can you spoil a baby??
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
United States
June 9, 2008 4:22pm CST
my babies are 6 months, They are pretty happy go lucky babies, cry when they NEED or WANT something... hello thats what babies do, right?? well my in laws were down for the weekend, and EVERYTIME i went to tend to one of my chidren my mother in law gave me harrasing comments about us spoiling our children too much, it started out because it was my daughters 7th birthday and we had a huge family gathering and had a slip and slide and then then night lit some fireworks and had a small bon fire etc etc... and then she went on saying that i spoil my babies becuase i didnt even wait for them to scream before i changed there diapers or that i held them when they were fussing adn i should have just let them fuss in the playpen, or that whenever i made them a bottle... etc etc.. it was just stupid little comments about things that we were doing that parents are supposed to do!! besides... when she was making the comments my grandmother turned to her and said thers no such thing as spoiling a baby..... i belive thats true babies cry because thats all they pretty much can do to let you know there hungry or need osmething. and when did changing a wet diaper become spoiling a child???
7 people like this
19 responses
@kareng (55615)
• United States
9 Jun 08
I agree! Changing a wet diaper is not spoiling a baby! Your mother in law needs to get a life and mind her own business!
You commented on babies. Do you have twins? I am a mother of twins and I can tell everyone right now, if you do have twins, you don't have time to spoil them!
2 people like this
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
• United States
9 Jun 08
yes i have twins...a boy and a girl.. what are yours? ages? belive me i know there is no time for spoiling! LOL... my mother in law is the kind that will say her piece and then expect you to leave it at that, if i comment back she literally cries and then my husband gets upset because we only see them 3 times a year. and i just try to avoid it grin and bare it i say to myself, but that was crazy!!
2 people like this
@kareng (55615)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Bless you with a mother in law like that! My twins are 21 now, identical girls. I had another daughter who was 3 1/2 when they were born. I was always going in full speed all the time! The teenage years was fun and I'm glad over. My oldest daughter is married now and has a little boy 1.5 yrs. The twins are not married yet...but still driving me crazy!! Tune your mother in law out..hehe.
@rrdj71 (696)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Don't forget our parents in laws or not think they can do a better job at raising OUR own kids than we can. I think this has something to do with the fact that they probably felt like lousy parents to us and now they are over compensating by being over protective of their grandkids.
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
• United States
9 Jun 08
good point... ive noticed that in several differnt families ive come across there are alot of mothers inlaws etc that are like this acutally a majority of them and now i can understand why. thanks
@deebomb (15304)
• United States
9 Jun 08
In my opinion You may have gone overboard with the birthday party for the seven year old. It looks like a birthday party for a teenager except for the slip and slide. But thats just me. Now there is just no way you can spoil 6 month old babies period. When they fuss at that age it's because they are uncomfortable from being wet,hungry or ill. My granddad agrees with your grandmother. You can't spoil babies with loving them.
1 person likes this
@anawar (2404)
• United States
9 Jun 08
Tune out your mother in law. I'm on your side. Babies who are held develop good personalties.
Years ago, as your mil still believes, picking up a crying baby was understood as spoiling. I wonder what your mother in law would do if she fell down and started crying. You wouldn't want to pick her up.
That would be spoiling her, right?
1 person likes this
@bombshell (11256)
• Germany
9 Jun 08
yes i spoiled my princes from fresh born till now.but at this time not easy coz she demand very hard and if i dont buy her what she wants she told me"you dont love me"it hurts but it was my fault it was too much what i did to her when she was a baby i spoiled her too much like sleeping on my chest,carrying all the time and i picked her up if she cries.my husband always said to me juts wait a few minutes till you picked her up but maybe i was too excited coz it was a great feeling being a mom its just wonderful!but i am trying now to control myself not to spoil her that much.
1 person likes this
@momoftwingles (129)
• United States
9 Jun 08
I don't believe you can spoil an infant! That's absurd. Tending to a child's needs is NOT spoiling. NOT tending to their needs is NEGLECT. My twins couldn't have cared less if they were wet and I changed them constantly because they didn't complain. Do what's in your heart... you have to answer to those babies...not to your in laws.
We practice attachement parenting, so crying it out is not something we do anyhow...I think its cruel to make a baby cry it out...crying is their only means of communication...if someone (anyone!) needs something (and, indeed, infants need to know that someone is there to take care of them!), who is going to let them scream? When I used to get this question (comment/rude advice) I simply asked the person (usually an older person, ironically) how they'd feel if they were incapacitated and were crying out for help but no one came. That usually quieted the questions...for a while anyhow. Good luck and you keep doing what you need to do.
1 person likes this
@beutfulmama6701 (1718)
• United States
9 Jun 08
THANK YOU~~ thats a good response to come back with.. dont mind if i use it next time do you?? lol
@katisaurus (1038)
• Canada
10 Jun 08
Its impossible to spoil a baby. Spoiling someone is to give them everything they want. You can't give a baby something he or she wants. They don't know how to want something.
