We May Need A Lawyer?

United States
July 3, 2008 10:55am CST
So does anyone know how you find a cheap lawyer. My hubby has a case where he is trying to get visitation with his daughter. Now shes four and he hasnt seen her much so he understands he needs to go slowly to build a bond but......his ex is demanding an 8 month plan that requires supervised visits by her (can a bond be built with mom there I think not), he must drive three hours only to get two hours with his daughter, she is demanding that she dont meet us for a minimum of 8 months even though she has her visiting our house for 8 hours towards the end (so im not allowed in my own house). i think this plan sounds just silly. So what do you guys think? I mean my hubby has not been there but he has donee nothing wrong to warrant supervised visits thats his big complaint and the whole she cant meet us cause we are not family well im her step mom hello.
13 people like this
32 responses
4 Jul 08
I think onbce you need a lawyer it becomes like is it worth it... seriously. I have my daughter without any official custody or visitation rights and she even stays over with me during the week twice a week and a day or two at weekends. How is it like this? I made it my business to stay living nearby and to talk with the mother. This saves a lot of money and a bit of time. Of course both need to be adult and polite. She will probably be glad of the help. Of course I have no idea if he cheated on her, if he supports his daughter, all these things are part of the picture. But grown adults have no need of money grabbing lawyers - they can talk to one another and put the child first, so give that a try before resorting to the reptiles of this world (lawyers!!). Just kidding lawyers (so sue me!).
3 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
Well she ran off on him with his daughter. He even tried to come to the hospital and got kicked out. Hes been paying child support for 4 years now. He has tried to work with her but she will just hang up on him. Hes even drivin the 3 hours to see her only to get 30 minutes and gets thrown out. Hes tired of trying this her way.
2 people like this
4 Jul 08
Can someone intervene from the point of view of what is good for the child - this is all we need to think about here really. Grandparents? Godparents? Pastor? Child support person? You?! Need to be creative... and I am sure there is more to the story than meets the eye - but that is not my concern.
3 people like this
• United States
5 Jul 08
Yeah we tried this but she wont listen to anyone even her own lawyer she hired has told her shes being unreasonable. She wont even talk to anyone now. Grandma used to visit but mom wont even answer their calls anymore. Shes scaring my hubby cause shes talking about leaving the country.
2 people like this
@arcideaco (1259)
• Singapore
3 Jul 08
Well, I do not know about your geographical location, but there are some countries that offers the possibility of "legal aid". It is as such that people who are less able to pay for law fees are entitled to apply. It is made up of lawyers or solicitors who are from various law firms that subscribe into this problem to help people with less cost. You may wish to inquire with your local bar association to find out if there is at all such services offered. Cheers.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Thanks I will look into this. I know I got a free lawyer for my divorce but I had no income at all when he left me.
2 people like this
@arcideaco (1259)
• Singapore
3 Jul 08
If I may add, civil dispute like this is based primarily on balance of probability which depends on character references and how strong is the case. For civil cases, case law is the best way to proof a case. You may also want to look for similar cases which had been recorded with verdict on case law resources of your country. No problem at all, Cheers.
2 people like this
• United States
5 Jul 08
Lawyer's charge alot no matter who you go to from what I've seen and heard for I needed to find one myself back when for situation and it was crazy when I heard the amounts. I know I don't have that kind of money for one. I ended up trying to get a public defender instead. Your husband is in a very tough situation for it's really up to the judge on how this is going to work out in visitation wise. I feel bad for him for he shouldn't have to go through with it like this and they should make things alot easier for him in the long run let's hope. You are correct where you are the step mom that you are entitled to be there for the visits. You shouldn't have to be excleded for no reason. I do hope and pray that your husband does get the best lawyer and all works out for him in his favor in the end good luck.
3 people like this
• United States
5 Jul 08
Yeah its a big mess and now shes even talking about leaving the country its crazy. Im praying it all works out.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Family law is always a tricky deal. You could go by word of mouth or call your local D.A. office and ask for a referral for a fair family law lawyer. They would have the best information and most trusted sources.
• United States
3 Jul 08
Thanks for the info I will be looking into this.
1 person likes this
@tyc415 (5706)
• United States
3 Jul 08
There should be a way through family court to find help getting a lawyer. Can he go to the child support court or judge and get help? I agree, if anything she should have to meet him half way so he can visit with his child and I think you should be in the picture too. After all you are her step mom. Maybe the supervised visits could be with a different person and not her. See if there isn't some type of family court you can contact and see if they can lead you in the right direction on getting help. It is best to bond now while she is still young.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Yeah he is starting her plan next Sunday but he wants to get a lawyer to speed this up. It just seems silly. She is always yelling at him to so whats that gonna do when they have visits?
