Is there nothing taboo here?
By Barb42
@Barb42 (4214)
United States
August 13, 2008 11:22am CST
I've been reading so many different discussions from so many mylotters. I've come across so many things that I would never discuss online, especially with people I have never met. But I wonder if this forum gives people the nerve or courage to open up and talk about things that they would never mention to people face to face. And, also, there are things I would talk to a woman about, but not in the company of men. And, we know that men read these discussions just as much as women.
I am very protective of my relationship with my husband. I think anything we do in private is personal and shouldn't be discussed with anyone, especially strangers. You can call me a prude if you like, but I think it demeans your relationship. If I were to talk about that here and my husband were to read it, I am sure he would feel I had broken a confidence. I just don't think opening up about such things here is a good thing to do. What about you? Are there things you would never discuss on this forum?
5 people like this
19 responses
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
13 Aug 08
I've never gone into explicit details about anything, but I am a very open person and do tend to share things that some would think I shouldn't. It doesn't happen often, but once in awhile I will discuss something of a sensative nature. My husband has read my discussions, including the more sensative ones, and didn't react. I would have the same conversations with my girlfriends, and they actually know him, so I think that is even more awkward. With strangers it almost seems safer because they don't know you or anyone else you speak of.
1 person likes this
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
13 Aug 08
We each do what we feel comfortable doing. I agree that I think some people go too far and get into too much detail, but as I've said, I've started some sensative discussions myself... so I guess all in all I'm defending myself here, lol.
We each have a different level of comfortability, and a different sense of what is going to offend us.
Not to mention we are all of different ages and different walks of life. A teenager may be more prone to discuss things of a naughty nature where as an older adult who's been married for sometime finds those things to be too off color for their taste.
I do realize that what I'm posting here is going to be read by anybody and everybody, so if it's not something I don't want to share, then I won't share it. But I am a very open person and tend to share a lot about myself and my life. It doesn't really bother me who knows about it.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
14 Aug 08
Kats, I don't think the naughty talking is all from the younger people. I suppose you are right in that it's all how comfortable a person feels talking about certain things. But the younger ones don't realize there may be consequences. Perhaps the older ones don't worry since they are happy in their lives. 
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
It seems like a safe place to discuss anything, but the operative word it 'seems'. I just would be worry that I may be talking to somebody that I didn't realize I was talking to and things may get out in public that I wouldn't want others to know about. I guess I had rather keep personal things more private.
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3878)
•
13 Aug 08
I do not believe in concealing things, if I have done something then I will openly tell people that I have done it as I tend not to do something that is wrong. If my partner read the things that I post on here then he would not mind as long as I didn't make stuff up etc.
1 person likes this
@Elixiress (3878)
•
13 Aug 08
I understand that posting things like your surname, address and school name etc can be risky, but the chance of something bad happening is slim. Address is necessary if you are wanting to buy something. School names are essential on social networking websites to make new friends from your school. I do not worry about giving out personal information to a certain extent as I know the risks are very slim that something bad will happen and I am willing to take the chance.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
I don't consider it concealing anything by keeping my personal life between my husband and me. This open society thing bothers me. Kids are no longer afraid to tell anyone anything any time. They don't realize what the consequences could be. I have often cautioned my grandkids to keep personal things off MySpace and what watch what you type online. But I think it goes in one ear and out the other.
1 person likes this
@Stiletto (4579)
•
14 Aug 08
Yes there are lots of things I wouldn't discuss on here. It's quite rare for me to disclose much detail about my personal life anyway but when I do it tends to be in fairly general terms.
I definitely would not be discussing my relationship in any detail. I guess there are some people that are happy to do that (lets face it - that's ALL some people on here can talk about!) but personally I also think it demeans your relationship. I know if I found out my man was disclosing intimate or personal details about me online I would be hurt and angry, therefore I would expect him to feel the same way. If he had a problem with something I was saying or doing I would expect him to talk to me about it - not discuss it with a random group of strangers online! I just don't subscribe to the view that absolutely everything in a persons life should be put on public view. I quite like the concepts of privacy and dignity. If that makes me old-fashioned then so be it.
