how do i make them leave!
By aretha
@aretha (2538)
United States
April 12, 2008 7:03am CST
our landlord and his wife are very very nice people. they helped us alot and i don't want to make anyone mad. they built a house up on top of the hill above us and she is always coming down here. and i mean for hours like anywhere between 5-8 hours each time she comes down. they have a 5 year old and by no means are my kids perfect but her son is a huge brat. they lived here up till a week before we moved in and he acts like they still live here. we don't have a lot of money to work with so when i shop i only get what we need. we figure out which days my son will take luch to school and thats all we buy. this kid will go in the frig and just take what he wants, he trashes my house. the one time they where here he said he was hungry,his mom told him to tell me. 
i told him i didn't have much that i had to go shopping. next thing i know my son is coming in the livingroom telling me hes eating his lunchable that was his lunch the next day for school. he had gotten in my frig and took my sons lunch for school the next day. i told him he had to share cuz that was the only one i had and he said no he didn't want to. all his mom said to him was thats not nice them boys aren't going to play with you no more. that was it so then my 3 y/o was upset cuz he couldn't have one. my oldest was upset cuz that was his lunch the next day.
we have a nice basement and with the weather we decided to set up some of the kids toys up down stairs. we have the sand box set up and two air hockey tables. this kid went down there and emptied the sandbox everywhere. then broke two of our paddles to the air hockey tables. my husband make a gate to put at the steps so the baby would fall down them, he broke that off.
he is an only child that was not plained she is the same age as my mom would be. they have money and this kid gets what ever he wants. what gets to me is they seem to think everyone is as well off as them. it wouldn't be as bad if she would leave after an hour or so but 6,7,8 hours is to much to handle. i don't want to say anything because they are nice people and have helped us out but how much do i take? would you say something? how would you handle it? just wait and hope that when it gets nicer out and they can be outside it will be easier?
i told him i didn't have much that i had to go shopping. next thing i know my son is coming in the livingroom telling me hes eating his lunchable that was his lunch the next day for school. he had gotten in my frig and took my sons lunch for school the next day. i told him he had to share cuz that was the only one i had and he said no he didn't want to. all his mom said to him was thats not nice them boys aren't going to play with you no more. that was it so then my 3 y/o was upset cuz he couldn't have one. my oldest was upset cuz that was his lunch the next day.
we have a nice basement and with the weather we decided to set up some of the kids toys up down stairs. we have the sand box set up and two air hockey tables. this kid went down there and emptied the sandbox everywhere. then broke two of our paddles to the air hockey tables. my husband make a gate to put at the steps so the baby would fall down them, he broke that off.
he is an only child that was not plained she is the same age as my mom would be. they have money and this kid gets what ever he wants. what gets to me is they seem to think everyone is as well off as them. it wouldn't be as bad if she would leave after an hour or so but 6,7,8 hours is to much to handle. i don't want to say anything because they are nice people and have helped us out but how much do i take? would you say something? how would you handle it? just wait and hope that when it gets nicer out and they can be outside it will be easier?10 people like this
29 responses
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
13 Apr 08
Always tell the truth. You need to start a dialogue with your neighbor. Next time she comes down, be nice, but tell her the truth. Explain how it is for you and your family. Tell her you are pressed for cash. Tell her the truth, and then tell her the New Rules. First, that she can come down, but can only stay for half an hour.Her kids can't go downstairs by themselves. They need to be supervised. They can not go into your refrigerator. (and whatever else you think she should Know) Then tell you are Busy and would she please go, so you can get your work done. She may be upset with this, but thats not your fault. You have rights too, but unless you stand up for yourself your going to get run over. (this woman and her kids Have been running over You!)
3 people like this
@heatian (49)
• China
12 Apr 08
In this case, I think your landlord hasn't understood your financial circumstance. You should hint her and borrow more that can compensate your loss. If you increase graduately to ask for help, she will learn your situation and change her behaviour. If you talk with her straight about her done, she may be so embarrassed that your friendship is damaged. Because she is nice, you don't hope to be as that. So, you have to handle it in the good way.