I think it's great that you change their diapers before they start to scream because it keeps them happy. When they cry they're showing discomfort. Rather than letting them soak and sit in their filth for a long period of time because that gives them rashes you should change them often, even if they've only peed about 3 times.
I'm pretty much saying what everyone else is saying, but I learned in a sociology course that you can't spoil a baby because they don't know what it means to be spoiled.
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
10 Jun 08
You do what you do best hun. Don't let others spoil your day by telling you how to care for your kids. As long as you feel that you are doing the right thing. But there is no spoiling of babies being done on your part as you related. Babies though are very keen..when my kids where babies I have noticed that when they throw their toys and I pick them up they just throw it over and over while I go pick them up..I don't know if that is spoiling them but I think they are just a bit naughty at times..lol..Sometimes too babies actually use tears to attract your attention. Of course they want to be at mommy's side always. They are just babies..They need all the love, care and attention.
@Hatley (163781)
• Garden Grove, California
10 Jun 08
Doing the things you should do for your baby is sure not
spoiling him or her. mom in law needs to keep her mouth
shut. Grandmother was much more intelligent. you feed
a hungry baby and change a wet one, and cuddle a needy'
baby and thats not spoiling them by any kind of imagination.
thats just being a good parent.I dont think you can possibly'
spoil a baby at all. your grandmother is a sensible woman.
@arlene05kang (277)
• South Korea
10 Jun 08
I guess your in-laws are just a little bit old-fashioned. Just don't mind her. She has her own style of raising kids. Do things which are comfortable to you. But be responsible to accept the possible advantage and disadvantages of your ways.
@sashashimp (115)
• United States
10 Jun 08
I have a certificate in early childhood development. We learned that babies can not be spoiled. They need to be close to there mother they need it to feel secure and loved. A mothers or fathers touch is very important for a infant to build trust and likings for there parents. A baby can feel the difference between the mother and fathers. That is why alot of baby books talk about holding and massaging your baby.
@SwtJenlove (1090)
• United States
10 Jun 08
I may joke around and say my kids are spoiled because they get anything they want pretty much but i know that is not spoiling them, thats loving them and caring for them. I dont believe in letting a child lay there or sit there and scream or fuss for a long time. they are screaming or fussing for a reason weather that reason be they want to be held or they have some other need.
@stephcjh (38473)
• United States
9 Jun 08
I don't think you are spoiling your children at all. you can do whatever you like for your children, whenever you feel like it. It takes more than changing a wet diaper or feeding a child, to spoil them. Maybe she thinks you should let them sit or lay there and cry for a long time. Sometimes that is the only way we know if something is wrong with a child, is when they cry, when they cannot spoeak yet.
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
10 Jun 08
Your Grandmother is right, you cant spoil a baby - they don't understand they're getting all the attention or anything, they cry & you just do what you have to do to make them content again.
My daughter never cried when she was wet or smelly so i'd have to constantly check but otherwise, she only ever made noise if she was hungry so that was easy enough for me!
I tried not to hold her too much but i did hold her whenever i felt like it & i played with her a lot - just to see her smile :)
I don't think it's right to ignore the cries of a baby if they need something, although i don't think you should run to them the second they make a fuss - letting them have a little grizzle while you get prepared wont kill them!
So yeah, i'd say you can spoil children but when they're still babies, they don't know if they're being spoilt or not so that means they really cant be spoilt until they can understand they're getting what they want, when they want it!
@Sillychick (3275)
• United States
10 Jun 08
You are right, tending to a baby who is crying is not spoiling by any means. You should always respond when a baby cries to make sure they are not hurt, hungry or wet. Ignore what your mother-in-law says, or better yet, tell her how you feel about it.
That said, there is no harm in leaving a baby to fuss for a couple of minutes. If they are screaming, or you know something is wrong, definitely go to them. But if it's just a little fussing, leaving them to try to work it out on their own can help teach them to self-soothe. That doesn't mean ignore it and let them cry all day, but a couple of minutes to give them the opportunity to soothe themselves can be helpful.
@Essie119 (673)
• Canada
9 Jun 08
I don't think that giving a baby what they need is spoiling them. I think it lets them know that they can depend on you to keep them safe and happy. I have held my babies for hours, changed them as soon as they needed changing, and fed them as soon as they were hungry, and they aren;t spoiled brats. My youngest is 11 weeks old and I don't let him cry. When they are young sometimes they just want to be held - as adults sometimes we justwant to be held (are we being spoiled when our husbands hold us close?)
I think you should hold your babies when you want to and cuddle them and meet all their needs. Someday they won't need it and you'll miss these times. I'd rather look back later in life and think that I held my children too much than that I held them too little.
@naseeha (1382)
• India
10 Jun 08
Thats wrong of your mil. Babies are helpless little things and they cry only when they need something or are not comfortable. There are certain other things that can spoil a baby like i know of people who would rock their babies for half an hour everytime he goes to sleep . Now they would get used to it and they would learn to keep awake for that time and more.
Letting the baby scream before you pick him up to see what he wants is a bad thing. What youre doing is right.
