not exactly a love triangle...

@secretbear (19466)
Philippines
October 4, 2008 5:30am CST
so a lot of you knows that I like a certain guy... i've been through with a lot of different emotions because of him and even if he doesn't feel the same way about me, i still like him. although i am not hoping anymore that he would feel the same way for me in the future. there's a lot of fish in the sea but i'm happy and content to like him just for now. thing is.. someone in our office likes me. .
9 people like this
23 responses
• United States
8 Oct 08
Friendship is love. If you are friends with someone, then on some level you love them. Just not in the way they want. If you love them, then you must do right by them. That might mean telling them that you do not have romantic feelings for them, that your love is entirely friendly in scope. There are all sorts of love, of course. And, I think you would do well to consider that passionate love .. Amore.. cools in time. After Amore fades, you hope you have some passion left, but can find a friendship like love and respect. I knew a woman once who though about "Mike." Mike was someone that she loved but treated poorly. She wistfully thinks about Mike from time to time. She seems to regret her past and failing to choose the stability of Mike over the bad boy she wound up marrying. Personally, of course, I think the fact that Mike went on to become successful in business had something to do with her change of heart. Anyway, you wouldn't be doing your friend any favors by failing to be honest with him. There may be a time when you look back and wish you had given the friend a chance, but such is life.
2 people like this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
hi daddy. thanks for that great advice. but i'm not treating my friend so bad. and i have been honest with him ever since. he had always known that i like another guy and that i can only see him as a friend. i wanna be fair with him and i can only do that by being honest.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
4 Oct 08
And don't forget this one.....that sometimes prince charming is standing right in front of you and you are too close to see him. I hope you don't lose a friend either. I know it can get uncomfortable. With your heart tied up in knots over the other fella....if this friend makes a move I would tell him and it would be his choice if he wants to hang around long enough to see what the outcome is..
2 people like this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
hi jill. i guess that's what i'm gonna do if he makes a move. i'll tell him straight he doesn't have the slightest chance on me and a romantic relationship between us is just too far fetched.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
4 Oct 08
So you get to experience that situation wherein you do know someone who likes you in a certain way yet, you simply can't reciprocate their feelings.. you end up making them experience the same thing that you experience when those that you like can't return the same affection that you have for them.. though it seems more unfair than being just... well, that's just me thinking of it that way... (-_-")
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
what's being unfair in that ratyz? its just fair to not give false hope to someone you don't have feelings for. right? you don't want to use somebody as a "pamasak butas" right? but you know what's annoying?? everytime i say something about my unfortunate lovelife, like i hear a song for a brokenhearted and i would say, that's my song! my friend would second the motion and say "that's my song too!". its really annoying.
1 person likes this
@ratyz5 (7829)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
I know its kind'a like trial and error.. you build enough confidence to openly accept what you feel for someone and when you do get to tell them yourself, it happens that they can't see you as someone that they also like since they are still currently 'attached' to someone else that they are more interested in.. its not unfair in a way that one could be used to fill in a void but, its unfair with being not reciprocated. Of course, people move on and find other prospects.. 'why do some people get to have things like that work out conveniently for them while others have to toil over and over..' is what's unfair that I was pertaining.. You get annoyed when your with someone who shares the same predicament as you? Reaffirmed by a friend that both of you are currently in an unfortunate love life or realizing that you have an unfortunate love life and you are also with someone who also is in an unfortunate love life? I thought that you'd see each other as comrades in that way.. well, if it annoys you, what do you intend to do about it?
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
all is fair in love and war. if you like someone and that someone doesn't like you, it is fair even if its going well with other people's lovelives. i get annoyed because it would always seem like "pinaparinggan nya ko". like, he's making me feel guilty?? is it my fault if i don't like him as i like this other guy? come on. i don't make the guy i like feel guilty because he doesn't like me.
