He works through people.
2 people like this
@aseretdd (13730)
• Philippines
19 Mar 08
Well, i was in both family X and family Y's situation in the past... like family Y... i don't want any monetary compensation... a simple gratitude of a nice gift that i can use or see at home will do... i remember a certain family gave me a blanket... that was years ago... and i still use it...
When i was in family X's situation... i did not give money since just like what you wrote here... it might offend the other family... so i gave them a gift card that they can use in the grocery or department store... the whole family can go out like in an outing... and that made them very happy...
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Mar 08
I've been in both situations too....and it's okay for me personally because the families have been the same and we just help each other out when necessary.
But like you mentioned, a gift that the other family needs would be appreciated more than giving money which might make their help seem cheap.
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6518)
• United States
18 Mar 08
That's a toughie. Well, I think that if family X would be offended by the actual giving of money, then family Y can offer unlimited babysitting privileges, offer to cook dinner every other week to give them a break (I say every other week because some families will be tired of coming over every week). Maybe have a cookout every other weekend in their honor, and of course if they need anything family Y can offer their services. What great friends Family X must be!
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Mar 08
These sound like a great idea.
There is no particular family X.
I stay in an apartment complex...and most of us have our extended families far away and can't help during emergencies. So, we pull together and help each other when necessary.
Sometimes I am family X and sometimes I am family Y.
@youless (112123)
• Guangzhou, China
18 Mar 08
Family Y is so nice. I will keep it in my mind and whenever they need help, I will be glad to do so. This is a long term relationship for me. At present I would like to buy them a useful gift for them. For example, if they don't have a washing machine at home. I will buy it to them and say it's an Easter gift.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Mar 08
I have lots of friends like this where I stay. Sometimes, I'm family X and sometimes I am family Y. It's okay when we get the chance to repay them in kind. But not always is that possible.
But I liked your idea to buy them something they might need and buy it for a special occassion. But I wonder if any of us will have enough money to spare to buy such an expensive gift. Maybe some of us can pool in...if family Y has helped other families too. It wouldn't be aburden for each family...and it will benefit family Y too!
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
19 Mar 08
I was in that spot actually years ago. I have this friend that has been my friend since I was 11. There was a time when her boyfriend got seriously hurt and she needed to travel to the hospital to see him. During that time, I took her kids and kept them overnight....fed them...transported them to school. I was pregnant and had another child of my own plus worked full time. Yes...it was tough but I did it out of love for my friend. All done and said...she wanted to repay me. I was insulted. That is what friends are for!!! Its been another 20 years and I will say that she has more than repaid me. One hand washes the other and there is no need to keep score. We are always there for each other....no need for pay or gifts for just doing what you would do for her if the situation were reversed. ..DROP IT
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Mar 08
Yes, I know friends would be insulted if I offered to repay...and I know I would too.
It just so happens that we have a wonderful group of friends here where I stay...and we all help each other. And sometimes, we also help together....like..if a friend is in the hospital and the spouse has to be there with them...one family takes care of their kids and another takes care of the food.
And no one really talks about repaying...because today if it's me who needs help...tomorrow it's someone else.
I know how everyone rallied around me when my older son had a fracture...and I had a toddler and absolutely no help. I can't really repay everyone who helped me then (still are).
But I also heard someone talking about how they helped someone when they really were tight for money. I'm sure they didn't mean that the other family should repay them. But it certainly got me thinking....because we are all in different financial situations. Some have money to spare and don't have to bother about feeding another two people on a daily basis...while it would be tight one for some others.
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
18 Mar 08
If I was family X I would make a dinner set for family and on that dinner I would make a toast for a long lasting friendship. I will tell family Y that if what had happened to my family happened to them I would do the same for their family. I will tell them that if they need anything they could come and ask us out for help as long as we are able to.I will also offer to help them financially if need be if they decline I would tell them that I am always there to help so they should always be open to me. I will also buy them something special for them to take home and tell them it's a token of my appreciation for what they did for our family. "True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost."- Charles Caleb Colton
2 people like this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
18 Mar 08
In my opinion, payback need not be in terms of money. I am sure family Y is feeling blessed and happy. Perhaps family X can invite family Y over for regular dinners, bring their children over to family Y at times. I am sure family Y will be more than happy to become family friends with X.
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
18 Mar 08
They already are family friends.
But I think the regular calling over for dinner sounds like a nice idea and something that family Y wouldn't think too much about it....and it will take a load off them when they don't have to cook themselves dinner every night.
1 person likes this
@kwenge (2487)
• Kenya
18 Mar 08
Hey SViswan,
Friendship is a very precious gift in people's life and it has no value. If family X has more money than family Y I think the best thing they should do as a token of appreciation is to give them some gift voucher, buy them something that they might really need or even surprise them with a house or compound/lawn makeover/mowing while they are away. Or if the kids are in the same school, when they are going to pay for their son's school fees the waive school fees for the son of family Y.......think of a very nice suprise and I know they will be happy about it without thinking that they are being paid back.
@cynicalandoutspoken (4725)
• United States
18 Mar 08
If I were family X I would purchase family Y a vacation. Sometime small and not too expensive. Maybe just a weekend getaway somewhere where they can unwind and relax and just be alone. If family Y has kids I would offer to take them in for the weekend so they don't have to worry about taking them along with them.
It may not seen like a whole lot to family X but family Y will probably greatly appreciate the alone time with each other.
@loveyouandme (47)
• China
18 Mar 08
how to pay back a friend?i wonder the answer too.for many years,i always believe that i owe my friend too much,but have no idea of what should i do to pay back him,maybe some day i will do him a favor in another way,perhaps,i will not have a chance of giving him a help,but i will learn by heart,remembering that a friend in need is a friend indeed.Go ahead naturally,don't forget him forever,do something you can for him.
2 people like this
@SViswan (12051)
• India
19 Mar 08
Thanks! I know how it feels.
But this is a situation many of us have faced...and we were lost. I know if I was family Y, I would be hurt if someone tried to pay me back with money. And if I was family X, I'd really want to show my appreciation somehow...because I know the other family has gone out of their way to help me.
You are right...these families are true friends.
@dragonfly242 (1060)
• Bahamas
18 Mar 08
I can understand family Y not wanting to take any money. they sound like proud people, and great friends. when money changes hands it then makes it seem like you'r paying them for some service they rendered. and that can cheapen what they did. there will come a time when you can repay them moneterally,but for now just keep letting them know how gratful you are and how much you appreciate their being there for your family.
2 people like this
