Divorce and money

@Trace86 (5033)
United States
April 5, 2009 3:55pm CST
My sister is currently going through a divorce. They have been married for 17 years and have 3 children: 13,11,and 9. Her husband went back to school and found himself a girlfriend while there. I know that she wants primary custody of the children. She will get child support from him until the last one hits 18. I was wondering how long spousal support goes on. I was under the impression that it was forever or until she remarries. She thinks there is a time limit on it of 6-10 years. What do you think? Or does it depend on how long they have been married?
3 people like this
14 responses
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
5 Apr 09
My son just got divorced 2 years ago and she got alimony ($350/mo) for 2,1/2 years and 50/50 child custody but she got $350 a month from him on that till child is 18. Not sure how they figure it but it is based something on his income and what they did/got while married... she was ony working part time during those years... now she just lives at home with her parents, and lives on the $700 a month and picks up temp job here and thereso she doesn't make much so that when the alimony runs out this summer, she plans to take him back to court to raise the child support..so she can keep loafing. Here in California, she'll probably get it. sad and wrong as that is...
4 people like this
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
6 Apr 09
My sister is working two jobs right now because he cut her off financially even though they are still sharing the house until the divorce is final. He didn't renew their car insurance. She got her own policy without him for just her van. He thinks he is going to use her van for a trip at the end of the month, he is sadly mistaken. She hid all the extra keys!
1 person likes this
@krissy32 (205)
• United States
17 Apr 09
Good on your sister, but bad of her to loaf around and do nothing with her life. She ought to go back to school at least to learn a trade that leads to better income. Nothing is worse than living on less than 1000 dollars a month. Go back to school and learn a trade,or get a decent job anything, temporary work and work up to a regular paid position with a company that wants to hire her away from the temp agency. Nothing wrong with temping until a regular offer of employment is made. Just my 2 cents worth.
@coffeebreak (17820)
• United States
17 Apr 09
I'm with you I that! I have been all but nagging her since they got married to get an education ...she had all her electives for child care to be a kindergarten teacher done.. all she needed was the general ed. Could have had it done in 2 years of less! I told her take one course a sememster...do it online! Just do it~ Time goes by so fast, that next thing you know you'll be 30 and not a job to support yourself.I told her "do you want to end up like me? 50 and literally nothing! No retirement, no pension, low entry level job qualities etc.. all cause I didn't get an education"...but she wouldn't listen.. now.. 7 years later, she could have had a degree and a great teaching job and future for her and her daughter but here she is, living off child support, at her parents house and a temp job here and there.... Done feeling anything for her, but feel so bad for my GD...all she will miss in life cause mommy is selfish and lazy.
• United States
5 Apr 09
You have it correct it's until she remarries.
4 people like this
• India
6 Apr 09
more people like to go divorce.... dont thee big mistake in ur life..... a god help to u.... know body know our fate.....thats our destination...
1 person likes this
@catdla1 (6005)
• United States
5 Apr 09
Alimony payments after the children are grown has a lot to do with your sisters age and her background, as far as education and employability. Length of the marriage and her roll also are factored in. Did she work to put him back in school? Was she directly involved with his success? A judge will look at all of that, especially if well presented by her lawyer. One thing your sister should consider. In lieu of prolonged alimony, perhaps part of her settlement could be in the form of the ex paying for her continued education. She would be in school while her kids are, but in the end she could be in the position to support herself with a good career. That's worthwhile from two points. One, it ultimately severs her dependancy on the cad that her ex is. And two, being in the working world has a social benefit of meeting friends and perhaps even a new love interest (if she ever wants to).
3 people like this
@chiyosan (30205)
• Philippines
6 Apr 09
many have said their pieces already. i guess she just needs to get herself a full time work and then ask for child support because these are 3 kids and it is not easy to raise 3 child by a single parent nowadays.
2 people like this
@Trace86 (5033)
• United States
7 Apr 09
She already has a full time and a part time job. She works very hard to contribute to the household.
