Does it bother you if your spouse falls asleep on you...

@mommyboo (13198)
United States
August 16, 2008 12:59am CST
... and you're not tired but you were HOPING to spend some time with them? My husband worked late tonight and then he chose to watch something I didn't have an interest in watching. I sat here and browsed on mylot, so then not too long ago, he turned the Olympics back on and I was going to go join him to watch, but he fell asleep on me. I'm not very happy. Does your spouse do this? More importantly, do YOU do this to your spouse? What is the solution? I told my hubby that if he was that freaking tired, then his show could have waited and we could have spent some time together instead before he crashed. I'm probably going to be up all night now while the rest of the house sleeps. I'm in such a foul mood about it now I wish I could just wake everybody up but then that would get in the way of me having uninterrupted time here. *SIGH*
5 people like this
21 responses
@Barb42 (4225)
• United States
16 Aug 08
If I got upset every time my husband fell asleep in his recliner, I'd stay upset. He is so tried when he gets home, he often takes a nap while I fix dinner. Then, he'll eat,take a bath, sit down to watch the news we have recorded on TIVO, with the control in his hand, and promptly go to sleep! Sometimes he'll be watching something he's recorded, fall asleep and I have to sit here until it ends and finally goes back to the regular programs. I was at church tonight until late. I came in, turned off the alarm and started putting things up. I thought he was in bed, but he was in his recliner asleep. I finally turned on the TV to watch the olympics I had recorded and it woke him up. He didn't even know I was home. He watched a little and then went to bed. As you can see, I'm still up. But tomorrow is Saturday, so I can sleep in!
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
I have figured that different people have their different limits. Some couples don't seem to need a lot of time together, it's enough to just be in the same house or the same room. I'm not like that and I never have been, I want some undivided attention which usually means we choose something we both want to watch together or if the squirt is sleeping we can forget about the tv and entertain ourselves lol.
@Barb42 (4225)
• United States
17 Aug 08
I suppose it becomes different as you grow older. We've been married a long time and things just don't bother us like it used to when we were younger. We are still up together tonight watching Phelps about to complete his swimming in the Olympics. We are both up to cheer him on. And, we've both been to sleep together here in the Den.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
How long have you been married or together? I still maintain that people do have their different limits, regardless of years of marriage or age. I have also found out that many couples don't actually go to bed at the same time, and some don't even spend the majority of time home together in the same part of the house. I prefer to be at least near my husband, even if we aren't talking a lot. I usually feel the same about my daughter unless she's been crawling up my leg for an hour lol.
• Regina, Saskatchewan
16 Aug 08
Hey boo - I hear ya. My hubs falls asleep in his chair all the time. I'll be talking away to him and when I look at him, he's sound asleep. Why does he never snore in his chair? Why does he only do it bed? If he snored in his chair, I could save myself a lot of effort, trying to carry on a conversation from the kitchen while I'm cleaning up, or whatever. It's so annoying to be so totally tuned out by someone you end up talking to yourself! LOL And as for spending time with him when he's that tired - forget. Doesn't happen. I wish I could fall asleep at the drop of a hat when I'm exhausted! Must be nice to be a guy huh? LOL
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
16 Aug 08
I end up having insomnia much more often than I just fall asleep. I also would prefer to spend a few hours that I'm awake, even if I'm really tired - with my husband than doing something ELSE if I hadn't seen him all day. Oh, I'll explain the snoring thing. In the chair they are propped up ever so slightly more than in bed, even while reclined. This is why they don't snore. My hubby is snoring a little now, not much but I can hear it. I'm keeping an eye on the Olympics as I'm typing.
1 person likes this
• Regina, Saskatchewan
17 Aug 08
I hear ya boo. And thanks for the info about sleeping in a chair. I think I'll get the hubs a recliner, a pillow and a blue blankie and he can spend all his nights in the chair and I can finally get a straight through the night sleep! LOL
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@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
The snoring gets annoying. Apparently I snored when I was a kid, my dad and sister used one of those stupid little portable recorders to RECORD me and then they mercilessly teased me about it for weeks. Thing is though, dad snores much louder than I did. I don't snore any more unless I'm sick, according to hubby. Since our daughter still crawls in bed with us, I end up in the middle between two snorers sometimes. She's a very quiet snorer but nonetheless she makes noise, and if I'm really tired and loopy, it's so funny that I shake the bed from laughing and I have come dangerously close to waking her up!