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
4 Oct 08
Exactly.. The quote is right.. Just put yourself in the shoes of the guy u like, and u will be able to know how he feels too.. BUt one thing which is different is that, the one u like may be starting to have feelings for u too, but to the one whom likes u, u dun feel any for him.. SO, it's up to u to make things clear to him ^_^ If u dun wanna lose him as a fren, just continue to be like b4, and u cant feel awkward, because obnce u feel that way, he will try to take one step forward to ease the tension in u.. Thus, it's better that u pretend not to know anything.. ANd if u have make it clear to him b4, it will be even better, because u have make your point to him, and that if anything happens, u are just showing your care to him as a fren, and if he wants to read more into it, tell him, u wont wanna be his fren anymore if he wants to think there's still a chance ^_^ Most of the time, most guys will take a step back, for they dun wanna lose the gal they like as a fren, and risk bot being able to her again ^_^ hehe =D But then again, u should be feeling very blessed now.. lol
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
hi kun! i don't feel blessed actually. i feel like i'm cursed! ^__^;; i am not happy that my friend likes me more than just a friend. because it makes things awkward for us. especially because our friends are teasing us. and i don't like it because he might get the wrong idea even if he already knows that i like another guy. and its annoying because everybody is saying i should turn my attention to my friend and not to the guy who doesn't like me. but its just hard to do that. i don't have any special feelings for my friend other than friendship.
1 person likes this
@kun2349 (23475)
• Singapore
5 Oct 08
SO it's time for u to do something about it ^_^ Declare and dimiss the rumours ^_^ CLear the misunderstanding.. Tell your fren if he still wanna stay as frenz, there are things whereby he has to do.. Tell him u do treasure this friendship, and u really dun wanna spoil it.. If he still dun understand, i guess u, secret, have to be the bad guy this time, making the whole situation even more awkward, in order to solve it once and for all ^_^
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
i'm sure i'm clear with my friends. i always tell them about the guy that i like. they know how much i like him. i guess they are telling to divert my attention to our friend who likes me because they think i would be happier with him. but no. i won't be happy with another guy. not with my friend. as long as i have my eyes on the guy i like, i won't be happy with anyone. even if the guy i like doesn't like me and gives me heartaches every now and then. i'm fine with it. i'm being stubborn but that's how i am.
1 person likes this
@writersedge (22579)
• United States
4 Oct 08
My husband and I started out as friends. The ones you fall for without friendship, they usually aren't great friends and don't make very good husbands. The ones that it takes time to love, those are usually keepers. My husband is plain or funny looking (depending on your prespective I guess), but the kindest, sweetest man on the face of the Earth. All the women he met only saw him as a friend and never wanted him for anything more. So he thought he would always be single. He didn't even get a chance to date. But they missed out on a real find. I'm glad they were stupid and I'm smart. It's not what's on the outside,it's what's in the heart. Friends make the best lovers and boyfriends, passion can grow, but if you start with passion and can't become friends, that is more the waste of time. Friends can communicate through the rough times and rough spots in a relationship. Crushes fade or have problems that don't get resolved or if they do, they get resolved by distance. I went to see a stage production called,"Hell." A man loved a woman who loved another woman who loved the man. No one could change anyone's mind and they were doomed to this for eternity. But what would happen if someone turned part of the circle around?
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
you are very lucky then writersedge. i think its different on everybody. and it wouldn't be so bad if a couple started with passion and became friends later on right? and everything you said about a friend being the best lover and all those advantages, it would happen too. i just feel that as of now, i can't force myself and turn my eyes from the guy i like to other guys around me. and i don't want to use my friend just because i want to forget someone. it would not be fair to him.
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
no, i haven't made that kind of list. but i'm usually asked what type of guy i would like. i don't know but probably i rely more on my feelings than on my practicality when it comes to love. maybe because i had learned my lesson before. when i was in college, i had a boyfriend who loved me a lot. i thought that was enough for both of us and that i could love him after some time. but in the long run, i got choked, or at least that was i thought i felt, and i felt i can't go on with his love alone. i couldn't wait for the day that i would start to have feelings for him. after that, i told myself i wouldn't make another mistake again because i would just hurt the guy's feeling.
@applefreak (3131)
• Singapore
9 Oct 08
well you are not in an enviable position. not many can maintain a platonic relationship where one party has a thing for the other. for the guy that you like, i think it's fine to just like someone. we don't need reciprocated love all the time. some times it is a good feeling to admire someone from far. as for the guy who likes you, i'm afraid things won't go the way you'd like. some time in the near future i think he is going to make a move. i just hope he will take rejection well and remain just as a friend. good luck and take care. cheers ;p
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
hi applefreak! i agree! its a good feeling to like someone even though that someone doesn't reciprocate the feelings. i'm just happy to see him, to talk to him. i'm happy when i give gifts to him without expecting anything in return. if my friend would indeed make a move in the future, i'll be sorry but he's on for a heartbreak.
