A baby shower for a pregnant teen???

United States
July 13, 2008 12:36pm CST
Would you have a baby shower for your 14-year old daughter if she got pregnant? Wouldn't that be like rewarding her for being irresponsible? She does wrong and gets pregnant, yet you throw a party for her? Am I the only one who sees it this way? The reason I am asking is because my niece is 14, and she just found out that she is pregnant. She and my sister-in-law asked my wife if they could have a baby shower for her here at our house, because we have a bigger yard (more parking) and a bigger (not to mention a nicer and cleaner) house than the one they live in. I guess my sister-in-law decided it would be easier to try to get my wife to do it here that it would be to try to clean up the place they live in. Anyway, would you hold a shower for your daughter if she got knocked up? My sister-in-law will likely end up raising and providing for the baby anyway. I just don't think it is right to do so. What are your thoughts on this?
8 people like this
28 responses
@lingli_78 (12846)
• Australia
13 Jul 08
well, there is nothing that your sis-in-law can do to reverse the situation and her daughter has to bear the consequences for her actions anyway... so i think throwing her a simple baby shower party won't do any harm... i know that it sounds not right as she had done something wrong... but i think that is the last that her mum can do for her before the baby comes... my opinion though... take care and have a nice day...
1 person likes this
• Lubbock, Texas
13 Jul 08
Well since a shower is to help the new parent take care of the new baby, yes under any circumstance she should have a shower. If your sister-in-law will probably end up raising the baby anyway, have a little compassion and help her out. Baby things cost a lot of money. It's not necessarily rewarding the 14 year old for being irresponsible, it's helping the parent out. And, yes the parents may be somewhat to blame, but haven't you ever made a mistake you wish you could undo? I know I was appalled when I heard my oldest granddaughter was pregnant at 14, but there was no way she was going to be left to go it alone. My conscience would not allow me or any of my family to turn my back on a teenager who had made a terrible mistake, especially when there was another life involved too. I hope my greatgrandson never reads this because it sounds like I'm calling him a terrible mistake and he isn't. He is a bright, helpful, motivated 12 year old who is a credit to his mother and step father, and a wonderful big brother to 2 younger siblings. There's no way of knowing how he would have turned out if we'd turned our backs on his mother before he was born. . .or how his mother would have turned out for that matter.
• Ireland
14 Jul 08
to be honest im a sixteen year old boy and i know at the moment teenage life is up and down and with all the extra emotions your daughter must be having i would recommend a baby shower to take pressure off her and you. it might really help you to bond well so she'll remember that effort you made and she may not try to hurt you by doing something stupid again!
• United States
14 Jul 08
Did u read the whole question or just the headline??????? It's NOT the daughter, it's the niece. man I hate when people do this.
@suspenseful (40316)
• Canada
24 Jul 08
I lived at a time when if a girl got pregnant out of wedlock, she was shunned and her chances of finding a husband let alone keeping the baby was slim to none. Your niece already got pregnant, so you cannot reverse the situation and you cannot punish the baby for what she did. The stuff would be for the baby, not for her. I mean she cannot wear those cute little outfits, our get into the crib, they are for the baby. So do you want to deprive the future little one of having some diapers, and baby outfits? But the way to resolve this is to think of the timing and what she is going to do. I would wait and see if she is going to keep the baby though and I would not hold it now because she just found out she was pregnant. Wait until she is about six or seven months along. If you hold it when she just found out she was pregnant, that would look like rewarding, but if you hold it farther along then the shower would be for the baby.
• United States
24 Jul 08
Let's face it whats done is done. The girl is pregnant. Regardless of her age and right and wrong why deny her of the shower. I was a teen pregnant. Defiently not as young but If my mom would not have thrown me a baby shower I do not know what I would have done. People really came together and really helped out with the things I needed. Besides why deny the soon to be baby the things that he or she will need when they are born that will most likely get acquired through the baby shower. It is not the baby's fault that the girl is only 14, so why deny the baby the things it will need. Yes I know your upset but please keep in mind that the shower and the gifts that will be received are for the baby and not for the girl who got pregnant.
@jennifer611 (2502)
• United States
14 Jul 08
It's really sad that she is so young and now gonna have one of her own. I'd still try to support her as much as I can though. I know how it feels for family to push you away or not want anything to do with you because of a decision you made. it doesn't feel to good. but I think she should get enough punishment by what she's about to go through. can you think back to when you were a teen? did u really think everything out before you did it, or did you just do whatever and have to suffer later? I know I never thought about the consequences of my actions. this girl is gonna have to deal with going through this pregnancy, probably not having the father of the baby there with her through it (she's lucky if she does), she's gonna have to go through the pains of child birth, she's going to have to face the fact that her life isn't her life anymore, now she has to live for this baby. hanging out with friends is gonna be pretty tough to do. there go's her childhood. she's going to find all this out. but I know that it's gonna be so much worse having to go through it with your own family downing you. I do hope her mother will make her care for this baby instead of making it easy on her and taking the grandbaby on herslef, then she wouldn't learn anything and chances are she'd be having another one (I know someone who's done this!) she has to be responsible for this kid, but still needs family support. I really hope things work out for the family in the best possible way. I do really applaud her for making the decision to keep the baby and not abort it. if it were me, I would definitely do the baby shower.. but I would be making sure to talk to her about her plans for the future.
@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
14 Jul 08
Hi goldeneagle, I would agree with having a baby shower because she will probably need it more than most people. That new life that is coming into the world doesn't need to be shunned by people from the very beginning. I wouldn't be too rough on the mother either, we all make mistakes in life and this may cause her problems later on, also the father of the child must take as much responsibility as the mother. Blessings.