1 person likes this
@palonghorn (5486)
• United States
16 Aug 08
There have been times that he fell asleep before me, as in got up went up to bed without saying a word, and went to sleep. And there have been times that I went on up to bed and he has fallen asleep on the couch while watching tv. When that has happened, I have usually dozed off by then, wake up and he's not next to me, so I go down, if he is asleep, I turn off the tv, lamps and cover him with our throw. There is no solution to this, it's going to happen from time to time. I have waited up when he has had to work reallllyyy late, just to fall asleep against him a few minutes after he got home. But, I don't get in a bad mood because of it, and neither does he, there will be plenty of evenings for us to spend time together.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
16 Aug 08
It's disappointing to spend all day away from them, then rather than spend time with you, they watch something while you do something else, then fall asleep. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he had gotten home at his normal time, but he spent the 2 hours he was home and awake not with me.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Aug 08
When I want to spend time with him, I do. And as I see it in your discussion, you could have chosen to spend time with him. Did it really matter what he was watching, and whether or not it was something you were interested in? I have watched things he was watching, that I really didn't care for, but I was there with him, cuddled up next to him with his arm around me. So, did it really matter what was on tv, not really, what mattered is, we were together.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
LOL! We have kind of worked out a system - if I'm watching something he's REALLY not interested in, he usually goes and browses on the computer. The same for me. I suppose I could use the laptop and sit on the bed, I didn't think about that. That's actually what I was doing, giving him his 'alone downtime' but it didn't end up being a trade that night.
@allurejan (197)
• United States
17 Aug 08
I understand your situation mommyboo. My husband usually comes home late from work because they're kind of busy lately. I know he is tired. So I tell him just relax on the couch and I will prepare our dinner. Then after that we watch tv together. Before he change channel to what show he likes to watch, he will ask me first if it is okay.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Apparently I am a bit out of sorts after uh... 14 or 16 hours away from my husband lol. I should know better than to post a gripe when that has been the case. I have found out that I'm not the only one to ever land in this boat though, which is good.
• United States
17 Aug 08
Well, I guess everything will be okay between the two of you. It just a matter of talking sometimes. Understanding each other is very important in a relationship. If adjustment is needed to be done, maybe give it a try.
@arkaf61 (10884)
• Canada
17 Aug 08
It doesn't really bother me. I can see when hubby is really tired, and often having a private battle with sleep:) If he happens to fall asleep on me, then it's ok. Sometimes we try to stretch our day to the maximum and end up really tired in the process. That happens, I like it that hubby knows I can understand this. Other times I am the one tired. I don't usually fall asleep on him but it happened a few times as well when I am extremely tired. I usually lay down on the sofa with my head on his lap and have fallen asleep a few times. It's just so comfy and feels great to feel so safe and comfortable. As for him he tends to fall asleep on my more just because he wakes up so very early. We have plenty of time that we spend together both awake and filled with energy, so it's ok when sometimes things don't go according to plan :)
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
I have a hard time if I've spent all day away from him (on normal days he's gone 11 hours anyway including commute) and don't get to spend any physical time with him before he falls asleep. I don't ask for much, even 20 minutes would have been sufficient. I have never been the type of person who can be married yet alone, I couldn't deal with deployments, a night shift (where I would never see him), lots of traveling like for business or trucking, etc. I know some people function quite well with a scenario like this, but I don't, and I never have, and just the thought of it gives me the shakes lol. I'm fine if I know in advance he's working late or working the weekend, because then I can make plans so I have something to do while he's gone. It's the exception rather than the rule though, which makes it something I can deal with.