@aseretdd (13709)
• Philippines
9 Oct 08
You know what... i don't think you will ever love or like someone else as long as you see this guy everyday... since you would always compare the other guys with him... and he will always get the upper hand... Things will certainly be awkward between you and that friend who has feelings for you... but i hope that won't get in the way of your friendship...
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
hi aseretdd! i think you're right. i wouldn't be able to love another guy if i always see the guy. so probably, if my reassignment pushed through next year, i won't see him anymore and maybe, i hope, i will be able to forget him.
@angelface23 (2498)
• United States
8 Oct 08
I would take your own advice on this one. What you are saying about the guy who likes you, maybe you need to just forget about the guy you like. I don't know the circumstances. Does he know you like him? Has he hinted that he likes you back? I have just learned lately that it's not worth wasting your time on something if you have a feeling it's never gonna happen. I hope that he does end up liking you back cause you are a great girl! Good luck!
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
hi angelface! yeah, i should take my own advice. but i just realized recently that i am not happy when i am trying to forget the guy. it just makes me awfully sad. so right now, i'm just doing what makes me happy. but i know my limit. i don't do things that might embarrass myself. i just want to take advantage of the remaining time that i am able to see him since there's a possibility that i might not see him anymore starting next year. i just feel so sad whenever i think about it.
@bagumbayan (2707)
• Philippines
6 Oct 08
Dont close the door for him. In due time who knows, you will have a second look at him. Look at his good points as against the good points of that someone you love. Lood at the bad points too, and then whose better. Love can be learned and can be forgotten also.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
thanks for the advice bagumbayan. maybe i'm just stubborn when it comes to love.
@anne12d (676)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
Hi secretbear!!! Why don't you give the guy a chance... Maybe he is your prince and eventually you might feel the same way as he is with you... LOL!!! Besides the guy you like doesn't like you maybe if you divert your attention to the guy who likes you.. Then the guy you like might got jealous... LOL!!!! hahahaha.... But don't use the guy who likes you ok?! thats bad... LOL...
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
11 Oct 08
hi anne! i think i would still seem to be using my friend if i divert my attention to him just to get the other guy jealous. i don't want that. thanks for the advice though. and thanks for being so "light" about it and not so serious. that's exactly what i need.
• United States
5 Oct 08
I am sorry. The best you can do is tell your friend, and I mean straight to the point, that you like him as a friend but you are not in love.But be prepared to lose him as a friend.But then again, he may understand but he needs to know the truth.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
hi sarah! i'm sure he knows it. definitely. i have never hidden anything from my friends about the guy i like.
1 person likes this
@Opal26 (17691)
• United States
5 Oct 08
Hi secretbear. Do you realize what you have just said? There is someone who likes you and you don't like them in "that way" and there is someone YOU like and they don't like YOU in THAT way! Do you see the similarity here? You are saying that the guy that likes you shouldn't waste his time on liking you because you won't change your mind about him, but yet you know that the guy you like won't change his mind about how he feels about you! Huh??? Why is it of for you to waste your time on someone you know will NEVER like you the way you like him? I don't understand! Do you??? You are too young to be doing this to yourself! Maybe the guy that likes you isn't the right guy for you but neither is the one that you like more than he likes you! So stop wasting you time on someone that you can never have! Believe me! I have been there and it really is not going to change and you will end up getting really badly hurt! Please think about this really carefully! You have your whole life ahead of you!
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
you know i couldn't help it but laugh while i was reading your response. you hit the "x" which marks the spot. ^__^;; what i'm telling my friend are the things i should tell myself too since we are on the same boat. well, what can i say? everything i will say about what my friend should do will just bounced back to me. i rest my case. thanks for the reality check opal.
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
secretbear, feelings are feelings. we are human beings because of these extreme emotions. you can't stop someone from hating you or loving you. just fill you cup with all the positivities you can grab in this world. i also do agree that there are times when we try so hard for that someone we love to love us back, but, in the end the person who we would spend our lives with might have just been around the corner--might have just been in front of you and might have just been completely ignored :)
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
yes, we can't stop someone from hating or loving us, but we can't also stop ourselves from hating or loving someone right?