3 people like this
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
12 Apr 08
Oh my..No way will I make anyone trash my house like that, or break any of our things nor eat my kids foods. I will talk with this woman and tell her what I feel. If they visit I will just tell them to go after an hour or so because I have lots of things to do. If his kids gets the food I will take it from him because why should I let my kids suffer for a brat like that and if he goes down my basement and try to ruin stuffs I will show them I am mad and shove them out the door. I won't have them in my house most of the time. I will tell that woman that I can't share anything to them because I have a limited budget. And they have to accept that whether they like it or not take it or leave it.. Geez, this discussion just got me damn mad at this people..
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
12 Apr 08
" i don't want to say anything because they are nice people and have helped us out"
No obviously the are not nice people and they certainly aren't being very helpful at the moment. You need to have a talk with them...it seems like the mother is oblivious but perhaps her husband might have his head on straight. My guess even is that the husband is more strict and that's why she escapes to your house so often...she's your landlady, she's older than you, and has more money than you, so she thinks she's above you and can do whatever she wants.
Make your husband talk to her husband, you talk to him yourself, either way make it clear that you can not constantly have your house in an uproar because of their son. Tell them that you'll be more than happy to set up playdates (you can conveniently be too busy when it's your turn). If that doesn't get the point across, when they come to the door, tell them straight out that you are having a family only day. If you do have them over state that they can only have a few toys out in the living room where they can be supervised. If their son tries to place else where remind him and his mother that those rooms are off limits, same if he tries to raid your refrigerator...go as far as taking the food right out of his hands. They are they ones being rude, you are only trying to protect your home. After an hour say "I'm glad you stopped by but we really need to get back to what we were doing, let me walk you out."
They may be the 'owners' but you are paying rent every month to call that your home. You have to get firm and set boundaries.
3 people like this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
12 Apr 08
As difficult as it is to say anything to people like this, I think you have to for the sake of your family. I would sit the woman down and tell her how hard it is for you to talk to her about this because you do really like and do not want to lose her as a friend. Tell her you hope she understands. Then tell her that you are not the type of person that can just sit around for hours at a time but a shorter visit would be a welcome break for you. Then tell her about her son helping himself and trashing your house and how that affects your sons. The examples you gave above were perfect.
Of course you are risking losing her friendship but if she doesn't understand than she isn't much of a friend anyway. Also by clearing the air you will be clearing the path towards perhaps an even closer friendship with her. As it is now, you must dread her knock at your door. If you don't say anything at all, the friendship will just go down the drain anyway as you'll grow more and more tired of her and her son. You have nothing to lose.
@gitfiddleplayer (10362)
• United States
12 Apr 08
You're in a tough spot. But you have to talk to the mom, if she doesn't understand tell her you can't be friends with her anymore. She sounds like she needs someone to confide in and you may be that person. Let her son know your rules, if he can't obide by them then ask them both to leave. Children are reflective of their parents, if the mom feels embarrasement the son will too. It seems as if she thinks what her son does to her house is okay to do to other peoples. Have a play date at her house, see if she invites you back, then you'll know that she doesn't mind someone giving her attention. Tell her you have things to do, if she can't respect that then don't open the door when they come over. Stand up for your rights.
@getnbuy (1312)
• United States
13 Apr 08
You have to say something. Say it clearly or she probably won't get it. Tell her you have work to do and don't have time to visit. Tell her you don't have time to watch her kid, because that would probably be her next step. I have a hunch that she doesn't know what to do with the kid and therefore brings him to your house so you can discipline him. If she still shows up, be firm and don't let her in the door. That will be hard, but she is destroying your life. You can't let it go on!
@pumpkinjam (8539)
• United Kingdom
13 Apr 08
You say they are nice people but they can't be that nice if they allow their son to behave like that. When my oldest son was little, I had a problem with unwanted guests, they would often do similar things as you described such as breaking things and taking food no matter how little was there. It is a difficult situation to get out of, especially if you get on with the couple but they need to understand that you can't afford to feed their child or replace broken items. Have you tried suggesting that you visit them some days? And, although you shouldn't have to do this, you could plan days out (even if it's just a walk around the block) and say you are sorry but you have plans for that day. Just because these people happen to own your home, doesn't make their intrusion acceptable. Tell them you are happy to have maybe one day for an hour or so to meet up for coffee or something like that. Have you spoken to them about their son taking your food? ie. that it's not acceptable because, apart from the fact that it's rude and thoughtless, you can't afford to buy any extra. I know a lot of people who seem to think that because they have plenty of spare cash that everyone else does to and they need it explaining to them that actually you don't.