1 person likes this
@arkaf61 (10884)
• Canada
18 Aug 08
We all see things from different perspectives and the same things affect different people.. well differently LOL We have gone trough him working night shift and I didn't enjoy it either, but hey, we had to deal with it. Although if given a choice that kind of situation would be a no-no. But in the case of him - or myself - falling asleep, for me it will not bother me. It might if it happened all the time, but occasionally it doesn't. Most times we do spend time together before going to bed, either watching some favorite shows or just talking. SO when it happens we understand that the other one is really tired. There will be other time, many other times:) I was thinking if I remember it bothering me in the beginning of our marriage, but as far as I remember it didn't either - ok so both of us has much more energy at that time, I don't even remember if we feel asleep like that LOL but just the idea doesn't bring any special incidents. Now, many years after, it still doesn't bother us. Actually we are even more in tune now, I guess, and we can see when the other is tired or needs rest even when it's not showing:)
@checapricorn (16069)
• United States
16 Aug 08
Hi mommyboo, [i]I have that experience also when hubby is very tried from work..It's disappointing but on the other hand, I will also understand! So, I will just spend time online when I am not sleepy yet! I guess that is very common to every couple![/i]
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
I suppose I was extra disappointed yesterday because I knew he'd be working late but I didn't realize it would be THAT late, and I had been looking forward to spending a little time with him. I'm fine today, he didn't have to work lol.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Aug 08
That's cool mommyboo! ENjoy!
@lingli_78 (12846)
• Australia
17 Aug 08
well, it happens to me couple of times as well... my hubby is just so tired and he falls asleep on me before i go to bed... he is a fast sleeper and i'm not... i need time to toss around on the bed before i can fall asleep while he can fall asleep as soon as he touches the bed... it annoys me sometimes but i learn to accept it as i know that he is really tired... take care and have a nice day...
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@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Now and then I have insomnia and it is BAD, I'm up half the night or longer. It's nice to have something to do when that strikes instead of just lying there tossing and turning.
@dawnald (84132)
• Shingle Springs, California
17 Aug 08
Once in a while is OK. Got to be understanding when he's tired. But if it happens all the time, it's definitely a problem!
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Just happens every now and then. I was irked at the time and was looking for some company lol.
@TessWhite (3147)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Hey, it could be worse. I once dated a guy who suffered from narcolepsy. He once feel asleep ON me. LOL Talk about hurt feelings. I should of known right then THAT relationship wasn't going to work. I'm sorry your hubby was so tired, but if he worked late I'd say its understandable? Just ask him for another night to spend some quality time together.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
He's making up for it today
@lixiaos77 (1030)
• Shijiazhuang, China
17 Aug 08
My wife like to be asleep with my accompany. She love me and never say that she is tired even she is. Sometimes she will sleep with her head on my arm because she is really tired. I will keep motionless until she wake. I care her because she care me with her heart.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Awww! What a nice thing for a husband to say. Nice to see you, I had seen you in the thread about the gymnasts earlier.
@kellys3ps (3728)
• United States
16 Aug 08
My hubby does it to me all the time - especially when we watch a television show or movie together.
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
I'm actually guilty of this - but in general I will warn him, and if not we HAVE spent at least a little time together before I zonk out lol. I was mostly disappointed because I felt like I hadn't seen him the entire day, and then he preferred to watch a show and then fall asleep instead of hang out with me. I'm not the type of person who can be married but live mostly alone. I know some couples live like that but that isn't acceptable to me.
• United States
16 Aug 08
I'm always annoyed with this. My spouse likes to do it constantly. And when 3 week old daughter wakes up, he acts as if he's going to wake up and as soon as I get done making a bottle for him to feed her he falls asleep! It's extremely annoying. I understand about being tired, but I havent slept in almost 3 weeks so really, he has no excuse.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Oh man, the newborn baby blues. I nursed my daughter when she was a newborn, so it's not like my hubby could help. He was fond of saying he didn't have the correct plumbing, which is true. I think she tried attaching herself to him once and he was quick to tell her that daddies don't make milk lmao! After having some sleepless nights because she hated the bassinette, I started cosleeping and then it was easy, if she woke up, it was easy to get her attached and go back to sleep.
