Do you have to give up being a woman to become a feminist?

You don't have to give up being a woman in order to be a feminist. Evey woman today needs a skill or profession to be able to earn a living for herself and if need be to raise a family on her own. I was in the work force when fthe movement really took off. I could always open my own doors and carry my own parcels, move furniture around, cut the grass and paint a room. The charming old fashioned ways kept women confined and precluded them from earning the same salary as a man with the same qualifications and education. Women can do without coats thrown over puddles but it is so important that they are paid the same for the same work if they have the same qualifications. We can't have it both ways. We can't be damsels in distress and at the same time demand equal rights. So we should stick with equal rights. I was very fortunate to work in a place that paid me the same as a man which enabled me to raise two kids and send them to university out of town and later they were able to make a good living for themselves.

I think it's sad that so many women are actively offended by chivalry and common courtesy. I'm one of those guys who always opens doors, offers to carry things, and picks something up when a woman drops it. Believe me, I've been scolded and criticized for such behavior more times than I can count. That said, it's who I am. I'm not going to be a jerk and conform to what such women want just because they can't accept courtesy. That's their problem. I'll just be me and do what I know is right. With many men they just want to be liked and are willing to make such changes to their behavior. For me, it's easier to be nice, but many men quickly discover that it's not only easier, but much more frequently appreciated when they behave like jerks. For the record, I've never thrown my coat in a puddle of water for a woman to walk over. I live in Florida and never wear a coat. I did however, during Halloween take off my Zorro cape and put it on a dirty wet bench for a friend to sit on since her skirt was rather short and she wouldn't be sitting there otherwise.

Hard question because of how it's phrased. There's nothing wrong with the things you've listed and they can be quite pleasant. Courtesy is a good thing, and it's nit picky and splitting hairs to say you can't be a feminist and like someone to open doors for you. It's a gesture of politeness, not a sign that a woman is too weak to open the door herself. I just don't agree that liking these things makes you a woman. Those things don't make you (or any female) a woman, so not having them doesn't mean you're giving up being a woman. There are women who don't want men to carry things or hold doors open or to throw coats over puddles, but they're are women all the same and haven't given it up. I think you mean do you have to give up the old fashioned courtesies that gentlemen give to ladies. Which I know is much longer to say, but I'd hate to think that a female who doesn't like those things is not considered a woman. And, the answer is still no, you don't have to give it up.

I consider myself a feminist because I argue for the rights of women. But I have to admit that it's quite confusing. As a man I would readily admit that men are generally physically stronger than women. And since men are physically stronger than women, if I offer to carry things, I guess, women should be willing. And I also feel that if I offer my seat in the bus, I guess, women should be willing. I don't think it's a way of communication that she's inferior. But I've been scolded in the past and so I don't know when I need to be chivalrous and when I hold back.

All that chivalry ever got us was controlled, unable to speak our minds, lousy if any jobs, uneducated, used, abused and virtually enslaved. Ewwwwww, no thanks! I'm double your age and I can say without hesitation, trust me you don't want the pre-feminist days back, ever. I'm a firm believer in common courtesy between people, gender doesn't enter into it. I want nothing more than that. I don't expect or want my husband to run around the car and open my door after we park the car. I don't expect or want him to open an entrance door when I'm the first one there. He's 53 and a "southern gentleman" so he still reverts sometimes. That's the way he was raised but sometimes I have to remind him that though it's kind of him to do so, it's not necessary. But I do it gently and would never scold him or anyone else for being kind. A lot of women my age and a little older go a bit overboard sometimes. They fought so hard for equality that they lost sight of the difference between chivalry and common courtesy. A lot of men got the brunt of the fallout. Things have gotten so much better over the years though. We still have a ways to go but we'll get there.

I think I could probably do without a guy throwing his coat in a puddle for me (who wants to make a guy walk around with a muddy coat ) I am on the edge of this one and could probably fall either way. I think what women tend to be so far feminist that they don't want men to do anything for them or so far "women" that they can't do anything themself. I think when the feminist movement started that those women were not wanting what the women of today portray. I think they just wanted to be treated as an equal, no better no worse. It is like if a guy has his hands full, it is just as polite for a woman to offer him help. If a woman gets to the door first, she should hold it open for the man. I guess I would consider myself more of an equalist then a feminist.

You certainly don't need to give up being a woman to be a feminist. Feminism is all about equality. I enjoy it when men hold doors open for me, but I also hold doors open for them if I reach them first. Personally, I am not persuaded that men have stopped performing some of these courtesies because they have been scolded in the past. Even if they have been scolded by strangers, I assume that if you are talking to them about this that they are not strangers to you so do they open doors for you now that they know you would appreciate it? I think that a lot of practices involved with courtesy have declined in recent years. And I say this as a woman who well remembers a time when men were opening doors for women, while closing other doors (such as doors to equal pay, and career positions, etc.) I think society has become so "casual" for lack of a better word that many people, especially younger people, don't have experience in practicing etiquette and social skills.