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Your local Bar Asociation is a great source for just the lawyer you need. An even better source, though, is the nearest law school. Graduating students (no, not the newbies) take on things like this as part of their public service requirement, or just to do all they can to add to the resumes that will get them into law firms after they graduate.
• United States
3 Jul 08
Yeah im gonna have to check both of those thank you so much.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Not sure where you live but if your desperate or even want to give it a go, sometimes colleges that offer classes to become a lawyer also have a program where they take cases on. it gives the student or new lawyer a chance to get some cases under their belt. In most cases it can be free if you have financial troubles or they might ask for a small fee. My sister went to one of these programs for a divorce. They helped her out for free.
3 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Thank you I will have to check that out. We are willing to pay we just dont have alot of up front money. This is a good plan hope i can find one out here to help me thank you.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Try Family Services in your state; you can ask for free/low cost legal aid. You definitely want a good custody lawyer in this case. Your hubby's ex sounds a bit overprotective--the demands seem outrageous, especially if there's nothing to warrant her behavior. And in the end, you know who's going to get hurt? That little girl. Supervised visits are when one parent is afraid of abuse by the other parent. Perhaps it's because he hasn't seen his daughter as much as before or not for a prolonged time? Then the mother needs to come over with their daughter, observe how it is between the ALL of you, rather than acting like some 2-year-old! Good luck--this kind of thing is outrageous. When parents can't get along and pull the kids in the middle, it's the kids who get hurt. I'm having a slightly different situation...my ex has taken our daughter 100% of the time and barely allows her to visit (and when she does, I'm expected to provide food and entertainment on a $0 budget! {no support}). It was like pulling teeth, begging and crying to see her on Mother's Day--hello, I'm the mother here! It all has to do with how she's being raised--he doesn't feel that I gave her too many chores, didn't like the fact that I'm of a different faith, and didn't like that I became involved with someone else (I don't even live with!). Since last March, she has been to the general practioner ONCE, and no other healthcare (she wears glasses)--I always made sure she went to appointments. It seems that because of my business (which is now basically done), I'm being punished. When we finally went before the judge last December, I had basically had it and told the judge to just let him have custody on his terms (which did grant me weekends)--everything's been broken now.
• United States
3 Jul 08
It is sad when parents just cant agree on things. My divorce my hubby tried for joint custody and I fought him only because he works and I dont. It just didnt make any sense. He gets every other weekend and had other time but he choose to pass on that due to gas prices.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
President Bush needs to hear about that...the ridiculously high gas prices are interfering with children and parents seeing one another! My ex wasn't content with our original agreement (I had her Mondays through Thursday 24 hours, and in the morning Fridays--he had every weekend!); he only paid $50 in support (when I had a job), so when I was first unemployed, everything was fine, but then I required her to help out around the house (nothing major, just your basic chores) and all he11 broke loose! You'd think I was demanding her to be Cinderella or something! Next thing I knew, she moved out and into Dad's, and between the two of them, convinced the psychologist AND the judge that I was being too demanding. In the 15 months since, she's gained a LOT of weight and managed to start failing classes. I am NOT a happy camper!
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
I wouldnt be a happy camper either.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
You might want to either get a lawyer or talk to someone at the court about this. But, sometimes lawyers don't like to take these cases for some reason. My nephew's mother kidnapped my brother's son and took him to Canada. Now, she won't let anyone visit him, talk to him on the phone, or e-mail him. Everything has to go through her. She won't let my brother talk to his son on the phone and will start screaming at him whenever he calls. But, no one will do anything about it and it's very frustrating as we haven't seen my nephew in years. In your case, you might have it different because, at least, his child is within driving distance and in the same country. If you have the means, you might have to "lawyer shop" to find one who will be sympathetic.
• United States
3 Jul 08
Same country for now shes visiting Australia soon and im afraid she doesnt plan to come back.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
desertdarlene... i am very confused by your post. if i understand your post correctly, your ex-sister in law has "kidnapped" your nephew. it is against federal law to remove a child from any state without consent of the other parent. was there already a case in family court for custody, visitation, etc.? please keep searching for a lawyer that will look into this for you. if there has been no other formal agreement, hire a private investigator, track the b* down, and get bring the child back home. possession, even of children, is 99% of the law. and if the courts don't think she kidnapped the child, then they can't consider going and getting him kidnapping, or custodial interference, or whatever they call it. good luck to you all!!