@carolbee (16241)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Well since they are going to keep the baby, I would probably have a baby shower for a teen that young. You can look at it from the standpoint that it's not a reward party but a time to receive gifts that maybe the mom and grandmother can't afford to buy on their own. I do understand what you are feeling since showers are fun times and a time to celebrate. My mother never approved of baby showers so I didn't have any. We had three kids and bought everything we needed on our own with the exception of a few gifts from friends and relatives. It was tough but we did it.
@ocean4 (236)
• Canada
14 Jul 08
Is it the babies fault hes being born? The baby shower would give them free things that they would need to take care of the baby. You shouldnt punish the baby for the mistakes of the mother and father. Hopefully everything will work out well in the end and the baby will grow up to be a responsible young man.
@Debs_place (10528)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I understand what you are saying but it is wrong to deny the existence of an innocent being. I would explain to these people that they will cater it and stay afterward to clean up the mess. That you have enough to do to keep up with things as it is.
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
14 Jul 08
No, I wouldn't, I agree with you. Let her find out the hard way what all a baby needs and try to provide it. As for her wanting to have the party at your house, ummm she can clean up her own place and I would tell her why, that I don't agree with throwing her a party just because she was stupid enough to get pregnant. You see so many teens these days walking around pregnant or carrying a small child, and there only seems to be a few of us left that thinks this is wrong.
@lvaldean (1612)
• United States
14 Jul 08
Well unfortunate that in this age of birth control she is pregnant at 14. This is another fine example of the failure of our education system! Were young people taught about contracptives, both the how and the why, it is likely we would see far less very young unwed mothers and fathers. Cleary the abstinence only philosphy of the current administration hasn't worked! But on to your real question. Yes I would have a shower for her. It is not a reward for her. The shower is to provide the soon to be born infant with clothing, diapers, and other things that (s)he will need starting out. A shower is to provide the parent(s) with many of the things that will be needed to care for an infant during those first hectic days after the birth of new little one. Whether it is your SIL or the young mother who provides primary care is somewhat irrelevant to the issue of whether the newborn will need diapers, a carseat, clothing, bottles, and all the other things we know newborns need. The fact is that newborns are needy and expensive. Clearly you disapprove. But realistically it is water under the bridge. You choice whether you open your home or not. You can send the message of your disapproval by closing your home, that is your decision. One that you will need to search your heart about and determine for yourself whether your disapproval is of greater value than your family relationships. From your opener it would seem that you already disapprove of the family of your SIL, so maybe this is not such a big issue.
@mimico (3619)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Isn't a shower supposed to be a welcome party for the baby? Which is why it's called a baby shower and not a mother's shower? It's not the baby's fault for being made, so I don't see why there shouldn't be a shower for him or her. Having the baby will be stressful, and that's enough punishment for your niece as it is. With regards to having it in your house, I think you should give in because they're family, and it's for the baby anyway. But do make sure to be clear with them. Tell them that they ought to clean up after the party and that they shouldn't invite too many people. Just because it's your house doesn't mean that you have to clean up, provide the food, etc. Hope this helps.
@Sillychick (3279)
• United States
14 Jul 08
I get what you are saying about rewarding her for doing wrong. However, I look at a baby shower as being for the baby, not the mother. She doesn't receive gifts for herself, she receives them for the baby. Sure it is fun for her, but in reality, the one who benefits the most is the baby, and that is the priority here, isn't it? A 14 year old has no business having a baby, or even engaging in activity that could lead to pregnancy. But what's done is done, and why should the baby be punished for the mother's bad judgment?
@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
14 Jul 08
no because this means you are condoning her actions in her getting pregnant. i would not because i dont approve of what my daughter did, but seriously, i think many people would give her stuff that she needs without having a shower.
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
there's only one thing i want to say.. "hey, after all, she's still your daughter." ^^ and it takes two to tango you know. :)
@jammyt (2824)
• Philippines
14 Jul 08
Well, if it were my daughter who gets knocked up at 14, I'd go ballistic! I mean, specially since I come from a conservative country (well, almost). Now looking at your story, I think your sister in law has just decided to accept the fact that her baby will have a baby. There's no turning back so I guess they are just dealing with it. Also, it helps a pregnant woman (or kid) have a happy aura if people support her. This aura will transfer to the baby inside. yes, this is true. Babies can feel what the mommy feels inside. Now, aside from going ballistic, since I still have to deal with it if it were my kid, then I'd go give her the shower too. The baby will be my grandkid anyway. Goodluck and I hope she has a smooth and safe pregnancy.
@jeanena (1616)
• Bucklin, Kansas
14 Jul 08
Oh my Yes i would hold a shower for a pregnant teen. The shower isn't so much for the woman as for things for the baby to get a good start in life. I am the mother of one of those teen aged mothers . Had circumstances been different for us at the time I would have loved to throw her a shower . The ones who told her they were going to never did .
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
14 Jul 08
For one thing, I'd be devastated if my 14yr old got pregnant. If it happened and we decided to keep it then by all means I think she should have a babyshower. I don't agree that it would be rewarding her for doing something wrong at all. the shower is for the baby, not the mother. I think that by the time she delivers that baby and then realizes how greatly her life will be changed, she will have learned a very big lesson the hard way. Truthfully if my 14 yr. old did get pregnant, I'd be councelling her strongly to either get an abortion or give the baby up for adoption. 14 is far too young and I am in no position to be raising another child.
• Canada
13 Jul 08
I most definately would. You can't change what's already happened. And I don't think it's like rewarding. I don't think she will think-I'm gonna get get pregnant so I can get presents.