1 person likes this
@pumpkinjam (8539)
• United Kingdom
13 Apr 08
You may not feel comfortable doing this but it may be necessary. When their child takes your sons lunch out of the fridge, go up to their house the next day and just say you need some money to buy your son lunch that day to replace what their child took and you have no money to buy something else. If you do that often enough, they might start to realise that they and their son are causing problems for you and your family.
1 person likes this
@fec139 (810)
• United States
13 Apr 08
oh boy! this is a hard one for me! I was diagnosed with a fatal disabling disease 4 years ago [ALS]. I can't speak anymore, and I am confined to a wheelchair. I used to get a lot of people visiting me, but no more! I am 52 years old, and I always had a full social life, but now I am so lonely! I wish you could send your landlord and family to me! I would love to have them visit me! Don't complain, because if the friends go away, you will be very very lonely. I know this!
@icyorchid (2564)
• United States
13 Apr 08
I am so sorry to hear of your disease. Don't feel alone, you have your friends on mylot.
I know it doesn't compare to physical friends, but we are still here.
~Icy~
1 person likes this
@aretha (2538)
• United States
14 Apr 08
i'm so sorry! it most be so hard. i do love company but for hours and hours at a time all the time is hard for me. i have 3 young boys to take care of and a good size house to take care of. even if it was only a couple days a week but she will be here almost everyday. i know when my husband inlisted in the army and we moved i was very lonely cuz i knew no one,and after he left for iraq it was even worse,so i do kind of know what your saying but i can't let my kids and house go either.
thank you for the response
http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1476254.aspx
@flip_flop_lollipop (97)
• Singapore
13 Apr 08
the last thing you should be doing with these sort of people is to give them attention. next time she knocks on your door either don't answer it, or tell her your busy amd would she drop by another time. do that enough times so that hopefully she'll get the hint. ;)
2 people like this
@MsCYPRAH (394)
•
13 Apr 08
You MUST say something at some point, and sooner rather than later. i would have gone off my head by now if someone spends so much time at my house. If you don't say anything it will begin to affect the quality if your life badly because you will find yourself with less and less time, and less and less resources, for your own family. Pointless complaining in silence, or quietly. Nothing will ever happen because you are simply reinforcing the behaviour each day with your silence. Hence you will continue to get more of the same.
First thing to do next time she comes round, within an hour of her being there, is to sit her down and say something like this. "I really value you as my neighbour. You are a lovely person and we have shared some great times together. But I am beginning to feel a little stressed with life at present because I am finding that I do not have enough time to do the important things in the house at the moment because of your long visits. I am feeling very anxious about it as it is beginning to make me feel irritable. So, can I ask you a small favour, which will help us spend more quality time together?
When you do come to visit, I can only spend an hour with you, maybe two on a good day. But I cannot have you round for so long anymore. Otherwise,if this continues, I will be only able to see you occasionally on a weekend. It means that when we meet up, I have the time for you then. I hope you understand that and thanks for your support as a friend."
If she still insists on doing that, just don't open your door a few times when she comes round. Pretend you're not there and then only have her in when you're ready to do so. Then after an hour, say you have to get ready as you're going out and can you see her another day. Then physically say goodbye at the door to her.
My guess is that you are so used to each other, you are feeling afraid to tell her how you feel. But if she doesn't know how you feel, and you are getting stressed, she cannot act any differently. It is always best to be honest, and FIRM, with people otherwise you simply get more of what you don't want as they will keep doing what makes them happy, regardless of its effect on you.
Bite the bullet with this one, now!
@ellie333 (21016)
•
12 Apr 08
I would have to say something to the mother. My house my rules whether she is your landlady or not I would not allow any child to just go into my fridge and take food, my own included, manners it is polite to ask and if the mom says to ask you when her child says its hungry just say I haven't anything darling I'm sure if mummy takes you home now she can give you something to eat there, failing that go visit her before she gets to you and save on your food shop by eating her food instead. They may have been kind and they may have helped but that doesn't give them the right to intrude into your life in this way, especially as you live on a bufget and they are comfortable. Good luck. Ellie :D
3 people like this
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
13 Apr 08
When you rent from someone your apartment is your home and you have right to protest what this little brat has done that you dont like. tell them gently but tellthem because just maybe they did not know. It sounds like the landlady is a very permissive mother and she needstoknow that her son is being a brat, their money does not give them permission to stay in your home for hours on end and neither does them being your landlord and landlady give them the right to invade your privacy at all. tell them as they do know what the law is regarding the landlords. you have to talk to them gently but firmly.