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
The problem is that my brother has no money whatsoever and neither does anyone else in the family. I don't think the courts want to help because the child is out of the country. We try to make contact with my nephew, but the mother keeps making excuses.
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19075)
• United States
3 Jul 08
It is all related. Mothers always have fear about next woman in ex husband life. It has nothing to do with you, unless you are the reason for their divorce. For how long are they divorced? Maybe his daughter has emotional problems after divorce? Anyway, don't take it personal, try to think what to do in peaceful way, instead of going to see lawyer. When lawyers are involved, no one wins. I would look into divorced documents to see what is written in. If mother has full custody, than yes, she can rule. If they have joined custody, than he can be demanding. In this case, he has to write note to the court. His former wife has to fallow court orders, not her own imagination.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
They were never married and well we are talking almost 5 years ago i was not in the picture then at all. They were apart before she was born. We are in court already and she got a lawyer. We understand her wishes but hes only asking to see his daughter every other weekend. He agrees to a slow plan of visits but not supervised by the mom he cant build a bond when moms there as she will gravitate to mom for sure.
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19075)
• United States
3 Jul 08
Is he having joined custody?
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
Nope he just wants to see his daughter. Its a three hour drive to see her and hes willing to do that but shes only agreeing to two hour visits with her there its just not fair at all. He has done nothing wrong she has stopped him from visiting on many occasions.
1 person likes this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
Hi minnie_98214! I do think it is good that you will hire a lawyer so everything will be done legally and your husband can fight for his rights. Although, I can't help you in finding a good yet cheap lawyer since we are from different countries. I wish you and your husband the best and may he be given his rights as a father. It is sad when the ex-wives behave that way for it is the children who really gets affected in the end. Take care and God Bless!
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
Yeah we would have loved to not invole the courts but she talking about leaving the country so we needed to do something.
2 people like this
@faith210 (11233)
• Philippines
4 Jul 08
I really hope and wish all the best for your family dear. And may your husband be given the chance to be a father to his child from his ex-wife.
2 people like this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
4 Jul 08
WOmen can hold the strings on this but unless it is a court order dont see where she can get by with this. WHen SOn got his divorce he had unlimited visiting rights no supervision and any time I was close I could go get him for maybe a week or more . Maybeyour hubby can find a cheap one but they dont come cheap. See if he can get a wefare lawyer cant hurt to try. What kind of court order is standing about his visiting rights! or is she just making this all up on her own?
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
There is nothing we are in court now. His daughter is 4 1/2 and hes seen her like 8 times. She is being a bit mean if you ask me. She hates men and I think even when he does see his daughter it will never be a good relationship as mom will be telling her who awful men are.
1 person likes this
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
5 Jul 08
thats awful to have a mom that hates al men just what did he your hubby do that warrents all this treatment! Hope it dont make the child a man hater too would hate for her to get opinion that all men are bad and specaily her own dad! Dads and daughters need to be close hope he wins!
1 person likes this
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
4 Jul 08
Minnie I dont know about your area but here once a month a lawyer comes to town to help people that cant pay alot of money so maybe you could check that out. As for your husband not being there that could be a big deal and he may have to fight harder because of it.He may just have to bite his tongue and do it her way even if thats not what he wants. She does hold the upper hand there,why I know this I was in her place and I could have made it very hard on my ex if I had wanted to but I didnt see no reason to do that because after all he was thier dad.As far step mom's or step dads as good as they can be they unfortunately have no rights,so you may have to leave your home for this visit if that is what must be done for your husband to see his daughter. If she was hurt by all the time he didnt have anything to do with his daughter then she may just be trying to get even,which really dont help anyone and maybe she will realize that. Good Luck anyhow and hang in there because it will work out. YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL 4th of July.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
The main issue we see with just following her plan is she can back out at anytime. And he knows her well he thinks shes already backing out. Hes supposed to start this right away and shes already telling him they are busy and dont have the time. He needs a lawyer to make this more detailed so she cant just back out cause its not convinent for her.