@MH4444 (2161)
• United States
4 Oct 08
Go with the man that likes you. For get the guy that doesn't return your affection. Friends work as well. Don't get yourself caught in a web of a mess though. Take care.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
thanks for the advice mh.
@drannhh (15211)
• United States
4 Oct 08
That is a really nice saying! It is NEVER a good idea to strike up a romance with somebody at work because then if the romance goes sour it messes up the ambiance at the job as well as at "home" and if the job goes sour, well, you get the idea...Here is the expression: Don't play where you work!
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
hi drannhh! that's probably right because there are a few couples in our office and when they have fights, the ambiance gets bad.
@LittleMel (14055)
• Canada
4 Oct 08
for now I guess that's the best you can do you already told the guy who likes you that you only want to be friends it will be good if you can stay friends with the guy you like also you never know what happens in the future people change, sometimes not for the better the more good friends you have the more help you can get when you need it
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
hi littlemel! yes, i am friends with the guy i like. that's the only way i can get close to him.
1 person likes this
@aan001 (11)
• China
4 Oct 08
hi,secretbear,congratulations to have so good good friend who also like you and wanting to be your lover! in my opinion, you'd better love yourself rather than the guy who do not like you. to that good friend, maybe you can drift apart from him for some time, and to have a good think of the relationship of you both, after that, you may try to agree to date with him if you find you like him too.one must be diffrent when he was a lover from a friend.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
hi aan. i've distanced myself from my friend before. and realized i really don't have any feelings for him. i just really see him as a friend.
@checapricorn (16066)
• United States
4 Oct 08
[i]Hi secretbear, ohh...that is one of irony in life! LOL! It happens to me before and you cannot just dictate your feelings, hope it's easy and possible to! LOL! ANyway, hopefully, your friendship with this guy who likes you will not be affected and that he will understand..It's great to talk to him that he better move on and expect nothing from you except your friendship! It's hard also to just go with the flow and use him to forget the first guy...Others have done that but not idea really![/i]
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
i think its really not a good idea to use somebody to forget someone. its not fair. and yes, i can't just tell my heart to like someone. it beats without being asked. thanks for understanding checa.
@munhozmib (3858)
• Sao Paulo, Brazil
4 Oct 08
Hello, Secretbear. This is pretty strange. I'm in the same situation that you are. But I'm the guy who likes his friend. And she told me that she can only see me as a friend. However, I have already analyzed things as how they are. Do you know why you see him as a friend only? It's because he acts like a friend. He acts like a good friend of yours. However, trust me, he can touch your heart. He can use his words or his attitudes and, if he knows how, you will start having feelings for him. Now, the problem in the conquer thing is this. We never know how to act to conquer somebody. But believe me, he can. He might not know how, but he can. I tried not to pressure my friend, so things wouldn't get strange between us, and I don't think it got strange at all. I ruined it when I said I liked her, because it seems like everything I do will make her see me as if I was trying to conquer her. Luckily, I could get this idea out of her head. Now, there's not a great advice in love. Whoever you choose to be with, you'll be hurting somebody, it's always like that. Just choose the one you can get along with. I think that your friend would be ideal, knowing as how you are friends and already know each other. The other guy doesn't want you, you shouldn't stop living because of it. Now, I'm not telling that you should just kiss your friend, even because you don't see him like that. Give him time to make him change your eyes. If he doesn't, you should cut him when he comes talking about that. Don't be afraid of hurting him, because if you keep saying that you only see him as a friend, instead of saying that you don't want to be with him like that, he will get hopeful. Are you sure you would never be with him? I mean, we all deserve one chance... We are all humans. Respectfully, Munhozmib.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
hi munhozmib! i have not stopped living because the other guy doesn't like me. i'm still living my life. its just that he's the one i like and not my friend. i don't wanna give him a chance because that would be a false hope. it's like i will only be using him.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
4 Oct 08
You have to be focussed in your mind and don't get yourself entangled in a two corner fight. Be honest with the other guy and don't give him false hope. You have to be frank and don't let him hang on to an impossible mission but there are always chance for that guy if he is persistent. Afterall best men wins!
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
5 Oct 08
i'm not giving my friend false hopes. he had known from the start how much i like the other guy. and there aren't any fights between them.