2 people like this
@rhettaa (213)
• United States
13 Apr 08
You do not owe it to your landlady to put up with this, as you seem to think you do. You are paying rent! As long as you are paying her, you can set the rules. Tell her you can only hang out for a little while, and then you have to get busy. If her son takes something or breaks something, ask her politely to pay for it. Tell her that you cannot afford to have things taken or broken, and make it her responsibility. Ask if she'd like to deduct the cost from your rent. That will make her think twice.
Then, maybe you can invite her and her husband over for a movie from time to time, or something nice like that, so she doesn't think you're a bad person.
2 people like this
@icyorchid (2564)
• United States
13 Apr 08
Next time she comes for a visit, tell her you have things to do and she can't stay!
I would feel like it is an intrusion on me and my family. So yes you should deffinately say something about it.
Most neighbors visit for about an hour or 2, so I would have to say something like OK well nice visiting, but I really have to start cooking, cleaning, have work to do on the computer, etc.
I do believe if the shoe was on the other foot, she would tell you about it. If she is as nice as you say she is, then she should understand.
Good Luck
~Icy~
1 person likes this
@whyaskq (7523)
• Singapore
13 Apr 08
You do indeed have an issue here. If whatever the kid does has a great impact on my life and finance, I would have to open out and tell the landlord the problem I am facing. I can only hope they understand the situation I am in and if they do not change, perhaps I will give them the bill, payment deducted from the rental, of course.
1 person likes this
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
13 Apr 08
it was really annoying. i don't know myself if i can handle myself those situation. my problem is i don't have patience, i am easily get angry. i can't imagine how i can handle the situation in a nice way with no body hurt. maybe if i am in your side i will talk to the mother sersiously and make an example, a situation sounds similar to what happen in your home. don't get rid to the situation immediately until you bring her to the situation that will count her and think what her son did to you.
@travibabiesgirl (1690)
• United States
13 Apr 08
aretha,
You are probably a lot like me and afraid of hurting someone's feelings. I think you are going to have to risk hurting their feelings or go crazy in this situation. You need to explain to her on her next visit how you feel. I am sure that her and her son still feel that it is their house. He grew up there and feels that it is still his stuff to get into and break. Explain to them that even though they own the house you are renting it and it is your house, your stuff, and your fridge they are tearing up and getting into. Be armed with renters rights knowledge and that will help you feel more comfortable with confronting her about her behavior. If you truly enjoy her company some let her know that you do but explain that she spends to much time at your house. Let her know that you would enjoy a visit from her once a week for an hour or twice a week for an hour what ever you are comfortable with. If you truly do not enjoy her at all tell her you would prefer to keep the relationship strictly landlord/ renter and explain to her your rights. If you choose for her to come over explain to her that your children have rules in your house and you expect her child to abide by those same rules, then explain those rules to her. Let her know that the food you buy is for your family and the stuff her son breaks needs to be paid for. You are not that boys personal fun park or toy store. Please don't let those two continue to run over you. You sound like a really nice person and deserve some respect from this woman and her son. Best of luck to you and your family.
1 person likes this
@rhane7315 (5649)
• Philippines
13 Apr 08
if i can't handle that brat i would definitely approach the mother. i would tell her that i don't like the way his son acts and he should discipline it more so that he won't be as brat as he can be. but i would tell that in a nice way
1 person likes this
@WANDALIE44 (888)
• United States
13 Apr 08
theres no right time or right way to say it, just wait till she comes as usual and say listen it's not that i would hate having over as a guest but you just can't come here whenever you want and your child can not go in to my fridge and eat what he wants, it's not fair to me and my son that your child is destroying everything in my house and eating up all our food. they may be nice but she needs to better discipline her child, i bet she would not like it if you and your child did it to her she would not like it one bit, and you should tell her that...
1 person likes this