2 people like this
@bfarrier1 (2082)
• United States
4 Jul 08
Oh yes he should get a lawyer and get everything in writing I was just saying it maybe a long hard fight because he hasnt been there but I would make sure it is in writing. I wish the best for you all. Have a great day.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Well, building a bond with the mother around thats not a for sure thing that cant happen. it all depend son the mother. now if the mother is in the background telling her child not to do this dont do that whatever whatever then yes no bond would be built. but if she is there encouraging it it can happen.. how long has it been since your husband has seen this child?. but i can tell you this. if my child hasnt seen her father for awhile and hes married and i dont know the wife. aint no way in h e double hokey stick im taking my kid and dropping her off with them. And plus mabey the mother feels the child wont be comfterble being there alone without her... since he hasnt seen her much and vice versa... Now the whole thing with you not able to be in your own house kinda like for mothers it can be intimidating because yes like you said you become the childs step mom... I never want my child to have anyother mother besides me. im not ganna be to keen on leaving my child alone.. though i do beleive that your husband deserves visitation. and i think that i agree with the visitations being supervised, Not so much superviesed as he needs someone to "watch him" with the child but mother should be there because the child might feel uncomfterble being he hasnt seen her much and she hasnt seen him much.. and plus ontop of that when they do take it to court. it will look good on his part that even though he couldnt have his way at that time and didnt like it... his daughter was important enough to him to do what he didnt ant to do.
• United States
3 Jul 08
I was ganna send you a few lawyers links but i dont know were you reside sooooo would have been pointless for me to send you links to afforadable lawyers nowere near you.:P.... I did look though!
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
Mom is too busy yelling at dad because well she hates him. Its been 5 years and she still hasnt moved on and never will she hates men. He is willing to do supervised but by a third party. His idea was two hour visits for two months at like a local mcdonalds. Now keep in mind it is a six hour trip just to get there and back to see his daughter.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
3 Jul 08
Oh boy have you got a doozy on your hands! She sounds like the ex from you know where. I have a hard time understanding how a mother can do that to her child...deny her rights to visting her own father....I would say that she is denying the child her parental rights....You might need a lawyer but first I would call the child protection agency and see what they have to say.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
CPA wont do anything theres no cort order yet. We filed but she hired a lawyer so now we got a fight I guess. Its a mess.
1 person likes this
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
3 Jul 08
THat is sooooooo sad!
2 people like this
@cjgrooms (4456)
• United States
3 Jul 08
You really do need a lawyer. This sounds unreasonable to me. As far as a cheap lawyer, is there such a thing? You might try calling around in your area some lawyers give free consultations and this might help you figure out what to do.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 08
Yeah I dont know there is a such thing as a cheap lawyer lol. I will be setting up plenty of free consults lol.
1 person likes this
@fwangaa (3058)
• China
4 Jul 08
why you want to find a cheap lawyer. if you want to realize your wish,you should try your best to do it. money isn't importand for your wish. bless you!
1 person likes this
@vanities (11375)
• Davao, Philippines
4 Jul 08
in my country we have govt. lawyers who are available and free of charge ...since they are currently employed in a govt. agency..and receiving salaries monthly and their job is mainly on helping those people who cant afford one...i guess you also have that kind of lawyer in your country?
• United States
4 Jul 08
We do have these but you have to have extremly low income. We are talking living in your car kind of income. And they dont take into account the fact that half your money is spent on child support for a child you dont even get to see cause you cant afford a lawyer.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (44037)
• United States
3 Jul 08
I see someone beat me to the idea of a Legal Aid type lawyer...I did a quick search and there are Legal Aid resources for your state http://www.midmnlegal.org/ http://www.lawhelpmn.org/MN/index.cfm http://www.mnlegalservices.org/ Hope this helps
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
I will check those out thanks. Unfortuntly he makes to much to qualify for many of these kind of programs.
1 person likes this
@guybrush (4661)
• Australia
3 Jul 08
It's a shame your husband can't come to an amicable arrangement with his ex without the need for the expense of lawyers on either side. For the sake of the little girl, this woman should calm herself down and do what is right for the child. It's sad when adults forget this in the heat of the moment and are too busy trying to get revenge or have their own needs fulfilled. I hope you can get it sorted out to everyone's satisfaction, minnie. Good luck!
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
I wish we could but we are gonna need a lawyer she is crazy.
1 person likes this
@underdogtoo (9599)
• Philippines
3 Jul 08
Sometimes one does not have to do anything wrong for something to go wrong in one's life. Separations and divorces are always a problem biggest felt by the children. When my wife and I separated I was completely taken by surprise. The hardest hit were my children and I was powerless to take them in with me because I had no home and was only living with a friend. It's a shi*thole I would not want to wish my enemies into.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 08
Hes been fighting her for four years now hes finally sick of it and taking it to court.
1 person likes this