1 person likes this
@p3halliwel2005 (3156)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
I have opened up much about my life over here but not all of it. Since I have no close friends here I think breathing out my problems in here and getting advise from different people makes me feel a little better than bottling all my worries inside of me. It makes my load much lighter to say my problems in here...Privacy for me is the thing you and your partner do in private that's what I don't want to discuss in here. I see people discuss here some of the so deep details about it which I don't find quite amusing or worth discussing in here.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
14 Aug 08
I don't think talking about your life in general is wrong. It's just when it gets down to privacy, that's when I call a halt. I guess we all have things we love to discuss with others to get their outlook on it. But when it comes down to husband and wife privacy, no way.
1 person likes this
@wachit14 (3595)
• United States
14 Aug 08
I agree with you Barb and I do know exactly what you are referring to. My eyes almost bug out of my head with some of the discussions that turn up here and there was one recently that almost knocked me off my chair. I would never discuss anything of an intimate nature, even though I can see judging from the discussions, that they do garner more of the responses, but I have my comfort level and those kinds of discussions are beyond those limitations. I would never judge anyone who brings up these topics, it's just not my cup of tea at all.
@ch88ss (2271)
• United States
20 Aug 08
I have a 50/50 thought on this.
Sometimes when I am lost and feeling quite sad. I like to express my sadness and seek answers. So I may not share the whole details but really need someone's opinion.
Like the time when I posted about my desire to go back to school and how my husband fussed about it.
I was hurt and wanted to find out if my request was unreasonable or was he being unreasonable.
After reading everybody's post, I realized that my determination to go back to school was right for the family long term.
but of course at teh same time there are certain things I would never discuss in person and online because I like to keep it confident forever.
I know what you mean, it sometimes makes me uncomfortable for me to read about some of the personal topics they can discuss online.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
25 Aug 08
I see nothing wrong with you talking about wanting to go back to school. I don't consider that part of your personal/private life with your husband. Anything that goes on in the privacy of your home between husband and wife I consider private/personal and would never want to talk about that to anyone. To me, it would be doing your spouse wrong.
@GardenGerty (157663)
• United States
13 Aug 08
You and I are both rather old fashioned, and there is nothing at all wrong with that. I have the same reservations that you do . I do find plenty of things to discuss without going beyond my personal boundaries.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
I suppose it was the way we were brought up. I do see the people my kids' age speaking about things more easily than we ever did. And their kids speak out even more freely. But there has to be a line that you draw between public and private, I would think. My husband is amazed at things he's told or hears from people younger than us.
1 person likes this
@James72 (26790)
• Australia
13 Aug 08
I have to agree with you and say that I too am absolutely amazed how candid some people are on this site! There is definitely a certain amount of courage that you get with anonymity that you would not always have in the real world; but there are still boundaries I certainly won't cross! Regardless of my continued participation this is ultimately an online identity that I have and my private life is just that..... Private. You are certainly not a prude and what you have said regarding a broken confidence with your husband if you were to share everything with the world is perfectly understandable.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
You are right. We need to keep our private life private. We don't know who the other people are that we are talking to and how are we to know they are honest in what they say. They may just be trying to bring us out and hear all about our private lives while never really revealing theirs. I do have friends I can talk candid with - I've met some of them personally and have had friendships made online for many years. But I would still never reveal certain personal information about our lives even to them!
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
25 Aug 08
My ex was appalled that women had the ability to open up to total strangers about the intricacies of their personal lives. He thought it was a disgraceful thing to do. I suggested that the reason women do that is because most of them are not getting the co-operation from their men by way of communication. That husbands did not open up and talk about their feelings and emotions and that this was necessary for a lot of women...to be in touch with their mate on an emotional/spiritual level. He had no argument other than to say a couple's personal life was just that....personal. He felt that to speak of it to others was a betrayal of trust.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
25 Aug 08
MsTickle, I have to agree with your husband. Kidding around is one thing, but sharing personal information about you and your husband is wrong to me. There is no way I could discuss that part of my life on a board with strangers. I'm sure there are men who don't communicate with their wives, but she should find someone close to her to talk with, not total strangers. But, then again, I just couldn't discuss my personal life with anyone.
1 person likes this
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
13 Aug 08
There is NOTHING members will not discuss here on mylot and the reason is just what you said. We don't know anyone here and most likely never will so it's easy to discuss our most intimate situations. I've personally found the answers to a lot of my problems here since there are so many people giving their opinion and I have so many to choose from. Of course we don't have to take any advice but it's always good to think about it. The only thing I will not take or ask for advice on is medical especially since there are people who like to come off as being a health professional and are not.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
Oh, I can certainly understand not asking for medical advice. That would be dangerous. I can also see where some people would be more comfortable talking in here since they don't know anyone personally. But there are still things that I couldn't discuss with anyone. I guess I had rather keeps lots of things between me and my husband or family. 