1 person likes this
@drannhh (15245)
• United States
6 Apr 09
My heart goes out to your sister, as this will be quite devastating to the children and she will undoubtedly bear the brunt of that, too. Some people don't get any spousal support. I think that amount depends on the circumstances, the laws in her jurisdiction, and also on the negotiations of the divorce. She will need a good lawyer, or she could end up with nothing.
2 people like this
@sudalunts (5526)
• United States
6 Apr 09
Depending on what state she lives in spousal support can be for a year. A judge could possibly say, since the children are in school, your sister does not need to be home all day. They may give her a time frame to get a job, if there is nothing physically wrong with her that she can't work. Spousal support is really given in order for the party to get theirselves together and become self supportive. If the children goes to college, the child support will be extended until they graduate from college. I doubt if a court will give child support for three children as well as spousal support, if the husband is not making that much money. The courts realize that the husband has to live too, so they will not take all of his money. If your sister does not have any skills, they may suggest job training. She will be expected to get a job, in order to support herself.
2 people like this
• Indonesia
6 Apr 09
I think the husband must suppport the kids as long he can. But may be until the kids get 21st or may be is better as long as married 17 years
2 people like this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I'm not sure about spousal support. They do not offer that in the state that I live in. I would look under your states marriage laws to know for sure or ask an attorney.
2 people like this
@austere (2816)
• Philippines
6 Apr 09
i dont honestly know. i just pick up this discussion because i find this topic captivating. it always makes me sad whenever i hear people breaking up. Its like not so long ago they were both happy engaged then they said their I DOS and they got beautiful kids.. and later they realize its all worthless and decides to get another life! i just find it very sad and unfair.. well, i am not married yet.. and it just scares me thinking that my on marriage will end up like this.. i pray not.. fervently pray not..
@GioBuffon (122)
• Canada
6 Apr 09
That's sad to hear. I'm sure you want to help your sister out and you need help doing it. Well I think it is until she remarries because that's what I heard my parents one day, during a conversation about their friends. Why would someone cheat on a wife after 17 years of matrimony ?
2 people like this
@clorissa123 (4930)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I don't know much about the child support thing, and I don't know much about the law govern the divorced couples. I only knew that parents have their responsibility to take care of their children. Many children didn't want to get through these at will. They are innocent. Whatever the parents decided to do, they should do their best in the interest of their children.
@bing28 (3798)
• Philippines
6 Apr 09
I'm getting sad everytime I heard of getting divorced just because one party found a new love. With no consideration of the feelings of the other party and the children. I have nothing against those who favor divorce but for me I really don't favor as, if there's no divorce there's a possibility of patching up things that would not led to separations. Good there's no divorce here. Am sorry I might be out of your topic. Am just sympathetic to the wives and children who by any moment can lose their husband and father for the reason that he met a new one and can easily get out of his family because there's a divorce.
@JoyfulOne (6242)
• United States
6 Apr 09
I'm sure every State is different on that one. I know when I went through my divorce (ending 20 year marriage) I was told because I held a nursing license the court said I wasn't eligible for spousal support...I should be able to support myself because of my license. I don't know, maybe it's dependent on whether the wife has extra skills she went to school for (or not.) I do think there's a limitation on it, if I'm remembering right, it was only 3 years for a friend of mine who went through it, and her marriage ended after 24 years.
2 people like this
@skysuccess (8881)
• Singapore
6 Apr 09
Trace86, The most headache and troublesome part of any divorce will be the child custody and support part. The couples here will sometimes face long legal battles and to no end. I hope that your sister will realize that the sooner the both of them reaches an amicable agreement the better it is for both sides because all the wrangles and delays here will only benefit the lawyers. So, having said that I think it would be wise to check with her legal counsel what is the exact duration for child support for her children as it will vary from state to state. You will not get a straight and accurate answer here. Also, she may want to check for proper legal procedures on the settlement of divided assets, monies, entitlements and most of all when her other half does not fulfill his side of the obligations. As far as everything is clear cut and settled, then I am sure she could get on with her life with the children and that there would no more other legalities and prolong wrangles. I hope that she will be able to resolve this soon and I know it is painful and may take a bit of time. However, time is really of the essence and money here. Take care.