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
Actually, we're almost in the same situation. but this doesn't bother me at all. When it's time for him to watch his favorite tv show, that it's the time I browse the web. Our bonding moments come right after I arrived from work. He's a freelancer businessman that's why he don't usually go out. We talk about our day. Even if it's not a long talk, we make it a point to enjoy. And it doesn't have to be everyday. Maybe you should focus on the non-verbal queues. Just like hugging, holding hands, etc. =)
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
Ordinarily I don't mind, but he was gone all day from like 4:30 AM till after 8 PM, and he fell asleep around 10. We had dinner right after he got home and he shut off his recorded show right before 10. We did chat some but I was leaving him alone to watch his show while I was browsing. I figured I'd go join him after but since he fell asleep on me, I stayed up till 4:30 am browsing and watching olympic recaps. I wasn't tired lol.
• United States
16 Aug 08
my hubby used to when he was on prozac.. he is better about it now but i am also not totally staying up all night either.. but its still a pain sometimes
1 person likes this
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
17 Aug 08
LOL! My hubby was just tired out. I was just disappointed because I was just being nice and letting him watch what he wanted while I was hanging out here. I didn't realize my tradeoff would be him falling asleep right after.
• Philippines
16 Aug 08
When we were newly married I really resented it when he went right to sleep when I wanted to talk or just spend time together. But now I learned to adjust. If he tunes me out (usually not by going to sleep but by watching TV), I go spend time with myself (lol how does that sound) like read, listen to music, do some girl things like beauty routines, etc. And usually its me who goes to sleep first so there. I can sleep at the drop of a hat.
@mommyboo (13198)
• United States
16 Aug 08
Well there ya go, that's the thing. If he's watching something i don't care for, or sometimes care for but am not in the mood for presently, I will sit at the desk and browse on my computer. The understanding though is that eventually when the show is over, then I'll get up and go rejoin him. I find something to do that I enjoy while he's doing something he enjoys. It just irks me if I've left him to his own devices and then he doesn't spend time with me AFTER. LOL!
• United States
18 Aug 08
Oh honey, if this bothered me, i would be the most miserable wife out there..lol. For as long as I have even known my husband if we spent the night together, or since we have lived together, he has ALWAYS fallen asleep before me. It doesnt bother me though, we get our time together once my son goes to bed, and then after that he will go to sleep, usually on the couch or the recliner..but yes there are times he will fall asleep even before my son goes to bed and we dont get our time together..that irks me a bit, but after nearly 10 yrs of marriage, im sort of use to it.
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
17 Aug 08
I'm pretty laid back. When I was married, that is not the sort of thing that really bothered me. I guess it's because I was often the one that worked hard and late and I knew what it was like to come home and just not want any demands on me. I can't say that i "liked" it when my husband did that but I knew what it was like and I understood. dissapointed? oh yes but not worth making a huge deal over. To be honest...I would have been grateful if that were one of the biggest issues in our marriage. I know it is dissappointing to you but it is best that you vent on here and get it out. Don't argue with your hubby on this one. It is really a minor infraction. Maybe instead, You could tell him that you are missing him and set up a time when the two of you could do something together.
• Indonesia
17 Aug 08
You know maybe, maybe you should massages his shoulder a bit, and make him relax :) That way you can talk 2 him about this matter nicely... Better not bring it up if he feels so tired, you might end up with an argue... The best way is to discuss this matter with him instead of other, but u just need to make him relaxed before start it... thats all... Cheers,
@misty99 (736)
16 Aug 08
Most of the time i do the sleeping ahead.I am up until 12 or 1 am but he's still working in the computer sometimes until 3.I can't go that far and wait for him because i have to wake up five thirty in the morning for my kid who goes to school.He rarely go to sleep ahead of me---still busy mylotting----maybe after 4 successive days of sleeping at 3 am,he'd doze off earlier.I don't feel offended or annoyed because i do the same.We do the talking in the afternoon,during a napNeed to understand him as he would understand me.
@lynnchua (3416)
• Singapore
16 Aug 08
There is time when I'm watching tv with him and wanted to talk to him but found him sleeping beside me. I will just wake him up and ask him to go and sleep in the room instead. It doesn't really bother me because I think he is really tired after working.