1 person likes this
@kittenmc (464)
• United States
20 Aug 08
I agree with you. I believe what goes on behind closed doors should stay there unless it is abuse.I have opened up my deepest thoughts on my blog, but then I realize how many people will read and I land up deleting. I feel some things should be left secret or just shared with a few.
That's just me though.
@maxilimian (3099)
• Indonesia
14 Aug 08
Of course there's several things that i cannot share with others, especially with a lot of people in a public place, like in this forum, but i dunno the difference between secret and taboo's here to talk, for me it's two different things ..
@valeria1 (2721)
• United States
13 Aug 08
I think by myLot being a forum as any other online activity that includes discussions, chats and all makes people think that they are secure and do not have to face a face in real life for example. I am part of Second Life and I know friends that would tell me things online that they would never say it to a friend or family in real life. I really do not discuss much my personal life in here but I observed the same as you, but if you really think you do not even know if this people are being honest or not. Also you don't even know if they are what they say they are.
1 person likes this
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
Great points, Valeria! People seem to trust people online too much. I learned early on when I first got online that there are some things you just do not talk about. But there seems to be more of a freedom now days than there used to be to discuss almost anything.
@cinnamonwoods (33)
• United States
14 Aug 08
Personally it is much easier to open up to a complete stranger, one you cannot see. You will more than likely never meet this person-they don't know you or anything about you other than what is posted here. They don't know your real name, your address or anything. There is a kind of safety net there I think. And your husband might just think the same. These discussion boards are kind of like therapy without the cost.
1 person likes this
@Mickie30 (2626)
•
13 Aug 08
MyLot is a great forum and gives people the chance to open up an be honest it includes many types of discussions from people all over the world. It is totally different than talking face to face and gives people the nerve to say things they probably never would in real life.
@kate635 (126)
• Philippines
14 Aug 08
Absolutely, there are things that I would prefer not to discuss here especially if it is really very personal. But I believe a lot of people here vent out their feelings and emotions because they have nobody in person to open up with or they may not have the face or confidence to do it. Here on mylot are also a lot of honest people who could give you an honest response to what you have posted. Besides, a lot of people here don't use their real names and I bet nobody would take the time to research on one's particular background not unless he/she is very interested with that person. These days especially to people like me who are always at home and nobody around to talk with the whole day, forums like this serves as our way of communicating to the world to let them know we still exist. :) Happy posting!
@taface412 (3175)
• United States
14 Aug 08
I don't think you are a prude at all. There is nothing worng with privacy. I agree about talking about personal things somewhat online and others off. I may post things about myself and how I feel and what I am going through, but I would never post specifics about people I know and things they do. That is rude and just tacky.
sometimes people need to vent and they think online has a sense of anonymity about it where people cannot track you down....and I have read a few posts where people had been tracked down and there were some hurt feelings....
I go by the old rule, if I wouldn't say it in person why say it at all. After all this is the world wide web not your best friend you are talking to.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
14 Aug 08
Taface, that is a great rule to go by. The world wide web has found people when they didn't think they could be found. And these messages stay around for a long time. My rule is, if you don't want people to know don't tell and surely don't write it out!
@belindabentley (223)
• United States
13 Aug 08
There is a lot I wouldnt discuss on a forum, but I would write about anything I wanted to discuss as long as I didnt use other peoples names. I think if your a private person or have something to hide you would not write it here, if you are an open book, or find writing things theraputic then it is easier to discuss things.
@Barb42 (4214)
• United States
13 Aug 08
Discussions are fine. And I wouldn't want to put in any person's name in any discussion. But my only thing is I wouldn't want to discuss personal things between my husband and me. And, if I happen upon a discussion about those certain matters, I would just go on to another discussion. I prefer not to know what happens between a husband and wife privately.
@3cardmonte (5098)
•
13 Aug 08
its so much easier to ask people online rather than face to face and if it helps a person answer a question or solve a problem,wheres the harm?Of course you never know if people are who they say they are online,but you dont really know that even if you are talking face to face either
